Alright, let's go to the book
of Deuteronomy chapter 4. Deuteronomy chapter
4 will serve, actually chapters 4, 5, and 6 will serve as a text
for today's message. Now, this has been an extremely
difficult subject to deal with. But judging by the reaction of
so many, it has been very profitable. So very many people have told
me that. I have certainly profited from it. All of us, if we are God's children, we
have learned spiritual lessons, haven't we? study of the child discipline
from scripture. So many things keep coming up,
and we just don't have time to deal with every single aspect.
It actually would take years, wouldn't it, to deal with every
single aspect that comes up in this thing of dealing with our
children. We've only looked at some basic
principles. And people keep bringing things
up to me, and good things, but things that I failed to deal
with just hadn't been enough time. Just not enough time. Things
like not running in the building. Children shouldn't run in any
building. Things like waiting on the adults
in the food line. not Food Lion, the store, but
Food Lion, and so forth and so on. Just many little things that
all are good, sound things, but we just don't have enough time
to deal with every single thing that there is. Now, before we
get into this very last study on communication and positive
reinforcement and encouragement of our children, I want to say
something to this church. These children are our children,
everybody's children. Whether they are our own biological
children or whatever, they belong to all of us. Everyone in here,
they are loved by everyone. I love Mac and Margaret's children. They're not really children anymore.
I love Steve and Mary's young adults. Don't you? Don't you? These are our children, aren't
they? They really are. We're all concerned about our
children. When one of your children makes
a profession of faith, from the heart, I rejoice. as much as it was my daughter. I really do. And I believe every one of you
feel the same way, don't you? And, you know, we talked about
husbands and wives working together and needing to work together
in the raising of our children. So do we as a church. All the
parents need to work together and reinforce one another. What I'm trying to say is, there
should never be any reason to suspect one of these adult believers
when it comes to our children. That is, there should never be
any reason to walk on eggshells, ever be offended by that if one
of these believers, one of these brothers who loves our children,
called down our child, And believe me, if they did,
it must have been real bad. You understand what I'm trying
to say? There should never be a reason to suspect or get offended
by one of these brothers. Nobody loves our children like
they do. The teachers, we entrust our
children to these teachers out in the school and out in the
world. They don't love our children. It's a job that these people
do. And we need to be open and frank
about our children, never be offended when somebody tells
us that our children have misbehaved. This nursery is a tough place. I tell these
women all the time, I thank you for pulling time. Pulling time. But if someone does that, if
someone tells us, that our child has misbehaved, we should be
thankful. We really should. If somebody tells me that my
granddaughter Isabella was acting up, misbehaving, then I shouldn't
get offended at them, and Gabe shouldn't be offended, and he
should deal with her accordingly. He should believe that adult
believer. and deal with that child. I don't ever expect that
to happen. But if it did, you understand what I'm saying?
Sure you do. And that needs to be said. Because
your children are going to do things when you're not around
that they won't do when you are. Right? And I, for one, would
be, we want our children to be loved and lovely. And I want to know. Don't you?
Don't you, Gabe? Do you want to know? All right, now, let's read the
text here. Deuteronomy chapter 4, we'll
read several, well, a few verses. Deuteronomy 4, look at verse 1. verse 39 and 40 of Deuteronomy
4, verses 39 and 40. Know therefore this day, consider
in thine heart that the Lord, that is, Jehovah, he is God in
heaven above and upon the earth beneath, there is none else.
Thou shalt keep therefore his statutes and his commandments
which I command thee this day, that it may go well with thee
and with thy children after thee. and that thou mayest prolong
thy days upon the earth, which the Lord thy God giveth thee
forever." Chapter 5, verse 29, Chapter 5, verse 29, "... O that
there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and
keep all my commandments always, that it may be well with them
and with their children forever." And we could keep reading. Chapter
6, look there, verse 6 and 7. Chapter 6. These words which
I command thee this day shall be in thine heart, and thou shalt
teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them
when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the
way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Diligently. Keep doing it. Keep doing it. Don't quit. Keep doing it. Diligently.
Teach them. Talk of them when you sit, when
you walk, when you lie down, when you rise up. Teach them. Teach them. Now, we have been
talking about child discipline. Discipline. The root word of
discipline is disciple. All right, what disciple means
a student. A student, one who's being taught,
one who's being instructed. Now listen carefully to what
I'm trying to say, building up here. A student is one who's
being trained to be something. Look at Proverbs 3, Proverbs
chapter 3 with me. And we've been talking about
chastening heavily. Well, the word chasten, and Brother
Stoniker preached on this here one time. Very good message.
