What if you really entered into
this? That everything is working out
for your good. That everything is working out
for your good. Now most of the time when we
read Romans 8, 28, we think of all the wonderful things that
have happened in our life and we say, wow, God is so good. What about when the skies are
dark and cloudy? What about you've lost a loved
one, you've lost a marriage, you've lost a child, or you've
just lost your own life and the whole thing. Is God in that? Is God A part of that, well,
here's what we're coming to know here at Grace Gospel. That everything
good and bad in our life, God has his fingerprints on it. That
he is working it out, even when you are out of your mind and
doing the most horrendous and horrible things to yourself and
to others. There is a God in heaven who
is sovereign. and He is in control, and He
has determined to bless you, no matter what. That He has determined
to bring you to heaven. That He's going to bring you
to a knowledge of Himself in time. You're going to trust Jesus
Christ, and life is going to begin to change. Not perfection. Not without relapse. Everybody's
a relapser. In the Bible, they call that
backsliding. I think backsliding is only used
twice, but that's what happens because in our flesh dwells no
good thing. So, life becomes this wonderful, awful battle
between the flesh and the new nature. Here's what God says,
though. In everything, give thanks. In
everything, give thanks. 45, 46 years ago. Ms. Pam and I lost
our firstborn. She was in a car wreck in West
Virginia. I was at a Bible conference in Clarksville, Tennessee, and
there was a lot of pastors at this Bible conference. When we
heard about the car accident, they called a prayer meeting.
There must have been 40 pastors in a room praying for Pam. praying
for a safe birth and a healthy birth and so forth and so on. And we had heard some terrible
things had happened to Pam in the wreck and with her mother.
And there was a pastor there named Paul Kirtman. He pastored
in Dayton, Ohio. And I'll never forget these words.
He said to the other pastors, let's meet together and pray
and give thanks. And I remember thinking to myself,
what on earth are we gonna give thanks for? And he quoted this
passage of scripture. In everything give thanks, for
this is the will of God concerning you. God has a determinant will,
and in his determinant will, he is determined to corral you,
to teach you, to grow you, and he is determined to bring you
to heaven. That's why we sing amazing grace. Through many dangers,
toils, and snares, I have already come. By the way, a testimony
is not a bragamony. A testimony is not about you
at all. It's about what God has done and is doing in your life. How God has intervened, how God
has caught up with you and overcome you and turned you around. And you know, I was just thinking
a few moments ago, I wonder, I wish I could see all the praise
that's going up from this congregation in heaven today. The Spirit of
God is certainly here this morning and in this service, and we've
already began to give Him praise and glory. We've already excited
the angelic beings, the seraphims, and the spirits of just men made
perfect who are in heaven as we brag on this God. and proclaim
that he is a God of sovereign grace and mercy. So in everything give thanks.
What if we really believe that everything that's happening in
our lives was working for our good? that everything that was happening.
See, you hear me say this so often, you're not here by accident.
God saw you before the foundation of the world down in Lodibar
using, down in the hood, you know, in all of your mess and
slime. You know, pearls come from slimy
situations. It's very true. And God finds
his grace pearls in so many messes and brings them out and causes
them to shine for his glory. In everything give thanks. I
don't know what you're going through today, but I do know
this. It will change your entire attitude if you just began to
say, Lord, you know where I am. You know all of my self-centered
desires. You know about my wild flesh. You even know about heroin and
crack. alcohol, and you know my problems,
my shopping problems, my charging too much on the charge card,
my addiction, you know all about that. You know how I'm trying
to fill my emptiness. Lord, you really know this, that
I'm trying to fill my emptiness that I didn't get from my first
family My mom and dad may be divorced and what a tragic that
was when you were a young child or whatever's happened to you.
And so you began to, I tell people all over the country that people
who use drugs are trying to fill an emptiness. Stop the pain of
life. Life will kick you around. Without
God, there's not much of a life down here. It's very true. The Apostle Paul said, the world,
I have crucified, the world is a crucified thing to me. Just
like the world doesn't like me, the Apostle said, he said, I'm
a crucified thing to the world. You know, the Apostle Paul preached
that old bloody gospel that Jesus Christ was God in human flesh,
come down to earth, died in our room and stead and place, and
the world rejects that. You ought to see some of the
emails I get from people that, and I feel for them. I got one
this week from a mom who had lost a son six years ago, and
he attended, he was over at Grace Centers, and all of the blame
was going toward me, the Bible thumper. You know, you think,
you know, if my son or daughter had got professional help, and
drug use is a disease, and there's no doubt about drug use messing
up your brain. There's no doubt about that.
