Verbal Communication #2

Q: What does the Bible say about verbal communication?

The Bible emphasizes the importance of how we use our words and encourages believers to communicate truthfully and graciously. Verbal communication is a vital aspect of Christian living, as demonstrated in James 3:1-12 and Proverbs 18:21, which remind us of the power of the tongue. The Scripture teaches that words have the potential to build up or tear down, and they should reflect a heart transformed by God's grace. The overarching principle is the Golden Rule found in Matthew 7:12, which instructs us to treat others in the way we wish to be treated, especially in our speech. This standard challenges believers to be mindful of their communication, ensuring it is honest, respectful, and seeks to promote understanding and love among one another.

Q: How can I control my tongue according to the Bible?

The Bible teaches that while the tongue is difficult to tame, with God's help and the Holy Spirit, we can learn to speak wisely. Controlling the tongue is a significant challenge for believers, as James 3:8 states, 'but no human being can tame the tongue.' It is unruly and filled with potential for destruction. However, as Christians, we have access to divine power through the Holy Spirit, which can enable us to speak in a manner that glorifies God and edifies others. Regular prayer, meditation on Scripture, and conscious effort to apply the Golden Rule can transform our speech. By placing our words under the authority of Christ and seeking His guidance, we become capable of speaking with grace and truth.

Q: Why is the Golden Rule important for Christians?

The Golden Rule is fundamental because it encapsulates the ethical and moral obligations of believers in their interactions with others. The Golden Rule found in Matthew 7:12 serves as a concise summary of the ethical teachings of Jesus and the entire Old Testament law. It distills the essence of loving God and loving others into a principle that is easily applicable. For Christians, it emphasizes that our actions and words should reflect the love and grace that we have received from God. This rule not only guides interpersonal relationships but also fosters a community of harmony and mutual respect. Living out the Golden Rule helps believers demonstrate the transformative power of the Gospel in their lives, encouraging others to see God's love through their actions.

Q: How should Christians respond when wronged in communication?

Christians are called to respond with grace and forgiveness, reflecting the love of Christ in their interactions. When we are wronged in communication, Scripture instructs us to respond not with anger or retaliation but with grace and a readiness to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 encourages believers to be kind and forgiving, just as God forgave us in Christ. This means verbalizing forgiveness rather than harboring grudges or bringing up past offenses. Practicing the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12), we consider how we would desire to be treated if we were in the same situation, fostering a culture of reconciliation rather than strife. Responding graciously can be a powerful testimony of God's love, illustrating the transformative impact of the Gospel.

Q: How important is truthfulness in Christian communication?

Truthfulness is essential in Christian communication as it reflects integrity and faithfulness to God's character. Truthfulness is of paramount importance in Christian communication because our words should reflect the very nature of God, who is truth itself (John 14:6). Ephesians 4:25 instructs us to 'put away falsehood' and speak truthfully, as we are members of one body. This commitment to honesty promotes trust within the Christian community and aligns our speech with God's commands. When we prioritize truthfulness, we honor our relationships and demonstrate the integrity expected of believers, acting as ambassadors for Christ in a world desperate for authenticity and transparency.

