In our study through the different
books of the Bible, we've come to Paul's letter to the Ephesians. And I will tell you, I absolutely
love this epistle. I don't know if it's right to
say this, but it may be my favorite. In this letter, Paul makes so
clear to us that Christ is all. Christ is all of our salvation.
Christ is all of our doctrine. Christ is all of our preaching.
And Christ is all in the believers everyday walk through this world.
Christ in the heart will affect our conduct, our walk through
this world. And that's certainly true in
the case of our subject this morning, the subject of marriage.
I don't know anything that affects our everyday life over the course
of our lifetime more than marriage does. We spend a lot of time
being married. And this morning I've asked Tara
and Eric if they bring their classes out here this morning.
I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to spend some time with you all
this week and wasn't done, wasn't ready to give up that time of
being able to talk to you and teach you a little bit. And I
hope that you'll pay very close attention to what God's word
has to say to you about marriage. If you start learning these things
now, some of you, Lila, it seems like forever till you're going
to be married, doesn't it? It'll come faster than what you
think. Some of you be, you know, it's probably coming sooner rather
than later. But if you start learning these
things now, learning them from God's word. You'll have you'll
be a better husband when it comes time. You'll be a better wife
and you'll have a happier marriage. And to those of us who are already
married. We need to be reminded frequently
that the foundation of our roles in our marriage is a husband
or a wife. That foundation is Christ. Our marriages are pictures
of the union that exists between Christ and his bride. And that
makes marriage very, very important. So the title of the message this
morning is how to have a happy marriage. And Paul speaks to
us very plainly. You can't mistake what he's saying
here. He speaks to us very plainly of marriage. And he begins speaking
to wives. Ladies, if you want to know how
to be a good wife, it's very simple. All you have to do is
look to Christ the Savior, and you'll understand everything
you need to know how to be a good wife. If you want to understand
why your role in the home is so important, all you have to
do is look to the bride of Christ here on this earth, the church.
Look at the church's role in this earth, and you'll have a
very good understanding of your role in the home. So Paul begins
here, Ephesians 5, verse 22, speaking to wives. Wives, submit yourselves under
your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the
head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and
he's the savior of the body. Now wife is to submit to the
authority of her husband. Ladies, I know that crosses the
flesh, doesn't it? It crosses the will and the way
of the flesh. But Paul's not speaking to the
flesh. He's speaking to the spirit. It's the spirit. Only the new
man can understand true submission and submission to the Lord. And
when Paul speaks here about wives submitting themselves to their
husband, what he's really speaking of is submitting yourself to
the Lord, to the way of the Lord. When you submit to the authority
of your husband, what you're really doing is submitting to
the authority of the Lord, your savior. Now that puts this matter
of submitting to your husband in a whole different light, doesn't
it? This is submitting to the way of our Savior. Now I want
to give you a couple things that this submission does not mean.
Submission does not mean that a woman has to submit to the
authority of every man. That's not what Paul says, is
it? He says, wife, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, not to
another husband, but to your husband, the one who swore. before he took an oath before
God and before whoever happened to be assembled as witnesses,
that he's going to love you. He's going to cherish you, that
he's going to care for you. You are to submit to your own
husband. Just as the church on earth, the bride of Christ, we
don't submit to the authority of every religion, do we? Of
every Jesus, every savior that's preached. No, we only submit
ourselves to our husband, to our bridegroom, Christ our Savior.
The church submits to our bridegroom, the Lord Jesus Christ, in the
same way that wives are to submit to under their own husbands.
Second, submission does not mean that women are second class citizens.
Not at all. A wife does not submit to her
husband because she's not as smart as her husband or because
she's less of a person than her husband. Absolutely not. I'll
show you two scriptures first in the Philippians chapter two. If you want to understand willing
submission to your husband, all you have to do is look to Christ
our savior. Philippians chapter two verse
five. Let this mind be in you, which
was also in Christ Jesus, who being in the form of God, thought
it not robbery to be equal with God, but made himself of no reputation. And he took upon him the form
of a servant. The prince of glory became a
servant and was made in the likeness of men and being found in fashion
as a man. He humbled himself and became
obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Now look
back at first Corinthians chapter 11. Speaking here of Christ, the
God, the son willingly submitted himself to his father. And that's
a picture of a woman submitting herself to her husband. First
Corinthians 11 verse three. But I would have you know that
the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is
the man and the head of Christ is God. They see what the apostles
teaching us here that the Lord Jesus Christ is the son of God.
