1 Corinthians 7. I'm going to read the first 11
verses, but I'm going to read it out of the Amplified this
morning. You follow me along in the King
James, and that's the version we use, but this morning I wanted
to read this one out of the Amplified. It just makes it easier to grasp
what Paul's saying. He says, now as to the matters
of which you wrote me, it is well, and by that I mean advantageous,
expedient, profitable, and wholesome for a man not to touch a woman,
to cohabitate with her, but to remain unmarried. But because
of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality, let
each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, goodwill,
kindness, and what is due her as his wife, and likewise the
wife to her husband. For the wife does not have exclusive
authority and control over her own body, but the husband has
his rights. Likewise, also the husband does
not have exclusive authority and control over his body, but
the wife has her rights. Do not refuse and deprive and
defraud each other of your due marital rights, except perhaps
by mutual consent for a time that you may devote yourselves
unhindered to prayer, but afterwards resume marital relations, lest
Satan tempt you to sin through your lack of restraint of sexual
desire. But I am saying this more as
a matter of permission and concession, not as a command or regulation.
I wish that all men were like I myself am in this matter of
self-control. But each has his own special
gift from God, one of this kind and one of another. But to the
unmarried people and to the widows, I declare that it is well, good,
advantageous, expedient, and wholesome for them to remain
single, even as I do. But if they have not self-control,
restraint of their passions, they should marry. For it is
better to marry than to be aflame with passion and tortured continually
with ungratified desire. But to the married people I give
charge, not I but the Lord, that the wife is not to separate from
her husband. But if she does separate from
and divorce him, let her remain single or else be reconciled
to her husband. And I charge the husband also
that he should not put away or divorce his wife." And what he's
saying is the same goes for him as for his wife. The lesson this morning, I titled
it, Paul teaches about marriage. He teaches us about marriage. The best place we can learn these
things is out of the scriptures. And let me say this, let me say
this, because I said last week, I said the best sex education
we can get is from the word of God. But we have to understand
this, the Word of God is written to the church. It's written to
us. You can take this Word and you
can take it to the secular education and you can teach them these
things that we've been looking at here just here last week and
this week on marriage and fornication and these things. And they can exercise self-control
according to the Word of God if they just say, well, the Bible
says don't do this, so I'm not going to do it. Here's my point. If you believe not on the Lord
Jesus Christ, you're still going to perish. There are virgins
in hell as well as harlots. If you believe not on Christ,
you're going to perish. It's not, and you know this,
it is not what we do and what we don't do. It's what our Lord
did for us. He lived for us, He died for
us, He rose for us, He intercedes for us. But, after saying that,
what Paul is saying here, what he's writing about, and the ones
he's writing to, are believers. So these are instructions for
believers. that we have here this morning.
So he says here, now concerning the things whereof you wrote
me, evidently they wrote to Paul about this matter, this matter
of Mary and this matter of some of the other things that Paul
has dealt with. They wrote to him about this. And so Paul addresses
this letter that they had written to him. And he's saying here
in verse 1, what he's saying is this, it is not unlawful to
marry. He says there's nothing wrong
with being married. There's no sin in lying with
a woman, being with a woman in wedlock, in marriage. And he's
saying there's nothing wrong with being single. And there's
nothing wrong with being married either way. He's saying this,
that if a person has the gift of self-restraint, if God has
given a person self-restraint, and I want you to know that most
of what I'm using here this morning, I'm using from Henry's commentary.
You know, Henry told us in the Bible preacher school years ago,
he said, use good men, but put what God has given to you with
it, but don't be afraid to use good men. So I read several commentaries
this week on this and I read Henry's and I thought, why try
and reinvent the wheel? Just use this outline. It gets no better than the outline
I've got in front of me here that I took from him. So I want
you to know up front that I'm using basically his outline this
morning on this. So now to get back to this verse
one. Paul is saying that if a person has the gift of self-restraint
and that person does not need sexual expression, he's better
off or she's better off unmarried. And I think also he's referring
to that particular period of time because of the persecution
they were having to deal with. Remember, he says many of them
lived in caves and dens. I mean, they were persecuted
hard. And so without a doubt, he has
also in mind that particular time. But he says here, that
person, if he has self-control or she has self-control, they're
better off to remain unmarried. Now I have to say that a good
marriage, a good marriage produces happiness. There's a certain
fulfillment that you get in a good marriage. But in any marriage,
There's heavy, heavy, heavy responsibility. Taking care of one another. Giving
up yourself. Forget about yourself. I get tired of hearing this,
me time. I need some me time. Well, stay
single. Two things, stay single and don't
have kids if you need me time. Serious, I'm serious. If that
is your personality, that you gotta have me time all the time,
then you need to stay single and you need not have any children.
Because both of them require you to be fully invested, completely,
100% invested. There's also personal sacrifices
and there's troubles. Paul said in verse 28, look in
verse 28. But, and if thou marry, thou
hast not sinned, you've not sinned, and if a virgin marry, she has
not sinned, nevertheless, such shall have trouble in the flesh.