Now let us again bow in the presence
of God and confess to the Lord in prayer what we have acknowledged
in the singing of this hymn, that we have met to hear the
voice of Christ, but that we cannot hear his voice through
the word unless the Spirit comes to drive the darkness from our
minds and the dullness from our hearts. Let us cry to God that
he would do that in the hour to come. Our Father, we would consciously
and corporately own our native darkness of mind and slowness
of heart to remember the words of Jesus to some of his own disciples,
O foolish ones and slow of heart to believe all that is written. We confess our folly and slowness
of heart and would even now cry to you for copious measures of
the Holy Spirit that our folly may be turned to holy wisdom
and that our slowness of heart may be transformed into a quickness
of heart to grasp in faith and to submit in obedience to all
that your word says. As we come again to this vital
area of practical Christian experience The use of our tongues, O Lord,
we do acknowledge that every beast and animal has been tamed,
but the tongue can no man tame. But, O our God, we believe that
you can tame this unruly member and make it subject to the principles
of your holy law and to the dynamics of your mighty grace. Hear us
then and meet us in this time of study in your Holy Word, and
may we sense the arrows of your truth finding their mark, and
may we, in obedience to your voice, respond in faith this
night. Amen. Now some of you will remember
that on the last Lord's Day before I was set aside through illness,
In Pastor Nichols' absence, it was my privilege to teach the
adult Sunday school class. And on that occasion, I set before
you some biblical materials under the general title, a rather lengthy
one, An Introduction and Overview to the Biblical Doctrine of Verbal
Communication. And I couldn't shorten the title
because it would have been inaccurate had I done so. And on that occasion,
I mentioned that recent pastoral concerns, personal observations,
and other factors have led me to the conclusion that perhaps
there are few areas in which we so desperately need the application
of the Word and the Spirit to our practical experience as the
people of God than we do in this area of verbal communication. and desiring that we would see
the subject in its broad biblical and theological perspective,
we took that Sunday school hour to lay before you some of these
overarching biblical perspectives. We contemplated God as the great
model of verbal communication. We saw that man made in his image
reflected that image of God in all areas, not the least of which
was this aspect of his God-given identity as a verbal communicator. And then the tragedy of sin's
entrance, and as we trace through some major categories of biblical
revelation, we noted that no little constant reminder of man's
sinfulness is to be found in the use of his tongue. In those
categorical descriptions of fallen humanity in such passages as
Mark chapter 7 and in Romans chapter 3, 10 to 18, Galatians
5, 19-21, in many of those passages, the sins that are the outflow
of the human heart are sins that cut a channel via the tongue. They are sins in which we employ
our tongues to evil. And so it is not surprising that
our Lord says, by your words you will be justified, and by
your words you will be condemned. Well, at that time I said it
could well be that I might follow that with some further studies,
and I had so much encouragement. I don't know when I've had so
many people say, please teach or preach some more on that subject. I feel that I desperately need
help in that area. Others came and said that as
a result of that one study, they had received such help that they
wanted more. And as I reflected on how best
to use this Lord's Day night, and God willing the next two
Lord's Day evenings, I felt it would be well for us to come
back to this subject, and as I prayerfully contemplated how
to do it at so vast a subject, my mind was drawn to a text that
God has used again and again in my own life in this area.
of verbal communication, as well as many other areas, and it's
that text that I want to turn to tonight, briefly expound it,
and then apply it very specifically in several areas of this aspect
of Christian life and experience, namely verbal communication. So the title of our study tonight
is The Golden Rule and Verbal Communication. And of course,
the golden rule is found in Matthew chapter 7 and verse 12. And we're
considering the Golden Rule and verbal communication, and since
verbal communication involves basically two things, a tongue
and an ear, we're going to examine tonight verbal communication
in the light of the Golden Rule, particularly as it pertains to
the tongue, and God willing, next week, as it pertains to
the ear. So tonight, we have the Golden
Rule and the use of your tongue. Now then, a brief exposition
of the Golden Rule, Matthew 7 and verse 12. All things therefore
whatsoever you would that men should do unto you, even so do
you also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. Now as we attempt to understand
the basic significance and meaning of this verse, We must never,
never divorce it from the overall context of the Sermon on the
Mount. There are many people who dip right down into this
concluding section of the Sermon on the Mount, extract the Golden
Rule, and they say, my religion is the religion of the Golden
Rule. I want no theology, I want no
cross, I want no talk about sin and repentance and faith and
redemption and justification and holiness. I want the simple
religion of the Golden Rule. Well, Jesus didn't give us the
Golden Rule dropped down on a skyhook. It came to us embedded in a continuity
of thought. And if anything is clear in the
Sermon on the Mount, It is clear that true religion is a matter
of the heart in its relationship to God. You can never find true
religion on a simply horizontal level. Now this verse is filled
with the emphasis of the horizontal. As you would that men should
do unto you, even so do ye also unto them. But it comes to us
in an overall context in which the essence of true religion
is a matter of the heart's relationship to the true and living God. And
out of that relationship, a life conformed to the law of God before
God and before men. And so just that word of caution,
that as we come to the text, though we are going to examine
what it says, particularly with its emphasis upon our horizontal
relationships, never think for a moment that we can possibly
begin to work out the principles of this text. unless we know
something of the reality of a heart experience of the grace of God,
unless we know what it is to be in communion with God through
His Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord. But with respect to our horizontal
obligations, Jesus says that this particular axiom, this golden
