I shall sin no more. The following
is an excerpt from the diary of James Smith, written in 1860,
when Smith was 58. I am weary of myself, ashamed
of myself, and often turn with disgust from myself, and yet
I find a great deal of self-love, self-esteem, and self-pity working
within me. I sometimes get into such a state
of confusion, into such misery and wretchedness, that I cry
out, Oh, what a wretched man I am! Who will free me from this
life that is dominated by sin and death? I feel that I am too carnal,
too much like the generality of professors. I do not follow
the Lord fully. I am not wholly set apart for
God, but I am ashamed of complaining. I have done so, so often, and
it has ended there. I need more life, more savour,
more love in my religion, and to be more energetic and self-denying
in my ministry. I need, alas, what do I not need? I am only a mere skeleton of
a Christian. I can keep up the outward form
pretty well. But the power, the power is what
I need. I want to be like Jesus, oh,
for a Christlike spirit, temper, and course of conduct. I am obliged
to renounce self entirely, all that I do, all that I feel, and
all that I say, and build on Jesus Christ and on Him alone. This is very mortifying to poor,
proud human nature. But so it must be. The creature
must be nothing, that the Saviour may be all in all. How swift-footed
is time! Soon, very soon, it will land
me on the shores of eternity. Well, to die will be gain. I
shall then be with Christ, with Christ for ever. Then all my
trials will be ended, all my sorrows will cease. and I shall
sin no more. If I could but live without sin,
I would not care how long I lived. Nothing grieves me like sin,
and yet I sin daily. I grieve the loving heart of
Jesus and wound the tender bosom on which I lean. What a pleasant
thing perfect holiness will be!