He says, let me warn you. Let me warn you, you're gonna
have trouble. That is, this life's full of
trouble. You have financial troubles. And then you have this part where
you have a time of melting together. But when you were single, you
were your own person. Well, now you're not. Now you're
not. Now you're one. You're one person. Then he says in verse 2, Nevertheless,
to avoid sexual immorality and unlawful relationships, let every
man have a wife to love, that's what we say in the marriage vows,
to love, cherish, to love and to cherish and to
enjoy. And every woman is to have her
husband to do the same thing, to meet the same needs. You know,
we both have the same needs. So he says here, to avoid fornication,
let every man have his own wife and every woman have her own,
her own, listen, own husband, yes. Vicki owns me. That's right. She owns me, I
own her. That's my wife and nobody else's. And I'm her husband and nobody
else's. Period. So we do in a sense, in a sense,
when we say, I do, we own each other. Paul said, let her and
him have their own husband and her own wife. Then he says here in verse 3,
now, Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence and
likewise also the wife unto the husband. Let the husband render
the office of love to his wife. He's to love her. He's to be
tender to her. He's to be kind to her. He's
to make provisions for her. He's to provide for her. Now, I agree with the scriptures. I am to provide for her, she's
not to provide for me. I believe that's what the word
of God teaches. She is not, it is not her responsibility to
take care of me. I mean financially, go out into
the workplace and come home and take care of all the obligations
of the marriage. That's my responsibility. I'm
taking care of her. I'm to provide for her. Now,
she has her responsibilities in the marriage, but I have mine
also. And mine, first and foremost,
is to love her, to be kind to her, to provide for her, to protect
her, and to respect, to show respect. But the chief reference here,
Henry said, is to the marriage bed and her sexual needs. Likewise, the wife is to be aware
of the needs of her husband. They are to take care of each
other's needs. Look after, that's part of looking after one another.
That's part of looking after, that's part of taking care of
one another. The old writers, the ancient
writers, They said that if, and this includes a husband also,
but a husband or a wife who did not willingly take care of each
other were rebellious. They were called a rebellious
wife or rebellious husband if they wouldn't take care of each
other. And that's in all areas. That's in all areas. Henry writes here, according
to the Song of Solomon, this relationship when properly understood,
when it's free, now listen, when it's free from traditional guilt,
we bring it, oftentimes we bring a lot of baggage into the marriage,
don't we? We do, we bring a lot, it depends on how you're raised,
how you're brought up, we can bring a lot of baggage that's
not even scriptural into a marriage. We can bring into the marriage
false piety, not righteousness. And knowing it is ordained of
God, he says here, with a blessing. So according to the Song of Solomon,
this relationship, when properly understood, ceases to be a duty. It's not a duty. I tell you what,
submission to someone you love is not a duty. It's not a problem. It's a problem when you have
to submit to somebody you don't love, you don't respect, and
you don't have any desire for. Now that person is hard to submit
to. But is it hard to submit to Christ? I'm going to tell you something. If it's not hard for me to submit
to the Lord Jesus Christ, it's not hard for me to submit to
you. because my submission to, let's say back in the marriage,
my submission to my wife or in her needs, her submission to
me is nothing more than submission to Jesus Christ. According to
his word, according as he instructs us, it's submission to him is
what it is. Now he says here in verse four, And I know that verse 4 just
slaps in the face of what we believe today in this country.
The wife has no power over her body, and the husband has no
power over his body. And that's why he's saying here,
a wife does not have exclusive authority over and ownership
of her body, to refrain the use of it from her husband. to give
it to someone else. She don't have that right to
give it to someone else. Like I said, Vicki's my wife. She's not anybody
else's. I'm her husband. Neither one
of us have the right to give ourselves to anyone else whatsoever. She doesn't have, and I don't
have, the right to even abuse my body. alcohol, you name it,
you name it, I don't have the right to abuse this body. The husband has power over and
right to her body and the exact same thing is true of her toward
me. What is said of her is said of
me. That's what Paul says. He says she doesn't have exclusive
rights over her body and the husband does not have exclusive
rights over his body. They both have needs and they're
both to be met. Henry says here, happy are the
wife and husband who find delight in pleasing each other with an
attractive, clean, and loving person and personality. Isn't
that right? That's right. He said it's better to recognize
this as a joy, taking care of each other's needs. It's better
to recognize this as a joy rather than a duty or an unpleasant
task. But I have to say, if you love
someone, if you love someone, it's pleasant. It's a pleasure
to be with them. It's a joy to be with them. It's
a joy to take care of each other's needs. It's a joy. In fact, here,
Paul says this in verse five, that if you do this, you're actually
defrauding one another, you're a fraud. He says you're a fraud. Defraud is a strong word here,
but to refuse love and affection where it's needed and to deprive
each other of that which is in our power to give is selfish
and he said it's evil. It's flat evil. No matter what else you may do
that you think is good, if you mess up here, it's just flat
evil. A lazy husband who will not work
and support his family fails as a husband. Likewise, a wife
who fails in her marriage responsibility to her husband is a fraud. That's
what he's saying, he's a fraud. But Paul says here, he said,
you may interrupt this marital relationship in time of special
Need or spirits a spiritual bird twice talked about here special