He's equal with God. He's equally God in every way. He's equal in in every attribute
of God. Yet what did the son do? He submitted
himself to his father. He submitted himself to the will
of his father. And you know why he did it? He
did it for the good of his church. He did it for the good of his
bride so that she'd be saved. Christ is equal with the father,
but he submitted himself so that his father is his head. In the
exact same way, a wife, your head is your husband. And Christ,
our Savior, submits to that for the good of his church. Now that
makes submitting to your husband for the good of your family and
the happiness of your family a very beautiful thing, doesn't
it? Because it's a picture of what your savior did for you.
Thirdly, submission does not mean that a wife doesn't have
a say in what the family will do. She has every right to have
a say in what the family will do. God, our husband, hears all
of the prayers of his people. And let's be honest, sometimes
they're foolish, aren't they? Yet he hears. Now husbands remember
this, that we are a picture of Christ in the home. We're not
infallible like our savior is. And we would just be wise to
listen to what our wife has to say about, you know, she has
input in the things that we'll do. And her ideas may be better
than ours. We'd just be wise to listen to
them. But that's what submission is
not. And wives, I want you to look,
it'll be best for you, if you look at submitting to the authority
of your husband as a picture of salvation, it'll help you
so much. Look back in our text, verse 24. Therefore, as the church
is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands
in everything. Now look at your submission to
the authority of your husband as a picture of salvation. Now,
where did this thing of submission begin? Where did the thing of
the wives being subject to her husband, the husband being the
head of the wife, where did that all originate? Well, it began
in the garden, didn't it? In the fall, the woman was deceived
by Satan. And after that, what did God
tell Eve? That your husband will always
be your head. He'll always have the authority
over the wife. So this submission comes from
the fall of man. But it's also a picture of redemption
in Christ. Christ is the Savior of the body.
We're lost in Adam, but we're saved in Christ. Well, how happily
do I submit to Christ my Savior? How happily do I submit to the
one who went to such great lengths, who went to such great pains
in order to save me? Oh, very happily. I so happily
submit to Him. Well, wives, look at your submission
to your husband in that same way, as a picture of your loving,
willing submission to your Savior. The husband is the head of the
wife. The husband and the wife are joined in union together.
The head needs the body to be complete, and the body needs
the head to live. So wives, don't look at being
joined to your husband, having union with your husband as losing
your identity. Don't look at it that way at
all. Look at it, that union with your husband is the fulfillment
of your joy, is the fulfillment of the happiness of your life.
And I'll give you a couple of examples of things that are very
common in our day. In our day, it's getting very
popular for wives to keep their maiden name when they get married.
Now you single girls and women here, you listen to me. Don't
you do it. Don't do it. Don't keep your
maiden name. Not at all. I know what I'm talking about
now. Recently, my daughter Holly got married. She was very anxious,
very anxious to take Doug's name, Holly Harden. She's not Holly
Tate anymore, she's Holly Harden. And somebody asked me, doesn't
that bother you? Not in the least. No, it does not. Matter of fact,
if she would have wanted to keep her maid name, I told her, this
is what I'm telling you, don't you do it. And I would have told
her, don't do it, because I want her to be glad. I want her to
be happy. This is what's best for her. A family has one name. A husband and a wife have one
name, not two. Look at Jeremiah chapter 23. I've showed you these before.
And every single time I read them, it takes my breath. These
two scriptures in Jeremiah. In the garden, there was an article
about this in the bulletin a couple of weeks ago. God created the
man and the woman, and he called their name Adam. He called them
by one name. A husband and a wife have the
same name. And here's a glorious illustration of that in Jeremiah
chapter 23, verse 6. In his days, Judas shall be saved,
and Israel shall dwell safely. And this is his name, whereby
he shall be called. This is the name of our Savior.
This is the name of the Messiah who's coming, the Lord our righteousness. Jehovah Sid Kennedy. What a glorious
name of our Savior, the Lord, our righteousness. He is our
righteousness. Now look over a few pages at
Jeremiah chapter 33. Jeremiah 33 verse 16. In those days, Judah shall be
saved and Jerusalem shall dwell safely And this is the name wherewith
she shall be called the Lord, our righteousness, Jehovah Sidkenu. She's got the bride's got the
very same name as Christ our Savior, Jehovah Sidkenu, the
Lord, our righteousness. Can we just consider for a moment
how beautiful and how wonderful it is that Christ, my Savior,
would let me get rid of my worthless name and be called by His name,
to bear His glorious name. Now, ladies, you take the name
of your husband, and life is a picture of that very thing.
