Just two more verses in this
chapter, it's been a while. Verse 24, he that spareth his
rod, hateth his son. But he that loveth him, chasteneth
him betimes. I want to speak this morning
on the subject, simple subject, loving discipline. Loving discipline. It's very well established in
the scripture and clearly revealed in the word of God that the way
for parents who love their children, parents who truly want the best
for their children, it teaches clearly that to raise
them involves discipline. The word
rod is used here in the text, and that's a stick made from
a tree. It's not any use arguing about
what that is. It's pretty simple. And it can
be anything that accomplishes that same purpose, which is to
make it clear to your children that there is consequence and
accountability. Children are to be disciplined. People call it punishment, corporal
punishment. But that's really not what it
is. You're not punishing your children. Not in my book, that's not what it
is. But it is discipline, it's correction. And when they do
not obey, they're to be corrected. And we'll talk about what it
is they are to obey and why. But look how, look how it's to
be done first, in love. In love. He that loveth him chasteneth him. He that loveth
him. Love and hate are directly corresponding
here. to disciplining and not disciplining
your children. Love and hate. Pretty strong
language. You don't discipline your children
because you're proud and you just want your way and things
are going to be your way no matter what. Things ought to be your
way as the parent. But that's not why we discipline
our children, just to get our way. We do it because we love
them. And we get our way because we
love them, because we know better than they do. It's pretty simple,
isn't it? What business do I have disciplining
my child? Because I know the way they should
go and they don't. It's just that simple. They just
don't. You're not going to be born with
that understanding, with that knowledge. You're not going to
find that on your own. You're not going to find the
right path on your own. Well, we should just let our
children find their own way. You know what their own way is?
It's hell. It's hell waiting to happen.
That's what all of our own way is. But a true parent, as I've
already said this morning, is a godly parent. And by the grace
of God, we know the way, which is Christ. Their way is anti-Christ. And so we don't just discipline
them because we're the parent. It's not pride, it's love. We
love them and we want them to know God's way. And so we're
going to teach them God's way. If you love them, you're not
going to leave it up to them. You know, people say God loves
you and so he leaves it up to you. That's not love. That's
not how love works. And God flat out accuses you
this morning if you are not willing to discipline your children God
is flat out telling you straight up that you hate them. You may
not even know you hate them. But if you will not correct them
with the rod, you hate them according to God. You're damaging them. Everything is just the opposite
of the way the world thinks. Oh, to spank, that's violent
and damaging. No, that's love. Damaging and
violence is to let them do what they want to do. That's violence. That's violation. That is horrible. That's the
absolute worst thing you can do. And it's that important now. It's that important. It's simply
whether you love them or not. That's what it boils down to.
Here's how important it is. Proverbs 23 13 withhold not correction
From the child and here's another word for it the rod correction
That's what the rod represents It's they're going the wrong
way and you're teaching them the right way in a way that they'll
remember And that they won't resent I've never heard a child that
was disciplined correctly when they were grown up say, oh I
wish my parents hadn't spanked me so much. I've never heard
one say it, have you? Not one time. Not one time. My parents, my children tell
me all the time, they thank me for not letting them be little
heathen brats, which is what all of us are by nature. They
thank me, last night they did it, and I didn't, Didn't say
a word about what I was going to teach them this morning Last
night they thanked me Withhold not correction from
the child if thou beatest him with the rod he shall not die
So what do you what's the said the rod in our text? What do
you do with the right you beat him with it? That's what you
do with it And I know the word beat In our language nowadays,
it signifies something probably a little beyond what true correction
is here in the scripture. It sounds like you're clubbing
them, you know, and bruising them and making them bleed. That's
not what beating here is. It means to strike. But you don't
tap with a rod, you strike with it. It doesn't say tap. It doesn't
say tickle. It doesn't say threaten. It says
beat them with it. And it's not complicated. It's
so simple. People can argue and write all
the books they want to about it. God already wrote a book
about it. And it's so simple. It's not
complicated. You have any questions about
it, ask. But it's not difficult to figure out what needs to happen.
If they rebel against your will, let me say that again. When they
rebel against your will, you're to spank them for that. You're
to correct them for that. And you do it until they don't
do that anymore. I can tell you from experience,
it doesn't take a whole lot when it's done right. Until they come
to the place where they don't want to do that anymore. You
see, before you correct them, they do want to do that more.