I certainly admit that. But here's the great sin, when
we turn from God to crack to find our significance. That's
where the real problem is. That's where sin comes in. And
then all kinds of things began to happen because of drug use. But what if, like today, we've
already heard our sister tell us about what God's done for
her, and how awesome it was, and how wonderful it is, and
how she's getting her life back, and there's a battle going on.
What if our attitude was, thank you, Lord. Just thank you. I know you know about this mess
I'm in. I know you know what I'm feeling.
You know about my hurt. And you sent the Holy Spirit
to be a comforter. And bless Pastor Clark to preach
the comforting gospel where we find peace and life becomes a
little heaven on the way to heaven. Lord, you know, here at Grace
Gospel Fellowship and Grace Centers of Hope, I have an opportunity
to get my life back, become a homeowner, become a giver to other people. Lord, you know all about that.
I pray that you will strengthen me and help me to do that. There are so many passages in
Scripture, and I had a lot of passages to read, but I want
to read just maybe a couple here. In the Corinthian letter, if
you have your Bibles, you can turn over there. By the way,
that verse in the Thessalonian letter, in
everything give thanks. You ought to write this down.
It's 1 Thessalonians 5, 18. In everything give thanks, for
this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. So God
has a will and a plan for you, but it's in Christ. That's how
he's going to save you. Everything's in Christ. Every
blessing is in Christ. Your life is hid with God in
Christ. In everything give thanks. And
then in the Corinthian letter, let's go to 2 Corinthians 2,
verse 14. This is a great one. 2 Corinthians 2, verse 14. Now thanks be unto God. Thanks
be unto God, which always causes us to triumph in Christ. Not part of the time, but always. I guarantee you this, you're
always a winner in Christ. You are a winner. Think about this. Think about the sin that has
been in all of our lives and that Jesus Christ paid it off.
Think about the hodgepodge and the mess that's in this place.
And Jesus Christ paid the debt of our sins. And so there's no
condemnation. To anyone who's here in Christ,
there's no hell for you. God is not punishing you. You
heard the preacher this week, who suffered so much, tell about
his story. And he talked about consequences
and condemnation. The reason you're here is not
God is punishing you and putting you in a homeless shelter if
you're an addict. You're not being punished. What
God is doing is blessing you. That's why God has a plan for
you. Well, you know, I really messed
up. I almost lost my wife or my husband
and kids. And now what you're finding is,
and what we're seeing in a tremendous way, is God putting families
together. I looked up there in the balcony
where the young married couples sit, all hugged up up there. All hugged up up there, and I
thought, Thank you, Lord. You know, bringing people together
that way in Christ Jesus, and today is a day of thanksgiving. Remember this, God will always
cause you to triumph. Why do you beat yourself up about
stuff? Mainly because we've been taught by religion to do that,
that God's punishing you. God is bringing judgment on you. All of your judgment was put
on Jesus Christ and paid for a long time ago. What you're
going through now is the consequences of bad decisions. That's all. And just think, and I'm speaking
mostly because most of our crowd here today has been in the throes
of addiction. Just think about this. You come
to a homeless center. You've tried all of the Maple
Grove or whatever that is out there. You've tried all the professional
places. By the way, the email I got this
week was, you know, you guys aren't professionals. You never
helped my son or daughter get professional help. Let me tell
you, we are the pros because God is with us. We are the pros. Because we say, look away from
yourself and look to Jesus Christ. And Jesus said, I've come that
you might have life and that you might have it more abundantly,
more abundantly than other people. Having life and having it more
abundantly and always being victorious. And God does this for us. What
an awesome thing it is to have a real God who is at work every
single day, every second of every day, and he's working for my
good, this God of grace. There's one other passage in
Corinthians, 2 Corinthians 9, 15. I'll read that passage real
quick here. What I'm most thankful for today.
