Good morning. If you would open
your Bibles with me to Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians chapter
5. Before we look into God's Word,
let's bow before Him in prayer. Seek His blessing. Our Father, Lord, we bow in Your
presence this morning. We bow humbly, reverently, gratefully,
thankfully, that we can come before the God of heaven and
earth, and by your mercy and grace, call you our Father. And
Father, we, as your children, pray this morning that you'd
be pleased to bless us, that you'd be pleased to set the table
of your grace, enable us to eat and be filled and strengthened
and comforted with the preaching of our Lord Jesus Christ, your
dear son. Father, I pray that you would
enable us to truly worship you this morning. How I beg of you
that you deliver us from just going through the motions of
religion, a Sunday morning habit, but Father, that you'd enable
us to worship, that you'd be pleased to reveal your glory
to us. In what we pray for ourselves,
Father, we pray for all of your people, wherever they may be
gathering together this morning. Father, bless your word where
it's preached. Bless your people for your great namesake, we pray.
Father, we pray for our country and our world at this time. We
pray that you'd be with our leaders, give them special wisdom and
understanding. Father, that you deliver us from
ourselves, that you continue to be merciful and gracious to
this country. And Father, we dare not forget
to pray for those that you brought into the times of trouble and
trial. In deep waters and dark nights, Father, we pray you'd
comfort their hearts with your presence. That you'd heal, that
you'd deliver, and above all, that you'd comfort until such
time as you see pleased to deliver. To all these things we ask in
that name which is above every name, the name of Christ our
Savior. It's for his sake and his glory
we pray. I titled the lesson this morning,
Husbands. And if you would ask most men,
religious or heathen, if you would ask most men, what does
the Bible say about a husband's role in a marriage? Their answer,
almost undoubtedly, would come from Ephesians 5.23, for the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of
the church. And then they'd skip down to verse 24, and said, as
the church is subject unto Christ, so let their wives be to their
own husbands in everything. Now I'm just convinced that would
be the answer most men would give you on what does scripture
have to say to husbands. And that answer would be taken
from scripture, wouldn't it? It would be taken from scripture.
There's just one problem with that answer. Those verses are
giving instructions to wives, not husbands. That's the instruction
the scripture gives to wives. The Lord never one time in scripture
tells husbands, now you're the head of the home and you make
sure your wife is subject to you. Never one time does scripture
say to husbands, now you're the head of the home, you better
make sure she obeys you. You won't find that one time in scripture. The husband is the head of the
home. There's no question scripture teaches that. That's the truth,
that the husband is the head of the home. But here's what
scripture teaches husbands, verse 25. Husbands love your wives,
even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. Scriptures teach husbands to
love their wives. Don't boss them around. Don't
order them around. Don't rule with an iron fist
to make sure they obey you. Scripture says love your wives.
Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for
it. Now, if you were here last week, you may recall that I told
the wives, in this thing of marriage, it's submission to your husband,
to his authority. The Lord has not given you something
humiliating to do in marriage. Wives are to submit to the authority
of their husbands as a picture of the bride to Christ. That
instruction is not given to demean wives at all. By the same token,
This instruction to husbands is not given to puff a man up
in pride. The Lord has given a great responsibility
to husbands in the home to lead their homes in love. As Christ
loved the church and gave himself for it. Now that puts so much
responsibility on the shoulders of husbands. The responsibility
for a happy marriage and a happy home lies primarily with the
husband. Now that is absolutely contrary
to natural thinking. The way everybody thinks is,
well, the responsibility for a happy home is on the wife.
