Our text for our study on biblical
child discipline has been found in Proverbs 22, verse 6, which
reads, Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he
is old, he will not depart from it. Train up a child, and when
he is old, Childhood only lasts a short time, just about one-fourth
of our life. So we don't need to rush it. We do need to let our children
be children, for it doesn't last very long. We need to let them
have fun being children and not rebuke them too much for being
what they are, what they cannot help being. Let's remember their
frame as our Heavenly Father does ours. However, our goal
for them and the reason we train them, the end which we hope for
and pray toward is to mold these children into decent, productive
adults. Our hope is that they might be
decent, productive adults, fathers and mothers and citizens and
husbands and wives and so forth, employees and so forth. Certainly
our heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they
might be saved. And what we endeavor to do, and
the reason you bring them here, is to teach them the scriptures,
which is the most needful thing we teach them in, which are able
to make them wise unto salvation. But only God can save them. We
cannot save them. But God gives us this promise
as parents, though, to train them up. and the way they should
go, train. That means to mold them, shape
them. Yes, that's what that means,
shape them. Now, we're not trying to make
them into us, a little copy of us. I don't think too many of
us want that. But the person which the Scriptures
teach us to be, that is what we're trying to train our children
to be. Their personalities are there.
And you need not worry about inhibiting their individuality,
so to speak, their personality. That is there. And we're not
trying to break their spirit. However, we are trying to break
that self-will, that bad attitude which we all get from our father
Adam. We've already dealt with that
in our study on the love of self, this self-will, bad attitude.
We're trying to train them to be happy, to be positive in their
attitude and so forth. My sister and her husband were
very good role models. parents for Mindy and me when
we were very young, young parents. Their first child, a daughter,
one time, she came down the stairs from her bedroom one morning.
She was maybe three years old or somewhere around there. She came down in a bad mood,
had a scowl on her face, a bad mood, a bad attitude. Got out
of bed, so to speak, on the wrong side. Well, my sister promptly
told her. She said, Honey, you turn right
back around and go upstairs and don't come back down until you
have a smile on your face. You have no right to ruin our
day. You can start this day out on a good note. Do you think
that's cruel? Well, if you know the young lady
I'm speaking of, my niece, to this day she's a very happy,
smiling, got a good attitude about nearly everything. The Lord honored that. He honored
that diligence on the part of my sister and her husband. And
it is a choice. It really is, even for us as
adults. We can choose to be happy or be miserable. We certainly
have much more to be happy about and be thankful for. There's
no excuse, really, getting up on the wrong side of the bed.
So what we need to do and teach our children to do is get up
on the right side. Well, look at Proverbs 29. This
is our study today. Proverbs 29 and in verse 15 it
reads, The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself
bringeth his mother to shame. The rod and reproof. Scripture
speaks often of the rod. A rod. Now, it is not the rod,
the very word does not mean a club, but rather a branch. You know
that prophetic scripture concerning our Lord, there shall be a rod
out of the stem of of Jesse and the rod that means branch. Every
old person listening to this has had a hickory switch used
on them when they were young. A hickory switch, that is where
the practice of using a switch came from. passage and others
that speak of a rod or a branch, a hickory switch. Now, you used
to have to go out perhaps and get your own hickory switch.
Your parents would tell you when you had done something wrong
that merited getting a spanking, they would say, go out and get
me a hickory switch. It might have been from an oak
tree or a poplar or a maple, but it's still called a hickory
switch. Anyway, this is where that came from, the rod, the
branch. And I ask the old people who listen to this, you old people,
having had these things done to you, a switching or a spanking
and so forth, do you have any actual physical scars from those
spankings and switching? Do you? No, certainly not. How
about emotional scars? None? No animosity toward your
parents for doing that to you? Not really, not too many anyway. The rod or spanking used to be
a way of life because the Bible was. The Bible, God's Word, was
actually believed by most and practiced for generations. And
the Bible is very clear about this. And authority was Exercise. Spanking was the norm, not the
exception. Now, you know as well as I do
that there was abuse in this. As with anything, there
is abuse, but that doesn't mean we throw it out, that it's no
good. So never mind the abuse that
has gone with it. Nevertheless, this was a way
of life. years ago, spiking, because scriptures were actually
practiced as a way of life, lived according to scripture, at least
outwardly tried to do so. Well, this was a way of life
even in public schools. When I was growing up, public
schools, teachers had paddles. Oh, how I remember these paddles,
paddling. I received a few. And I didn't
get nearly as many as I deserved, I know that. But at any rate,
I remember distinctly one time, I played sports. I played several
sports, but basketball in particular was one of my favorites. And about seventh grade, I believe
it was. The coach told us that we were
to bring our playbook with us for every practice. Every basketball
practice we were to bring our playbooks with us. We would take
them home and study them and bring them with us so they could
go over these plays. Well, there was a great threat
or warning to us if we did not bring these playbooks with us
to practice. Well, one day I forgot my playbook. Well, my coach had
a paddle, and it was not just a little hickory switch, but
a hickory paddle with holes bored in it. And it was not pleasant. Well, anyway, to make a long
story short, I never forgot my playbook again, ever. I think I slept with it under
my pillow. Perhaps taped it to my body.
Here's the point. It is a lesson well learned.
Now once again, let me remind you where this whole thing started.