I always think of this verse on Thanksgiving too. It says
this. Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable
gift. Unspeakable gift. That's Jesus
Christ. The gift of God, Jesus Christ. Just think where we would be
without Jesus Christ. It's such an unspeakable gift. That's why there ought to be
excitement. One of the reasons there's not excitement in the
church is because we do not see this thing called salvation to
be totally unmerited and free. Oh, what a wonder that Jesus
found me. Out in the darkness, no light
could I see. And he put his great arm under, and oh, wonder of
wonders, he saved even me. You know, this is true, and for
years this has been true, since the Lord has reconciled me to
Jesus Christ. I've seen it to be a wonder that
God saved me. And I have also taken note that
Other people have no interest in God. And I'm talking what
we would call, you know, good people. They're not good because
there's none good, but we call them good people. But that God
would save a wretch like me. Think about God's unspeakable
gift that God actually gave his own son to pay your debt and
to set you free. Isn't that something? Worship
and thanksgiving come right out of this from a grateful heart
Are you grateful? Are you always complaining? Even
with that horrible men's dorm over there You know last night
Last night. I got a call late Later about
a young lady that had been, that was actually very cold and freezing
and I think they took her to the police station. But think
about this. Last night, I would say everybody
in here slept in a nice warm place. In a nice warm place. And think about, think about
what a wonder The place that you're in, the place that you're
attending, the place you have come for help, whether you were
sent here by the courts or however you found your way here, God
brought you here, whether you use the courts or mom and dad
or someone that knew of grace centers. Think about how God
brought you here and what God, you are surrounded by miracles. You are just surrounded by miracles. You know, I was in here, maybe
it was yesterday or the day before, and I was thinking, I never thought
I would preach in a building like this. I never thought I'd,
as a pastor, I never thought I'd have a building like this
to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. But here we are. Somebody asked me, I was on a
radio show yesterday, the interviewer said, so I see your budget is
almost $8 million. How are you going to come up
with that? That's exactly right. That's
the right answer. And that's exactly what happened.
I was telling our praise group, I think last night, Somebody
was visiting us some time ago, and I don't know how they found
out this. They must've asked one of our
ushers, so how much is your offering on Wednesday? And that particular
Wednesday night, it was $80. And the question was, and you
have an $8 million budget, and that doesn't count the church.
That's just the center across the street. You're gonna add
another million to that. And look at us. miracles of the
grace of God and how He must love us to provide for us. It's indeed an awesome thing.
And probably some of you go, you know, Pastor's been in this
53 years. He probably, you know, this is
not a whole lot for him or to him, but I'm telling you, 30 some years ago, our budget here
was $600,000. $600,000. So we've gone from a budget of $600,000
to a $7, $8 million budget in that time period. And I was looking
out this morning, too, at the great crowd that we have, all
of you here. And I can remember on a Sunday
morning in the old building up the street when we had 32 people
there, 32 people on a Sunday morning. Now here we are around
400 of us strong, maybe five on Sunday. and just look what
God's doing. So what I hope you will do is
that as you leave today, you leave here with a grateful heart.
You leave here saying, thank you, Lord. You saved my soul. You saved my life. You've made
me whole. You lifted me from shades of
night to planes of light. And I hope you praise His name. You know what I'm going to do
when the Lions win today? I'm going to thank God. Listen, don't get so religious that you
can't be real and enjoy some things. God didn't save you to
be miserable. And there's some awesome things.
You know, I grew up, I grew up like this. I never played cards. I never had a phys ed class,
because that would cause lust, because you had to wear shorts.
I never played pool. There were so many things I didn't
do outwardly. I did all of them inside. I wanted
to play pool. I wanted to play cards. But,
you know, so many things. And I have learned this, and
my life was miserable too. It was a ministry of don't. Don't do this, don't do that,
do this, don't, don't, don't. And life became joyless. And I went through some periods
of time that you go through too. And it's really a wonder I didn't
get on drugs. And I think in some ways I probably
did, not in pills or shooting up or that sort of thing. Probably
if I'd known a little bit more about marijuana, I would have
tried that. I heard it makes you laugh a
lot. What are y'all laughing about? I'll tell you this little story.
My dad was a Baptist pastor in Kentucky. He pastored two Baptist
churches at the same time and he raised hogs. Well, when those
sows would get ready to have little piglets, he would go down
to the river and cut down hemp. And I remember one day, the old
Sal, before she had her little ones, came out of the, where
she was supposed to have them, the little house she was supposed
to have them in, and she couldn't stand up. She ate the hemp. You know, do you know what hemp
is? Okay, yeah. She ate the marijuana,
she was high. Life is wonderful with Christ. Count your many blessings and
name them one by one. It may surprise you what the
Lord has done. Well, we're going to have a couple
more testimonies. I think we'll, well, if we get you up here,
you have to stand up here for a while. You don't mind? All right. Come on up. Let's
stand and we'll sing, and then we'll have one of the ladies
and we have one of our guys. And you're going to be out of
here by 11, 1105 or so long. I've been looking for people
to help us here. And in our study on Sundays of
church history, the Lord seemed to say to me, you've got everybody
in front of you you need. How about some of the guys being
Sunday school teachers and some of the ladies being Sunday school
teachers? What about ladies groups and men involved in God's house
ministering back? So, and this guy, which made
me think of that, Justin does so many, what would seem little
things around here, and I appreciate it so much, I think about hurt that's doing all the electrical
work in this building. It probably goes unnoticed, but
there's so many of you doing so many little things, and I
want to say thank you. I love you, and I appreciate
it. Space is known internationally
now. Aerospace dynamics. Billy Graham's grandson keeps
asking me about that space guy. The Lord uses us, weak ones,
and us, nobodies. So, okay. It's 1058. The clock is ticking. We've got two more testimonies,
and then we'll praise the Lord and be gone. Okay. Woo-hoo! Hello, my name is Justin. I'm a faithful believer in Christ,
and through God's mercy and grace, I have the ability to stand here
and say I have victory over some things that I never thought I'd
be able to have victory in my life over. One being alcohol,
the other one being the obsessive thoughts of drug use, also over
PTSD. So I'll try to separate this,
and before you respond to this, I want you to really think about
what you're going to say. So when I say, God is good. All the time. And all the time. God is good.
