The Duties of Parents by J.C. Ryle. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it. Proverbs chapter 22, verse 6. I believe that most professing Christians are acquainted with our sermon text. The sound of it is probably very familiar to your ears, like an old tune. It is likely that you've heard it or read it talked of it or quoted it many times. Is that not true? But despite it being a well-known Bible verse, how little do we regard its truth. The doctrine it contains appears scarcely known. The duty it puts before us is seldom put into practice. My friends, am I not speaking the truth? It cannot be said that the subject is a new one. The world is old. And we have the experience of nearly 6,000 years to help us. We live in days when there is a mighty zeal for education. We hear of new schools rising up everywhere. We are told of new systems and new books for the young, of every sort and description. And still, for all of this, the vast majority of children are clearly not trained in the way that they should go. For when they grow up, They do not walk with God. Now, how do we account for this state of affairs? The plain truth is, the Lord's commandment in our text is not regarded, and therefore the Lord's promise in our text is not fulfilled. Friends, these things may cause you to seriously search your hearts. Permit a word of exhortation from a minister. about the right way to train your children. Believe me, the subject is one that should hit home to every conscious and make everyone ask himself the question, in the matter of training children, am I doing what I am supposed to be doing? It is a subject that concerns almost everyone. There is hardly a household that it does not touch. Parents, teachers, grandfathers, grandmothers, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, all have an interest in it. Few can be found, I think, who might not influence some parent in the management of his family or affect the training of some child by suggestion or advice. All of us, I suspect, can do something here, either directly or indirectly. And I wish to stir up everyone to remember this. As a minister, I cannot help remarking that there is hardly any subject about which people seem so stubborn as they are about their own children. I have sometimes been absolutely astonished at the slowness of sensible Christian parents to accept the simple fact that their own children are at fault or deserve blame. There are many persons to whom I would much rather speak about their own sins than to tell them that their children have done anything wrong. And let me place before you a few hints about the proper training of children. May God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit bless them and make them timely words to every one of you. Do not reject them because they are blunt and simple. Do not despise them because they contain nothing new. You can be sure that if you want to train your children for heaven, then the hints that follow ought not to be lightly set aside. Hint number one, if you want to train your children correctly, train them in the way that they should go and not in the way that they want to go. Let me say that again. If you want to train your children correctly, train them in the way they should go and not in the way that they want to go. Remember that children are born with a definite bias towards evil. And therefore, if you let them choose for themselves, they are certain to choose wrong. The mother cannot tell what her tender little infant may grow up to be, tall or short, weak or strong, wise or foolish. He may be any one of these things or not. It is all uncertain. But one thing the mother can say with certainty, he will have a corrupt and sinful heart. It is natural for us to do wrong. Folly, says Solomon, is bound up in the heart of a child. A child left to itself disgraces his mother. Our hearts are like the earth on which we walk. Leave it alone and it is sure to bear weeds. If then you want to be wise in dealing with your child, then you must not leave him to the guidance of his own will. Think for him, judge for him, act for him, just as you would for one who is weak and blind. But for pity's sake, do not allow him to pursue his own unruly taste and inclinations. It must not be his tendencies and wishes that are favored. He does not know yet what is good for his mind and soul any more than what is good for his body. You do not let him decide what he will eat or what he will drink or how he will be clothed. Be consistent and deal with his mind in the same manner. Train him in the way that is scriptural and right, and not in the way that he thinks is right. If you cannot agree with this first principle of Christian training, then it is useless for you to listen any further. Self-will is almost the first thing that appears in a child's mind, and it must be your first step to resist it. Hint number two. Train your child with all tenderness, affection, and patience. Train your child with all tenderness, affection, and patience. I do not mean that you are to spoil him, but I do mean that you should let him see that you love him. Love should be the golden thread that runs through all your actions in dealing with your child. kindness, gentleness, tolerance, patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys. These are the cores by which a child may be led most easily. These are the clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart. Most persons, even among grown-up people, are more easily led than they are to be pushed. There is that in all of our minds which rises up against compulsion. We straighten up our backs and stiffen our necks at the very thought of forced obedience. We are like young horses in the hand of a trainer. Handle them kindly and they will learn quickly, and in time you may guide them with a piece of thread. But treat them and use them roughly and violently, and it will be many months before you get mastery over them if at all. Now children's minds are cast in much the same mold as our own. Sternness and severity of manner causes them to be unresponsive and to back away. It shuts up their hearts and you will wear yourself out trying to find the door. But only let them see that you have an affectionate feeling towards them, that you really desire to make them happy and to do them good. that if you punish them, it is intended for their good. Let them see this, and they will soon be yours to mold and to shape. But they must be wooed with kindness if you ever hope to win their attention. And surely reason itself might teach us this lesson. Children are weak and tender creatures, and as such, they need patient and considerate treatment. We must handle them delicately. like frail objects, lest by rough handling we do them more harm than good. They are like young plants and need gentle watering, often only a little at a time. We must not expect everything at once. We must remember what children are and teach them as they are able to bear. Their minds are like a lump of metal, not to be forged and made useful all at once, but only after a succession of little blows of the forger's hammer. Their ability to understand what we are teaching them is like the small opening of a wine bottle. We must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually, or else most of it will be spilled and lost. The hard stone used to sharpen knives does its work slowly, but frequent rubbing will bring it to a fine edge. Truly there is a need of patience in this training of a child, for without it, nothing can be done. Nothing will compensate for the absence of this tenderness and love. A minister may speak the truth as it is in Jesus, clearly and with all authority, but if he does not speak it in love, few souls will be won. Likewise, You must set before your children their responsibilities to God. You can command, threaten, punish, and try to reason with them. But if love is missing in the way you treat them, then your labor will all be in vain. Love is the one great secret of successful training. Anger and harshness may frighten them, but they will not persuade the child that you're right. And if he often sees you angry and harsh, you will soon cease to have his respect. Try hard to maintain your child's affections. It is a dangerous thing to make your children afraid of you. Anything is almost better than the coldness and bitterness that will come between you and your children because they are afraid of you. Fear puts an end to openness between the parent and child. Fear leads to concealment. Fear sows the seed of hypocrisy and leads to many lies. There is a great deal of truth in the apostle's words to the Colossians. Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged. Do not ignore his advice. Hint number three. Train your children with a lasting conviction in your mind that most of it depends on you. Train your children with a lasting conviction in your mind that most of it depends on you. Grace is the strongest of all principles. See what a great change grace affects when it comes into the heart of an old sinner. How it overturns the strongholds of Satan. how it throws down mountains and fills up valleys, makes crooked things straight, and newly creates the whole man. Truly, nothing is impossible for grace. Nature, too, is very strong. See how it struggles against the things of the kingdom of God, how it fights against every attempt to be more holy, how it keeps up an unceasing warfare within us to the very last hour of life. Indeed, nature is strong. But after nature and grace, undoubtedly, there is nothing more powerful than education. Early habits are very important. We are made what we are by training. Our character takes the form of that mold into which our first years are cast. We heavily depend on those who bring us up. We get from them a taste and a bias which clings to us most of the days of our lives. We learn the language of our mothers and fathers and learn to speak it almost without thinking. And unquestionably, we catch something of their manners, ways, and mind at the same time. Time will tell how much we all owe to early impressions. and how many things in us may be traced back to the seeds sown in the days of our infancy by those who were around us. And all this is one of God's merciful arrangements. He gives your children a mind that will receive impressions like moist clay. He gives them a disposition at the starting point of life to believe what you tell them and to take for granted what you advise them and to trust your word rather than a stranger's. He gives you, in short, a golden opportunity of doing them good. See that you do not neglect such an opportunity. Once you let it slip, it is gone forever. I know that you cannot convert your child. I know that they who are born again are born not of the will of man, but of God. But I also know that God specifically says, train a child in the way he should go. and that he never gave a command to men and women which he would not give them the grace to perform. And I also know that our duty is not to stand still and dispute the command, but to go forward and obey it. It is only when we move out in obedience that God will meet us. The path of obedience is the way in which he gives the blessing. We only have to do as the servants were commanded at the marriage feast in Cana, to fill the water pots with water, and we may safely leave it to the Lord to turn that water into wine. Hint number four, train with this thought continually before your eyes that the soul of your child is the first thing to be considered. Train with this thought continually before your eyes that the soul of your child is the first thing to be considered. Precious, no doubt, are these little ones in your eyes. But if you truly love them, then often think about their souls. Nothing should concern you as greatly as their eternal destiny. No part of them should be so dear to you as that part which will never die. The world with all its glory will pass away. But the spirit which dwells in those little creatures whom you love so well will outlive them all. and whether they spend eternity in happiness or misery will depend a lot on you, speaking from a man's perspective. This is the thought that should be uppermost on your mind in all that you do for your children. In every step you take about them, in every plan and scheme and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that mighty question, how will this affect their souls? To love the soul is to really love. To pet and pamper and indulge your child as if this world was all that he had to look forward to and this life the only period of happiness, to do this is not true love but cruelty. It is treating him like some beast of the earth which has only one world to look to and nothing after death. It is hiding from him that grand truth which he ought to be made to learn from his very infancy, that the number one goal of his life is the salvation of his soul. A true Christian must not be a slave to what's currently in fashion if he wants to train his child for heaven. He must not be content to teach them and instruct them in certain ways merely because it is customary. or to allow them to read books of a questionable sort merely because everybody else reads them, or to let them form bad habits merely because they are the habits of the day. He must train with an eye to his children's souls. He must not be ashamed to hear his training called odd or strange. What if it is? The time is short. The customs of this world are passing away. He that has trained his children for heaven rather than for the earth, for God rather than for man, he is the parent that will be called wise in the end. Hint number five. Train your child to have a knowledge of the Bible. Train your child to have a knowledge of the Bible. You cannot make your children love the Bible. I know that. No one but the Holy Spirit can give us a heart to delight in the Word, but you can make sure that your children are acquainted with the Bible and remember that they can never become acquainted with that blessed book too soon or too well. A thorough knowledge of the Bible is the foundation of all proper views of true religion. He that is well grounded in the Bible will not generally be found to be a person who wavers in his beliefs. He will not be blown and tossed by every wind of new doctrine. Any system of training which does not make the knowledge of scripture the first priority is unsafe and unsound. You need to be very careful on this point, for the devil is in the world, and false doctrine abounds. But if you love your children, Let the simple truths of the Bible be everything in the training of their souls, and let all other books take second place. See that your children read the Bible reverently. Train them to look upon it not as the word of men, but as it truly is, the word of God, written by the Holy Spirit himself, all true. all profitable, and able to make us wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. See that they read it regularly. Train them to regard it as their soul's daily food, as something essential to their soul's daily health. See that they read it all. You need not shrink from bringing any doctrine before them. You need not assume that the leading doctrines of Christianity are things which children cannot understand. Children understand far more of the Bible than we are apt to suppose. Tell them of sin, its guilt, its consequences, its power, its vileness. You will find that they can comprehend this. Tell them of the Lord Jesus Christ and his work for our salvation, the atonement, the cross, the blood, the sacrifice, the intercession. You will discover that it is not beyond them to understand. Tell them of the work of the Holy Spirit in man's heart, how he changes and renews and sanctifies and purifies. You will soon see that they can follow your teachings to some degree. In short, I believe that we have no idea how much a little child can take in of the length and breadth of the glorious gospel. They understand far more of