They're going to keep on doing it. You'll tell them, and you'll
tell them, and you'll tell them, and you'll threaten, and you'll
bribe, and you'll do all this stuff, and they're going to keep
on doing it. But when you correct them, they're not going to want
to do that anymore. That's the last thing in the
world they're ever going to want to do again. Trust me. It can
be done. And it can be done in love. Let me start reading again because
I keep interrupting myself. Withhold not correction from
the child for if thou beatest him with the rod he shall not
die. He probably think he's going to But he's not going to die
Thou shalt beat him with the rod and shalt deliver his soul
from hell That's how important it is God can and does save people
who weren't disciplined as children He would he does do that I suspect
the thief on the cross came to my mind. Children that aren't
disciplined and don't understand right or wrong or the consequences
of right and wrong when they're little, it might be almost cute
when they disobey sometimes when they're little. It starts getting
not so cute when they get older. It gets less and less cute and
the consequences become greater. A spanking is nothing compared
to a night in jail. I'd much rather have a spanking. at the right time, early. Thou shalt deliver his soul from
hell. Now God will save people. He can. He does save people who
are not disciplined as children. But let me tell you something
very important this morning. God uses means to save the souls
of sinners and to neglect those means. You do so at the peril
of your own soul and the souls of those that you love. Do not
neglect the means. If God says Spanking your children,
disciplining them, doing it the right way, will save their soul
from hell. Guess what I'm fixing to do the
next time my children disobey me? By the grace of God, they're
gonna wish they hadn't. Because I love them. And I'm
a whole lot more interested in the eternal destiny of their
souls than I am whether they cry today or don't cry today. whether they get their way or
not. If you deliberately neglect the
means that God clearly reveals in scripture, is beneficial to
the souls of sinners, you will be sorry for it one day. You
will be sorry for it. And one of those means, a very
important one, teaching, correcting your children which involves
discipline. Train up a child in the way he
should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. What
a beautiful promise that is. Thank God for that promise and
we know clearly from the scriptures how to train our children. And
we'll talk a little bit more about that in a minute. It was
difficult to figure out the order in which to say things. This
is such a big subject, isn't it? And so broadly addressed
in the word of God. So I may not have the right order
here, but I want to say this right now. The way that all children
should go is the way of God. Not my way, necessarily, although
let me say this about that. Parents just sometimes just make
arbitrary rules. You know, you've got to do this,
at this time you've got to do, you know, these things that are
in the Word of God. And that's not strictly what
it's saying here, but let me say this, if your parents make
arbitrary rules, I don't care where they got them from, you're
to obey them, unless they are contrary to the Scripture, to
the Word of God in some way. But at the same time, parents
need to understand that the way that children should go is not
necessarily all of my arbitrary rules. It's the way of God. It's God's way. It's honoring
Him. It's worshiping Him. It's being
thankful to Him. And then if I make up some rules,
they dadgum better obey them. It includes obeying parents in
all things. In the Lord. But parents be aware
that it's God's way is the way that's being mentioned here Listen
to Ephesians 6 1 children obey your parents in the Lord Because
there are some parents that are so just wretched That they'll
try to force their children to do things that are contrary to
the Word of God But listen to the rest of it
children obey your parents in the Lord For this is right. You don't need any other reason
than that. You don't need another reason than that. Well why in
the world do we have to make our bed? We're just going to
mess it up again tonight. Because it's right. Because God said
do what they say. I never did understand that.
It's going to look just like that again tomorrow morning.
And it's so hard to do. I never could figure out how
to make a bed. I still can't make a bed. I can't
do it. It's going to have wrinkles in
it. Maybe I've just set too high a standard for myself, but I
think it looks pretty bad when I get done with it. But you know
what? It doesn't matter what it is.
Listen to Colossians 3 20. Children, obey your parents in
all things. Oh, the scripture pretty clear,
isn't it? In all things. For this is well pleasing unto
the Lord. This is well pleasing unto the
Lord. Now listen to me for a second.
It doesn't say children obey your parents in
the Lord because it's right to make your bed up. You're not
doing it because making your bed is the right thing to do.
You're doing it because obeying your parents is the right thing
to do. That's important to remember.
You may think it's crazy. Doesn't matter. Obeying is the
right thing I'll never forget when Don Fortner
preached Years ago when I first came here that even when God
raises up authority And Tells you to follow that
authority whether it be a pastor or parents or your boss Even
when that person is wrong I'm not talking about scripturally
wrong. I'm not talking about against
God. I'm talking about just wrong
about something. It's still right to obey them. It's still right
to obey them. Even if you know it's probably
not the best way to do something, do it their way anyway because
they're in charge. Now if it's against God, then
you can't do it. But you know what I'm saying. It doesn't necessarily have to
be against God to be maybe not a good decision. It's still right
to abandon. God will bless it. God will bless
it. Alright, where were we? This
is hard to do this as I said in the right order. I guess there
is no really right order. I just want to make sure I say
what I can say about it in a short amount of time. There's a lot
to say about this. The way to discipline children
is not only by spanking, that's not every time, that's not the
right thing. Sometimes you just need to sit them down. That's
in the scripture too. Apply your heart, listen son,
to what I'm saying to you, Solomon said. That's part of discipline
too. Correcting verbally is part of
it too. Verbal rebuke. Stopping them
and saying, look, that's not gonna stand. And you know me
well enough to know it's not going to stand. Those things are necessary too.
But don't neglect if you spare. It doesn't just say refuse to
use it. It says spare. Refusing to use
it is completely out of the question. It's sparing. It's not using
it enough that's saying you hate your children. Chasteneth them betimes, as much
as it takes. Sometimes it's going to seem
like that's all you're doing, but it's not like that for long.