rule, is a summation of the entire ethical and moral demands of
the whole Old Testament. When he says, for this is the
law and the prophets, what he is saying is this. that in this
little axiom, this little rule, as you would that others do unto
you, even so do ye also unto them, we have the common denominator
of all that the ethical and moral demands of the Law and the Prophets,
that is, the entire Old Testament. But someone who has a little
acquaintance with his Bible says, Pastor, I thought that the Law
and the Prophets all hung on the two great commands. I thought,
and you think rightly if that's what you're thinking, that Jesus
said when asked the question, what is the great commandment,
I read now from Matthew 22 and verse 35, Matthew 22, 35, and
one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question trying him, teacher,
which is the great commandment in the law? And he said unto
them, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, with all your mind. This is the great
and first commandment. And a second like unto it is
this. You shall love your neighbor
as yourself. On these two commandments the
whole law hangeth and the prophets. Well, is there contradiction?
Jesus said, as you would that others do to you, even so do
to them, for this is the law of the prophets. And yet a few
chapters later we find him saying, you shall love the Lord your
God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and your
neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang
all the law of the prophets. Well, there's no contradiction.
The passage in Matthew 22 takes in the vertical as well as the
horizontal demands of God's law. The latter The responsibility
to love our neighbor as ourselves is just differently stated by
our Lord here in Matthew 7.12. Matthew 7.12 is a different way
of stating what it means to love your neighbor as yourself. And
if you love your neighbor as yourself, you will, in every
situation, seek to put yourself in precisely his set of circumstances
and ask this question, If I were in his set of circumstances,
surrounded with all of the factors that surround him, with all of
the factors within him that I'm aware of, what would I want someone
to do to me? What would I want someone to
say to me? What would I not want them to
do to me? What would I not want them to
say to me? Well, Jesus said, having put
yourself in your neighbor's shoes on his territory, in his circumstances,
and asking the question, how would I be treated in that situation,
in my own best self-interest, Jesus said, having stood where
He is, in His shoes, in His territory, in His circumstances, then come
back out here and do exactly to Him what you wish He would
do for you if you were where He is. You see? As you would
that others do unto you, even so do you also unto them. To love your neighbor as yourself
means that when put in his situation and circumstances you do to him
exactly what you would desire him to do to you and for you
in your own best interest. Now the text obviously assumes
that there is a legitimate self-love a disposition to self-preservation. And it's amazing that even in
unconverted, unregenerate, and in many ways highly profligate
people, they know what's in their own best interest and they have
a keen ethical and moral sense when someone violates it. A man
may be a foul-mouthed, cursing, lying, reprobate, but you let
someone cut him off on the highway when he's pulling up to a toll
booth, And out come all his expletives and the rest. Who is that guy
to take away my lane? Well, he has a sense of what's
right, doesn't he? Doesn't he? You see, even in his foul-mouthed,
reprobate, abandoned state, he has a keen sense of what is in
his own best interest. And our Lord is appealing to
that very fundamental ethical consciousness in which we cannot
help make judgments upon others when they wrong us. And Jesus
says, as you would that others do to you, even so do ye also
unto them, for this is the law and the prophets. Let me read
a summary statement of Dr. Lloyd-Jones commenting on this
passage in which he brings together some of the thoughts that I've
already expressed and states them a little differently. What
an extraordinary and remarkable statement this is. It is nothing,
of course, but an epitome of the commandments which our Lord
has summed up elsewhere in the words, love your neighbor as
yourself. He's really saying that if you're
in trouble at all as to how you should deal with others and behave
with respect to them, this is how you should act. You do not
start, I'm sorry, yes, you do not start with the other person.
You start by asking yourself, what is it I like? What are the
things that please me? What are the things that help
and encourage me? And you ask yourself, what are
the things I dislike? What are the things that upset
me and bring out the worst in me? What are the things that
are hateful to me and discouraging to me? You make a list of both
these things, your likes and dislikes. You work them out in
detail, not only in deeds, but in thoughts and in speech, with
respect to the whole of your life and activities. What do
I like people to think about me? What is it that tends to
hurt me? And then Dr. Lloyd-Jones goes
on to say, having done that, then you say, all right, people
are made of the same stuff of which I am made and the things
that hurt me and grieve me hurt and grieve them the things that
I like they like in terms of the general structure of what
God has made us as social beings and creatures in his own image
when we thought through that matter then as we would that
others do unto us even so we are to do to them for this is
the law and the prophets Well then, so much for that brief
exposition of the text, now I want to begin to make specific application
of the Golden Rule to the use of our tongues. Specific application of the Golden
Rule to the use of our tongues. And as I began to write down
the many ways in which the Golden Rule ought to apply to the use
of our tongues, I was hard-pressed to find some organizing principle.
How can I organize and collate all of these things? And I'm
not entirely satisfied with what I've come up with, but it's the
best that I have, and the hour to preach came, so I had to use
what was at hand. With reference to these three
things, the when we speak to others, The what we speak to
others and the how we speak to others. We're going to take specific
examples under each of these three headings, give a bit of
a description of it, and then apply the text. And if nothing
else, by the end of this night, I hope you'll hear the text ringing
in your ears because you're going to hear it at least a dozen times
tonight quoted in your hearing. First of all, when we speak to
others. How do you feel when you desperately
want someone to communicate to you and they won't. You sense
that a person is troubled and you desire to enter in and bear