these things than we suppose. As to the age when the religious instruction of a child should begin, no general rule can be laid down. The mind seems to be open in some children much more quickly than in others. We seldom begin too early. There are wonderful examples on record of what a child can attain to, even at three years of age. Fill their minds with Scripture. Let the Word dwell in them richly. Give them the Bible, the whole Bible, even while they are young. Hint number six. Train them to have a habit of prayer. Train them to have a habit of prayer. Prayer is the very life breath of true religion. It is one of the first evidences that a man is born again. Prayer is the distinction of all real Christians. They pray. For they tell God their needs, their feelings, their desires, their fears, and they mean what they say. The person who is a Christian in name only may repeat prayers over and over, but he goes no further. Prayer is the turning point in a man's soul. Our ministry is unprofitable and our labor is in vain until you are brought to your knees. Till then, we have no hope for you. Prayer is the one great secret of spiritual prosperity. When there is frequent private communion with God, your soul will grow like the grass after the rain. When the communication is infrequent, everything will come to a stop, and you will barely keep your soul alive. Show me a growing Christian, a strong Christian, a flourishing Christian, and I am sure that he is one that speaks often with his Lord. He asks much, and he has much. He tells Jesus everything, and so he always knows how to act. Prayer is the mightiest weapon that God has placed in our hands. It is the best weapon to use in every difficulty and the surest remedy in every trouble. It is the key that unlocks the treasury of promises and the hand that draws forth grace and help in the time of need. It is the silver trumpet that God commands us to sound in all of our necessity. And it is the cry he has promised always to listen to, just as a loving mother listens attentively to the voice of her child. Parents, if you love your children, do all that lies within your power to train them to have the habit of prayer. Show them how to begin. Tell them what to say. Encourage them to persevere. Remind them if they become careless and slack about it. Let it not be your fault if they never call upon the name of the Lord. Remember that this is the first step in religion which a child is able to take. Long before he can read, you can teach him to kneel by his mother's side and repeat the simple words of prayer and praise which she puts in his mouth. And as the first steps in any undertaking are always the most important, so is the manner in which your children's prayers are prayed, a point which deserves your closest attention. Few seem to know how much depends on this. You must be careful that they don't say their prayers in a hasty, careless, and irreverent manner. You must beware of giving up the oversight of this matter to others. or of trusting too much to your children's doing it when they're left by themselves. I cannot praise that mother who never personally looks after this most important part of her child's daily life. Surely, if there's any habit which your own hand and eye should help in forming, it is the habit of prayer. Oh, dear friend, if you love your children, I charge you, do not let the early impression about the habit of prayer slip by. If you train your children to do anything, train them at least to have a habit of prayer. Hint number seven. Train them to be faithful and regular in attending church and the Lord's Supper. Train them to be faithful and regular in attending church and the Lord's Supper. Tell them of the duty and privilege of going to church and joining in the prayers of the congregation. Tell them that whenever the Lord's people are gathered together, there the Lord Jesus is present in a very special way, and that those who are absent must expect, like the Apostle Thomas, to miss out on a blessing. Tell them of the importance of hearing the Word of God preached, and that it is God's ordained way of converting, sanctifying, and building up the souls of men. Tell them how the Apostle Paul commands us not to give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but to encourage one another, and all the more as we see the day approaching. Do not allow them to grow up with the habit of making vain excuses for not coming. Make them clearly understand that so long as they are under your roof, it is the rule of your house for everyone in good health to honor the Lord on the Lord's Day, and that you believe that the healthy person who refuses to go to church on the Lord's Day brings great harm to his soul. Also see to it, if it can be arranged, that your children go with you to church and sit near you when they are there. To go to church is one thing, but to behave well in church is quite another. And believe me, there is no guarantee for good behavior like that of having them under your own watchful eye. But there are some who say that it is useless to urge children to attend church and the Lord's Supper because they are too young to understand them. Do not listen to such reasoning. I find no such doctrine in the Old Testament. When Moses goes before Pharaoh, I observed that he says this, we will go with our young and old, with our sons and daughters, because we are to celebrate a festival to the Lord. When Joshua read God's law, I noticed that the Bible says, there was not a word of all that Moses had commanded that Joshua did not read to the whole assembly of Israel, including the women and children. And when I turn to the New Testament, I find children mentioned there as partaking in public acts of religion as well as in the Old Testament. When Paul was leaving the disciples at Tyre for the last time, he said, we left and continued on our way. All the disciples and their wives and children accompanied us out of the city, and there on the beach we knelt to pray. Parents, comfort your minds with these examples. Do not be discouraged because your children do not see the full value of church and the Lord's Supper right now. Just train them to have a habit of regular attendance. Set it before their minds as a high, holy, and solemn duty, and believe me, the day will very likely come when they will bless you for your efforts. Hint number eight, train them to have a habit of faith. Train them to have a habit of faith. By this I mean you should train them to believe what you say. You should try to make them feel confidence in your judgment and respect your opinions as better than their own. You should cause them to think that when you say a thing is bad for them, it must be bad. And when you say something is good for them, it must be good. that your knowledge, in short, is better than their own, and that they may rely implicitly on your word. Teach them to feel that what they do not know now, they will probably know later. And to be satisfied, there is a reason for everything you require them to do. Your training of your children is worth very little if you do not train them to have a habit of implicit faith, faith in their parents' word, Confidence in what their parents say must be right. I have heard it said by some that you should require nothing of children which they cannot understand, and that you should explain and give a reason for everything you desire them to do. I solemnly warn you against such a notion. I tell you plainly, I think it is an unsound and corrupt principle. No doubt it is absurd to make a mystery of everything you do. And there are many things which it is good to explain to children in order that they may see that what we say is reasonable and wise. But to bring them up with the idea that they must take nothing on trust, that they, with their weak and imperfect comprehension, must have the why and the wherefore made clear to them before every step they take, this is indeed a fearful mistake. and likely to have the worst effect on their minds.

