Turn our Bibles, brethren, to
Ephesians chapter 5. Lord willing, on Saturday, Ben
and Sarah will each make a vow before God. Now, to make a vow before God
is very serious. It's not anything to be taken
lightly because it must be kept. It must be paid. Ecclesiastes 5.5 says, Better
is it that thou shouldest not vow than that thou shouldest
vow and not pay. Now anytime we're entering into
a binding agreement, we always read the fine print to see what
we're getting into. Make sure we understand what
this contract, this covenant is all about. Tonight we're going
to read the fine print. I've titled this A Marriage Vow's
Meaning. And when I conduct a marriage
service, the ceremony, the vow is not something that the couple
nor I have made up. The vow is directly from the
scriptures. And that's what I want to show
you tonight. Now first of all, husband and wife vow to leave
father and mother and cleave to one another. God declares
the reason for this is because Christ, our husband, and the
church are one. He says here in Ephesians 5 in
verse 30, For we, that is God's church, His elect, we are members
of Christ's body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause,
for this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and
shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. From eternity, Christ and His
people have been one. God chose His people in Christ
and blessed us with all spiritual blessings in Him and from eternity
Christ and His people have been one. He's been one with His bride
from eternity. And in the fullness of time,
now you talk about love, you talk about perfect love, the
Lord Jesus Christ left all to come down to where His bride
is and unite Himself with our nature. to live and to die in
our room instead, to put away our sin and make us righteous
in Him. And our Lord Jesus Christ came
to us in the day of His power and He called you who He redeemed
and He's made you to forsake all and follow Him. And now we
know His obedience is our obedience because we're one with Him. Death is our death because we're
one with Him. His resurrection is our resurrection
because we're one with Him. And His love, the great love
wherewith He loved us has made you and I His people, His bride,
He made us to leave all to follow Him. What do I mean when I say
leave all? Well, just as a husband and a
bride leave mother and father and cleave to one another, Christ
makes His bride, you and I who believe, forsake all, all our
former confidence or anything we had hope in, and put none
above Christ. We put none above Christ. Luke
14, 26 Christ said, If any man come to me, and hate not his
father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and
sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. It means Christ must have the
preeminence. We must allow nothing to come
between us and Christ. That's what he's saying. That's
what he's saying. And God says, for this cause,
this is the pattern that marriage is patterned after. For this
cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined
unto his wife and they too shall be one flesh. They too shall
be one flesh. He says, This is a great mystery,
but I speak concerning Christ and the church. He has made Himself
one with His people, and then for you who believe, you who,
Ben and Sarah, two believers, He's uniting now to picture what
He's done, making you one with each other. So you leave father
and mother, and you cleave to one another. Brother Scott's
going to walk down the aisle on Saturday and I'm going to
ask, who gives this woman to be married to Ben Moyer? He's
going to say her mother and I. He's giving her away to Ben. And Ben's leaving his mother
and his father to cleave to her. That means that the husband no
longer runs home to mom and dad for help and counsel And she no longer runs home to
mom and dad either. The greatest word that mothers
and fathers can say to their children if they come home complaining
about their spouse is just go work it out. Go work it out. Now come Saturday, Ben, you'll
have your own wife. And Saturday, you'll have your
own husband. And Scripture says, look there at the end, He says,
let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself
and the wife see that she reverence or respect her husband. It's because Christ has one bride
and the bride has one husband. That's why. Now that's the first
thing that will be stated in this vow. You're leaving father
and mother and cleaving. to one another. Now the second
thing, husband and wife each vow to do certain things. They're
not exactly the same thing, but each are vowing to do certain
things. Now let's look at the wife first.
The wife vows to love and submit to her husband as the church
submits to Christ in everything. Ephesians 5.22 says, Wives, submit
yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband
is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church, and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the
church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their
own husbands in everything. We learn everything by looking
to Christ. You know, the law tells you The
law says do not commit adultery. But the law doesn't tell you
how to be married and what the constraint is between a husband
and wife. The law doesn't tell you that.
We learn that looking to Christ. That's where we learn everything.