That's something I think we take for granted on a daily basis
when we say before meals we don't really think about what we're
saying, but it's 100% true. So I was born on June 25, 1985.
My mother was an active drug user, alcoholic, prostitute. My father was, actually I didn't
know my biological father until I was the age of 25. The man
that I call father has been there since day one, left when I was
at the age of three to pretty much quit all of the drugs and
alcohol on his own. He was part of the 1% that didn't
need some of the structure that we need, and I need, I should
say, in my life to overcome this adversity. So he quit cold turkey. He left. Now, I didn't realize
until recently that that caused a wound in my life, that it started
out with kind of a dealing of abandonment. So at three years
old, I walk down the highway. I break out of my house when
my mom is still in a coma from whatever mind-altering substance
she used the night before. And I walk down the highway in
nothing but my underwear looking for my dad because I knew he
was a truck driver and I knew he drove on these highways. So
a police officer pulls over. I still remember this very vaguely. And he gives me this fake police
officer badge and a teddy bear. This is where I got involved
with the foster care system for the first time due to neglect
of my mother. The very first foster home I was in, I was abused.
I was locked in a closet for seven hours. Still don't know
to this day what I did. Caused me to have a fear of the
dark till the age of 16. The next foster home I was in,
I was sexually molested in a Christian foster home, which kind of gave
me a skewed perception of God and Jesus Christ. So I started
objectification of sexual immorality of women myself. thoughts and
things that I should not have had at that young of an age.
To move forward, I moved to Arkansas when I was about the age of eight
years old, and I finally got moral fiber in my life. And within
a few years, at the age of 14, I became a youth minister. And
I started to believe in God and the things that he could do.
And I saw what we failed to see as miracles. And recently this
pastor said that we live our faith by miracles when they're
actually blessings. We just misperceive what a miracle
is and we don't consider them blessings and we don't accept
them in our life. So age of 19, I go to the military. I saw the
towers fall. I knew at that moment that I
would have something to do with that. So I spent 32 months deployed
in Operation Iraqi Freedom, Enduring Freedom. I went to Kursk, Albania,
Macedonia, Northern Horn of Africa. Iraq, Afghanistan, I've seen
horrors that most people shouldn't be subjected to voluntarily. So I have come to the realization
that I had PTSD after my military thing stint, I should say. And my perception of PTSD is
post-traumatic spiritual disorder because I put a wedge between
me and God. I started to question him. I started to challenge him,
I started to ask questions like if there was a God, why would
he let this happen to these innocent women and children? When I was
asking the wrong questions that I didn't realize that evil cannot
exist without good and there's still evil in this world and
the devil's still at work constantly and he's nipping at our heels
on a daily basis. But now to get to the hope part,
after falling so far and hitting rock bottom, which is just a
state of incomprehensible demoralization where I felt like I couldn't
get out. I went to Sacred Heart for like the fifth time this
last December, and it was right after my daughter was abused
by a man. And I don't show pictures anymore
because of the feeling that it gives other people. Today I can
stand here and say I've forgiven this man for putting his hands
on my daughter, which is a power that I never thought I would
possess. because I was very capable of killing this man. I didn't
have hesitation for human life at the time that I do today,
and God intervened in that. And whenever I was at the altar
at Sacred Heart, I got on my hands and knees just crying uncontrollably,
and I vomited out all my resentment, my anger, my depression, my anxiety, everything that I was holding
in that I didn't think I could have control over on that altar
floor. And I can't explain the experience, but I pray every
single night before I go to bed that everybody in here will experience
that and be able to embrace life today as I am every day I do
things. I don't want to stay stagnant.