spiritual burdens trials and and fasting, you know, something
happens something happens at It breaks your heart's broken
and you You seek the Lord and there's a heavy trial going on. And you separate for a little
while that you give yourself to prayer and fasting and seeking
the Lord over whatever the matter may be, whatever the trial may
be. He said, but don't stay that way. Don't stay that way. Only do
it, first of all, with mutual consent. Only do it briefly. lest one of you be tempted and
you find satisfaction someplace else. That's pretty plain, isn't
it? That's why I wanted to use his
lesson. That's as plain as it gets. No, don't ever think that
you can resist anything. You and I can resist anything
but temptation. Don't ever think you're at the
place that you've got this. I've got this. Yeah, right. This
will get you. if you're not careful, if the
Lord allows it. He says here, but I speak this
by permission and not of commandment. He said, what I'm saying here
about partying for a little while and giving yourself to prayer
and coming back together, he said, that's by permission. And
Paul was given He's writing on this under the influence of the
Spirit, the Holy Spirit. So what he given here by permission
is very wise. It's very wise to pay attention
to what he's saying here. God's using this apostle to write
scripture. So if he's given it by permission,
I'm still gonna give a lot of attention to it. And then he says, for I would
that all men were even as I myself, but every man has his proper
gift of God. Not every man has this, not every
man, not every woman has this self-control. You know, we were
made, we were created with biological needs, and not everyone has this
self-control. But every man has his proper
gift of God, one after this manner and another after that. And he's
speaking here, as I said, of self-control and abstinence,
which he covets for all believers, that we might not be in danger
of temptation and that our minds and thoughts might be on the
Lord Jesus Christ and not on this flesh. God gave Paul a special
gift. He gave Paul the gift of self-control. Paul didn't have a home. I mean,
he was homeless. He was not married. He did not
have children. He didn't need any of that. God
gave him a special gift of self-control, but that's not given to every
man and every woman. I know it'd be a real blessing
to be rid of all fleshly thoughts and desires, wouldn't it? It'd
be a blessing. But if you don't have it, you
don't have it. Then he says in verse 8, I say therefore to the
unmarried and widows, it's good for them if they abide even as
I am. Here's what he's saying, if a
man or a woman is unmarried and chooses to remain that way, he
says that's not sinful. There's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong with remaining single the rest of your life.
He says, Paul says here, it'd be better for them because they
would be free from the cares of this life, the cares of taking
care of someone, the heartaches that go with marriage and that
go with having children. There are certain heartaches
that you have with children that those who don't have children
never know. I mean, there's just no, you know, There's a world
of difference. But he's speaking here to the
believer, and he's saying that for this reason also, that you
would be free from a lot of these troubles that come with marriage
and children, that you'd be more free to serve Christ. That you're more free to serve
Him if you stayed single. But, he says here in verse 9,
but if they cannot contain, if they don't have that kind of
self-control, if they cannot contain, let them marry. It's
better to marry than to burn. If a person does not have this
self-control in this area he's talking about, Then he should
seek a wife, and a man should seek a wife, and a wife should
seek a husband. Because he says here, it's better
that they marry than to be aflame with passion and tortured with
this desire. And then he says here in verse
10, And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord. Let
not the wife depart from her husband. He says here, as he had stated
before, some of the above things that he had spoken was just by permission. He said,
I speak by permission. But here it changes. Here it
changes. He said, I speak this by a commandment. This is a commandment of God.
It's not my advice. It's not good advice. It's a
commandment. What he's about to say we are under obligation
to observe because this is the law of God. He said, a wife is
not to leave her husband Marriage vows are not to be taken lightly.
Neither husband nor wife are at liberty to separate from each
other because of disagreement, disease, or even differences
in matters of faith. But let me say this. Paul also
says later on, he said, if the unbelieving depart, if they depart,
if they divorce and they depart, the believer is not under bondage.
That believer is not under bondage. God is not going to allow an
unbeliever to hold any of his children under bondage. They
are free. They are free. But he's speaking
here of differences, like if someone gets sick, and I've seen
this over the years. I've not seen this in the church,
but I've seen it over the years. I've seen someone get sick and
I've seen one of the mates leave for somebody else. But they're
not to separate. It don't matter if they have
disagreements, or sickness, or as he says here, even matters
of faith. In verse 11, But, and if she depart, let her remain
unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband, and let not the
husband put away his wife. If a person cannot be prevailed
upon to remain, with his or her partner but leaves for some reason,
that person is to remain unmarried, his departure does not make the
marriage void. He says here he's to remain unmarried
or be reconciled, she's to remain unmarried or be reconciled to
her husband or her husband to remain unmarried and be reconciled
to his wife. He's talking here to believers,
those who claim to believe God. That's That's a good lesson. That's
a good lesson on marriage that Paul gives here. That's one of
the reasons it's so important that we go verse by verse and
we don't skip over these things. These things are not easy to
deal with. They're not easy to deal with. In our day and time,
it's not easy to deal with. But it's so. The word of God
is what it is. And we follow God's word. All right.