She's just got to submit to every whim and everything the husband
says. As long as she submits, as long as she stays quiet, we'll
have a happy home. That's not so. The responsibility for a
happy marriage lies primarily with the husband. Remember, this
marriage is given to us as a picture of the union between Christ and
his bride. Isn't that right? Well, the relationship between
the believer and the Lord, the happy relationship between the
believer and the Lord depends primarily on who? On the Lord,
doesn't it? Well, the same thing's true,
husbands, in our homes, in our marriages. You know, a happy
marriage doesn't mean the wife has to put up with every evil
thing that their husband thinks of. A happy marriage means that
the husband loves his wife so well that she's happy to be married
to him, that she's happy to follow his lead, that she's happy to,
not because she has to, but because she wants to. He's won her respect
and her trust. And this thing of, I didn't say
this last week, I should have, this thing of wives submitting
yourselves to your husbands, you can't do that unless you
want to. You cannot do that unless you want to. Well, the husband's
job is to make her want to. Make her want to. That is exactly
the reason the church is in submission to our Savior. It's because he
loves us so well. We want to be in submission to
him. We want to follow him. Because
of his sacrifice, because of everything, of who he is, his
perfect, precious character, he's won our respect. This is
what we want to be in submission to. This is the one that we want
to follow. Now Paul says here, husbands, love your wives as
Christ loved the church. That's such a key phrase, as
Christ loved the church. Well, how did Christ love the
church? Let me give you a few things. Number one, Christ loved
the church self-sacrificially. He gave himself for it. He sacrificed
himself. He loved his bride so much. The
bride of Christ is the people that the father elected. And
he gave to his son to redeem. And he loved her so much. He
loved that people so much that he gave everything that he is
to redeem her. He sacrificed himself, body and
soul, to redeem her. Christ gave everything that he
had for the good and the happiness of his bride. Now husbands, just try that shirt
on. Try that on. If we want to have
a happy marriage, we need to spend a whole lot less time trying
to figure out, is my wife in proper submission to me? Is she
serving me as well as she should? We should be spending our time
looking at ourselves and thinking, am I loving her self-sacrificially? Now am I? Am I doing everything
that I can to make her happy? and give her what she needs.
Actually, husbands, if we're to love our wives the way that
scripture teaches us to love our wives, we're not looking
to her to be our servant. We'll be her servant, providing
for her what she needs to make her happy. Let me show you a
really good example of that back in John chapter 13. John chapter
13. beginning in verse one. Now, before the feast of the
Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour was come, that he should
depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his
own. See, there it is, his love for
his people. Having loved his own which ran
the world, he loved them unto the end. And supper being ended,
the devil having now put into the heart of Judas Iscariot,
Simon's son, to betray him, Jesus knowing that the Father had given
all things into his hands and that he was come from God and
he went to God. He had, there was no question
that he is the son of God. The father's given everything
to him. You think of his power, his position in this universe,
the father's given everything into his hand. That's who he
is. He knew it. But verse four, he rises from supper and laid
aside his garments and took a towel and girded himself. After that,
he pours water into a basin and began to wash the disciples feet
and to wipe them with a towel wherewith he was girded." Now,
you know what this is. The job of washing the feet of
the guest, that's the job of the lowest servant. I mean, just
the low man on the totem pole got stuck with that job. And
the Lord of glory girded himself with a towel and
washed the feet of his disciples. He did the lowest job, the job
of the lowest servant. And you know why he did it? Because
he loved them. He loved them until the end.
That's why he did it. Now, when he got done washing
their feet, skip down to verse 13. Look what he says. You call
me master and Lord, and you say, well, for so I am. If I then
your Lord and master have washed your feet, you also ought to
wash one another's feet. Now, the Lord made no bones about
this now. He's Lord and master. He's Lord
and master. but he still did the job of the
lowest servant for those that he loves. He served those who
are in submission to him. He served those who are dependent
upon him. He served them. See what he did
there? Now look what the Lord tells us about humbling one another
to serve one another. Verse 17, if you know these things,
happy are you if you do them. I'm talking to believers here.
You and I ought to be happy serving one another. That's when we should
be the happiest. It's not when somebody's serving
us. We should be the happiest when we're serving one another. And the same thing applies in
a marriage. Husbands, we should be happy
serving our wife. We should be happy giving her
what she needs. We'll be happy, and I promise
you this, she will too. She will too. It is just, I know
it's not always the case, but it is a very, very rare woman
that will not respond well to that kind of love and will not
be in willing submission to a husband that loves her that way. It's
a very rare woman. So husbands, love your wives self-sacrificially. I mean, you go to work and you
work hard, work hard to provide for her. If she needs something
that she doesn't have, You do without so she can have what
she needs. I mean, that's the way a husband's
supposed to be. Now again, that's not just good
advice, that's in keeping with this picture of the Lord and
His bride. Isn't that what our bridegroom
did for us? He did without. His bride needed something she
didn't have. She needed righteousness. She
needed salvation. She needed redemption. She needed
forgiveness. She needed acceptance with the
Father. She needed something she didn't have. And our Savior
went without. And He suffered. Oh, how He suffered. Not just on the cross, but for
33 and a half years leading up to the cross, He suffered. And
then how on that cross, He suffered unimaginable agony. And you know
why He did all of that? So His bride could have redemption.
