Now it has been my intention
this morning to bring a lesson on husbands and wives. And as
I studied and prepared this week, I realized I had far too much
material to cover in just one lesson. And I didn't want to
rush through the topic, the topic of marriage, because it's so
important. It's important to our spiritual
lives, important to our everyday lives. Understanding what the
scriptures teach about marriage is vitally important to the believer. First of all, understanding what
the scriptures teach about marriage is important because it gives
us a beautiful picture of salvation. Our Lord uses a common, everyday
thing that many, most people experience. He uses marriage
as a picture of redemption in Christ. He uses that as a picture
of the relationship between Christ and his bride. He shows us in
this a loving relationship between Christ the bridegroom and his
bride. It's a relationship, it's a loving
relationship. Salvation is not just a legal
transaction where the guilty are made innocent. It's not just
a legal standing before God. Salvation is a loving union with
Christ, with Christ the bridegroom who gave himself for us. because
he loves his bride. Now, if you have any understanding
of that, that grips your heart and your emotions, doesn't it?
And it ought to. Salvation in Christ ought to.
A relationship with Christ ought to grip our emotions. And second,
understanding what the scriptures have to say about marriage is
important. Because like I said earlier, most of us will be married
at some point in our lifetime. And understanding what the scriptures
teach about marriage, will enable us to be better husbands and
wives. And like I said, I don't feel
like I have the time to do this justice and cover both husbands
and wives in one sitting. So this morning I want to look
at what the scriptures teach us about wives. Now men, don't
tune me out here. The subject is about wives, but
don't tune me out. Because we husbands need to know
what the Lord has to teach us about wives too. You know, a
wife and a mother really is the most important person in the
home. And she needs to be treated as such. She really does. And
I'll make good on that as I go through this lesson this morning.
The Lord in his wisdom has given an awesome responsibility to
wives and they need to be appreciated and supported in that. Now the
key to understanding for both husbands and wives, the key to
understanding marriage is found in verse 32, Ephesians chapter
five. This is a great mystery, but
I speak concerning Christ and the church. Now marriage is given
to us as a picture of the union between Christ and his bride.
And if you understand that, you understand what your role is
in marriage. It's not ever gonna be a question. And I love to preach the gospel
from the picture of marriage. It's a beautiful picture of the
gospel. And if we believe that, if we
believe what this is teaching us about Christ our bridegroom
and our submission to him, our souls will be saved. And if we
understand this picture, it'll also make us happier in our marriages. Now I know that everyone wants
to have a happy marriage and people are making millions of
dollars on this counseling and writing books about marriage.
In just a couple sentences, you want me to give you the key to
a happy marriage? Number one is this, Christ is the head of
the home. That's the key to a happy marriage.
If both husband and wife understand that Christ is the key to the
home and we're both looking to him first in all things, we're
going to have a happy marriage. Number two, if the husband and
wife love each other and respect one another, you're going to
have a happy marriage. Now you ladies, you already know,
everybody already has in their mind what scripture has to say
to wives. It's a matter of submission.
I'm going to deal with that. But let me tell you this, you can't
submit to a man you don't respect. You can't submit to a man that
you don't trust. And you men, you can't love a wife as Christ
loved the church and gave himself for it. You can't love herself
sacrificially if you don't respect her. Respect is a big key in
this thing. Let's be sure we all earn that
respect from our spouse. And to the unmarried, both men
and women, to the unmarried, I'll tell you this. It's not
too early to start praying and asking the Lord to send you a
spouse, to ask him to send you a spouse, a loving spouse, a
spouse that will worship God with you. And the subject this
morning is wise to the unmarried ladies here. I'll tell you this,
be very, very careful. who you put yourself in submission
to. Be very careful. You take time and you be sure
that this man is worthy of your love and respect. Be sure he's
a man that you can respect, a man that you can trust because you're
gonna be in submission to him for a good long while. So you
be careful who you put yourself in submission to. So Paul begins
here in verse 22, Ephesians five, speaking to wives. He says, wives,
submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of
the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is
the savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject
unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Now, if you ever wondered, every
time scripture speaks about marriage, Paul and Peter both, when they
begin to speak about marriage, they always talk to wives first. Have you ever wondered why that
is? Well, I think I've got some pretty good ideas. It's because
wives have the harder job in marriage. They really do. It
goes against human nature to submit to anyone, doesn't it?