their burden. The Bible says, bear one another's
burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. And your heart has
already shouldered the burden of your brother, your sister.
your wife, your husband, your son, your daughter, that friend,
that fellow church member. Your heart has already been given
over in principled Christian love to bear their burden. And
you sense that something is distressing. And not as a busybody, not as
someone who's nosy, who under the guise of saying, I want to
pray for you, just wants more information. I'm not talking
about that sickening kind of carnality. I'm talking about
a genuine God-given grace, wrong desire to bear another person's
burden. God in grace has given you a
heart for that brother, that sister, that husband, wife, son
or daughter, father, mother, uncle, whoever it is. Now how
do you feel when you long to share that burden and you make
it evident that you do and you put out the signals that you
want them to communicate the concern and they won't talk? How do you feel? How do you feel? How do you feel? Do you know
anything of that feeling? The frustration, the hurt, the
pain, it's a form of unrequited love. You don't want anything
from them. You simply want to serve them
in love and they won't let you. How frustrating it is. How discouraging. Well, as you would that others
do unto you, even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law
and the prophets. Ah, but you say it isn't like
me, the cherub. It doesn't make a bit of difference. Jesus doesn't say, as you would
do to others, if you feel like it, if it's your temperament,
if it comes naturally. This is the law and the prophets. And you've got to subject your
temperament to the law of God in the power of the Holy Ghost.
Subject your feelings to the law of God. Stop this copping
out. It's not my temperament. I'm
a closed person. Rubbish! God commands it. Pastor, why are you so worked
up? Because it's a form of cruelty! Dear loving wife, who wants to
share the burdens of her husband. She wants to enter in and sympathetically
share with him the frustrations at work. to share with him the
perplexity of how to juggle all of these brands of his responsibilities
as her head and head of the household and provider and she senses he's
distressed and with her loving, submissive, godly, grace-touched
heart she wants this man to communicate and he won't do it! He just goes
off and sits hidden behind a book or hidden in front of his TV
or him now tinkering with his garb and her heart bleeds. He never stops to think, as you
would what others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them. Think of those situations where
you sense there's a cloud, a wall with a brother, a sister, a friend,
a parent, a child, husband, wife, and you come And you say, dear,
son, daughter, mom, dad, brother, so-and-so, sister, so-and-so,
I sense there's some kind of a wall. Have I done something
to offend you? What have you done? You've come willing to
face anything you've done wrong. And you've bared yourself and
said, is there anything troubling you? And they won't tell you.
How do you feel when you found out later? They didn't tell you.
Or maybe you never find out. You're just convinced the wall
is there and you sense it and it's evident. How do you feel
when they won't communicate? You say, I feel pain, I feel
greed, I know the Holy Spirit is greed. As you would that others
do unto you, even so do he also unto them, for this is the law
and the prophets. when God has put it into your
heart to live in harmony and peace with His people, and you
sense that that harmony is fractured, and with all your heart you want
to see it mended, and you take the steps the Bible says you
should take, but the person won't communicate and tell you where
you've offended them, or at least where in their judgment you've
offended them, so the issues can be set right. The pain it
causes you. Well, don't you cause that pain
to anyone else? When someone comes and looks you in the eye
and says, brother, sister, dear, son, daughter, mom, dad, whoever
you are, whatever the relationship, have I done something to offend
you? Don't you clam up! Communicate. Communicate. Why? As you would that others
do unto you, do ye also unto them. For this is the law and
the prophets. think of the situation under
the when we communicate how do you feel when you've really sought
to please someone and all you long for next to the approbation
of your Lord in the last day for he will not forget even the
cup of cold water given in his name is that the person you've
done it for out of selfless love will just recognize and give
a word of genuine appreciation you don't want to be made a hero
or a heroine You don't want to be put on somebody's all-star
role and you don't want a dozen freshly cut long stem roses. All you want is some acknowledgement
that he or she has recognized your love offering and is pleased
with it. That's all you want. You know
what that is? Say you kids. Mom's gone out
shopping and you know that it would really tickle her if all
you did was maybe clean up the kitchen a little bit and wash
up the dishes. And you did it. What? To please mom and dad.
You don't want them to tell the pastor and have an announcement
made Sunday morning. Do you know that so and so did
the dishes without being asked? All you want is for mom and dad
to notice it, pop you up on the knee and give you a squeeze and
say, that pleases mommy. Thank you for showing your love.
That's all you want. And then you're just happy for a whole
day and a half, right? Sure. Just recognition and simple words
of appreciation. Now how do you feel in those
situations when that would have been the capstone on the joy
you had in doing what you did as unto the Lord, but to please
a fellow human being? Husband, wife, son, daughter,
mom, dad, brother, sister, whatever the relationship. How do you
feel when you don't even know from their words that they recognize
what you do, let alone whether they'd appreciate it? How do
you feel? Come on, be honest. How do you feel? It's like a
slap in the face with a wet noodle. It's not a slap in the face with
a hand that either bespeaks anger or an attitude of despising,
but it's like a slap in the face with a wet noodle. Isn't it? You like that feeling? Anybody
here like it? As you would that others do unto
you. Even so do ye also unto them,
for this is the law and the prophets." You men, what does a godly wife
want from you? With that endless round of cooking
meals, and washing your dirty clothes, and changing the sheets
on the bed, and all of the mundane things she does, as unto her
Lord, capital L, and unto her Lord, little l, What does she
want? Well, ultimately she wants the
smile and approbation of her Heavenly Father and of her Lord
Jesus, well done, good and faithful servant. Is it wrong for her