The word chasten means instruction. Instruction. Proverbs 3. And when we started this whole
study, we said that love is the motivating principle in all that
we do as parents and as believers. Love chastens. Love chastens. We read verses like this. We
considered verses like this. He that spareth a rod hateth
his son. Remember that? We looked at that.
But he that loveth him chastens him betimes or many times. Keeps on diligently doing it.
Look at Proverbs 3. And the apostle quotes this in
Hebrew. Proverbs 3, verses 11 and 12.
It says, My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, neither
be weary of his correction. For whom the Lord loveth, he
correcteth, even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. Who the Lord loves, he chastens. Quite often it's a painful lesson.
But it's a loving lesson. And we're not punishing our children
when we're chasing them, although there's a sense in which you
do this, you suffer the consequences. That's punishment. That's justice,
isn't it? Justice is good. But we're not
punishing them in the strict sense of the word. We're trying
to correct them. We're trying to right a wrong. Our goal, our aim, is to correct
wrong behavior, not just punish bad behavior. You understand
what I'm trying to say? To teach good things, right things. To teach, to lead, to guide,
to instruct, to train them up for a good end, for a positive
end, positive result. this lesson to come across, I
didn't want any of these to come across as it being punishment
or the rod for the sake of the rod, but the rod out of love,
chasing it out of love. A parent is the child's most
influential teacher in its life. A child is going to learn more
from their parent than anyone. As a matter of fact, the first
five or six years, the most influential time of their life, they're going
to pick up things that will continue for the rest of their lives.
From who? From the parent. We're teachers. Teachers. And a good teacher.
A good teacher doesn't teach for the love of teaching. A good teacher loves the student
and wants the student to learn. My daughter used to have teachers
who prided themselves on how few students could pass in her
class. That's not a good teacher. Wouldn't
it be a good teacher if every single student passed? If every
single student learned? Isn't that the goal? Not to see how tough you can
be. will have how much they can learn. A good teacher wants that student
to learn, so we're teachers. And what we're doing is lovingly
correcting our children, positively enforcing some necessary things
for their good that they might learn. Train them up. Train a
child up in the way that it should go. You correct bad behavior,
but the goal, the purpose, the reason from love is that they'll
do right. And you know, when I made the
statement, our children are born unregenerate. They are. They're
born unregenerate. They're born sinners. They're
born wrong. Everything about them is wrong.
It really is. It has to be righted. We don't need to talk to them
in that way. In other words, you're wrong.
You're just wrong. Everything about you is wrong.
You're going to have to straighten up, fly right. You're just no
good. That's not the way we do it.
Spiritually, yes. Spiritually speaking, before
God, sinners in need of mercy. But our children need positive
reinforcement from us. We don't talk to them that way.
When chastening, when correcting, we first speak to them in a loving,
kind, patient, understanding way. Remembering that, considering
their frame, especially in the beginning, you know, when they
just don't know better. They just don't know better.
You can't get mad at them for not knowing better. And we need to speak to them
in that way. Honey, don't do that. Darling, that's not the way to
act now. You need to share. Sweetie, don't
touch that. But if the rebellion goes on,
The tone changes. You understand? If the rebellion
goes on, if bad behavior starts coming out, if out-and-out rebellion
comes out and bad behavior, that's when that no has got to come
out and mean no. A resounding no. And then if
it continues, that's where the rod comes in. Right? and don't
spare it. So this is how we deal with our
children, no matter how old they get. Son, you know, in kindness,
in patience, not like a totalitarian. And that's tough to do, isn't
it? Especially fathers with sons and mothers with daughters. It's
tough to do. We're impatient, but we've got
to remember their frame always. When they get 16, 17, 18, they're
still going to remember their friend. That need to be said. All right, this is our subject,
positive reinforcement. And here's the first thing, communication. Communication turned to Proverbs
one with Proverbs one communication. Proverbs, Chapter one. Now we've
all been blessed to see in these spiritual lessons how our Father
deals with us as children, haven't we? All of them. How does God
first deal with us? How does God first chasten us?
How does God first deal with us? And mostly. How does he mostly
chasten us? Through his word. Through his word. He speaks to us. The Heavenly
Father speaks to his children. He communicated. So much so, the Word was made
flesh and dwelt among us. God came down to talk to his
children. I love the story in the garden.
