on call type stuff since March
of 22. So it's been a little over two
years and I've been talking about some things. So here's how I'm
going to do this. I get a lot of questions still. And so ones
that I find are pertinent, I've been writing essays and articles
on them. answering them privately. And
so this one sort of hits home to an issue that I'm really not
just passionate about, but I think it's essential in order to establish,
honestly, authenticity in the context of the evangelical church.
And I had the message this morning of how do you reconcile? And
this is not exactly the way it was questioned, but this is the
question. How do you reconcile the scriptural
or the biblical instruction to Christians to turn the other
cheek when you're inside an abusive relationship at home with a spouse
or a relative. And I want to just talk about
that for a moment. And I want to say on the onset
that this is going to be a little feather wrestling for some of
us because we live in a society that there's a structure, there's
a structure we can't see that's been established for a very long
time that operates under, as fuel like coal to a fire, oppression
is the fuel to the success of this system. And I know people
are going to say, well, what does he say? You know what? I'm
not concerned with how that's parsed out in people's opinion.
I'm only concerned in what the holistic metanarrative of the
Bible teaches and instructs every man, woman, and child who is
in the faith. And so that's sort of what we're
going to do right now. And I'll just go through some passages
of Scripture. I pulled them up so I can read
them. I'm not going to have them on the screen because I want
to get this out post-haste. But let's talk about patience
and non-retaliation. So when we hear the Scripture
say, be patient, therefore, brothers, to the coming of the Lord, see
how the farmer waits for the fruit of the earth. Be patient
about it until it receives the early and the late rains. You
also be patient. Establish your hearts for the
coming of the Lord is at hand." That's James 5, verses 7 and
8. And in Romans 12, 12 tells us
to rejoice in hope and be patient in tribulation and be constant
in prayer. Now, we understand we're supposed
to be patient, and that means we're not supposed to be anxious.
We're not supposed to be in a hurry. We're supposed to understand
that God sovereignly operates in His timing and for His purposes. But we need to also understand
that when we read this in 2024, it applies to our present circumstances
and to our present culture and to our present context. even
though it was written in a context that's completely different than
ours. All right, so we have to make the theological transition. We have to make the overarching
theological idea work for us. We don't go back because we aren't
those people. We're not first century Jewish
people in a dispersion who have lost everything and are trying
to get along and focus and not fall back into the law. We're
not those people, but we have those same issues. So then let's
look at what Jesus says in Matthew chapter 5 where he's teaching.
He says, you know, you've heard it said that an eye for an eye
or a tooth for a tooth, but I say to you, do not resist the one
who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn
him to the other also, or give him the other one. Now, sometimes
we mix these two things up, the teaching on patience and the
teaching out of Matthew chapter 5. But Matthew chapter 5, Jesus
is really confronting the idea of these religious people who
felt as though they were better than others, they were more spiritually
sound than others, And so in their own personal inventory,
they were pretty amazing. And they were pretty amazing
before God. But Jesus is saying they weren't amazing at all.
And they had misunderstood the idea of the law. They had misunderstood
the idea of justice. They'd misunderstood the idea
of patience and marriage and divorce and all that stuff. And
he really just goes into a lot of these things. And so what
Jesus is talking about there is specifically do not retaliate. Do not retaliate. In other words,
you know, it's okay to defend yourself. It's okay to seek restitution. It's okay to seek justice, but
it's not okay to seek vengeance. And so this, just like he says,
cut off your hand or pluck out your eye, these are hyperbolic
statements of intention that Jesus is saying to shock his
people, like he even does in chapter six of John when he's
talking about eating his flesh and drinking his blood. He's
not literally talking about that. He's just causing them to have
a shock to say, wow, what does he really mean? No, but the heart
of patience, the heart of faith, the heart of grace is willing
to say, you know what, that person hurt me. I'm not going to go
after them. It's not talking about someone slapping you and
you let them continue to slap you. So let's talk about the
context of non-retaliation. Turning the other cheek is part
of the Sermon on the Mount. And Jesus is emphasizing the
importance of responding to evil, not with retribution, but with
a radical form of peaceful resistance, peaceful resistance, not ad hominem,
not anything else. And goodness, I won't get into
that today. This teaching encourages us to break the cycle of retaliation,
to break the cycle of vengeance, to break the cycle of gossip.
But it's essential to distinguish between a personal insult, which
is what Jesus is talking about here, and physical harm or abuse. See, Jesus isn't talking about
being beaten physically. He's talking about a personal
insult. Somebody slaps your face. Somebody punches you in the gut.
Ooh, stepped on my toes. You see these expressions? So
let's look then at what the Bible would say about abuse. about
abuse. Honestly, let's just go to the
Psalms and Proverbs for a second. In Psalms 83, verse 3 and 4,
it says, This is a prayer. This is a song that was sung.