To submit to someone's authority, especially when you're just as
smart as them, when you're just as talented than them. Now, it's
hard to submit. It's just difficult for a human being to do. And this is just a fact of the
matter. Wives, they have to put up with their husbands being
so full of himself and thinking that everything he thinks is
best. He doesn't need any input, you
know, from his wife because he's so much better than her. I mean,
I have to be so much better than her and so much smarter than
her because that's why the Lord made me the head of the home.
It often takes a man a while to learn that's not so. That's
not so. We were in the preacher's class
at Todd's Road one time. Brother Fortner was there, and
he was talking to the men about being a husband. He said, you
young men, you unmarried men, you listen to me. He said, I
know you won't, but I'm going to say it anyway. He said, don't
be thinking that you're just, you know, the be-all and end-all
and you just tell your wife everything she's supposed to do and she's
supposed to, you know, obey you. You're just, you know, you're
going to rule with an iron fist because you're so much better
than her. He said, that's not so. He said, your job is to serve
her. And until a man learns, gets
some humility, starts to learn that, His wife's got to put up
with him until he learns to lead in love and lead in respect and
listen to his wife and put her needs ahead of his. Now that's
what we'll get into this Lord willing next week with husbands,
but you know, a husband is just not a good husband until he learns
this. He's got to put the needs of his wife ahead of his ego.
And bless your hearts, you ladies, you got to put up with that until
the Lord teaches him something about that, don't you? The husband
has more responsibility in the marriage, but the wife has the
harder job, humanly speaking. Now, before we begin talking
about some specifics, this matter of submission, let me give you
something I hope will help you. Submitting ourselves to one another.
You know, we looked at that in verse 20, the last time that
I was here, about a couple weeks ago. Submitting yourself to one
another. Now that's difficult. It's difficult. Now what motivates a believing
wife to submit to the authority of her husband? She's just smart
as him. She knows just as much as him.
What motivates her to submit herself to her husband? It's
the gospel of Christ. It's the gospel of Christ. Christ,
our great bridegroom, has joined himself to his people. He's married
her. He's the bridegroom. She's the
bride. He's married her. I don't know a lot about heaven,
but I know this. Heaven's going to be the celebration of a marriage
feast. That's what it's called. The marriage supper of the lamb.
This is a marriage. And the church is in loving obedience
to our savior, our bridegroom. because he's earned it, hadn't
he? He's earned that trust. He's earned that respect. He's
earned that submission. He gave himself for us. Christ,
our bridegroom, has loved his people into submission. Hadn't
he? He's not beaten us into submission.
He's not threatened us into submission. He's loved his people into submission.
So submission, submission to one another, the submission of
a wife to her husband's authority, that's done in love. It's done
in love because we love the Lord. We love our Savior and we love
one another. Now I know what the world says
about this matter of submission. I know the kind of burdens that
preachers have laid on women in this matter of submission. If you struggle some with that,
listen to me. I believe I got something that'll
be helpful to you. You wives, the Lord has not given you something
that's humiliating for you. He didn't tell you not to submit
to your husband and this is a humiliating thing for you. The Lord has given
you something that's beautiful. It's beautiful. Our Lord has
made you a picture of the bride of Christ in your home. Now think
about that for a minute, how beautiful that is and what a
blessing that is. It's a special opportunity. It's
a big responsibility. God has given you to be a picture
of the bride of Christ in your home. The Lord hadn't given you
something that makes you less by saying, well, you have to
submit to your husband. Suddenly that doesn't make you less, not
at all. It doesn't make you less of a person. It doesn't make
you less valuable. Now, remember here, we're talking
about the bride of Christ. Here's a picture of the bride of Christ.