At certain times, if you are so inclined, reason with your child, but never forget to keep in mind, if you really love him, that he is only a child, that he thinks as a child, he understands as a child, and therefore must not always expect to know the reason for everything.

Set before him the example of Isaac in the day when Abraham took him up to offer him as a sacrifice on Mount Moriah, Isaac asked his father a simple question, where is the lamb for the burnt offering? And he got no answer but this. Abraham answered, God himself will provide the lamb. How or where or when or in what manner or by what means, all this Isaac was not told. But the answer was enough. He believed that it would all be okay because his father said so, and in that, he was content.

Parents, if any point in training is important, it is this one. I charge you by the love that you have for your children, use every means to train them to have a habit of faith.

Hint number nine. Train them to have a habit of obedience. Train them to have a habit of obedience. This is a goal which is worth any amount of effort to attain. No habit, I believe, has such an influence over our lives as this one.

Parents, determine to make your children obey you, though it may cost you a lot of trouble and cost them many tears. Let there be no questioning and reasoning and disputing and delaying. When you give them a command, let them clearly see that you expect them to do it.

Obedience is the only reality. It is faith visible, faith acting, and faith manifest. It is the test of real discipleship among the Lord's people. Jesus said, You are my friends if you do what I command." It ought to be the mark of well-trained children that they do whatever their parents command them.

Early obedience has all Scripture on its side. It was Abraham who said that he will not only train his family, but that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. It is said of the Lord Jesus Christ himself that when he was young, he was obedient to Mary and Joseph.

Observe how implicitly Joseph obeyed the order of his father Jacob in Genesis 37, 13. See how Isaiah speaks of disobedience as an evil thing when he says, the young will rise up against the old. Note how the Apostle Paul names disobedience to parents as one of the terrible sins of the last days.

Note how he singles out the obedience of children as one of the requirements of a Christian minister, saying he must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. And again, that a deacon must manage his children and household well. And also, an elder must be a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.

Parents, do you want to see your children happy? Be careful, then, that you train them to obey you when they are spoken to, to do as they are told. Teach them to obey while they are young, or else they will be protesting against God all the days of their lives and will wear themselves out with the vain idea of being independent of his control.

