I ask you to bear with me. We may be here very, very brief
today. We'll see how long this voice
will hold out. I do know this. Somebody here is so greatly loved of God that
he, in his great providence, has brought you here to hear
this message today. I'm not talking to this crowd
in a general way, but talking to you. You will know that you
have heard from God today, and may you know that he loves you
and gave himself for you. Suicide is not the unpardonable
sin. Suicide or self-killing is a
work of the flesh, but not unpardonable. The events of this past week
have left me burdened with my subject today. I want to speak
to you on self-killing. I have never done that in 50-some
years. Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain
both hung themselves this week. Some here may find it strange
that I should choose such a subject, but most will secretly or publicly
praise God that I would choose this topic. For you, especially
for you, and perhaps several of you, may feel that God has
exposed your secret thoughts this morning. And perhaps may
today you be delivered from the jaws of satanic depression and
influence. Or today's message may lead you
to acknowledge your battle, I pray it does, and to seek help. Perhaps
you have spent days, many days, in the dark well of depression, drowning in its damp and unlit
cove. sometimes almost unable to breathe
because of the unknown. But you're not alone. I know
you feel alone and very, very unique that no one else in the
world feels as depressed and lonely and unloved and uncared
for as you. But the truth is in 2016, 45,000
of us Americans killed ourselves. 45,000 in 2016 took their own
lives. Say, Pastor, did you say us? Yes, because I know what
I'm talking about. I'm numbered with you. I know
something about depression. Today, you're not supposed to
have your phone if you're in the program in here, but if you
have your phone, might be a good idea for you to go on Facebook
right now and share live the feed from this congregation.
you may save someone's life today by them hearing this message.
The church doesn't talk much about self-killing. And if they
do, depression is one of the top 10 sins, just below adultery
and fornication. If you're depressed, you are
condemned for not having enough faith, or you're told to get hold of
yourself. Every Christian is to be happy,
you know. All the time you're to be happy, but it is not so. In your flesh dwells no good
thing, and there's a war going on in your life as a Christian. No one is more duped spiritually
than that person who tries to live on emotion. You can't live
on emotion. I believe that suicide is 100%
preventable under the right atmosphere and conditions and in the climate
of worship. My friends, to those of you who
are depressed here today, this morning, I want you to know that
storms don't last forever. All those feelings are not forever. There are moments, moments that
seem perhaps unsurmountable, moments that seem all-consuming. Some of you in here have had
a lot of money, some fame and success, but they're not enough. They weren't for the two people
who hung themselves this week, who took their own lives. Permit
me to tell you about a man with insanity in
his soul and spiritual songs in the same heart. A man who
was a saint, no doubt. A man who was a child of God,
but on many and numerous occasions attempted to take his own life. You've heard Elder Joe read the
hymn by William Cowper. William Cowper was born in a
wealthy family, but wasn't enough. His father was a rector, religious
man, but it wasn't enough. Growing up, William Cowper became
a loner and recluse and no one took notice. The battles of his soul from
the time he was six years old when his mother died were of
epic proportion. His life was flat, uneventful,
no politics or public engagements. William Cowper had four major
breakdowns in his life. He was 21 years of age when the
first took place. He would lie in horror day and
night and get up in the morning in despair. During this period of time, he
attempted suicide on three occasions at 21 years of age and was sent
to the insane asylum. He bought poison and tried to
kill himself. He tried three times to hang
himself. and the rope broke each time. I thought this quite amusing.
He planned to drown himself and he went to the place to commit
the act and the water was all gone and the well was empty. December 1763, he was committed
to St. Albans insane asylum And when
he got there, there was a doctor named Nathaniel Cotton, whose
books I have in my study. Dr. Cotton was a believer, a
lover of God, and the gospel of God's free and sovereign grace.