The bride of Christ is valuable to him. Isn't it valuable to
him? This is what Solomon has to say
about wives in Proverbs 18 verse 22. Whoso findeth a wife, findeth
a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord. You men, if the
Lord gives you a good thing, he gives you something that shows
you, you've obtained favor of the Lord, that's valuable, isn't
it? Look to your left or to your right. Huh? She's valuable to
you. This is a blessing of the Lord. Your role as given is to show
the value of the bride of Christ to Christ. He calls her his jewel,
his beloved. He calls her my dove. Oh, she's
so valuable to him. He sacrificed everything that
he is that he might redeem her and have her for his own. He's
made her beautiful in his beauty that he put on her. Now that's an honor, isn't it?
For it's given you that privilege to be that picture in your home.
That's an honor. That's an honor. And here's the
second thing that motivates a believing wife to submit herself to the
authority of her husband. Now there's no question about
it. You wives, you're just as wise as your husband. You're
just as smart as him in some ways and maybe more so. Then
why on earth would you willingly submit to his authority? It's
as a picture of Christ. Let me show you that Philippians
chapter two, just over a couple of pages. Philippians chapter
two. The beginning in verse five. Let this mind be in you, which
was also in Christ Jesus. Now you let this mind, this attitude
be in you, the same attitude that is in our Savior, our Bridegroom,
who being in the form of God, thought of not robbery to be
equal with God, but made himself of no reputation and took upon
him the form of a servant and was made in the likeness of men.
And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself and
became obedient. He became obedient unto death,
even the death of the cross. Now wives are, I don't know if
you've ever thought about this before, but they're both pictures
of Christ in the home and pictures of the bride, both. Wives picture
Christ obedience to his father. Now there's no question anybody's
mind is the father and the son are equal, aren't they? They're
equal. But the son submitted himself
to the will of his father. He submitted himself to obey
the will of his father and he did it for the good of the church.
The son became a man. He took on him flesh and lived
as a man and was obedient to his own law. He was obedient
to do everything that the father sent him to do and he did it
for the good of his family. He did it for the good of his
bride. Now, you wives are pictures of Christ in the home when you're
obedient to your husband, when you submit to his authority and
you do it for the good of your family. You do it so the family
runs well. When you do this, when you submit
to your husband's authority as a picture of Christ our Savior,
who submitted himself to the Father, even though they're equal,
he submitted himself to the Father. The Lord has given that to you
to be that in your home. Isn't that important? Isn't that
special? See, this thing of submission's
got nothing to do with making wives less or humiliating them,
not at all, not at all. And at the same time, wives are
pictures of the bride of Christ by submitting yourselves to your
husband's rule, just like the bride of Christ submits ourselves
to our savior's loving rule. We submit ourselves to him gladly,
don't we? When you do that in your home,
you're a picture of the bride of Christ, pictures of believers.
Now look back at Genesis chapter three. I'll show you where all
this started. The Lord in his wisdom has seen
fit to put authority in the home so that the home runs better.
And that authority begins with the husband and that authority
is to be respected. And all of this comes from the
fall of Adam. And you know the story. In verse 16 of Genesis
chapter three, unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply
thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth
children and thy desire shall be to thy husband and he shall
rule over thee. Now that's God's order. And since
it's God's order, it has to be the best way. right? I mean, the father, the God almighty
didn't choose the second best way or the third best way. He,
this is, this is the best way for the family to operate. Now be careful that we understand
what scripture says here, what the apostle saying here, he says,
wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as unto the Lord. as unto the Lord, just like you
would submit yourself to the authority of Christ because the
father has put him on the throne. You submit yourself to your husband
because he's the Lord's appointed authority in the home. Now, I wish this didn't have
to be said. And it is my heart's prayer that
it does not have to be said to anybody in this room. But submitting
yourself to your own husband, as unto the Lord, means you don't
submit yourself to some evil whims of your husband. It's as
unto the Lord. Let me show you that, Colossians
chapter three. Colossians chapter three. Verse 18. Why submit yourselves unto your
own husbands, as is fit in the Lord. If you have any questions
about what is fit in the Lord, you come talk to me. I believe
we'll be able to figure it out, what's fit in the Lord. I'm going
to run screaming into the night the next time I, the very next
time I hear of a husband's just wicked ways and telling his wife
she's got to submit to it. That's not what, and in the end
telling her, that's what the Bible says, you know, wrapping
himself in religion. That is not what the scriptures teach.