And a wife only needs to look to Christ to see why it is that
she is to submit to her own husband. All she has to do is look to
Christ. And throughout the marriage, wives, the best thing you can
do is look to Christ. Remember why it is He says submit. Look to Christ. Look to His relationship
between He and the church. Christ is our Head and Savior. That means He's our Lord and
Savior. He's our Head. We trust Christ
for everything in salvation, don't we? We submit to Him and
trust Him for everything and salvation. That's what a faithful
wife is showing by her submission to her husband in everything. She's showing that she trusts
Christ in everything. And as the bride, as you and
I who have been chosen by God and redeemed by Christ and regenerated
by the Spirit as the bride of Christ, we don't let Christ do
anything, do we? We don't let Him do anything. A wife should never let those
words come out of her mouth. I'm going to let my husband do
this or that. That's so dishonoring to Christ. We don't let Christ
do anything. Our Lord Jesus Christ is the
husband. We're the bride. Christ is the
head. We're the body. Christ is the
sovereign, successful Savior. We're helpless, depraved sinners.
We don't let Him do anything. We submit to Him and trust Him
to provide. Scripture does describe a bride
who tries to usurp authority over her God. But you know what
the Scripture calls that bride? A harlot. A harlot. She's not faithful. She's a harlot. And it describes the false church. It describes the will-worshipper.
Will works religion. You hear them saying, Christ
has done all He can do, now you have to let Him do something.
You know how blasphemous and ugly that is to you who know
the truth? Well, it's that ugly for a wife
to say such a thing about her husband. This whole picture is
to glorify Christ. That's the purpose. The bride
is to submit to her own husband as unto the Lord Jesus Christ. That's what it says, as unto
the Lord. That means constrained by Christ's love, she submits
to her husband. Trusting Christ's care, you can
submit to your husband. Submitting to Christ's government,
knowing He's sovereign over your husband, just like He's sovereign
over the king, you can submit to your husband. Even if he's
making error in what he's doing, God will work it and teach him
and you through it. and bring glory to His name and
it will be for your good. We know He's ruling everything
for His glory and for the good of His people so we can obey
Him and trust Him. The wife also, this is another
thing about her vows, she's going to say that she vows to honor
and respect her husband being discreet and chaste. Now, I've
only done three marriages but Verse 2, I don't think I had
the screed and chaste in the vow, but it's going to be in
there from now on. Go to Titus 1, and I'll show
you why. Titus 1. Verse 4. I'm sorry, Titus 2.4. It says
that the young women are to be sober. That's wise, and it means
to teach others to be sober. It says to love their husbands,
they're to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers
at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of
God be not blaspheming. Discreet means sound mind, self-control,
temperate. It means she's to be moderate
in opinion and moderate in passion. Moderate in opinion and passion.
Chaste means pure and modest. Pure and modest. Keepers at home
means she cares for the house. Usually the husband will take
care of things outside the house and she cares for things inside
the house. Although in the old days, in the times of the Old
Testament, women, it was their responsibility to gather the
firewood. I usually gather the firewood
at our house. But you get the point. She keeps the home. Keeps
a clean home. Makes it a place her husband
wants to come home to. And he does the same outside.
She's good. She's obedient to her own husband. We keep seeing that. To their
own husbands. To their own husband. Sarah,
your mother has a husband. And Ben, your mother has a husband.
Sarah is not to obey any other but her own husband. Your own
husband. That the Word of God be not blasphemed. That is by those who see you.
Those who see you. We never ever want to bring reproach
on the Word. We never do. So we don't want
anybody to blaspheme the Word of God because we're not She's
not chaste or discreet. She keeps a home or any of these
things. But there's another reason. Go with me to 1 Peter 3. There's
another reason. 1 Peter chapter 3. It's so that those that are lost
might be one to come hear the gospel. through her conduct. Look here in 1 Peter 3 verse
1, it says, Likewise ye wives, be in subjection to your own
husbands, that if any obey not the word, they also may without
the word be won by the conduct of the wives. Now this word,
if any, right here, It applies to anyone. It doesn't apply only
to her husband. It does apply if she has a husband
that's lost. It applies to him. But it applies
to anyone. It says if any. If any. See, we ought never do anything
to be seen of this world. I don't want to do anything to
be seen of this world. But we ought to do everything
knowing we are being seen by this world. Our Lord Jesus Christ
said, you're the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot
be hid. You take a city in the middle
of darkness set on a hill, you're going to see that city. And that's
what He said, you're light in a dark world. And they're going
to see you. They're going to see you. And
he said, neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel,
but on a candlestick that it might give light to all in the
house. He's saying, I didn't light you for you to be hidden.