So she could be joined to Him. That's what the Savior did for
us. That's what we're to do for our
wives, and wives don't ever take advantage of that. They'll ever
take advantage of that. In keeping with the picture here,
shall we sin that grace may abound? God forbid. See the picture there? I'm thinking about how to say,
I wanna say this carefully so I don't get on my soapbox about
society in general, but there is a problem in society today. Somewhere men have quit being
men. Somewhere, I don't know how that happened, but somewhere,
generally speaking, men have quit being men. Husbands, let's
be men. Let's be men. Let's take the
responsibility for our homes. Let's lead our homes like a leader
should. Lead by example. Lead in such
a way that our wives want to follow us, that she wants to. Don't keep reminding her that
she has to. Don't keep reminding her, you gotta obey me. I guarantee
you, she already knows that. She knows these verses up here
that we looked at last week. She already knows those verses.
She knows what scripture says to her. There's something wrong. If I have to keep reminding Janet,
you got to obey me, you got to follow me, you got to submit
to my authority, there's something wrong. And you wanna tell you
what's wrong? Leadership. Leadership. Instead of constantly reminding
her, she used to be in subjection to us, love her into it. Love
her into it. Again, in keeping with the picture.
Isn't that what our Savior did for us, for his people? He loved
us, it's his love that drew us to him, isn't it? It's his love.
Love your wife, self-sacrificial, that's how Christ loved the church.
All right, number two, how did Christ love the church? Enough
to cleanse her and make her perfect. Verse 26, back in Ephesians five,
that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water
by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church.
not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should
be holy and without blemish. Now you think what our Savior
suffered to make his people perfect. And it's the people, again, here's
the picture of the bride. She needs something she doesn't
have. Boy, she doesn't have perfection, does she? If God's gonna accept
us, we gotta be perfect. But how did we come into this
world? Born in sin, shapen in iniquity, We came ruined in sin,
ugly, defiled by our sin. And the son of God came to remedy
that situation for his bride. But in order to do it, he had
to suffer the humiliation of being made flesh. The son of
God had to take on him the flesh and the nature of the creature,
the man that he created. He had to become just like us
except without sin. He had to give up his glory as
God and appear in the likeness of human flesh. And when he came
into flesh, it had been low enough for him to come as a prince or
a king, but he didn't do that. He came as a poor carpenter,
as a poor carpenter. He lived his earthly ministry
largely as a homeless man. He had to suffer obeying his
own law. He had to suffer obeying his
own creatures. As a child, he had to obey his
mother and father, his stepfather. He had to obey the Mosaic law. He had to obey the laws of the
land. Also, he could establish righteousness
for his bride. And then, he had to suffer being
made sinner. Now I say this all the time, you and I, that's all we are
is sin. We can't imagine what it, the suffering of soul and
mind that the son of God, the holy righteous son of God who
did no sin, who knew no sin was made sin. He did that willingly, made sin
for his people. And then he suffered body and
soul to put that sin away, to pay for the sin of his elect
so that it's gone. And by his precious blood, all
of the sin of his bride, of his elect is washed away, gone forever
so that by his sacrifice, he made them perfect. He made them
without sin. He made them without spot of
sin. You know, scripture talks about our sin being a stain.
Have you tried getting a stain? out his blood, left his people
without even a stain of sin, without even a scent of sin.
Perfect. And Christ, our bridegroom, you
know what heaven's going to be? Him saying, look what I did.
Look at my bride. Look what I've made. Look at
her. Look what I've made her. That's what heaven's going to
be. That's our Savior. That's the gospel of our Savior.
He's given us to preach. That's our bridegroom. Now doesn't
that make you Love the Lord. Doesn't it make you thankful?