And like I say, it is my heart's prayer that does not have to
be said to anybody here. But if it does, you know, somebody's
got your back. And submission also does not
mean that wives, it doesn't mean you can't have an opinion or
that your opinion on how we're gonna run the home shouldn't
be heard. No, it should be heard. The bride
of Christ pours out our heart and talks to our Lord at all
times about everything, don't we? And in a good marriage, the husband
and wife are gonna talk about what they're gonna do and how
they're going to do it. At Ethan and Maddie's wedding,
I made that statement and a bunch of folks laughed. And Ethan, I about went off preaching. The husband does not make unilateral
decisions. We need to remember this. This
is a hard thing for husbands to learn. We're so full of pride. The husband is a picture of Christ
in the home. We don't have the infallible
wisdom and authority of our Lord. A husband and a wife talk to
one another. We talk to one another. I mean, really, the wife's the
one running the home. I mean, she's the CEO here. She's
the one running the home. She's the purchasing agent. She's
the janitor. She's the, you know, she's the one running the home.
And we talk about these. Sometimes we'll say, yeah, you
know, the husband idea, that's the way we're going to do it.
Sometimes we'll say, yeah, you know, the wife's way, that's the way we're
going to do it. Mutual respect means we listen to one another.
Now, without question, the husband has the final say in these things.
He has the authority. But we're going to show love
and respect to one another, listen to one another. That's the way
a marriage is supposed to run. And that is in full keeping with
looking at marriage. It's all concerning Christ and
the church. Submission is not saying yes, sir, to every little
thing that the husband pops off about and run around like he's
in the bunker waiting on him hanging a foot. That's not what
that means. Wives are not slaves. They're
not slaves. I know you mothers and wives
feel that way a lot of times when you're raising your little
ones, but it's not to be so. You know, I performed the wedding
ceremonies for my two daughters. And I said these very same things
to my daughters. I preached this very thing at
my daughter's wedding, both of them. I mean, I believe this. This is what I believe is best
for my daughters, as wives, to submit themselves to the authority
of their husband. And afterwards, a man, he'd never
met me before, never been here to hear the gospel before. He
was amazed and he said, well, that preacher must really believe
what, you know, what he said. He just made his wife a slave
or his daughter a slave. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Wives are to be cherished as Christ cherishes the church. And wives are to do everything
that they can to please their husbands. But do you know what? Husbands are to do everything
they can to please their wives too. That's a two-way street. It's a two-way street. It's mutual.
I don't want to get into next week's lesson too much. But men, they love to hear that
part about men are the authority in the home, right? Tell you what, try on this shirt. Love your wives as Christ loved
the church and gave himself for it. Didn't Christ come as a servant? Before you get on your high horse,
try being her servant. Isn't that what scripture teaches?
You know, so much of submission is an attitude. It's an attitude. I'm going to give you a little
bit of practical advice here. This thing of submission, it's
an attitude. It's respecting your husband. Why speak well of your husbands?
Out there in public, speak well of them. I know, or at least
I can imagine, that it would be easy to get in a group of
women and start husband bashing. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do it with your children.
Don't sell your fathers. Don't do that. Don't do that.
Now, I will grant you. I live in the real world here.
I will grant you. There are a lot of funny things that husbands
do wrong. I mean, it's just laughable.
I've said it before. I'll say it again. We're low-hanging
fruit. I mean, it's just easy pickings.