I'm a strong believer that if people like Martin Luther King
can stand behind a podium at Washington, D.C. and literally
change the course of U.S. and world history by the word
of his mouth, there's nothing holding everybody in this room
from being able to do the same exact thing. The only thing we
have to do is, as I learned in Alcoholics
Anonymous, which I can no longer call it the big book because
the only big book to me is the Bible, but I call it the Alcoholics
Anonymous Guide to Recovery, and it says in there that if
I pay more attention to me and my attitudes and less to what
goes on in the world, and live life on life's terms, and live
with acceptance in my heart, that if I have a problem with
a person, place, thing, or situation, I can no longer find serenity,
which is peace in my life, until I accept that person, place,
thing, or situation as being exactly the way it's supposed
to be at that moment. And that nothing, absolutely nothing in
God's world happens by mistake. If I continually live that lifestyle
and with that beliefs and not just have a belief but be a follower
of Christ, because there's a difference between believing and following.
You can believe all day long and say that you're a Christian,
but until you put that foot forward and actually put into action,
you're not a follower. So today I'm a follower of Christ.
Today I have hope. Today I have dreams and I just
have to get out of my own way and I have to get out of God's
way. And I got to allow him to work in my life to be the best
possible man, father, human being, and Christian that he designed
every single one of us to be. And, um, I thank God every day
for Grace Centers of Hope because it's given me the longest time. I'm standing here honestly saying
that I have nine months off of all mind-altering substances
and I never thought that would be something I said in my entire
life. I always sat there and I looked at people in the meetings
that there's no way you have 20-something years without doing
one thing. There's no way. I don't believe you. You're a hypocrite.
before I even knew that it's possible. And it's only possible,
and if you talk to those people that have decades of clean time,
it's only possible through God. I stood and I tried to do every
way I possibly could without God, and I came to the realization
that I cannot do this without God. There's no way possible. I have to lay down my life, as
Romans 12, 1 and 2 says, to lay down my life every day as a living
sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, and not be conformed
to the evils of this world, but be transformed by the renewing
of the mind. So I have a job today. I'm clean today. I'm a good father
today. I'm going to cook Thanksgiving
dinner with my children, not for my children, but with my
children. And that it's more important to me to spend quality
time with my family than it is to be a monetary donor. So now
being a member of the largest family in the world, which is
fellow Christians, I hereby vow that I'm going to do everything
I can for the rest of my life to make this world a safer place
for our children, for our family, and I will not stop until I take
my last breath into doing everything that I can possibly do through
glorifying God that I can in order to make that happen. Thank
you for letting me share. It's been a wonderful opportunity. All right. Thank God. Amen. Great job. Great job. You know, there was
this wise old dude that said many, many years ago, there's
two ways to live your life. You can live your life that everything
is a miracle, or you can live your life that nothing is a miracle.
I choose to be a miracle. And if you've lived as long as
I have, there's many, many miracles almost every day. And I want
to introduce you to Dorothy, who is also a miracle of God's
grace. Amen. Hi. Thank goodness it's my turn.
Oh my gosh, I asked to go last yesterday. That was the worst
idea ever. My eye just twitched for 20 minutes straight. I was
so nervous. I'm like, oh, I can't do this. I can't do this. OK,
I'm so happy to be here. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Happy Thanksgiving. Okay, my name is Dorothy. I'm
23. Ooh, I'm gonna control my volume. I'm 23. I'm from Knox,
Indiana. Um, so, I come from a very broken
home. Very, very broken. There's no
doubt about it. I guess I probably didn't know when I was younger.
But I can't, my grandma's a hoarder. And my parents had both left
when I was younger. My dad went and got remarried. He's still in
my life, kind of. My mom left completely. I never saw her again.
And, um, my grandma's a hoarder. I'm also a Catholic, recovering,
but Praise God for recovery. And so here we are in my house. It's super broken. You know,
my grandma's hoarding all this stuff. And then she takes us to this
private school. You know, she pays good money for it. She's
a professional. She's a teacher. She has everything together on
the outside. And then we come back home and it's horrible.
It's like, I think it, like, represents her heart living there. I didn't understand. I always
believed there was a God. I just didn't get it. Why is this happening
to me? You know, why is all this dysfunction happening to me?
I always said that God had to apologize to me. you know, for what had
happened. Because I was also, through my
family and my grandfather, was generationally molesting and
raping everyone. You know, so the brokenness in
my dad, I understand now. I didn't get it then. I couldn't
comprehend it. Seven years old, why? Why did I feel this way?
Why was there so much hurt living inside of me? Why? You know?
Why did my dad leave? Why? So, me and my brothers and
sisters became three kids that nobody wanted. You know, my grandma
reminded us constantly, like, I didn't have to get you. You
came into my life and ruined it. I had to kick your grandfather
out because he was molesting you. I'm like, well, I'm sorry?
I don't know how that's my fault. But a seven-year-old girl can't
comprehend that. She can't put that together in her mind, right?
We don't know. We don't get as kids. We can't process things
the same way as I can now. So I grow up at like 13, I started
doing drugs. Started using meth. Everybody's
like going to parties and they're like, what are you doing Dorothy?