to want at least the knowledge that you recognize that she does
this and that you're thankful? No, that is not wrong. You remember
Jesus told the story of the ten methods who were healed? Only
one stopped long enough. to go back and say thank you. You go back and say thank you.
Oh, you say it's such a little thing. Yeah, it is. But how do
you feel when you're denied that little thing? How do you feel
when you're denied that little thing? You like it? No. Well, as you would that others
do to you, even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law
and the prophets. Another area under the when we
speak to others. How do you feel? when you know
you've wronged a brother or sister, father, mother, husband or wife,
and you've sought their forgiveness, and they will not give you the
two things you most desperately want when you've gone in true
repentance. A verbal assurance that they are freely and fully
forgiven, and a verbal assurance that the issue is buried and
forgotten. Not stuck in the closet to be
dragged out with all the other things the next time you do it. Now let me ask you. How do you
feel when you have truly been broken before God? That angry
word you said to your wife. That insubmissive word you said
to your husband. That lie you told your mom or
dad. That thing you did to a brother or sister, perhaps even carelessly,
and sometimes willfully, and God has broken your heart, and
you've gone into your closet and said, Oh God, for Jesus Christ's
sake, forgive my sin and you pleaded his promise if we confess
our sins he's faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse
us from all unrighteousness and you come out of the place of
prayer or perhaps from the sink or wherever it is you don't need
to go off into a closet to confess your sins sometimes there isn't
there isn't the opportunity to but you dealt with your sin before
God and fresh with the fragrance of his forgiving grace, you've
gone to the person you've wronged and said, I'm sorry I've wronged
you, will you forgive me? And they just mumble and say,
let her appear again. I'm sorry I didn't hear you.
I've acknowledged my sin. I make no excuse for my sin.
Will you forgive me? How do you feel? Think of it for a minute, Christian,
how do you deal when there's anything less than an appropriate
response if it's a wife or a husband taking you into the arms, a gentle
love tap, whatever it is, some expression, dear, I do freely,
unreservedly forgive and by God's grace the issue is forgotten
and buried. It's a terrible thing to go around
knowing God's forgiven But the person, the fellow sinner, the
fellow creature, will not verbalize the forgiveness as you would
that others do unto you. Even so, do ye also unto them. To me, one of the greatest privileges
as a Christian is to be a little mirror of God's forgiveness.
And to me, few things are a more delightful Christian duty than
to obey Ephesians 4.32. Be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving
one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you.
And when a brother or sister says, will you forgive me for
this, as it's appropriate to take them in my arms and say,
my brother, my sister, I forgive you with joy. You mean you're
not going to hold it against me? How can I? How many times
have I gone to God and He holds it against me no more? He's buried
it in the sea of His forgetfulness. What a joy to mirror something
of God's free forgiveness. Do you do that? Do you verbalize
it? I can't read your heart. Who
knoweth the things of a man save the spirit of the man which is
in you? Who knows what I'm thinking right now but God and me? Anyone
here? Know what I'm thinking right
now? Right now, what thought is there right in my mind right
now? Do you know? God knows. And I know it happened to be,
so I could say there was a specific thought, that the thought says
five minutes after seven. But now you didn't know the thoughts
that were in me until I verbalized them. Who knoweth the things
of a man save the spirit of a man which is in him? And Paul goes
on to say, even so no man knows the things of God, save the Spirit
of God, but then he says, God's revealed these things in words.
God's thoughts have come out of his own infinite mind and
heart, and they've come in words! And your wife can't read your
thoughts, your husband can't read your thoughts, your kids
can't read your thoughts. Oh, how vital it is, parents,
that you be an accurate image-bearer of God to your children. And
even when you still may be stewing over that stupid thing they did
that's going to cost you hundreds of dollars or cost you personal
shame, when they're broken before God and come and say, Dad, will
you forgive me? Don't you go grousing around
for three days and make them do some kind of penance. You
reflect with God who reflects his own likeness in a parable
like the parable of the father who receives the returning prodigal.
He didn't say, get your act together and behave yourself for six months
and then I'll see if I'll take it back. God didn't do that with
you, my friend, and thank God He didn't do it with me. The
moment you came broken, there was a welcome. There was a welcome. And we're to be like Him. We're
to forgive as our Heavenly Father forgives. Apply the golden rule
to this matter of when you communicate. Let me take another category.
or another example of the when, how do you feel when you're passing
through a deep trial and you long for just some word of assurance
that others who know of your trial, though helpless to do
anything but pray for you, you long for some little word of
assurance that they're caring, that they're sharing the burden
with you, just a word Just a touch on the shoulder. My brother,
my sister, dear, son, daughter, mom, dad. I feel frustrated. There's not much I can do. I
know you're going through something and I wish I could share it,
but I can't. But I want you to know, I feel for you. How does
that feel to you? When you're passing through something
and someone just comes with those words. Are those words cheap?
I'll tell you, sometimes their price is worth more than gold.
When you speak that word in season in the language of the prophet
Isaiah to him that is weary, just a word below what that word
means. As you would that others do unto
you, even so do you also unto them. When you see your brothers
and sisters passing through a trial, when you are in that situation,
what would you that men do to you? You don't want them to fall
all over you and make you the outlaw. No, no. Your heart is
too free of self to want the whole world to stop and bow at
the shrine of your problem or your trial. No. You know that
each man shall bear his own load. But you also know that you don't
bear it alone. You're in fellowship with Christ
and his people. And the scripture says, when
one member suffers, all the members suffer with it. And you just
long for that assurance from your brethren in words. I'm standing