But as long as what your husband is doing is not evil, You cover
it up. Now if it's evil, you come tell
somebody. But if it's not evil, cover it
up. You know, it could be. The Lord
will use you to teach him something. Teach him a little grace. Teach
him a little decorum, you know. Just like we don't get into a
group of unbelievers and start mocking our God and questioning
him, as long as what your husband is doing is not evil, cover it
up. Cover it up. And I know submission
has an ugly connotation. And you know why it has an ugly
connotation? Sin, the sin that's in us, sinful
men. But I can't stress this enough.
What we're talking about here, why submitting yourselves to
your own husband, it's not demeaning. It's not an ugly thing. The Lord
says, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, unto your
own husbands. It doesn't mean you're second
class citizens to all men. No, sir. It doesn't mean you're
to submit to your children exactly the opposite. It does not mean
that. You're to submit yourself to the authority of your own
husband. And remember who this fellow
is. He stood before a preacher and before God and promised that
he would love, honor, and cherish you. To your own husband, to
your own husband. And wives submitting yourselves
to your own husband does not mean that women are second-class
citizen. Someone called me recently about
a matter in the church, if they would call a pastor, and you
know, about how they would vote and things, you know, for a pastor.
And this was the question. Well, do women get to vote? Do
women get to say who their pastor is? Yes, women are not second-class
citizens. They're not to be treated as
unimportant or unable to understand things. Like I said, I live in
the real world. Men, where would we be without
our wives? Huh? We'd be dressed in mismatched
clothes, dressed with, you know, 1970s fashion or something. We'd have the walls painted some
ugly color. We'd have ugly furniture and just eating pizza and having
the boxes laying around. That's what we'd be, the boxes
laying around the living room and stuff, you know, that's what
we'd be. Where would we be without our wives? She's to be treated
as precious to us. because Christ's bride is precious
to him. Oh, she is precious to him. Now ladies, when you look at
it that way, now this is what the scripture says, isn't it?
When you look at it that way, when you look at this matter
of submitting to your husband, you look at marriage in the light
of your gospel. Why? Submission to your husband,
and loving him and serving him, suddenly that becomes a beautiful
thing, doesn't it? It's not demeaning at all, it's
beautiful. Now I wanna close reading from Proverbs chapter
31. As I read this, now you take
note here. This woman that Solomon writes about, she's not a second
class citizen at all. She's wise. This is not a woman
that can't understand the goings on in the world. She's wise.
She's hardworking. She's resourceful. And every
wife and mother understands this. You're doing a hundred jobs at
once, aren't you? That's what she's doing. She's not wasting
her time. And she's a blessing to her family. And this is what
God has given you to be in your home. Proverbs 31, let's begin
reading in verse 10. Who can find a virtuous woman?
for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband does
safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She'll do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She
seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She's
like the merchant ships, she bringeth her food from afar.
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth me to her household,
and a portion to her maidens. She considereth the field, and
buyeth it. With the fruit of her hands she planteth the vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She
perceiveth that her merchandise is good. Her candle goeth not
out by night. She's prepared, isn't she? She
layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor. Yea, she reaches forth
her hands to the needy. She's not afraid of the snow
for all her household are clothed with scarlet. They've got double
layers on them. She maketh herself coverings
of tapestry. Her clothing is silk and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates when he sitteth among the elders
of the land. She maketh fine linen and selleth it, and delivereth
girdles unto the merchant. strength and honor are her clothing,
and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth
with wisdom, and in her tongue is a law of kindness. Aren't
you glad her husband's listening to her, huh? She opens her mouth
with wisdom, her tongue, so that speaks of the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household, needeth not
the bread of idleness. Her children arise up and call
her blessed, her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters
have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favor is
deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the
Lord, she should be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands
and let her own works praise her in the gates. Now, if the
Lord enables you to do that for your home, I can't say it strongly
enough, it's not demeaning, is it? No, it's a blessing God's
given to you. I hope that'll be helpful to
you.