I gave you light for you to be seen. And he says, let your light
so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify
your Father which is in heaven. That's what Peter's saying. that any might see your good
conduct and be one without the Word. It doesn't mean they're
going to be saved without the Gospel. It means they'll be one
to come hear the Gospel. It goes like this. There's a
lost person and beholds the bride being in subjection to her husband
and this conduct we're talking about here. And that lost person
says, why do you do that to your husband? That's not what women
do in our day. Why do you Why are you in subjection
to your husband? And she said, well, it's because
Christ is my heavenly husband and the church is his bride and
the church is in subjection to Christ in everything. And this
lost person may say, I want to go hear about that message. I
want to go hear that. Anybody that would make somebody
get along like you get along, you and your husband, I want
to go hear that message. That's what he's talking about.
Don't do it to be seen of men, but do it knowing that you are
being seen by men. He says, here's the conduct right
here, verse 2. While they behold your chaste
conversation, pure and modest conduct, coupled with fear, there's
the honor and the respect for her husband, as unto Christ who
she reverences, whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning
of plaiting the hair and of wearing of gold or of putting on of apparel,
but let it be the hidden man of the heart in that which is
not corruptible, in that new man created by the Spirit of
God, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, discreet, a
discreet spirit. which is in the sight of God
of great price. Modest outward adornment is not
forbidden here. Modest outward adornment is not
forbidden here. The point is, make your attraction,
make that which is attractive about you to be that inward man,
that hidden man of the heart. That is with a consistent, meek,
and quiet, discreet, and chaste spirit. A submissive spirit. A heart made new by God. That
is of great price to God. Rather than an outward superficial
show. God isn't interested in an outward
superficial show. He looks on the heart. And that's
what we're talking about. The heart He's made. The heart
He's made pure. The heart He's sanctified. That's
what we're talking about. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision
availeth anything nor uncircumcision. That's outward. Outward. Somebody will say, well, I believe
we ought to keep the law. Somebody else will say, well,
I don't believe we ought to keep the law. I don't believe we're
under the law. Well, both of them can be lost. What matters? A new heart. A new creation. A heart constrained
by the love of Christ. That's what matters. That's of
great price to God. Look at verse 5. For after this
manner, in the old time, the holy women also who trusted in
God, they adorned themselves being in subjection to their
own husbands. Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham,
calling him Lord, You ever thought about when Abraham was called
of God to go out to a place he didn't know, and Scripture says
that he obeyed the Lord and he went out following Christ? Sarah
went with him. She left her family too. The
Lord called her too. She went too. When it says Abraham
dwelt in tents with Isaac and Jacob, Sarah was right there
cooking supper for them. Right there in the middle of
them. And it says here, whose daughters
ye are. You're the daughters of these
holy women. You who believe, you ladies who believe, you're
the daughters of these holy women of old. As long as you do well,
this is how you prove you are, as long as you do well, you do
these things we're talking about, and watch this, and are not afraid
with any amazement. That is, with any terror. What
does that mean? Saturday, a worldly woman, sitting
in the place is going to hear God's Word say that the wife
is to submit to her own husband and everything. And she's going
to gasp. And she's going to say, you'll
never hear that in my vows. Why is she doing that? She's
afraid with terror at what the world thinks of her. if she did
that. That's exactly what it means.