I'm like, I'm doing meth. Like I remember thinking it was cool.
That was something cool to me. And they're like, no, no, no,
no, that's not good. I'm like, oh yeah, it is. So that's what
I thought, that was what made me happy. You know, I'm having
all these gross feelings inside, all these horror, I don't understand
it. I don't understand why I'm raped and molested by my grandfather. I don't understand why my grandma
calls me a little filthy animal, why our house is dirty, why I
go to school dirty. You know, I was just an awkward
kid all the time. I was never really good at anything. I could
never really do any sports. I'm pigeon-toed, so I'm running
all funny. I just, I never could do any
thing good. It's not funny. It's serious.
It's my testimony. I was never real good at anything,
you know. I did a little bit of everything, but never super
great. And then I did drugs. You know, and that's where I
found my value. I found my value in men at a very young age, 13
years old. You know what I mean? I'm having
sex. Everybody's growing up, and that's what I'm doing, because that's
where I thought my value came from. That's how I find love. I couldn't
find it from my family. I couldn't find it from my grandma
or my dad. My mom's gone. I didn't understand. I'd go and
check the mailbox every day as a kid, because that letter was
going to come from my mom, and she was going to explain what was
happening, and she was going to come get me. No, it didn't. So my dad, the first time he
really came into my life, I was probably about 13, 14 years old,
he started telling me how to use Oxycontin and all these other
things. He's like, just hit this, it'll make you feel better. You
know what I mean? And I want to do anything to please my dad.
That's my dad. I love my dad. That was my way out. There had
to be an excuse why he wasn't around. And he came to my life
for using drugs and then just like that he was gone again because
his wife decided she was going to let him back. Didn't tell
me, didn't call me, nothing. I came home, all his stuff was
packed. So not only did my dad leave once, he left twice. That's
another wound that I don't get. And my dad, he never called.
I didn't know where he moved. I didn't know where he went.
That's a horrible feeling. 15 years old, I can't find my
dad. And I had just let him back in
my life and I was stealing for him. I was getting high with him. All this
stuff. My dad wanted me, he was like, I brought you to my friend's
house just in case you want to have sex with him. But to me, that's my dad. That's
the only father figure I know. So I go on to use meth, and I
go to girls' school, and I start going to jail at 18, and in and
out of the dope house, wherever I could be to be away from my
grandma, be away from my family, be away from these feelings that
are living inside of me. And at 18 years old, I found
a man who was 35, and he had money, he had a great family,
he had everything I've always wanted, and three days, I'm like,
let's get married. He's like, okay. So we're married,
he has two kids, he's had three ex-wives, and I was like, oh,
I'm different. I know I'm different. And he starts stealing checks
from his parents, he starts stealing money, and soon, we're in jail,
I have eight felony charges at 18 years old, and they're like,
you are going to prison for a long time. And I'm like, oh, great,
here we go, you know? So I was in jail, I turned 19,
it was Good Friday, and a pastor came in, and he started talking
about forgetting your past and looking for where it lies ahead. I wasn't
even going to go out there, because that was embarrassing. I'm like,
oh, here's this God stuff. And in that moment, Jesus Christ
met me. I felt the presence of God. I
was a Catholic. I didn't understand. I knew going
to church three times, mass three times a week. I didn't understand
what Jesus was and the presence of God, and I felt the presence
of God open my heart. It was amazing, something like
I've never felt. I wasn't high, I was there, and
he had taken everything. Everything was stripped from
me. My husband that I relied on so much. All these relationships,
these drugs. And I vowed to follow Jesus. And I wish that I could say after
I left that jail cell that everything was great and that I continue
to follow Jesus. But if anybody knows Jesus, we know that addiction
is a sin issue, right? So we pray this over Jesus Christ.
But as soon as you fall out of that relationship, here comes
that addiction, right? Here comes that sin, right back.
People get so surprised when they see people over at us. They're
like, well, he had Jesus. I can't believe this. I don't know how.
Jesus is, he's there. He's our crutch. He's what takes
away that. But as soon as you lose Jesus,
then all these other dependencies come back. The men and stuff.
So my husband ended up doing three years in prison. I got
out and then my codependency kicked in and I had to leave
him because he wasn't there and it wasn't convenient anymore. So I went back out eventually
and it got a lot worse. They always say it gets worse
and it gets worse and I didn't believe it could get worse. And then
here I'm prostituting. Nobody wakes up and says, I'm
going to be a prostitute today. I'm 23 years old. I was 21. I was doing it to survive. It was always so embarrassing
to me and the most powerful thing I've ever done is admit that.