My friends, what I suggest to you is greatly needed. You will see many in this day who allow their children to choose and think for themselves long before they are able, and even make excuses for their disobedience as if they were not to be blamed for it. In my eyes, a parent who is always yielding and a child who always has its own way are a most painful sight. Painful because I see God's appointed order of things inverted and turned upside down. Painful because I feel sure the consequence to that child's character in the end will be self-will, pride, and conceit. Is it any wonder that men refuse to obey their father who is in heaven if you allow them, when children, to disobey their father who is on earth? Parents, if you love your children, let obedience be a motto and a watchword continually before their eyes. Hint number 10, train them to have a habit of always speaking the truth. Train them to have a habit of always speaking the truth. Think about how much falsehood and deceit there is in the world. How much exaggeration? How many untruths are added to a simple story? How many things are left out if it does not serve the speaker's interest to tell them? How few there are around us of whom we can say that we trust their word without question. Truly, the ancient Persians were wise in their generation. It was a most important rule with them in educating their children that they should learn to speak the truth. What an awful evidence of man's natural sinfulness that we should have to mention at such a point at all. My friend, think how often God is spoken of in the Old Testament as the God of truth. Truth seems to be especially set before us as a leading feature in the character of Him to whom we are subject to. He never swerves from the straight line. He abhors lying and hypocrisy. Try to keep this continually before your children's minds. Press upon them at all times that anything less than the truth is a lie. that evasion, making excuses and exaggeration are the halfway houses towards that which is false and ought to be avoided. Encourage them in any circumstances to be straightforward and whatever it may cost them to always speak the truth. Hint number 11, train them to have a habit of always redeeming the time. train them to have a habit of always redeeming the time. Idleness is the devil's best friend. It is the surest way to give him an opportunity of doing us some harm. An idle mind is like an open door, and if Satan does not come through it himself, it is certain that he will throw something in to arouse bad thoughts in us. No created being was ever meant to be idle. Service and work is the appointed portion of every creature of God. The angels in heaven work. They are the Lord's ministering servants, always doing his will. Adam in paradise had work. He was appointed to work and to take care of the Garden of Eden. And man, weak, sinful man, must have something to do or else his soul will soon get into an unhealthy state. We must keep our hands busy and our minds occupied with something, or else our imaginations will soon ferment and breed mischief. And what is true of us is true of our children, too. The Jews thought idleness was an absolute sin. It was a law of theirs that every man should train his son in some useful trade. And they were right. They knew the heart of man better than some of us appear to today. Truly, I believe that idleness has led to more sin than almost any other habit that we can name. I suspect it is the mother of many sins of the flesh, the mother of adultery, sexual immorality, drunkenness, and many other deeds of darkness that I do not have time to mention. Let your own conscience say whether I speak the truth or not. You were once idle, and immediately the devil knocked at the door and came in. And why should this surprise us? Everything in the world around us seems to teach the same lesson. It is the still water which becomes stagnant and impure. The running, moving streams are always clear. If you have machinery, you must run it now and then, or it soon begins to rust and break down. If you want to have good bodily health yourself, you must exercise. If you always sit still, then in time your body will complain. And so it is with the soul. The active, moving mind is a hard target for the devil to shoot at. Try to be always full of useful employment, and thus your enemy will find it difficult to get room to plant evil thoughts. My friend, I ask you to set these things before the minds of your children. teach them the value of time, and try to make them learn the habit of using it well. It pains me to see children wasting time. I love to see them active and industrious and giving their whole heart to all they do, giving their whole heart to lessons when they have to learn, giving their whole heart even when they are playing. But if you really love your children, then let idleness be counted as a sin in your family. Hint number 12, as you train your children, make sure that you maintain a constant fear of becoming an overindulgent parent. As you train your children, make sure that you maintain a constant fear of becoming an overindulgent parent. This is the one point out of all the rest on which you have the most need to be on your guard. It is natural to be tender and affectionate towards your own flesh and blood. And it is the excess of this very tenderness and affection which you have to fear. Be careful that it does not make you blind to your children's faults and deaf to all the advice that I am giving to you. Be careful that your love for them does not make you overlook their bad conduct rather than you experiencing the pain of inflicting punishment and correction. I am very aware that punishment and correction are disagreeable things. Nothing is more unpleasant than giving pain to those we love and causing them to cry. But so long as hearts are what hearts are, it is vain to suppose as a general rule that children can ever be brought up without correction. You cannot say that scripture does not specifically speak on this subject. Listen to God's holy word. He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. Discipline your son, for in that there is hope. Do not be a willing party to his death. Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with a rod and save his soul from death. The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. Discipline your son and he will give you peace. He will bring delight to your soul. Oh, how strong and compelling are these verses. How sad it is that in many Christian families, they almost seem unknown. Their children need reproof, but it is hardly ever given. They need correction, but it is hardly ever employed. And yet this book of Proverbs is not obsolete and unfit for Christians. It is given by the inspiration of God and is beneficial. It is given for our learning, even as the epistle to the Romans and the Ephesians. Surely the believer who brings up his children without paying attention to the wisdom of these verses is making himself wise above that which is written and greatly errors. Fathers and mothers, I tell you plainly, if you never punish your children when they are at fault, you are doing them a grievous wrong. I warn you, this is the great mistake made by saints of God in every age, and they have suffered greatly because of it. I beg you to be wise and avoid making such foolish mistakes. We can see it in Eli's case. His sons, Hophni and Phinehas, made themselves contemptible and he failed to restrain them. He gave them no more than a tame and lukewarm reproof when he ought to have rebuked them sharply. In one word, he honored his sons above God. And what was the final result? Eli lived to hear of the death of both of his sons in battle, and upon hearing the news, he fell over and died, taking the sorrow with him down to the grave. See also the case of David. Who can read without paying the history of his children and their