This is something that we should seek out. Proverbs 22, 22 and
23. So see, we know that God has an attitude toward people
who are oppressive. and it is not a gentle attitude. Malachi 2, the prophet says,
for the man who does not love his wife, but divorces her and
puts her away, says the Lord, the God of Israel covers his
garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves
in your spirit and do not be faithless. Now we understand
there, and I don't want to get into that, but we understand
that When we see Jesus bringing Moses back up in front of the
Pharisees about divorce, they're trying to trick him, and he's
just honest with them. He said the only reason divorce exists is
because of selfish, faithless, heartless, evil people who don't
want their wives anymore. And that was the context. And
then they abused them. They put them away, and they
treated them ill. They didn't treat them like Christ
treats the church. They treated them as property. They treated
them as subservient and so on and so forth. They abused them.
So divorce was the best option for the victim, not for the man,
not for the person divorcing. And anyway, we have a right to
seek justice. Some people say, no, we don't
have a right to seek justice. We don't have a right. You know,
we shouldn't ever call the police. That's nonsense. That's nonsense. Romans 13, the first four verses
there, Paul's very clear. Let every person be subject to
the governing authorities, for there's no authority except from
God. God and those that exist, those authorities have been instituted
by God. He goes on to say, therefore, whoever resists the authorities
actually resists God, who has appointed those authorities.
And when they do so, they will incur judgment. For rulers are
not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. The question's asked
by Paul there, would you have no fear of the one who's in authority?
Then do what's good. You don't want to be scared?
Then you'll receive his approval. And he is God's servant for your
good. But if you do wrong, you should be afraid, for he does
not bear the sword in vain, for he's the servant of God, an avenger
who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. And this is about
temporal, social laws that deal with justice according to the
laws. Now, that doesn't mean that every law is good, but when
it comes to compassion, when it comes to equity, when it comes
to freedom, when it comes to the Constitution of the United
States, we have a right to be free of religious persecution,
of religious oversight, of religious overlording in any way, for or
against, and any law that imposes a religious ideology on us, even
though it may share an ideology or it may intersect with like
a biblical law, we can't have that imposition. But when it
comes to abuse, it's against the law. It's against the law
to scream and yell and hurt and to deprive. It's against God's
law. So the prudent sees danger and
hides himself. But the simple goes on and suffers
for it. Now, see, here's something that I say sometimes when people
go, oh, look here, Pastor Tipton says, listen, common sense tells
you it's not sane to stay in an abusive situation. It's not
sane to stay quiet when you're being hurt. It's not sane. So
common sense, the Bible would say, common sense tells you to
get out of that, to leave, to flee. The prudent sees danger
and hides himself. but the simple go on and suffer
for it." Get away. It is okay to get away from abuse.
It is okay. And so, in conclusion, in that
context, before we talk about reconciliation, we need to know
in light of these teachings that Scripture teaches patience and
turning the other cheeks in matters of personal insult or matters
of offense. It does not mandate enduring
illegal and harmful actions such as mental or physical abuse.
Christians are encouraged to seek justice. Christians are
encouraged to use every legal avenue available to them to protect
themselves and others, especially children, from harm. The law
instituted under God's sovereignty serves as a means to curb evil
and protect the innocent. I'm going to say that again.
The law of the United States which was instituted under God's
sovereignty, serves as a means to curb evil, not curb evil,
but curb evil and protect the innocent. So you might say, well,
what about reconciliation? Well, that's a wonderful thing.
Paul tells the Corinthians, 2 Corinthians 7, verse 10, for godly grief
produces repentance that leads to salvation without regret,
whereas godly grief produces death. Now, what does that mean?
Godly sorrow, etc. I mean, there's something to be said about somebody
saying, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Listen, a true sorry comes with
change. Anyone who says, I'm sorry, but
doesn't change is not sorry, because the change is the sorry,
you see? And so we need to bear fruits,
keeping with repentance, which actually literally means, it
literally means, a change of disposition, a change of mind,
which includes a change of heart, which will result in a change
of action. Okay? Now, that's not about salvation.
That's not the gift of repentance, which is faith, a change of mind,
trust in the gospel of Christ, the resting place of Jesus, rather
than the resting place of our righteousness. But true repentance
in the action of men and women in the world involves a deep,
genuine change of heart and behavior, not just a superficial apology,
not just, I'm so sorry, not regret. For consequence, regret is not
repentance. Regret is not a change of disposition.
It's like, oh man, I messed up again. It's all about the person.