To admit that. To admit that my daughter doesn't
have a father. To admit that I have no idea. You know, I feel
like I have to do this long, drawn-out story about, who's
your daughter's father? I'm like, oh, well. But that's
nobody's business. Because there's power in that. Power in admitting
that Ellie doesn't have a dad, but she's mine. God gave her
to me. And I know who her mom is. So when I was in jail and they
told me I was pregnant, and I tested positive for hepatitis C, and
my life fell apart, I was like, I don't want a baby. You know,
I could deal with the hepatitis, but I don't want a kid. You know,
I'm selfish. I'm the most selfish person you'll
ever meet. I didn't have time for anybody
else. I had no intention of getting clean. I was going to get out,
and I was going to go right back to the man I was with before, and I was
going to go get high and do the same things over and over and
over again. Because at this point, not only did all that stuff happen
to me as a kid, right? I'd created all this pain. In
jail, feeling depressed, low. I'm like, who? What did I do
to myself? Disgusting. Pregnant. And I definitely was going to
get an abortion. That was my first thought. I'm like, I'm
going to get rid of this kid. And, you know, nobody's going to know.
And little did I know, I was four and a half months pregnant.
So pregnant, like, when I went to jail and started eating, my
stomach blew out. I'm like, oh, great. You know, God, I won't
give this baby up for adoption if it's a boy. Right? I was gambling. I'm like, you know, I know what
I want. I don't want a girl, that's for sure. So I get out
of jail and I decide to get back with the same man because he
was such an eligible father that we were going to have a family
together. And it was horrible, and I realized that it wasn't
the drugs that made him crazy, he was just crazy. I'm like, oh, wait
a minute. You know, so here I am pregnant in this abusive relationship. He's coming home high, he's coming
home drunk, and I am just miserable, and I don't get it, and I'm just
searching, like always, I'm just searching for all these different
things. And I was going into probation after I had Ellie,
and I had black and blue marks on my neck. And this woman came
up to me, you know, because I do believe I was saved at 19 years
old. And through that, God has brought people into my life.
And this woman came up to me and she's like, can I please pray for you? God
is telling me that you need me right now. And I'm like, mm.
And I looked around, make sure nobody was looking. I'm like,
OK. Do we have to do it here? You know what I mean? And she
prayed for me. And it was crazy. My church family
means a lot to me back home, because I don't have a family.
And since that moment, they invited me into their homes. They're
like, you know what, we're going to help you. And I had to admit
to them, I'm like, I have been drinking every day. After I had
Ellie, I started drinking every day. I've not used meth since, but
I was drinking every day to numb that pain. You know, it's not
one thing, it's another. So here I am drinking with this
little baby in the car. And it doesn't mean I don't love her,
because I love that little girl more than I've ever loved anything in my life.
It's just because I was addicted, and I needed to fill a void,
and I was searching for men, and I was searching for anything
that would make me feel whole. And she's like, I'm going to
help you. I want to help you. We want to love you. And I'm
like, what do you really want from me? My whole entire life, nobody's
ever not wanted something from me. And they said, we want God
to mold you into the woman of Christ we know you can be. and
they loved my daughter, and they started watching her for free,
and they got me, and they told me about this place called Teen
Challenge. And you know, I'm on probation in Indiana for eight
years. Like, my judge told me, if I see you again for anything,
you are going to prison. I don't care if you're pregnant.
I don't care if this will be your third violation. And God
moved mountains for me to get to Michigan, but I had felony
warrants in Michigan. That church drove me six hours
to Mayo, Michigan to go turn myself in. And I was in that
hotel room and I prayed and I said, God, I love this little girl
so much, but I'm going to give her to you, right? You have to
give up what you love sometimes in order to follow God. And I
said, I'm going to give her to you because I know you're calling me to do
this. So I went into jail and 12 hours later on arraignment,
they released me to Teen Challenge. Wow, I know. I don't say that
lightly. People are like, oh, cool. No,
that was the scariest 12 hours of my life. They told me, you're
not going to court, sorry. You're going to have to sit at least a month before.
No. I got into the jail cell, and they're like, you have court.
Come on. I'm like, oh, cool. You know? I went to Teen Challenge,
and it wasn't short after that that I realized that something,
like, I didn't understand quite what God was doing because I
got there. And I shouldn't even talk. And the pastor was not
what you would expect. I was very... Jeff was at Teen
Challenged with me. So, the pastor is not what you
expect. He's not this loving pastor who's
like, come on everybody, no. He's literally a jerk. He gets
up there and he talks about people in a sermon. And he's like, and
you little gay people, gay people are bad, you're bad. And it's
horrible. I'm like, wow, this is really
messed up. This isn't great. He's like, but grace. I'm like,
I don't feel like there's much grace here. He's like, just do
what I say. We get up to go to our testimony,
and he's like, you need to make it sound horrible. I'm like, OK.