Adam and Eve, his first children, creating his image. He walked
with them. He talked with them. I believe
that was the Lord Jesus. I believe, well, I'm certain of it, that
the Lord Jesus Christ was with them in the garden, walking and
talking with them, communicating with them, teaching them. Teaching
them. And so many other instances.
Look at Proverbs 1. These are the Proverbs of Solomon,
yet they're really the Word of God to his people. And it says,
The Proverbs, verse 2, to know wisdom, to perceive the words
of understanding. Verse 4, to give subtlety to
the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion. Look
at verse 8. My son, my son, this is God speaking
to his children. My son, listen to me. That's what he's saying. My son,
hear the instruction of thy father. Do you know how many times he
says this? And I don't have time to read. I was going to have
you read several. My son. Listen. My son. Listen to me. He'd be over and over throughout
the programs. He says it. My son. And speaking
to females. We're all his sons. Sons of God. So here's the first thing. I thought of Isaiah 1, verse
18, where he says, Come down. to his children, come now, let
us reason together, though your sins be as scarlet. Don't you
love that passage? That's a father talking to his
children. Come now, let's reason together. So we need to talk to and with
our children. We need to communicate with them
about everything. If we do not talk to our children,
if we do not instruct them, someone else will. Right? If we do not listen to our children, someone else will. And they'll
start confiding in that person. Whoever will listen to them is
who they're going to confide in. They need to be able to talk
to us, confide in us about everything. Isn't this what prayer is? Isn't
this what prayer is for the child of God to the Father? In everything,
by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request
be made known to the Father. They need to be able to talk
to us confide in us about anything and everything. If they don't,
if we won't listen to them, they need to be able to talk
to us and ask us things without fear of being belittled, without
fear of being, even confession of something, without fear of
being punished per se, without fear of being thought stupid.
or ignorant or dumb, that he'd be able to talk to them. I thought about this. You know,
every single question the disciples asked the Lord was, for lack
of a better word, stupid, ignorant, childish, ignorant. Everything. Scripture says he's so much higher
above us than the heavens or the earth. And every single thing
they asked him was like a little child. And he didn't upbraid
them, did he? Or later on, three and a half
years later, he'd say, why is it? Oh, he had a little faith. But can you imagine the tone
he said that? Do you think for a moment that
he said that in a hard, hard way? No. He's merciful, gracious,
kind, tender. Firm? Yes. Unkind? No. Never. Love is kind. James 1 verse 5 says, If any
of you lack wisdom, let him ask. The Father giveth liberally and
upbraideth not. Ask. Oh, it's a stupid question. Well, you'll just stay stupid
if you don't ask it. Ask. But our children need to
be able to talk to us and ask us things without fear. And if our children, listen to this,
if our children can come to us and talk to us about anything,
it may satisfy their curiosity about that, and it may keep them
from experimenting with it. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Let me say that again. If they can come and talk to us about
anything, let's say sex, and we can satisfy their curiosity
about it, it might keep them from experimenting with it. Because
curiosity is the thing that makes people yucky of the cat. Curiosity is the thing that makes
people the forbidden fruit and so forth. Strength of sin is
a lot. And we can talk to them about
it. And communication. That's what
requires communication. And this talking, this communication,
we've noticed in our text in Deuteronomy 6, it says when you
sit down, when you walk, when you lie down, rise up, when you
are with them. To communicate requires you spending
time with them, doesn't it? I said this last week, that the
thing our children need more than anything else, more than anything else, they
don't need the finest things that money can buy. As a matter
of fact, that would be positively bad for them. They need us. They need time
with us. We are their parents. And that's
what it said, when you walk with them, when you talk with them,
when you sit down with them, tables, spin around the table
and so forth. That's just one of the best things you can do
as a family. And so many other things we're
going to look at. They need to be with you. They
need to talk to you. They need to spend time, one-on-one
time, with you. One-on-one time. Fathers with
sons, fathers with daughters, mothers with sons, mothers with
daughters. One on one time. It's the Bible. Hannah, do you
love your dad? It shows. I know you do. Do you
really love your dad? Do you esteem him highly? You
don't resent anything ever about your father, do you? Your mother,
don't you want to be just like your dear mother? Yes, you do.