See, she's afraid of what the world thinks. She's afraid of
what her friends will say and what the world thinks, ungodly
world thinks, but she's not afraid of God. She'd rather not offend
her friends and offend God. He's saying here, don't go with
the world. Don't be afraid of man. Obey
God. Obey God. That's what women who've
been sanctified by God and made holy by God, that's what they
do. Now, for the husband's vows,
he's got a vow to love and honor, to nourish, that is provide for,
build up, and cherish his wife as his own flesh as Christ does
the church. Now look at 1 Peter 3.7 right
there. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them, with your wife,
according to knowledge, that is, according to the knowledge
of your responsibility towards your wife. Be wise in your responsibility
towards your wife, giving honor unto the wife, now watch this,
as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the
grace of life. When a wife is weak. She's been made the weaker vessel
by God. God made Adam first, then he
made the woman out of Adam's wounded side to picture how Christ's
bride was made whole and complete and righteous out of Christ's
wounded side. And so, the wife was made to be a weaker
vessel. She was made from man. Woman
means she came from man. She's the weaker vessel. Now
that doesn't mean a woman might be superior to her husband in
a lot of ways, in various characteristics. She may be stronger than her
husband in some regard. But overall, she's the weaker
vessel. And whenever she's weak and she
begins to voice her frustration at being weak, and the things
that she's upset about, and she's voicing it. Maybe she's voicing
it at her husband. The husband's not supposed to
rail back. He's not supposed to deal harshly
with her as if she's a man. He's to honor his wife. How? Look at 1 Peter 3 verse 8. Look
at verse 8. He's talking to all of them,
but that includes the husband and the wife. And here's what
he's saying. Be of one mind. This is how he honors her as
the weaker vessel. Be of one mind. That is for the
gospel, for Christ. Having compassion one of another. Love as brethren. You love her
as your sister in Christ. That's what he's saying. Love
her as your sister in Christ. Christ said what you do to her,
you do to Him. Christ said what you do to her,
you do to Him. Love her as your sister, be pitiful,
be courteous. Not rendering evil for evil,
railing for railing, but contrary wise, blessing, honor, all this
honor. Knowing, now here's the second
part, he said also as being heirs together of the grace of life.
Knowing that you both are there unto called, that you both should
inherit a blessing. The husband can't feel superior
to her. Oh, she's the weaker vessel,
so that means I'm superior to her. In Christ there's neither
male nor female. You're both one. You're both
heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ. So we can't be haughty
and arrogant about anything. We're both one in Christ. You
see what he's saying? You honor her as the weaker vessel
when she's frustrated and complaining about things. You be compassionate
and pitiful and courteous and kind with her. Give an honor
unto her. Not railing on her. Not throwing
the words back at her and all of that. We can't take back words. We cannot take back words. And
after a while, words start to build up. Don't try to cut to
the bone. Have compassion towards your
wife. Love her as a sister in Christ. Why? Because you're both vessels in
God's hand. You're both vessels in God's
hand. And the best thing a husband can do is remember his own complete
and total weakness and how Christ deals with him. How's that? Listen to Psalm 103 verse 10. He hath not dwelt with us after
our sins, That's what he's talking about when he says give honor
to the wife. Don't deal with her after her sin. That ain't
how Christ dealt with you. He hath not dealt with us after
our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the
heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward
them that fear him. Great mercy. higher than the
heaven is high above the earth. As far as the east is from the
west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us. Like
as a father pitieth his children. Isn't that what He said? Give
honor to a pitier. Like as a father pitieth his
children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him. Why? He knoweth our frame, He remembereth
where but dust. You know, talk about being a
weak vessel. We're just dust. That's all any of us are. So,
give honor to her. Give honor to her. It's a picture
of Christ giving honor to you who are a weak vessel. And now
brethren, these things are important to do so that it doesn't interfere
with our worship. These things are going to directly
affect our worship. Look back at verse 7 at the end.
He says that your prayers be not hindered. Do these things
that your prayers be not hindered. I'll tell you something. I guarantee
you this. If a husband or a wife becomes bitter toward the other,
they have a spat, and there's words exchanged, and she says
something, and he says something, and it builds up, It is impossible
to worship God. It's impossible to read the Word.
It's impossible to even pray to God. Scripture says, Husband, love
your wives and be not bitter against them. Who are we? Who are we to be bitter against
our wives? Who are we to throw her sins
in her face and to rail on her and to act like we expect something
different from her? Are you that perfect before Christ?
Before God? Have you done that before God? And then the husband vows before
God that he'll rule his house the same way Christ rules the
church. Not by law. Not by harshness,
not by threats, by love. By love. Go back to Ephesians
5 and look here. Husbands, love your wives. Verse 25. Husbands, love your
wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for
it. He said up there in verse 23 that the husband is the head
Just like Christ is the head. And here's how He tells you how
to be the head of your house. He tells you how to be the Lord
of your house. By loving your wife. Not commanding
her. Not demanding. Not being harsh
and loud and mean. By loving her. Look at this. Even as Christ also loved the
church and gave Himself for it. that he might sanctify and cleanse
it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present
it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or
any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. See, here's what he's saying
to the husband. The husband's not trying to expose
the sin of his wife. That's not what Christ did to
us. Christ came and put our sin away. And we're not talking here
about unbelieving husbands and wives, we're talking about believing
husbands and wives. And her sin's been put away by
Christ. Who am I to bring it back up? We're to put it away. We're to
put it away, to cover it up and forget it. Christ covered ours
and God forgets ours. God said, I, even I am he that
blotteth out thy transgressions for my own sake, and will not
remember thy sins. Let me say this while I'm thinking
about that. Husbands and wives, do not keep
score. Just don't keep score. You know
who wants to keep score? And keep a tab on how much they've
done. You know who wants to do that?