You, too, have one name. Second, women nowadays, they
just, you know, women's liver, women's power, wherever it's
come from, they don't think they need a man to provide for them
and protect them. And you're right, you probably
don't. But isn't it beautiful that your husband would want
to provide for you, that he'd want to protect you? Isn't it
beautiful that your husband would want to do for you as a picture,
to provide for you and protect you, just like Christ our Savior
gave his own self to provide for his bride and to protect
her, to eternally save her and protect her from all damnation,
from all judgment. Isn't it beautiful that your
husband, who's physically stronger than you, would want to use that
strength to protect you and do things for you? Yeah, you might
be able to do them for yourself, but isn't it beautiful that he'd
want to do them for you? He's stronger, he's got more ability
in that way. Just as Christ our Savior used
his strength, his eternal might, to save his people from their
sins. That makes submitting to the provision and the protection
strength of your husband all the more beautiful, doesn't it? And then last, wives are to be
keepers at home. And this is difficult in our
days. It seems like it takes two incomes,
and it's just a scrape by, and I understand that. But this is
the fact of the matter. Both husband and wife can work.
The wife's still the keeper. I mean, that's just the way it
works out. And I know that's got to be,
I hear it too often, being a keeper at home has got to be the most
difficult job there is. It's a never ending job. And
sadly to say, often it's a thankless job, isn't it? But you know that
difficult, thankless job is a glorious job God's given to the wife.
Because it's a picture of the job of the bride, the church
here on earth. The church is to be keepers at
home. We're to be the keepers and the
teachers, the providers of God's family, God's children. And believe
me that what this entails, not just for the pastor, but for
every member of the church, it entails changing a lot of spiritually
dirty diapers and wiping a lot of spiritually runny noses. But
don't you joy in doing it? Don't you joy in doing it? It
takes a lot of time and energy. to be able to teach God's Word
and to be able to support it. But isn't it worth it? Isn't
it beautiful? That's the role of the woman,
the wife in the home. Next, Paul has instruction for
us husbands. Now, men, you listen very carefully
to me. What's been said up to now really
hadn't been said to you and me. Now Paul starts talking to husbands.
And what God's word has to say to husbands gives us a more important
job and a more difficult job than submitting, wives submitting
to the authority of their husbands. Wives or husbands are to love
our wives just as Christ loved the church. Husbands are to lead
our wives as Christ leads the church. Husbands, you are the
head of the home. You're the leader in the home.
So the responsibility of a happy home, the responsibility of a
well-ordered home rests primarily on our shoulders. Look here,
beginning in verse 25, what the word has to say to husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church
and gave himself for it. Husbands, love your wives. Is
there a greater key to marriage than love? Husbands, love your
wives. You do whatever it takes to make
your wife secure in your love. I remember Brother Henry used
the example one time when a couple got married and the husband told
his wife, I love you. I don't have to say it again.
Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. You got to say
it again. Make her always confident in your love for her. And the
specific instruction we have is to love our wives as Christ
loved the church. Well, how did Christ love the
church? Well, we'll spend the rest of our life, I suppose,
talking about that. But let me give you three ways
that Christ loved the church. Number one, Christ loved the
church sacrificially. Self-sacrificing. Christ gave
himself. He gave his whole self, body
and soul, for the church. That's how Christ loved the church.
Are you thankful? Well, in light of that, man,
can't we sacrifice some things for our wives? Maybe it's some
of our time. Can we sacrifice some time so
she can have some of it, what she needs of it? Maybe it's money. Can we sacrifice some things
that we might want so our wife can have what she needs? Would
you be willing to do that in light of Christ giving himself
for you? Sacrifice whatever is necessary
for the good of your wife and do it with joy. It's not a grievous
thing. Do it with joy, remembering how
Christ gave himself for you. It's a self-sacrifice of love.
Number two, Christ's love is only for his bride. Christ loves
his elect and only his elect. He didn't die for other people.
He died for his elect. He didn't die saying, well, anybody
wants, you know, could come love me. No, he died for his elect. He calls his elect. He does it
in love and everlasting love for them. Husbands, in light
of that, be faithful to your wife. Your love is for her and
her alone, not for other women, for her alone. Third, Christ's
love for his bride is eternal. He said, I've loved you with
an everlasting love. That's why I drew you. That's
why I wooed you and pulled you to me. Scripture says, having
loved his own, which were in the world, he loved them to the
end. Christ's love for his bride is
eternal. Husbands, love your wife. As
Christ loved you, so that's how you're to love your wife. So
let's just not have any of this, I don't love you anymore. That's the best thing I can publicly
say about that. Figure it out. Just figure it
out. Get it back. I don't care what
you got to do, get it back, remembering this. Your love for your wife
is a picture of God's love. Pitiful, pitiful example. I'm speaking to myself. I'll
preach this to myself this week. Pitiful example, but do your
best. Just do your best. Show her. Make it a goal to show your wife
your love for her. He goes on, verse 26. That this
is why he how he loved his wife self sacrificially, that he might
sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
that he might present it to himself a glorious church. not having
spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and
without blemish. Husbands, always present your
wife in the best possible light. If she's got a fault, don't you
ever make fun of her for it publicly. Ever. Don't do it. It's not funny.