sins? Amnon's incest, Absalom's murder and proud rebellion, Adonijah's scheming ambition, Truly these were grievous wounds for the man after God's own heart to receive from his own house. But was he not at fault? I fear there can be no doubt that he was. I find a clue to it all in the account of Adonijah in 1 Kings 1, verse 6. Listen to the scriptures. His father had never interfered with him by asking, why do you behave as you do? That was the foundation of all evil. David was an overindulgent father, a father who let his children have their own way, and he reaped according to what he had sown. Parents, I plead with you for your children's sake, beware of overindulgence. I call on you to remember that it is your primary duty to consult their real interest and not their whims and fantasies. to train them not to humor them, to train them for their benefit, not merely to please them. Learn to say no to your children. Show them that you are able to refuse whatever you think is not right for them. Show them that you are ready to punish disobedience, and that when you speak of punishment, you are not only ready to threaten, but also to perform. Do not threaten too much. Seldom punish, but when you do, make it sincere and firm. Frequent and light punishment is truly a wretched system of discipline. As to the best way of punishing a child, no general rule can be laid down. The characters of children are so vastly different that what would be a severe punishment to one child would be no punishment at all to another. I am emphatically opposed to the modern notion that no child ever ought to be whipped. Doubtless, some parents use bodily correction far too much and far too violently, but many others, I fear, use it far too little. Beware of letting small faults pass unnoticed under the idea, well, it's just a little one. There are no little things in training children All are important. Little weeds need plucking up as much as any. Leave them alone and they will soon be large and overpowering. Friend, if there is any point which deserves your attention, believe me, it is this one. It is one that will give you trouble, I know. But if you are not willing to put forth the effort it will take to discipline your children when they are young, then be assured They will give you plenty of trouble when they are old. Choose which you prefer. Hint number 13. As you train your children, continually remember how God trains His children. As you train your children, continually remember how God trains His children. The Bible tells us that God has an elect people, a family in this world. All sinners who have been convinced of sin and fled to Jesus for peace make up that family. All of us who really believe in Christ for salvation are its members. Now God the Father is always training the members of his family for their everlasting home with him in heaven. He acts like a farmer pruning his vines that they may bear more fruit. He knows the character of each one of us. He knows our besetting sins, our weaknesses. He knows our special needs. He knows our deeds and where we live, who our companions in life are, what our trials are, what our temptations are, and what our privileges are. He knows all these things and is always working out everything for our good. He allots to each of us in His providence the very things we need in order to bear the most fruit. He gives us as much sunshine and rain as we can stand, as much of bitter things as we can bear, and as much of sweet things that would be good for us. Dear friend, if you want to train your children wisely, note well how God the Father trains His children. He does all things well. The plan which he adopts must be right. Notice, too, how many things there are which God withholds from his children. The majority of his children have had desires which God has determined not to fulfill. There has often been some one thing they wanted to attain, and yet there's always been some barrier to prevent fulfillment. It has been just as if God was placing it above our reach and saying, this is not good for you, this must not be. Moses greatly desired to cross over the Jordan and see the land of promise, but you will remember his desire was never granted. Notice also how God often leads his people by ways which seem dark and mysterious to our eyes. We cannot see the meaning of all of his dealings with us. We cannot see the reasonableness of the path in which our feet are walking. Sometimes so many trials have assaulted us, so many difficulties surrounded us that we have not been able to discover the purpose of it all. It has been just as if our father was taking us by the hand into a dark place and saying, don't ask me any questions, but just follow me. There was a direct road from Egypt to Canaan, yet Israel was not led into it, but round and round through the wilderness. And this seemed very hard at the time. The soul of the people, we are told, became very discouraged on the way. Also, see how often God chastens his people with trial and affliction. He sends them crosses and disappointments, He lays them low with sickness. He strips them of property and friends. He changes them from one position in life to another. He visits them with things that are most difficult to flesh and blood. And some of us have almost fainted under the burdens laid on us. We have felt pressed beyond strength and have been almost ready to murmur at the hand which chastened us. Paul the Apostle had a thorn in his flesh assigned to him, some bitter bodily trial, no doubt, though we do not know exactly what it was. But this we do know, he pleaded with the Lord three times that it might be removed, yet it was not taken away. Now, dear friends, despite all these things, did you ever hear a single child of God who thought his father did not treat him wisely? No, I am sure you never did. God's children will always tell you in the long run it was a blessed thing that they did not have their own way and that God had done far better for them than they could have done for themselves. Yes, And they could tell you, too, that God's dealings had provided more happiness for them than they ever would have obtained themselves, and that His way, however dark at times, was the way of joy and the path of peace. I ask you to take to heart the lesson which
God's dealings with His people is meant to teach you. Do not be afraid to withhold from your child anything you think will do him harm, whatever his own wishes may be. This is God's plan. Do not hesitate to give him commands of which he may not presently see the wisdom and to guide him in ways which may not now seem reasonable to his mind. This is God's plan. Do not shrink from chastening and correcting him whenever you see his soul's health requires it. However painful it may be to your feelings, and remember, medicines for the mind must not be rejected because they are bitter. This is God's plan. And above all, do not be afraid that such a plan of training will make your child unhappy. I warn you against this delusion. Depend on it. The road to unhappiness is always having our own way. To have our wills checked and denied is a blessed thing for us. It makes us value enjoyments when they come. To be perpetually indulged is the way to become selfish, and selfish people and spoiled children, believe me, are seldom happy. Brethren, do not pretend to be wiser than God. Train your children as he trains his. Hint number 14. Train them, remembering continually the influence of your own example. Instruction and advice and commands will profit little, unless they are backed up by the pattern of your own life. Your children will never believe you are serious and really wish them to obey you so long as your actions counterdict your instruction. One minister I know made a wise remark when he said this, to give children good instruction and a bad example is the same as pointing out to them the way to heaven while we take them