Doesn't that make you desire to serve Him with everything
you've got? What does if God saved you? If
you know Christ, it does. Now, husbands, that's the way
we're to love our wives. And I know we can't save our
wives. We can't cleanse their souls
anymore. We can save ourselves. But tell you what we can do.
We can present her as beautiful as we can. and cover her faults. You know, last week I told wives,
don't get into a group of women and start husband bashing. I
know it's easy to do. We give you a lot of ammunition,
but don't do it. Well, husbands, don't get out and start bashing
your wife either. Don't start exposing her faults. If she has
a fault, you cover it up. If there's something she can't
do very well, cover it up. I was talking. I don't know,
some years ago, probably Mike Walker about this, this very
subject. And he said, if she can't make
biscuits, just say she can't make biscuits. I mean, just for
the life of her, she can't make a good biscuit. But she makes biscuits
and gravy. And you eat it. It doesn't taste
very good, but you eat it. And she asks you, do you want
another one? You say, yeah, I sure do, honey. Pass that gravy. Give
me that. I want another one. Cover it up. If she's got a fault,
she's got a weakness, you cover it up. Don't joke about it. It's
not funny. Now again, in keeping with the
picture, isn't that what our savior does
for us? He's covered our sin in his blood. I mean, he went
so far to cover our sin and our shame, he shed his blood to do
it. He died to do it. Now just try to live up to that
example of love, huh? tradition, that if after a woman
was married, she was found to have past sexual affairs or something,
you know, before she was married, she was considered to be blemished. That's what they called her,
blemished. And the marriage would be annulled. Well, now, how did our bridegroom
find us, huh? He found us ruined by the fall.
He found us covered by wounds and bruises and putrefying sores
from head to toe, He found us having lived a life of willful
sin against Him. Now we've been espoused to Him
by the Father. Here's how He found us in our sin. What did
He do? He didn't cast us away, did He? He didn't call off the marriage.
He loved us anyway. He loved us anyway. And He came
and gave Himself for us. and washed us in his blood and
made us spotless and holy." No more, you can't be called blemished
anymore. Christ died for you. You're holy
and without spot in God's sight. Now husbands, I know, and I've
heard this excuse. Well, you know, it's impossible
for a man, a human being to love his wife as Christ loved the
church. Absolutely true. Absolutely true. But I tell you
what, Let's try our best to love our wives this way and cover
her faults and present her in the best possible light. 99.99% of the time, she'll find
it easy to be in submission to you. Just try your best. Just
do your best. I just bet you you'll have a
happy marriage if you do. Just betcha. All right, number
three, how did Christ love the church? as his own body, his
own flesh. Verse 28. So ought men to love
their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth
himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth
it and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. For we are
members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. Now husbands
are to love our wives as much as we love ourselves. Look back
at Genesis chapter two. This is the way it has been from
the very beginning, from the very first marriage. The husbands
are to love their wives as their own selves because they are,
they are one flesh. This is the very first marriage.
This is the way it was. Genesis chapter two, verse 23. And Adam said, this is now bone
of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She should be called woman because
she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his
father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they
shall be one flesh. Husbands are to love our wives
as our own flesh because she is. We're one flesh. Well, how
much do I love myself? Let me count the ways. I mean,
I love myself with all I've got. Don't you? Well, we ought to
love our wives with all we've got, too, then. I love myself
so much, I find it real easy to forgive myself, no matter
what I've done wrong. I find it real easy to forgive
myself. Then I ought to find it that easy to forgive my wife.
I love myself, it's real easy for me to get for myself the
best I can find. Well, I'll have to love her the
same way my wife. Give her the best that she can have. I mean,
I know I've got imperfections, but I still don't have any problem
loving myself real well. But regardless of your wife's
imperfections, love her fervently. Love her fervently. I love myself
so much, I like to have honor for myself. I like that. Then
I'll have to find a way to seek her honor, too, if I love her.
Look at first Peter chapter three. Peter teaches us the very same
thing here. First Peter chapter three and verse seven. Likewise, ye husbands dwell with
them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as
unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace
of life. that your prayers be not hindered. Give her honor.