I guarantee you it's not. It seems like you're spanking
them every five minutes. You're not. And it's not going to take that
much of it. It's really not, not if you do
it right. You've got to make it so that they do not want to
do that again. They think they want to now,
but you need to let them know they don't want to do that. You
just thought you did. So it includes other things other
than just what we call spanking. Whatever you want to call it.
It's fine with me. To strike. I'll tell you what the Bible
don't say do. It don't say ground them. Don't do that. Don't do it. Let's do it God's way. Can we
just do that? Can we just be simple about it?
And just do what God said to do? It don't need to be some
long, protracted, life-changing thing. You know, just get it
over with. Give them something that they
can remember, and then it's over. They can go play. Go play. Go
have a good time. Be a kid. But that's gotta be
taken care of. It don't say ground them though.
It don't need to be a long, drawn out, protracted thing. It really
doesn't. Simple, quick, done, over with. That's the way things
are to be dealt with in the church too, by the way. If there's a
problem, just deal with it. Just deal with it. We got other
things to do. There don't need to be a cloud
of punishment hanging over the house all the time. Let's be
a family. Once you No, what's up? Let's just go back to being
a family again. Always make it clear to them
that you're doing it because you love them too. It needs to
be clear to them. Is that scriptural? Absolutely. I'm going to show you that last.
We've only got a couple of minutes. It don't say ground them. It
don't say make them stand in the corner. Who came up with that? It wasn't
God. Does that matter to you that
God's not the one that came up with that? Somebody put it in
a book somewhere. Who cares? Somebody put this
in this book. Is that clear? And sure enough
don't say publicly shame them. That's the new fangled way to
do it. What a horrible thing to do.
Make them stand on the street corner with a sign saying what
they did. There's just something satanic about that. Don't you
ever, if I ever find out one of y'all did that, then we're
gonna have a problem. Don't you ever do that. Not in
a million years ever do that. That's the world's way of doing
things y'all, you know that. God's way is not just the right
way, it's the only way. It's the only way. We're to go
God's way, you're teaching them to go God's way and you're doing
that God's way. How are you going to teach them
to go God's way if you can't even do that God's way? We don't do it to harm them,
we do it because we love them. And we've got to make sure they
know that. Has God made sure that we know that when he chastens
us that it's because he loves us? I believe he made that pretty
clear in Hebrews chapter 12. Let's close with reading that. The Lord has made it clear, and
you know the Lord knows how to chase him, doesn't he? A spanking
ain't nothing. God's put some hurt on me, y'all.
How about y'all? Anybody? And I knew why he was doing it. And I knew the ultimate reason,
too. Hebrews 12, 3, if I can get over there. Now look, have I given you my
opinion this morning on anything? Not one thing is it? I'm telling
y'all. I just get the feeling now that
it ain't gonna be well received by everybody here this morning.
Let me tell you something. You can listen to God or you
can read a book about it. Or listen to Dr. Phil or somebody.
God don't change how he does things. His word don't get obsolete. There's not new and improved
ways of discipline in your children. There's one way to do it. God's
way. Hebrews 12, 3. For consider him
that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest
you be weary and faint in your minds. You've not yet resisted
unto blood, striving against sin. God's not going to hurt
you. Your flesh may suffer. Your flesh may die. That may
be the best thing God can do for you is just end it if you're
that rebellious. If I am, and I would be, without
His grace, without His correction. Look, verse 5, and you have forgotten
the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children. My
son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou
art rebuked of him. For whom the Lord loveth, he
chasteneth and scourgeth. That's not a pleasant word. Look
that up. Look up the word scourge. That's not pleasant. He says
it's not pleasant in the text. And so our discipline, that teaches
us something, doesn't it? If they walk away laughing at
you, you didn't discipline them. For whom he scourgeth every son
whom he receiveth. If you endure chastening, God
dealeth with you as with sons. How do you want God to deal with
you? As with sons. For what son is he whom the father
chasteneth not? But if you be without chastisement,
whereof all ye are partakers, then you are bastards and not
sons. Furthermore, we have had fathers of our flesh, which corrected
us, and we gave them reverence. And they do, don't they? That
must be so. Shall we not much rather be in
subjection unto the Father of spirits and live? For they verily for a few days
chastened us after their own pleasure, but he for our profit,
that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now he's just saying
there we're not perfect, but he is. He's the perfect Father.
Now no chastening, verse 11, for the present seemeth to be
joyous, but grievous. But now they're thanking me for
it. At the time, it was grievous. It's got to be grievous, doesn't
it? Or it's not chastening. Now look, there's so much more
to say about this. This can be overdone like anything
that we do. It can be overdone. Don't be...
It also says in the scriptures, don't provoke your children to
wrath. Don't make them hate you. It's
got to be done the right way. They probably hate you for a
minute or two. That's okay. Don't provoke them to wrath,
but it's got to be grievous, doesn't it? They've got to remember
it. Nevertheless, afterward it yieldeth
the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them. which are exercised
thereby. I hope this has been clear and
you see it's not my opinion and there's a lot more to say about
it but may God give us grace to love, to truly love our children
enough to teach them, to discipline them, to correct them Love them
in action, not just in pretense or in words, but prove it. Let's pray.