One that thinks they've done more. That's who wants to do
that. Don't keep score. The husband is to love his wife
as his own body. Verse 28. So ought men to love
their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth
himself. Now get that statement. It's
because his wife truly is his own body. You're one now. And he that loveth his wife loveth
himself. She's your own body. For no man
ever get hated his own flesh, but nourisheth it, there it is,
builds it up, and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. For we're members of his body,
of his flesh, and of his bones. And for this cause shall a man
leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his
wife, and they too shall be one flesh. You see there? See that
word nourisheth? Knowledge without love, knowledge
without God-given love puffs up. And what Scripture said,
you can get a knowledge of doctrine without God-given love and it
just puffs up. Arrogant, puffed up. But knowledge
with love builds up. That's what it means. Nourishes.
Builds her up. Not tears her down, builds her
up. Nourishes her. cherishes her. If the love of Christ really
rules our hearts, if He really, really rules our hearts, our
religion is going to go with us beyond these four walls right
here at the church building. It's not just going to be when
we're in here and we're putting on a show and everybody sees
us. It's going to go with us home where nobody sees us. and it's going to be reflected
in how we treat our wife and how we treat our children. If
the love of Christ really rules our heart, that's so. We'll be
the head of our wives by love, not law. At some point, Ben's probably
going to make the mistake and going to get hot under the collar
and he's going to say, well, Scripture said you're supposed
to submit to me. Just let me know how that turns
out. You can't command it. You can't
demand it. Respect has to be earned. And
respect lost is hard to be got back. And you earn it by loving her. What makes you love Christ? It's
the goodness of God that leads you to repentance. It's not the
law. It's not the law. It's the goodness
of God. It's the love of God that leads
us to repentance. Now here's the last thing. The husband and wife are going
to vow before God, all of this is before God now, to do these
things no matter the circumstances until death parts them. Here's
how it goes, in sickness as in health, in poverty as in wealth,
in bad as in good, preferring him or her above all others,
being true and faithful in all things until death alone shall
part you. And they'll say, I do. I do. God never breaks His covenant
promise. He never breaks His covenant
promise. Christ said, I will betroth thee unto me forever. Forever. When we fell into sin,
He loved us. He loved us. When we hated Him,
He loved us. Even now, when we sin and are
full of unbelief, He still loves us. He said, I have loved thee
with an everlasting love, therefore in loving kindness have I drawn
you. His love never changes for His bride. When Christ redeemed
us off the slave block, He said, Thou shalt abide for me many
days. Thou shalt not play the harlot.
Thou shalt not be for another man. So will I also be for thee. You're going to have spats. Husband
and wife are going to do that because we have an old fleshly
man that dwells with us. That's going to happen. But it's
Christ's love in laying down His life for a wretched sinner
like me. that's going to make a faithful
husband and a faithful wife turn around and walk back in the room
and say, I'm sorry. Isn't that right? That's one
for whom Christ died. You just can't stay mad at her.
You just can't stay mad at Him. It makes you turn around, walk
back in the room and say, I'm sorry. It makes the other one
say, I'm sorry too. I don't want to do that anymore.
I don't want to do that anymore. Christ never breaks His covenant
with me. How can I ever think of breaking
my covenant with my spouse? Never let it be spoken. It's
not even an option. It's not even an option. You
see, here's how you sum all this up right here. A happy marriage
is as much about being the right one as marrying the right one. Scripture doesn't tell you how
your spouse ought to treat you. It tells you how you ought to
treat your spouse. We learn that. That will go a long ways in us
treating our spouse as we ought. It's about being the one. Alright. Amen. I didn't realize how close my
message was.