by the hand and lead them down the road to hell. We have no idea of the force and power of example. None of us can live to himself in this world. We are always influencing those around us in one way or another, either for good or for evil, either for God or for sin. They see our ways. They note our conduct. They observe our behavior. And what they see us do, they assume we think is right and never, I believe does example tell so powerfully as it does in the case of parents and children. Fathers and mothers, do not forget that children learn more by the eye than they do by the ear. No school will ever make such deep marks on character as does the examples found in the home. The best of school teachers will not imprint on your child's mind as much as they will pick up in your living room. Imitation is a far stronger principle with children than memory. What they see has a much stronger effect on their minds than what they are told. Be careful, then, how you act in front of a child. It is a true adage, he who sins in front of a child sins double. Strive to be a living epistle of Christ so your families can clearly read it. Be an example of reverence for the word of God, reverence in prayer, reverence at the Lord's table, reverence for the Lord's day. Be an example in words, in temper, in diligence, in moderation, in faith, in love, in kindness, and in humility. Do not think for a moment that your children will practice what they do not see you do. You are their model. and they will copy what you are. Your reasoning and your lecturing, your wise commands and your good advice, all this they may not understand, but they can understand your life. Children are very quick observers, very quick in seeing through some kinds of hypocrisy, very quick in finding out what you really think and feel, very quick in adopting all your ways and opinions, You will often discover that as the father is, so is the son. He that preaches to his children what he does not practice is wasting his time. It is like the old fabled web of Penelope who wove all day and unwove all night. Even so, the parent who tries to train without setting a good example is building with one hand and tearing down with the other. Hint number 15, train them remembering continually the power of sin. Train them remembering continually the power of sin. You must not expect to find your children's mind a sheet of pure white paper and to have no trouble if only you use the right means. I warn you plainly you will find no such thing. It is painful to see how much corruption and evil there is in a young child's heart and how soon it begins to bear fruit. Violent tempers, self-will, pride, envy, irritability, passion, idleness, selfishness, deceit, lying, hypocrisy, a terrible aptitude to learn what is bad, a painful slowness to learn what is good, A readiness to pretend anything in order to gain their own ends. All these things, or some of them, you must be prepared to see, even in your own flesh and blood. In little ways, they will creep out at a very early age. It is almost startling to observe how naturally they seem to spring up. Children require no schooling to learn how to sin. but you must not be discouraged and depressed by what you see. You must not think it is a strange and unusual thing that little hearts can be so full of sin. It is the only inheritance which our father Adam left us. It is that fallen nature with which we come into the world. It is that inheritance which belongs to us all. May the awareness of it make you more diligent in using every possible means which seem most likely, by God's blessing, to counteract the evil. Let it make you more and more careful, so far as it lies with you, to keep your children out of the way of temptation. Never listen to those who tell you your children are good and well brought up and can be trusted. Rather, remember that their hearts are always ready to burst into flame like dry tinder. At their very best, they only need a spark to ignite their evil. Parents are seldom too cautious. Remember the natural depravity of your children and be careful. Hint number 16. Train them, remembering continually the promises of Scripture. Train them, remembering continually the promises of Scripture. This point is meant to guard you against discouragement. You have an absolute promise on your side. Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it. Think what it is to have such a promise like this. Promises were the only lamp of hope which cheered the hearts of the patriarchs before the Bible was written. Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph all lived on a few promises and prospered in their souls. Promises are the energizers which in every age have supported and strengthened a believer. He that has a clear text of scripture on his side need never to be depressed. Fathers and mothers, when your hearts are failing and ready to give up, look at the words of this text and take comfort. Think about who it is that promises. It is not the word of a man who may lie and repent. It is the word of the king of kings who never changes. Has he ever said something and not done it? Or has he ever spoken a promise that he will not make good? Neither is anything too hard for him to perform. The things that are impossible with men are possible with God. Oh, my friend, If we do not receive the benefit of the promise we are dwelling upon, then the fault is not in him, but in ourselves. Think, too, what the promise contains before you refuse to take comfort from it. It speaks of a certain time when good training will especially bear fruit. When he is old, it says. Surely there is comfort in this. You may not see with your own eyes the result of careful training, for you do not know what blessed fruits may spring from it long after you are dead and gone. It is not God's way to give everything at once. Later is the time when he often chooses to work, both in the things of nature and in the things of grace. Later is the season when affliction bears the peaceable fruits of righteousness. Later was the time when the son who refused to work in his father's vineyard repented and went. And later is the time to which parents must look forward to if they do not quickly see success. You must sow in hope and plant in hope. Hint number 17. Lastly, train them with continual prayer for a blessing on all you do. Train them with continual prayer for a blessing on all you do. Without the blessing of the Lord, your best efforts will do no good. He has the hearts of all men in His hands, and unless He touches the hearts of your children by His Spirit, you will wear yourself out for nothing. Therefore, water the seeds you sow in their minds with unceasing prayer. The Lord is far more willing to hear than we are to pray, far more ready to give blessings than we are to ask them. And oh, how he loves to be petitioned for our children. And I set this matter of prayer before you as the capstone and seal of all you do. I believe the child of many prayers is seldom cast away. Look upon your children as Jacob did on his, He tells Esau, they are the children God has graciously given to your servant. Look on them as Joseph did on his. He told his father, these are the sons God has given me here. Count them with the psalmist to be a heritage from the Lord, a reward from him. And then ask the Lord with a holy boldness to be gracious and merciful to his own gifts. Note how Abraham intercedes for Ishmael because he loved him, saying, and Abraham said to God, if only Ishmael might live under your blessing. See how Manoah speaks to the angel about Samson, saying, what is to be the rule for the boy's life and work? Observe how tenderly Job cared for his children's souls. He would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts. This was Job's regular custom. Parents, if you love your children, go and do likewise. You cannot name their names before the mercy seat too often.