You think of your blemishes. And when I say blemishes, you
know what I mean? I mean, open wounds and bruises and putrefying
sores that have not been mollified and have any ointment put on
them. You think of what our Savior has done with our blemishes.
What did he do with them? He covered them with precious
blood. He healed them with his blood and he never brings it
up again. Look at Romans chapter 10. I'll
show you this. He never publicly shames his
people for their sin again. because they're gone under his
blood. Romans 10 verse 11. For the scripture saith, whosoever
believeth on him shall not be ashamed. If you believe on Christ,
if you trust in Christ, you've got nothing to be ashamed of
because the sin that shamed you has been put away under his blood.
Now, husbands, love your wives that way. And if you've got a
Here's another way that you can present your wife in the best
possible light. Show her respect. Show her respect. Now she deserves that. And if
you've got a demeaning nickname for your wife, get rid of it. Don't ever let it be spoken again.
You call her the old ball and chain. You call her the old lady.
You apologize to her today and don't ever call her that again.
You think of the names the Lord could have called us. that old
ball and chain that drug me down to this earth to dwell in the
sewer of this earth in order to save them and sent me to be
nailed to a cross to die for them, that old ball and chain.
The old lady, that old, oh, she's ugly and useless and used up
because of sin. That's not what he calls him,
probably. He calls his people the fairest among women. He calls
her my beloved, my dove, my love. If you've got a demeaning nickname
for your wife, you get rid of it. You find a sweet one and
use that. Husbands, I'll tell you this.
We're talking here how to have a happy marriage. A man who's
happily married is typically speaking happy in his life. Husbands,
if you want to be happy in this life, you show love to your wife. If you make her happy, you'll
be happy. Don't think, well, I've got to
find all these things. I've got to go buy all these things. I've
got to go do all these things. I'll do all these different things
and give them to myself first to make me happy first. It won't
work. First, show your wife love. First,
make her happy. If you do, you'll be happy. I can show you that from scripture.
Look here at verse 28. So ought men to love their wives as their
own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth
himself. For no man ever yet hated his
own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord
the church. For we're members of his body,
of his flesh, and of his bones. Husbands, if you want to be happy,
you make sure that your wife knows you love her. You find
as many different ways you can think of to show your love for
her. Give her tokens of your love. You know, men know how to woo a woman.
Just don't let that stop just because you got married. Keep
doing it. Keep giving her little love notes and those little tokens
of your love for her. If you do that, you'll be happy. You'll be happy because you've
made your flesh, your own flesh happy. See, if you love your
wife, what did the scripture just say? If you love your wife,
you're loving your own body. God calls the husband and the
wife, not two. He calls them one, one flesh. So when you show your wife love
and you do whatever it takes to make her happy, you'll be
happy because your own flesh is happy. But if you withhold
those things, that make her happy, you make her unhappy, then you
will be too. Because whatever affects one
part of the body always affects the other. And there are two
important words here that us husbands ought to take special
note of. Nourish and cherish. Husbands,
nourish your wives. Nourish your wives and give them
what they need emotionally, give them what they need physically,
The exact same way that you nourish your flesh and give your flesh
what it needs. Nourish your wife the same way
Christ your Savior nourishes you. How he's given life to your
soul and he feeds and sustains that, doesn't he? By nourishing
you. Do the same thing for your wife. And cherish your wife. Cherish her the same way you
cherish keeping your own flesh happy and healthy. If your flesh
needs something, you cherish your flesh so much, you get it,
don't you? Do the same thing for your wife.