Your dad. Brother Marvin used to do something
for his girls. I don't know if he did it with
Gabe. I know he did a lot of things with Gabe. But didn't
he used to take each one of you girls out to dinner one-on-one? Each daughter, he would take
them out to dinner. Do you remember that? You could talk to dad, couldn't
you, about anything? Do you have a close relationship
with your father and aunt? Do you get the point? One-on-one. One-on-one. Talking to them. Get to know them. We need to
be interested in them. We need to be interested in what
they have to say. We'd be surprised what they have to contribute.
Our Lord said this to his disciples. He said, except you be converted
and become as little children, you're not to enter the kingdom.
Out of the mouths of maids and settlers. And we need to be interested
in what they're interested in, not just force on them what We
need to be interested in what they're interested in. We need
to be involved in what they're involved in. This takes involvement
in school, in their extracurricular activities. I'm telling you something
that's vital. I mean vital. If you are concerned
about what's happening in their school, go there. That's right. We did, didn't we? Every teacher
knew that there was at least two parents who were actively
involved in what they were teaching our children. And Hannah had a wonderful experience
all through school, wonderful. And you can't complain about
what you don't take a part in. We need to be interested in what
they're interested in. This is where their individuality
will come out. Go with me to Colossians chapter
3. I'm talking about dealing with
positive reinforcement, encouragement with our children. Colossians
chapter 3. They are individuals. They come
from us. They take some things from both
parents, but they are not us. They are a new person. That's
a good picture of the new birth, isn't it? The new creature created the
image of Christ Jesus, but it's me. It's going to be me. Abraham is going to be Abraham.
Moses is going to be Moses. The image of Christ recreated
in him, but it's Moses. And they are of us, but they
are not us, and we're not trying to recreate little us's, are
we? If you're like me, you don't
want that. Generally, our children pick up most of the bad traits
that we have, don't they? Colossians 3, look at this,
verses 19 through 21. Husbands, love your wives, and
be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in
all things. Why did I quote verse 19? Because our wives are not our
mothers. Meaning, we think our mother
was perfect. She wasn't. I found out some
things here just this weekend about my mother that shocked
me. But my wife, she is who she is. And I shouldn't want her to be
my mother. Right? Love your wife, be not bitter.
Well, my mother never did it that way. Maybe she should have. Well,
go on. Verse 20. Children, obey your
parents in all things. Why? Because this is well-pleasing
unto the Lord. That's why. And it's right. Verse 21. Here it is. Fathers, provoke not your children
to anger, lest they be discouraged. Mothers, provoke not your sons,
your daughters, to anger, lest they be discouraged. lest they be discouraged. Fathers
are usually tougher on sons than they are daughters. That's just
the way it is, because they were young boys, and they know what
they're thinking, and they know. Well, you know, really, knowing
them as they do, there ought to be more understanding with
them. You know, flesh is flesh, though,
isn't it? What it is is exasperation comes out. You know how hard-headed
they are. They were just like you. You know, you're trying to get
through to them, and you know they're just like you. They're
not listening. And mothers with daughters, the
same way. Mothers are usually tougher on
their daughters than with their sons, because they were young
girls themselves. But see, here's the thing. Positive
reinforcement, encouragement. A son working with the father.
A son needs to work with his father, and a father needs to
allow that son to do those things, to work with him without fear
of failure. You understand? Without fear
of failure. Need to be able to make mistakes
without being belittled or, you know, that's dumb. No. They can get hands-on experience.
The only way they're going to do that is to do it. Especially those who are perfectionists,
mothers and fathers who are perfectionists. It's hard to let their children
do things and make mistakes. It's hard, isn't it? Like a mother
with a daughter in the kitchen. I'm not talking to you, I'm just
using an illustration. They might not let their daughters
help them cook because they'd blow it and mess up. There's only one way to learn,
isn't there? My dad let me, my parents let
me, I had an old 55 Chevrolet. He bought me when I was 15. 55
Chevrolet would be worth a fortune right now. But anyway, I took
that thing, got it in the garage, and tore it apart. Just tore
it apart. Steve, I didn't have a clue what
I was doing. Tore it apart. I couldn't get it back together. And it was all over. They didn't
fuss that. They let me do that, and so to
this day. I've been working on cars ever
since. Made a whole lot of mistakes. And still do. And my wife is
the same way, lets me tear cars apart in our garage. But they've got to do it. They've
just got to do it. They've got to let them do it. And, you know, we cannot choose. Here's the thing about it, and
just encouraging them in whatever it is they're interested in,
we cannot choose their vocation for them. We can't do it. We
can point them in the right direction, that's all we can do. We can
give them guidance when they reach a certain point, lead them
in the right direction. And here's where a great wisdom
and subtlety comes in, doesn't it? The wives are good at this,
making husbands think it was their idea. They're real good
at this. That's good, that's the way it
ought to be. but lead them in the right direction and point
them in the right direction, but make them think like it was
their idea. I think I'll go to college. Well,
that's a good thing. I'm glad you feel that way. You can't force them to do anything.