And it certainly was no accident that the rope broke and there
was no water in the well. And it was no accident that when
he got to the same asylum, Dr. Cotton was there. Cowper insisted
that he was damned and beyond hope. Is that you today? If you are convinced that you
are damned and beyond hope, you must have some spiritual life. "'cause no man knows how much
he deserves to be damned "'except one who has been quickened by
the Spirit of God "'and made alive and conscious of his sinnership.'"
Six months into his stay, Cowper was walking in the insane asylum
garden. And there, lying on the garden
bench, was a Bible. And he read John 11 about Lazarus' death, and how
compassionate the Lord Jesus was, and how he wept along with
the disciples over the loss of this man. Later, after reading John 11,
he read Romans 3, and it was there in verse 25, where God
is the propitiation for our sins, and God in Christ is the appeasing
factor, the atonement, and Calper was converted. After he is released,
he finds himself in a home of believers, Mary and Morley Unwin. And one day, There came a pastor
from a local church who had heard that Mr. Morley had been thrown
off his horse and was killed. And the pastor came to visit
this place, this home where Cowper lived. And that pastor's name
was John Newton, who wrote Amazing Grace. I hope you're seeing something
here. I hope you're seeing the hand
of God, even in your insanity, even in my depression, in my
craziness, God is present and God loves his people. And so Mr. Kalper and Mrs. Unley began to attend John Newton's
church. Isn't that something? And they
found Newton's fellowship and his pastorate all so comforting. Mrs. Unley in her loss of her
husband and Newton in his insanity. God's people are so varied in
their hurts. One thing the pastor is to always
do and that's to comfort God's people. Newton and Cowper published
a hymn book They became great friends. Newton wrote 208 of
the hymns in Calper 68. It was published in 1779. One of those hymns was, There
is a Fountain, that Mr. Calper wrote, filled with blood,
drawn from Emmanuel's veins and sinners' plunge. Beneath that
flood lose all their guilty stains. The dying thief rejoiced to see
that fountain in his day, and there may I, though vile as he,
wash all my sins away. Here's a crazy man, an insane
man, a depressed man, who knows something about the power of
the blood of Jesus Christ to take away sin. In 1786, Cowper went into a deep depression
after his conversion and tried to kill himself again. I don't
know. I would suppose that somebody
here has had that thought or made the attempt. But you're
here. The rope broke. The well was
dry. After the deaths of Mr. Only,
Cowper adopted Mrs. Only as his mother. And then
in 1800, Cowper died in utter despair. It doesn't have to be so of you
today. because this place is open every Sunday morning for
you to hear some good news, some glad tidings. I for sure want us to cultivate
in this church a deep distrust of the certainties of despair.
In other words, when you're depressed, you take the negative things
as a reality. and as the way life is. God has a purpose and a plan.
He's a predestinating, foreordaining, sovereign God. That's why ropes
break. That's why there's no water in
the well, because God so loves you. Should have been dead sleeping
in your grave a long time ago. I love Joe Atwell's story. Click,
click. That's a good story. Planned
to take his own life, but couldn't even get the gun to go off. We
call that the providence of God, the blessings of God, the goodness
of God. I told you that Cowper's mother
died when he was six years old. That was never dealt with with
regard to him as a young child. He wrote several poems that will
just break your heart about the loss of his mother when he was
56 years old, he wrote those poems. Somebody sent him a portrait
of his mother when he was 56, and he began to write what happened
to him as a six-year-old boy when she was gone. You see, the
things in your past, that's probably what's depressing you now, never
been dealt with. Not only when he lost his mother
at six years old, he lost his dad too, because his dad sent
him away to boarding school. And what happened at boarding
school? This is my own conjecture from what I've read. There was
a bully there who was 15 years old. who sexually molested him. He never said that. All of his
life, he never said that. But those of you who've read
William Cowper's poems, there is deep insinuation that something
happened in boarding school that he never got over. His wretchedness, his sexual
desires, and he never got over his mother's death. He was dealing
with his mother. He was constantly assisting and
seemingly writing weird letters to women that were twice his
age. They weren't weird. They were like a little boy who
was trying to find his mother. I don't know what your problems
have been in life, but I know everybody in here has a past. And that past, unless you deal
with it, will haunt you all the days of your life. If the church
isn't talking about it, that's why I feel I was so pressed. I don't know who I'm talking
to, but I'm talking to somebody. I know you hear me. I know you
think I've read your mail. I didn't, but God did. And today
he sent me to comfort you, to tell you that in Jesus Christ
there's power to take away all that guilt and all of that mess,
that there's power in the blood of Jesus Christ. Also, for us as fathers and grandfathers
and mothers to love our children and to keep them close, keep
them close to us and secure. I blame no mother or father who
says, I want my children to be secure and safe over there in
the Sunday school, over there in the church, over there in
the youth group. That ought to be your desire, to love your children, to make
sure that what happened to Kalper doesn't happen to your child.