She's your flesh. Cherish your wife just like Christ
cherishes the church. Nourish and cherish. Isn't that
exactly what the Savior's done for his people? The Son of God
dwelt in perfection. He dwelt in glory, the Prince
of glory, the light of glory. dwelling in perfect harmony and
unity with his father. But he was not complete. Because
the people that he loved, the people that the father betrothed
to him were not with him. So Christ, our Savior, didn't
seek his own happiness. He didn't say, well, what can
I give to myself to make me happy? He didn't seek his own physical
well-being. Christ sought the happiness and
the eternal well-being and glory of his people. And he did it
at great cost to himself. You and I can't imagine the cost
to the Savior that the Son of God became a man. We can't imagine
the humiliation that He suffered. Then we can't imagine the humiliation,
the awful cost that He bore to be made sin for His people. The
Holy Son of God to be made sin. And then He suffered more than
we can imagine both physically and of the soul. He suffered
more than we can imagine, and then he died. And you know how
he looked at that? He looked at that horrible ordeal
as joy. Look at Hebrews chapter 12. Hebrews 12 verse two. Looking unto Jesus, the author
and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before
him. So if you want to see how to be a good husband, look unto
Jesus, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith,
who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross,
despising the shame and is set down at the right hand of the
throne of God. Looking unto him, you just consider
him. It was joy for him to do that
for his bride. And we say, well, I can do that
sometimes, but that's hard to sustain. That's why Paul didn't
say, look unto Jesus. He said, looking, keep looking
unto him, because look at verse three, for consider him that
endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest
you be weary and faint in your minds. That's why you keep looking
to him. So you won't be weary. You won't
be weary and well doing. You won't faint and quit nourishing
and cherishing your wife. Verse 31. This is a good verse
for us to look at in the day in which we live. For this cause
shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined
unto his wife. And they too shall be one flesh. Now I'm sad to
say that my generation has done a very poor job of raising boys
to be men. I see way too many mama's boys
in our world today. You boys, when you get older,
don't you be a mama's boy. You be a man. I mean, you be
a full grown man. And when you get married, you
understand this. Your wife is your first priority. You make her your first priority. Now, of course, of course, you're
still going to love your parents. You're still going to love your
mother. God says, honor them. Honor your parents, not just
when you're little, but all the days of your life. You still
be a good son and honor your parents. You can be both a husband,
a good husband and a good son, but you're going to have to put
your wife's needs first. She's got to be your priority
because you're joined to her. You're one flesh with your wife,
not your mama. You're one flesh with your wife.
So you put her first. Verse 32. Now, this is a great
mystery. But I speak concerning Christ
and the church. If we want to understand marriage,
Paul says it's a great mystery, but it's all a picture of salvation
and redemption in Christ. I speak concerning Christ and
the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular
so love his wife even as himself. And the wife see that she referenced
her husband. This is the key to a happy marriage.
If you consider your marriage be a picture of the union that
exists between Christ and his bride, you'll know what to do
in every situation in order to promote a happy marriage. I want
to give you just a couple of examples. Boys, young men, and
even you, you married men, you listen to me. Don't ever let these words escape
your lips. You're supposed to be in submission
to me. Say it. If you do, you're gonna be sorry.
She already knows that. She knows that. You who believe,
let me ask you this question. You know that you're to submit
to the will of our God in all things. You know that. You don't
need me to tell you. You know that, don't you? You know that you're even to
be thankful for. Something that causes pain or consternation
or difficulty in your flesh. Scripture says, not only do you
submit to it, just grit your teeth and get through it. God
says, be thankful for it, doesn't he? How are you doing in that? Well, maybe we ought to cut our
wife some slack too. She knows she's to be in submission.
So instead of reminding her and like you're beating her down
to her, you've got to be in submission to me. Tell you what you do.
You focus on loving her. You focus on leading her as Christ
loves you and as Christ leads you. Just do your very best to
imitate Christ. You who believe, you have an
honest, heartfelt desire to submit to Christ, don't you? And you
do, you submit to Him. You desire to submit to Him better. Why? Not because he threatens
you with the law or he threatens you with duty or something. You
desire to submit to him because of how he loves you. Oh, his
love for you. How he's shown that love over
and over and over again. How gently he leads you along. That's what makes you desire
to submit to him. Then show your wife love like
that and lead her like that. Not harshly. Our Lord, our Savior
is our master. His yoke is easy, and his burden
is light. And husbands, we ought to lead
our wives the same way. You earned her respect, and she'll
follow you anywhere. But we ought to make it easy.
If we're doing our job right, it will be easy for our wife
to submit to us. And wives, don't take advantage
of that. You know that your husband is
supposed to do whatever he can do to make you happy. Well, don't
take advantage of it. Now remember, think of your marriage
in terms of redemption and the church's attitude toward our
Savior. All of our sin is forgiven. Completely forgiven. So that
the Savior never brings it up again. I don't care how much
sin you think you have or how vile you think your sin is. all
forgiven under the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. Well, does
that mean I can just go out and sin more, more, more, more, more,
more and I have to worry about it? Shall we sin that grace may
abound, Paul asks? God forbid. No, I won't do that
because I love him, because I respect him, because I desire to honor
my Savior. Then have the same attitude towards
your husband. Make it possible for him to make
you happy. Make it possible. And husbands,
you make it your business to make your wife happy. And if
you do, you'll have a happy marriage. All right. Lord bless you.