It's all about the abuser. feeling bad about themselves,
not wanting to lose what they can control. This change is evidence,
a true reconciliation, sorry, apology, repentance is evidenced
by tangible actions and a consistent pattern of behavior that seeks
to make the past right, to amend past wrongs by change, by restitution
if necessary. I mean, even Jesus talks about
sinning no more in John 8. Of course, let's don't debate
that, but it's a good illustration. I believe that God has purposed
it there for whatever. He wants, but he says, I don't condemn
you. Go and sin no more. And we see that in other places of
scripture, so I can use that text there. But we see that there
is a change of heart for the abuser. If they've really had
a change of heart, they won't touch you. They won't abuse you.
They won't deprive you. They won't control you. And so,
go sin no more. It's a directive towards transformation
and a cessation of the sinful behavior. This command implies
a break from the past actions and a new way of living. Reconciliation
has conditions. I mean, there are conditions
for reconciliations. I mean, in Galatians chapter 6, Paul
says, you know, if there's a brother or sister that's caught up in
any transgression, those who are spiritual should restore
him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourselves, though,
because you could be tempted. I mean, I don't know where that
is in the Proverbs. I think it might be Proverbs.
It says something about, you know, don't hang out with an angry
man because you'll end up following his ways and falling in a hole.
You know, you'll do that. So reconciliation in the context
of marriage that's affected by abuse must be predicated on true
repentance and proven change in behavior. Most importantly,
that proven change in behavior provides safety, provides structure,
and provides accountability for the abuser to be questioned and
to give an answer either to someone else in the relationship that
has come in to help or to the church as a whole. or to the
magistrate, to the law. It's not about forgiveness. It's
not just about, oh, I forgive you. It's about restoration. It's about a process of being
made whole again with this person that ensures safety and trust
are rebuilt. Now, sometimes that's not possible,
and sometimes reconciliation is not wise. If you're in a situation
where you're physically being abused, I think you should take
a year or two. And if you want to continue in
that relationship, you need to do so with legal and spiritual
oversight. And that oversight can't lord
over. It's not the boss, but the law is. And you just have
to get into a place where the abusive partner has demonstrated
genuine change. If their partner has not demonstrated
genuine change or where the physical and emotional well-being of you
as a spouse, you could be a man or a woman. I always typically
Look at it as like men being abusive, but women can be abusive
too. It's not as common, but they can be. But especially children,
when you're at risk, reconciliation may not be prudent. It may not
be wise, and it may not be possible. In such cases, separation might
be the necessary course of action to protect you as a victim and
ensure your safety. So what's the role of the church?
You heard me say, you know, the church, church, church, but Scripture
teaches us, in 1 Corinthians, you know, you can read a lot
there and other places, but in Paul's writing to that church,
the first letter that we have, chapter 5, let me read this text
to you, verse 11, 12, 13. But now I'm writing to you, do
not associate with one who bears the name brother, who shares
the name Christ, if he's guilty of sexual immorality or greed,
idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler. Don't even eat with
him. And so there's some ostracization that needs to take place in the
context of someone who is unwilling to change. The problem we have
in our society is we have all these minor offenses and people
go, oh, you know what? I'm not going to associate with them anymore.
Just shut them out. That's not right. But when it
comes to someone who's physically abusing someone else or mentally
abusing someone else, that needs to be known. The church needs
to make it aware. Now, unfortunately, most churches, most congregations
don't even have that structure. So it takes some wisdom, but
we do have that responsibility to hold individuals accountable
for their actions, especially those who undermine the teachings
of Jesus Christ to treat everyone with equity, with everyone with
respect and dignity, and that no one is to be subservient to
anyone else except unto Christ through service and love. No
one is supposed to, under the Scripture, stay in an abusive
relationship. No one. And so we need to make
sure as the church that repentance is not just this lip service,
but it's demonstrated over time. And so while Scripture encourages
forgiveness, while Scripture encourages reconciliation, it
also prioritizes-listen to this-it prioritizes justice, safety,
genuine repentance, and a changed life. The decision to pursue
reconciliation in a marriage impacted by abuse should be carefully
and prayerfully evaluated with the presence of sustained changes
by the abuser's behavior so that everyone in that context is safe. The church and the community
play critical roles in supporting this process so that we can make
sure and ensure that reconciliation does not compromise safety or
justice. It is not a good thing to say, look, we've reconciled,
but the abuse is still happening. That's not reconciliation. That's
insanity. And so, for all of that, if any
of you are being in a situation where you're abused, you want
counsel, reach out. We're glad to talk to you about that. I
hope this has been helpful. In all things, trust the Lord,
but do so with prudence. Do so with the principles of
sense. and understand that you don't
have to be in this, that God is not, although he may work
it out and has ordained these circumstances, he is not calling
you to remain in them. And don't listen to someone else
who tells you otherwise in a pretext. Listen to the whole of the scripture
and use your mind. Understand what's good for you
and your body and understand that the law of this land is
given to us by God for a reason. Are you listening?