And if it does happen, per adventure, Then we get help for your child
in dealing with that. We don't hide it or try to cover
it up. And then we need to pray that
the Lord will raise up John Newtons, pastors who will talk like I'm
talking today. I believe today, truly. I know
this is a weird type of message. It is for me, but I know today,
this message is sent to somebody here. Where are you? John Newton's who will preach
grace. You see what a six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13,
14 year old boy needs to hear, that there is forgiveness with
God. Don't be blaming yourself. The truth is that an eight-year-old
boy who is molested by a 15-year-old boy and is just beginning to
have those sexual thoughts and responses of the body begins
to, it was me. I'm as wicked as the perpetrator. Somebody ought to say, amen.
You don't have to be quiet about this. This is what happens. And
then we begin to load all of the guilt up, all of the blame
up. And we feel better with a crack
pipe in our mouth. Or heroin. And then we tried to hide behind
the church and religion. And there is no comfort there.
I got baptized as a baby and confirmed at 10 and confounded
by the time I was 10 and a half. Guilt-ridden. My chains fell off. That's what
ought to happen here. The chains ought to fall off.
There is no reason for you, child of God, to carry all this load
around in your suitcase of self-condemnation and depression. If the Son sets
you free, you're free indeed. Some of you, I think, sometimes
think that I preach the same thing too often. But for a William Kalper, the
gospel of God's free grace and forgiveness of sins is never
too often. I need to hear it over and over
and over because there is a cleansing power in the blood that keeps
on cleansing and cleansing. The blood of Jesus Christ. You don't have to do this, and
it's a bold move on my part, and it'd be a bold move on your
part, but it might save somebody's
life today if you were just sure enough and bold enough to believe
and come and confess it by coming forward and saying, you don't
have to say anything publicly, that by your walk down this aisle,
you're saying, pastor, that was for me. With no music, thank God. Love all of you ladies and gentlemen How hard it is to carry that
awful load all your life and then to die miserable and you
don't have to I All of the guilt and shame Jesus bore on the tree
of the cross. There is no condemnation, no
judgment to those that are in Christ Jesus. But pastor, you
don't know what I've done. You don't know what's been done
to me, but he does. And he took the burden to Calvary
and bear it on the tree of the cross. And you're free from that
today. I hope you believe that. And you can look back in your
life and you can see that God was there all the time. He made
the rope break. He dried up the water in the
well. Amen. Many, many times. I want this to be a guilt-free
church. I want you to know the power of the blood of Christ.
I don't want you to be legalistic. That's how we got in this mess.
And how many secrets there are? One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine. Nine people up here and about
240 of you out there who didn't confess it. But through their
confession, you're going to leave here guiltless. You're going
to say, I'm not alone. Amen. I'm not alone. Let's stand
and praise our God. And while we do, I don't know. I don't know. The old church
used to come around and give folks a hug. You don't have to
leave. Stay up here with me. I want to hug you. Maybe while we sing, we're going
to have a hug. Welcome, sister. Welcome, brother. We're glad you're free. We're
glad there's no condemnation. Just stand across here, and I'll
begin. What are we gonna sing? You wanna
do Amazing Grace? Mm, let's do Amazing Grace. Love you, my friend.