That's up to a point. And they're going to have to
find themselves. They're going to have to find their own little
niche. We're on a little niche, and we should encourage them
in it. Let me give you a real good illustration. I've got to hurry. In West Virginia, how many years ago was it? Back when
I was born in the early fifties, there was a young man named Homer
Hickman. A young boy named Homer Hickman. His father was a coal miner.
His father was a coal miner. His father's father was a coal
miner. The whole family worked in the coal mine. It was their
life. Homer Hickman's dad worked his
way up to be a foreman. He was as high as he could get
in the coal mine. He worked hard, and it was a
good, honorable position. He earned that. And we need coal
miners, don't we? Good, honest work. I'm so thankful
they're coal miners. Scott Richardson was a coal miner.
But young Homer Hickman, that boy, the father had an older
son who himself began to work in the mines. But the young boy,
from a child, was interested in bottle rockets. And we used to have those when
I was a kid. Ron, did you have bottle rockets you'd fire off?
Man, we loved those things. But this kid was just fascinated
with bottle rockets. That's all he wanted to do, design
little rockets, little bottle rockets and so forth. And his
dad was kind of tough on him. He wanted him to work in a coal
mine, get this foolish notion out of your head and play with
these toys, these bottle rockets. Well, the son obediently did
go and work in the coal mines for a while, but he could not
quit designing and working with these bottle rockets. To make
a long story short, finally his dad accepted that,
you know, this is strange and he couldn't understand it. And
the boy eventually in high school won a science fair, a national
competition. and science fair for his design
of the bottle rockets. To make a long story short, Homer
Hickman was one of the founding men of NASA's space program. So, you know, encourage them. Don't poo-poo it. That's stupid,
that's silly, isn't it? You just never know. You never
know. Communication, positive encouragement. All right, we've looked at several
things in this study. We've looked, number one, at
God's Word, that this is God's Word, that we want to heed what
God says to us as parents, how to deal with our children. Right?
Just reject modern thought. Reject it, hands down. Don't
listen to them. Don't listen to the expert. Forget
it. God's Word. Then we looked at
respect for authority. How we need to instill in our
children respect for authority. All authority. Every power is
of God. All authority is of God. We can
instill this in them. Respect for authority. Starting
with God. Fear of God. The parents. teachers and on and on, civil
authorities, everything. Respect. Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. It will go well with them. It
will go well with them in this life. They will get the best. It will go well with them. God
says so. Self. The need. In one lesson
we looked at the need to kill this self-love, this pride. Kill
it. Self is responsible for malice
and envy and jealousy and hatred and stinginess and unhappiness
and all of that. If we can instill in them that
they're part of a family and they don't exist to be served
but to serve, that they're part of a community, part of a church. We learned that, didn't we? Self-love
has got to be suppressed in them. Then we looked at the rod. Now
God tells us, don't spare the rod, use it. It's good. It's good, swift justice. And
it works. Remember the playbook? It works. God said it, and that's why it
works. That's why. God said it. And
then we reviewed, and then here at last we've talked about the
need to communicate. communicate with them, and talk
to them, spend time with them, give them ourselves. And this
applies in all relationships, husbands and wives, and the need to positively encourage
and reinforce positively things in our children. Now, was it
helpful? I know every one of us, me included,
I feel more guilty than anybody in here. But that doesn't mean
I can't teach it. I don't need to teach it. The
things I tell you with conviction are because I'm convicted. Why
do I believe these things so much? Because I'm convicted.
And it's never too late to stop. Some have just become parents
in older age. Grandparents, right? God is merciful. Mercy is new
every morning. He's gracious. He said, you do
this. I'll honor him. I'll honor him. I hope this has
been helpful. Somebody brought up this point
that it would be good to have these things on paper. I've never
even attempted. to write anything at length because of the daunting task
it would be. And it would be, you know, listening
to the CDs is one thing, the tapes is one thing. You can retain
more if you can read something, though, can't you? Anybody ever
felt led to type all this out? If not, oh well. May the Lord bless you.