Maybe you should throw a little bit of tears in there. It was
awful. I was really, really upset. I was there eight months, man.
And the judge is like, you can't leave. So here I am. I felt stuck. And one day, we woke up. And
I went downstairs. And Teen Challenge USA was sitting
in the living room. And they were like, so Teen Challenge
is being shut down. I'm like, oh, cool. You know? Praise God. So every step I know, every step,
I went to the Detroit Life Challenge. You know, and I was still hurt,
like everything I had just done was erased. All those eight months,
you know, I'm about to be on probation, all this stuff, I signed up for
school. God's like, that's not the plan I have for you. Somebody
said, if you want to laugh, make a plan without God, right? And
I went to the Life Challenge, and they're like, we're going
to take away all your time, and you're going to redo your year in a program that's
not designed for kids. I'm like, oh, that sounds wonderful.
So I met a lady who knew about Grace Centers of Hope. And it
just seemed, it was just not realistic at the time, but God
has just opened doors and he let me come here. And I think
it's amazing to me that in the last three, four months that
I've been here, I've grown more in the whole eight, nine months
that I was at Teen Challenge. You know, God has come into my
life and he's just amazing. You know, it's all about being
thankful, because I can go on and on about how crazy my life was,
because it was awful, but we've all got those stories, right?
Right. And I can go on, but what am I thankful for? You know,
this little girl that I didn't want, I wanted a boy, I didn't
want a baby at all. has changed my life. God has used her. I
feel like he has a bigger calling on her life than he ever could
mine. He loved us too much. He said, I love you too much
to leave you there, Dorothy. I love you too much to get high.
I love you too much to stay drunk. And you know, he brought all
these people into my life, and he's done amazing things. And
he's just, layer by layer, taking people away. Men. money, jobs,
all this stuff, my dad, that was so toxic for me, I don't
even talk to right now. And that sounds crazy, but it's
the most healthy thing that could happen for me right now. And
he's brought amazing people into my life that I don't deserve,
but I can call my family. I know, Teen Challenge used to
be like, you have four minutes, that's it, Dorothy, that's nothing
more. And God has just done amazing things, and I'm so thankful.
I shouldn't have seen Ellie walk, crawl, sit up, talk, and all
those things I've seen. She loves me more than I could
ever be loved by anyone, and I feel like today I'm a good
mom. I don't scream at her. I don't hit her. I don't call
her a little piece of crap. I don't get mad at her when she makes mistakes,
because that's okay that she does that. And I don't put her
to the standard that my parents put me to. And when it didn't
work out, they were sad. They were just, you're a bad
kid. You're a bad kid. Well, no. You know, I can be
a good mom because God's enabled me to be. And I don't know what
God has in the future for me. But I am super excited. I want
to travel. I want to do missions work. I
want to serve Him in a way that I've never done anything before.
All my passion is in Jesus Christ now because He saved me so freely. And I just pray that everybody
feels the presence of God. Everybody feels. Because you
can't just make up a story like that. It's not just about my
story. My testimony is not mine to keep. It's mine to give away
so people can learn from it because I was a product of incest and
prostitution And all this stuff the world called me a whore,
but you know what God said I love you and through grace I give
you this little girl I would invite you to come to
Christ. I wish I could talk as fast as you do. I could say so much. Thank you for your testimony.
All of the testimonies thank you for being bold in Christ
and telling us what he's done for you. That's the best preaching
in the world. telling what Christ has done
for you. I am amazed, too, at such presence that you, who have
given your testimony today, to speak in front of people. I used
to be frightened to death, the last thing in the world, and
then to get up and tell on yourself. That's amazing. I do want to
say this about Teen Challenge. And I say this in a good way.
And for your good and your hearing today, there is a difference
between legalism and rules and the grace of God. There is a
big difference. There's no hope in rules and
obeying rules. So anyway, I hope you have a
wonderful Thanksgiving. I love you. I appreciate you. Thank you for being here today.
Leave praising God. Let's pray. And you that are
going to your parents' house or to different homes, I hope
you have a wonderful time. I hope you got a turkey sundae
if you needed one. Let's pray together. Father,
we give you praise and glory. Thank you for the words that
we have heard today. Thank you for your people who
know we do the sinning and you do the saving. We give you glory
and honor and praise. Bless us today. Bless our fellowship
together. Help us to have a great time
today, knowing that we pass from death into life, that you've
forgiven us, that there's no condemnation. Help us to live
that abundant life that you promised us in your son. We pray in Jesus'
name and amen. God bless.