And now, friends, in conclusion. Let me once more press on you the necessity and importance of using every single means in your power if you would train your children for heaven. I well know that God is a sovereign God and does everything according to the counsel of his own will. I know that Rehoboam was the son of Solomon and Manasseh was the son of Hezekiah and that you do not always see godly parents having godly offspring. And I am sure that if you ignore the suggestions I have mentioned, then your children are not likely to turn out well.

Fathers and mothers, you may have your children baptized and have them enrolled as members of the Church. You may send them to the best of schools and give them Bibles and fill them with head knowledge. But if all this time there is no regular training at home, I tell you plainly, I fear it will go hard in the end with your children's souls.

Home is the place where habits are formed. Home is the place where the foundations of character are laid. Home gives the bias to our taste and opinions. Be sure, I beg you, that there is careful training at home.

Fathers and mothers, I charge you solemnly before God and the Lord Jesus Christ. Make every effort to train your children in the way they should go. I charge you not merely for the sake of your children's souls. I charge you for the sake of your own future comfort and peace. Truly, it is in your best interest to do so. Truly, your own happiness in great measure depends on it.

Children have always been the bow from which the sharpest arrows have pierced man's heart. Children have mixed the bitterest cups that man has ever had to drink. Children have caused the saddest tears that man has ever had to shed. Adam could tell you so. Jacob could tell you so. David could tell you so. There are no sorrows on earth like those which children have brought upon their parents.

Oh, be careful, lest by your own neglect you should store up misery for yourself in your old age. Be careful, lest you weep under the ill treatment of a thankless child in the days when your eyes are weak and your body is dying.

And as for me, I will conclude by saying a prayer to God for all who listen to this sermon, that you may all be taught of God to feel the value of your own souls.

This is one reason why baptism often is a mere form, and Christian training despised and disregarded. Too often parents are not concerned about themselves, and therefore they are not concerned about their children. They do not realize the tremendous differences between man's natural state and the state of grace, and therefore they are content to leave their children alone.

Now may the Lord teach every one of you that sin is an abominable thing which God hates. Then I know you will mourn over the sins of your children and strive to get them out of the road to hell.

May the Lord teach every one of you how precious Christ is and what a mighty and complete work he has done for salvation. Then I feel confident you will use every means possible to bring your children to Jesus, that they may live through him.

May the Lord teach every one of you your need of the Holy Spirit, to renew, sanctify, and quicken your souls, that I feel sure that you will urge your children to pray without ceasing and never rest till the Holy Spirit has come down into their hearts with power and made them new creatures.

May the Lord grant this, and then will I have good hope that you will indeed train your children well. Train well for this life, and train well for the life to come. Train well for earth, and train well for heaven. Train them for God, train them for Christ, and train them for eternity. Amen.