with you. I'm praying for you. That's why
those of us who come through any kind of extended illness,
don't let anyone say in our presence a card and a note means nothing.
Every day when the mail comes and you're confined to your home,
that's a living bond between you and those who love you. You
will not know how those who are afflicted cherish the little
note, the little card, the little expression, as you would that
others do to you. Even so, do ye also. Well, I could go on and perhaps
show others, but I trust these are enough specimen things that
touch the real world in which we all live to see how vital
is the golden rule applied to our tongues, not so much in a
negative way. I've tried to focus on the positive.
You notice what the text says? It doesn't say, as you would
that men do not do to you, so do not to them. Well, that's
implied. The negative is implied in the positive wherever you
have moral directives. But it's couched in a positive
way, as you would that men do to you. Even so, do ye to them. This Golden Rule is telling you
not so much how not to use your tongue, but how to use it. How to use it in a positive way. So as we think of our relationship
with each other in the body of Christ, let's pray that the Golden
Rule will be both a prod as well as a powerful restraint upon
our tongues with reference to when we speak to one another,
that in our relationship as husbands and wives that regardless of
whatever diversity of temperaments we may have, and regardless of
whether we are naturally loquacious or naturally reserved, we'll
go down on our knees before God and say, Lord, as a husband,
as a father, as a wife, as a son, as a daughter, as a mother, whatever
my relationships are, Lord, this is your word. Teach me how to
apply it in the concrete day-by-day experience, in the circumstances
in which you've placed Now I want to take up briefly the matter
of what we speak to others. Not only does the golden rule
need to be applied to our tongues with respect to when we speak
to others, but what we speak to others. When someone speaks
to you or about you, what do you want them to speak? Half-truths? Slander? Outright lies? Or do you want them to speak
truth? and nothing but the truth perhaps not necessarily all the
truth unless you've asked for that and they say you're getting
that, they're getting that certainly you want people to take conscience
or to make conscience of Ephesians 4.25 wherefore putting away falsehood
speak ye truth each one with his brother for we are members
one of another putting away falsehood speak truth everyone with his
neighbor. Have you ever stopped to think
how insulted you are when you know that someone has deliberately
lied to you? God willing, one of these days
I want to preach a sermon on the sanctity of truth and deal
with the whole subject of lying in the prominent place that it
is given in the word of God. But suffice it to say for tonight,
think for a moment. When do you feel some of your
deepest indignation as a human being, even as a Christian? Is
it not when you discover that someone has willfully, deliberately
lied to you? It's one of the most powerful,
one of the most crippling blows that someone can lay upon us
in terms of despising what we are as image bearers of God is
when they deliberately, willfully lie to us. Don't you feel smashed
and crushed when you discover someone's lied to you? Some of
us as parents can remember the first time we discovered when
our kids lied to us and we felt like it was the end of the world.
I can remember very, very vividly some of those times when the
first time their unregenerate hearts manifested themselves
in jettisoning the sanctity of truth and I felt utterly and
absolutely crushed. Some of you perhaps have been
lied to as wives, as husbands. Perhaps some of you kids have
had the pain of finding out as you got older that your mom and
dad lied to you. And you remember, it was like
the whole world came to an end. Being lied to is a terrible thing,
isn't it? Isn't that a terrible thing? Someone lies to you. As you would that others do unto
you. Even so, Do he also unto them, for this is the law and
the promise. You come to someone and say,
is anything bothering you? And they say, oh no. And yet
it is. That's a lie. That's not a polite
put off. That's a lie. You have the prerogative
to say, even to a husband or wife, to a son or daughter, the
most intimate relationship and then the less intimate relationship.
Yes, my brother. Yes, my sister. Yes, my dear.
Yes, my son. Yes, mom. Yes, dad. Something's
bothering me, but would you give me a few minutes? Would you give
me an hour or two to think through how I want to express what it
is? I'm going to tell you, but I need some time to get my thoughts
sorted out. Nothing wrong with that. That's
a matter of the when. in order that you might be more
considerate of the how because you don't trust yourself that
what you say will not only be truthful but gracious unless
you give a little more time for your spirit to simmer down or
to pray for a little more courage maybe what you got to tell them
you know is going to be very self-inviting and so you need
time to pray through all right that's perfectly legitimate what
I'm talking about is this playing games when a husband says to
a wife something's bothering you dear isn't it no nothing's
bothering me Well, you don't need to be God to know she's
lying. It's written all over her face. Husband comes home,
his chin dragging on the floor like canes. Why has my confidence
fallen? Don't need to shave the bottom
of his chin the next morning. It's all straight gone. Something's troubling you, dear,
isn't it? That's a lie. Now we laugh, and
perhaps I've injected a little bit of the humorous element,
but don't you see that's a lie? something that is bothering. How do you feel when you want
to enter into that and someone doesn't speak truth to you? Well,
what we speak to others must be the truth, even though the
truth hurts, even though the truth wounds, even though the
truth may bring to me great shame. It's far better to bear shame
and reproach than to have the breach of broken trust by telling
a lie. Listen to me, kids. It's far
better to have your bottom warmed than to have your whole relationship
with mom and dad clouded with a lie. Because you know what
happens when you lie to mom and dad. It's so hard to look them
in the eye afterward, isn't it? Huh? Isn't it? When you lie to
mom and dad, it's so hard to look them in the eye because
their eyes are so trusty. And their eyes tell you that
they love you. And their eyes tell you but their hearts are
towards you. And when you lie to them, it's
pretty hard to look them in the eye, isn't it? Isn't it? What a price
to pay. Go ahead and tell the truth.
Suppose you get spanked. Suppose you get grounded for
a week or two if you're a teenager. Suppose there's something even