That's what scripture says, honor her. Oh, you think how Christ
has honored his church? Honored her to be one flesh with
him? Honored her to be joint heirs with him? Oh. Love her, love your wife as your
own flesh. I'm telling you, a man who hates
his help me is a man who's insane. He's insane because he's hating
his own flesh. And if we husbands will consider everything we do
as husbands is a picture of Christ in the home, is a picture of
Christ in this union, this marriage union. And we do our best imitating. Just do your best. We'll have
happier marriages. Paul says, nourish your wife
as Christ nourishes the church. Nourish her physically, nourish
her emotionally, and especially husbands, nourish her spiritually.
Now the husband is the priest in the home. I mean, this is
the responsibility of the husband in the home, be the priest in
the home. Now men, take that job seriously. Take it seriously. It's your job to ensure your
wife is nourished spiritually. It's your responsibility. It's
your job to be sure she's fed the word. You make sure she's
in a place where she can hear the gospel, where you can worship
together. You set the tone of worship.
You set the tone in the home. You spend your week. This is
not just a Sunday and a Wednesday thing now. Seven days a week.
You set the tone looking to Christ in all things. And then do it
on Sunday and Wednesday in public too. Do it at home in private
and do it in public too. when the time comes. Cherish
your wife, Paul said. Cherish her as Christ cherishes
the church. Hold her with affection and care.
Make sure she's confident in your love for her. You who believe,
are you confident in the Savior's love for you? You are, aren't
you? Well, do the same for your wife.
Protect her. Eve was taken from Adam's side,
not his head so she'd be over him and not his feet so that
she'd be under him, under his heel, but from his side to be
sheltered and protected. God's people are taken from the
side of Christ. When that Roman soldier pierced
his side, what came out? Blood and water. Blood to justify,
water to sanctify, to make her perfect from his side. How our Savior cherishes and
protects his people so they can never fall. Now husbands, let's
do that for our wives. And then here's the last thing.
How did Christ love the church? He put her first. Verse 31, for
this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall
be joined unto his wife and they too shall be one flesh. Now our duties as sons don't
quit when we're married. We're still to love our parents
and show them respect and care for them as they age. But when
we're married, our first responsibility is now to our wives. First responsibility. Now, husbands, I know that, boy,
all the stories you can tell about in-laws. I mean, this is
a thing because it's human nature, in-laws. Don't you ever let your
wife suffer at the hands of your parents or your family. Don't
ever let her do it. Don't let them treat her bad.
And don't let your parents come between you and her. No, you're
one flesh. And this is just Frank's advice
to you. Don't be a mama's boy. One of the fastest ways to lose
the respect of your wife and ruin your marriage is to be a
mama's boy. Like I said earlier, you be a
man. You be a man that stands on your own two feet. And you
be her husband first in all things. You be her husband. Didn't our
Lord set the example of that? He left his father's house. He
left his father's side in order to come where his bride is and
to redeem her, take her to himself and make her his. Now last week, spoke to wives,
this week to husbands. Not only bring it together, husbands
and wives together. Let's look at this. This is the
key to a happy marriage, verse 32. This is a great mystery. But I speak concerning Christ
and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of
you in particular so love his wife, even as himself, and the
wife see that she reverence her husband. See, this is, all of
this is a picture of the gospel. And the only way we'll really
strive to be the best husband and best wife that we can be
is seeing this picture of the gospel. I love how when our Lord,
during his earthly ministry and the parables and things that
he talked about, he always talked in common, ordinary things that
everybody understands. He talked about farming and plants
growing and reaping. He just talked about common,
everyday things everybody understands. That's marriage. Everybody understands
marriage. Almost all of us are gonna be
married at some point. The only way we can really understand
how to operate in that marriage is by understanding it's a picture
of the gospel. And understanding our marriages
are pictures of the gospel, the picture of Christ and His bride,
that doesn't make it a grievous duty, does it? It doesn't make
it a grievous duty at all. What a blessing. to have the
opportunity to have our marriages and our homes show a picture
of the union between Christ and his bride. Now that's a blessing
that God has given to us, and I hope by God's grace that he'll
enable us to see the gospel, that he'll enable us to see more
of the glory in person of our Savior. If he does, we're gonna
be better all the way around, the way around. All right. Oh,
glory bless that.