far worse than that. In terms of human relationships,
nothing is worse than the fracturing of the climate of trust that
comes when you lie. So what we speak, apply the golden
rule, as you would that others do to you, even so do ye also
unto them. And then with respect to the
what we speak to others, it should be not only truth, but appropriate
words at the appropriate time. The appropriate words at the
appropriate time. A word fitly spoken is the language
of the writer of the Proverbs. A word fitly spoken. How do you
like it when someone is totally insensitive to your present situation?
Here's a poor wife, she's at home, she's been changing diapers
and chasing kids around in romping bottoms all day long, and her
husband comes through the door and she's just about out of her
tree, and he's going to tell her the truth, he just got fired.
Well, he's speaking the truth, and I'm anticipating now the
whole matter of of the when. It's hard to separate these things.
Now that's the how, so this would come under the what. That's really
another category, isn't it? They all get mixed up. But appropriate
words at the appropriate time. As you would that others do unto
you, even so do ye also unto them. So begin to apply that. Pray that God will make you sensitive,
not only to when you speak, but to what you speak. And then that
third category, and I want to open this up a little bit more,
how we speak to others. And I believe we would all agree
that we would, that when others speak to us, they speak graciously,
that they speak reasonably, that they speak to us peacefully? How do you feel when you're wrong
and you deserve a reproof and a rebuke, but it's given in an
ungracious way with an unnecessary cutting edge to it? The book
of Proverbs says in chapter 12 and verse 18, this verse that
comes back to me so many times and has been a rebuke to my own
conscience, there is that speaks rashly like the piercings of
a sword. But the tongue of the wise is
health. There is that speaks rashly like the piercings of
a sword. How many parents have pierced
their children times without number by speaking rashly to
them. They didn't speak graciously.
They didn't rebuke graciously. They didn't discipline graciously.
You dummy, have you done that again? And they demeaned and
battered the soul and pierced the spirit of that precious young
life. Some of us have to try to sort
out the wrecks who are pierced through times without number
by these kind of sharp words. Colossians 4, 6 says, let your
speech be with grace seasoned with salt. How do you like it
when someone speaks to you ungraciously? Well, if you don't, then as you
would that others do unto you. even so do ye also unto them,
for this is the law and the prophets." How do you feel when someone's
words are unnecessarily provocative to hostility? When the way they
speak to you seems to be like a powerful magnet drawing out
the worst of your remaining corruption. Do you like that? The Bible says
in Proverbs 15, a soft answer. turns away wrath, but grievous
words stir up strife. The husband comes to his wife,
and so now there's a matter I want to talk to you about, and he
could not calculate a better way to elicit a carnal response
from her. It may be a very legitimate thing,
but the manner how he speaks could not be more calculated
to draw out her remaining corruption than the way in which he approaches
her. whereas the soft answer would have turned away wrath.
In the language of Proverbs, the soft answer breaks the bone. Do you like people to speak to
you graciously? Then as you would that others
do unto you, do ye also unto them. How do you feel when someone's
statements are unreasonable? They blow things all out of proportion. Yes, you've done something. Yes,
you've said something you shouldn't. And someone comes and the whole
thing is blown utterly unreasonable. They've blown it all out of proportion.
How do you feel when you try to sort a thing like that out?
You just feel like saying, forget it. Isn't that the way you feel? How in the world, if a person
will take my words and make them... How can you reason with a character
like that? You feel absolutely disgraced, don't you? Hmm? You
know what I'm talking about? Am I the only person who's ever
met people like that? Is there something about me that draws
them to myself? You know what that is, don't
you? When people are utterly unreasonable in how they speak
to you. You don't like to be spoken to
in an unreasonable manner, as you would that others do unto
you. Even so, be ye also unto them, for this is the law. And
hear me now, if your speaking is in any way disciplined by
the Spirit of God applying this text to your tongue, then innuendo,
sarcasm, needling, and ridicule will never be part of your speech. Innuendo, making suggestions
about things, not being man or woman enough in a gracious way
to be up front and say, this is a matter of little suggestions,
round the back door. Innuendo, sarcasm, putting someone
down in a sarcastic manner, needling, focusing on someone's faults,
focusing on someone's physical characteristics that either we
don't like or that are a bit abnormal and needling about them,
or personality characteristics and then ridicule. None of us,
unless something is snapped in our minds, likes to stand before
anyone speaking to us and heaping upon us innuendo, sarcasm, needling
and ridicule. Anybody here that likes to be
ridiculed? Anyone here that likes to be needled? Not in the innocent
way. One of the ways people can show
they're very secure in a relationship is innocent kidding. That's not
needling. But you know it's innocent because
their relationship is strengthened when it's all over. That's how
you can test. You say, oh, it's just innocent
needling with me and my wife. Well, how is it that she goes
off crying when you're done? No, no, that's not innocent needling. amongst intimate friends, one
of the ways they affirm their friendship, they're so secure
in it, they can kid each other in an innocent way, and even
kid about very personal things. A husband and wife who have a
good, solid relationship, and they know through the years the
areas they're just unable to change, so they just learn to
accept each other. They can kid each other about those things,
and it strengthens their relationship. It's an affirmation of their
mutual acceptance. But you know that kind of needling
I'm talking about, don't you? that wounds and hurts and fractures
an already tenuous relationship, as you would that others do unto
you, even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law and
the prophets." Well, these are just a few applications of the
Golden Rule to the use of our tongue. Let me say, as I try
to bring the message to a conclusion, by way of application, this text,
first of all, surely shows us our native condition in the light
of God's holy law, doesn't it? If the summary of the whole Old
Testament law with regard to horizontal relationships is this,
as you would that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto
them, for this is the law of the prophets. Surely this text
shows us that by nature the carnal mind is enmity against God and
is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can it be.
We are so encouraged to be self-centered that we can't extricate ourselves
from ourselves long enough to put ourselves in the other person's
place. And so our golden rule is, as
others do to you, do unto them plus a little more. Live back
what is given to you with interest. That's the golden rule according
to an unregenerate carnal heart. If you've been sitting here tonight
saying, there's no way I could ever live that life, There is
no way, my friend, that may be the most accurate discovery you've
ever made about yourself. Because there is no way you can
live like that if left to yourself. For Romans 8, 7 goes on to say,
neither indeed can it be. Your heart left to itself can
never live by the golden rule. It lives by the rule of me and
mine at the expense of God and all the image bearers of God.
I'm going to do my own thing. please myself that's why the
first element in the call to discipleship is precisely at
this point if any man would come after me let him deny himself
take up his cross and follow me so surely this text reveals
to us our native condition in the light of God's law incorrigibly
self-centered in a condition that we have no power to change
What we need is a new heart, a heart that will desire to put
itself in the place of my wife, my husband, son or daughter,
mom and dad, brother, sister, neighbor, friend. I tell you,
this comes pretty close to home. It's not with regard to speech,
but I had it hit me this week with regard to the bump fender
in our 77 Matador. Some woman plowed right into
my wife. No question it was her fault. She admitted it in front
of the police. She just plowed right into it and wasn't looking.
So she said, we want to settle apart from the insurance. We
don't want insurance rates to go up. Get an estimate from such
and such a place and bring it over and we'll settle. Well,
I went to that place and they gave an estimate for $818. They
replaced the fender and all the rest. I said, boy, that's awfully
high. I'll go to somewhere else. They gave an estimate to bang
it out and body putty it and fix it up for $315. You know
what text came to me? As you would that others do unto
you. Even so do ye also unto them, for this is the law of
the prophets. I need to tell you what I settled for, do I?
I've got a check for $315.08. Ah, but you say there'll be some
body, won't be, so who cares? It's going to be there in the
junkyard in a few years. Will I give up an opportunity
to display the grace of Christ? Oh, but it's your right, as you would
that others do unto you. If you're out for your pound
of flesh, you're a worldly, terrible, godless man. And the sooner you
face it, the better. They took joyfully the spoiling
of their goods, it says, knowing they had a better inheritance. You say you're letting someone
run over you. I'm glad the Lord Jesus let somebody run over him.
The juggernaut of God's wrath. At the hands of wicked men! Or
I wouldn't have a Savior tonight, and neither would you. As you
would that others do to you, even so do ye also unto them.
Can't do it, my friend. Left to yourself. But in the
positive way, this text does show us The wonderful provisions
of God's grace in the giving of a new heart and in the gift
of the Spirit so that the sons and daughters of the kingdom,
though not living perfectly by this rule, are nonetheless set
with all of their hearts to walk by this rule. They want to keep
the law, not to gain salvation. that having been freely forgiven
by him who perfectly kept the law on their behalf and then
took into himself and utterly exhausted in his agony upon the
cross the wrath of God against that broken law having come to
him loving him they want to obey him and when he says As you would
that others do unto you, even so do ye also unto them. For
this is the law of the prophets. They don't say, oh, that's too
high a standard, too far beyond me. It's not. And say, Lord Jesus,
by your dying love, by the agonies of Gethsemane, and by the awful
baptism of Golgotha, and by the mighty power of your open tomb,
and by the descent of the Spirit, by all those great redemptive
privileges, Lord Jesus, equip me so to live tomorrow with my
wife, my husband, my work associates, my classmates at school, my neighbors,
whatever the relationship, oh may God take this golden rule
and somehow, I don't know what imagery to use, but do something
with it that will get into every fiber of this memory and enable
us in all of our speech, the when, the what and the how to
remember that as we would that others do unto us even so to
do unto them for this is the Law and the Prophets. Let us
pray. Our Father we plead with you
that by the Spirit's mighty power You would send your word into
all of our hearts. Forgive us for our insensitivity
to one another. We have been so wrapped up in
ourselves that we've not put ourselves in our brother or sister's
shoes, in the shoes of our children, in the shoes of our friends and
those about us. Oh God, forgive us. Wash us afresh
in the blood of your dear son. purge our lips from their many
sins. Words of sarcasm, words of unreasonableness,
words of untruth and slander, O our Father, make our sins to
be exceedingly sinful in our own eyes, that we may come to
a new appreciation of your grace and mercy in the Lord Jesus.
And we pray that even on the morrow, yea Lord, even the remaining
hours of this night, We may find this text regulating our speech
one with another. Hear our cry, seal your word
to our hearts, and for those who perhaps have seen their hearts
for the first time tonight, give them no rest until they flee
to your beloved Son and find the joyful deliverance from sin
that is in Him. Hear us and answer us, we plead,
in His worthy name. Amen.

Verbal Communication #2

Key Quotes

What does the Bible say about verbal communication?

How can I control my tongue according to the Bible?

Why is the Golden Rule important for Christians?

How should Christians respond when wronged in communication?

How important is truthfulness in Christian communication?

Sermon Transcript

About Albert N. Martin

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Verbal Communication #2

Key Quotes

What does the Bible say about verbal communication?

How can I control my tongue according to the Bible?

Why is the Golden Rule important for Christians?

How should Christians respond when wronged in communication?

How important is truthfulness in Christian communication?

Sermon Transcript

About Albert N. Martin

Comments

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