This whole study started. Our first lesson was this. The Scripture says, let God be
true and every man a liar. God is the only true parental
authority. God is the only expert on this
subject or any subject for that matter. Let's forget, you parents,
forget what the modern authorities say. Forget it. What studies
say, forget it. Reject it. All men are liars,
David said. He said, in my haste, all men
are liars, at least worldlings are, because their reports, the
things they tell us are biased and false. And Scripture says,
hath not God made foolish the so-called wisdom of this world?
Hath he not? Do you not see the utter foolishness
of what men say and practice? That it doesn't work. These psychologists,
child psychologists and psychiatrists and their methods and Dr. Spock
and all these, they're fools. They don't know. It doesn't work.
It doesn't work. And if you look around at any
children, or young adults that is, of believers, children of
believing parents who are now young adults, if you admire them,
if you think they turned out to be fine young adults, I can
guarantee you, if you look at their past as children and had
seen their parents bringing them up, they would have practiced
what God told us to practice. Well, let's look at several scriptures
on this subject of the rod. Proverbs 13 is one. Proverbs 13, verse 24 says this,
and I'll make a few brief comments on each of these. There are too
many to look at, but here's a few. Proverbs 13, 24 reads, He that
spareth his rod, hateth his son. But he that loveth him, chasteneth
him betimes, or often. He that spareth his rod, hateth
his son. What does that mean? You say,
I don't hate my child, so I don't spank them. Why don't you spank
them? Because it really kills me to spank them. That means
you love yourself more than them. If you really love your child,
if you really want what's good for them, the end result is what
you're looking for, not the temporary cessation of trouble, but the
end result, that's true love. So it is with our Heavenly Father,
the trials and so forth which cause us pain. Do you think that
Scripture says God taketh no pleasure in these things? Even
the death of the wicked, he takes no pleasure in it, and certainly
no pleasure in the pain and the trials of his people, but the
end of his people, that righteous man, the end of that man is peace.
There's a certain amount of pain involved, though, in the meantime.
We'll look at that more in a moment. But he that spareth his rod,
hateth his son. You love yourself more so you
don't want to inflict pain upon yourself, so you spare Well, look at Proverbs 19. Proverbs
19, but he said, he that loveth his child will chasten him often
with rot. Proverbs 19, verse 18 says, Chasten
thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for
his crying. Chasten him while there is hope,
while he or she is under your roof, while you still have them
to train. Chasten them. The rod. Wow, there's
hope. There's hope for that child as
long as they're under your roof, right? Well, there's always hope
according to the mercy and grace of God. But this is in the context. Let not thy soul spare for his
or her crying. In other words, they're going
to cry. It's going to hurt, but don't
stop anyway. Do it. Do it. And that crying,
It is sometimes an act of rebellion. We'll see that in a moment. But
do it if you love them. Proverbs 22, verse 15. Now, we just read from here,
train up a child in the way he should go. And just below it,
in verse 15, says, foolishness is bound in the heart of a child.
So this is an integral part of training a child, this rod. He
says, foolishness, verse 15, is bound in the heart of a child.
They're not born wise, they're not born obedient, but rather
rebellious, sons of Adam. And he says, the rod of correction
shall drive it, that is, foolishness, far from him. All right, those
are just a few. But here are two necessary warnings
as we begin. If we look at this study of the
rod, two necessary warnings to consider first. Number one, listen
carefully. Number one, never, never spank
or strike a child in anger. Never spank or strike a child
while you're angry at them. And you will be angry. The older
they get, the more angry they will make you. It doesn't mean
you hate them, but you will grow angry. It's human nature. Never
spank or strike that child in anger. Always wait. Wait until
you've calmed down and are in control of yourself. Secondly,
never, there's another vital warning, never spank a child
in public. Never spank a child in a public
place, particularly in this day. You may be reported for it. You may be reported for abuse
when it wasn't abuse, but nevertheless, you may be reported to the authorities
for that. Don't do it. Don't thank them
in public. Our object is not to humiliate them anyway. And
here's the point. If it is done in private, if
you do what you're supposed to do as a parent in the home, You
probably won't need to do it in public. Sure, they'll try
you, but tell them, wait till you get home. Just wait till
you get home. You're not going to do that to
me. Well, the rod is our subject. The rod. What is the rod? Why
does the Lord give us this means of chastening our children? The
rod. Well, it is an instrument. Now
listen carefully, it is an instrument of pain and correction. The rod is an instrument of pain
and correction. Now pain, let me ask you a question,
is pain all bad? Is pain a bad thing? Well, no. Pain, as a matter of fact, is
a blessing. Pain is a part of life. It is one of life's teachers,
or that is what the Lord in this life teaches us, something he
uses to teach us. Pain is a part of this human
race or life. Pain warns us when something
is wrong. Therefore, pain is good, isn't
it? Pain warns us when something is wrong. Pain warns us and threatens
us and tells us Don't do that again. Don't do that again. Pain will
tell us you don't want to do that again because it hurts. So pain is a good thing. Don't
touch that. It's hot. You'll be burned. Pain
is a good thing. You know, the lessons we learn
the best and the lessons we learn the quickest or fastest are the
most painful ones. Have you ever said that before?
I learned a painful lesson. But those are the lessons we
truly learn best and quickest. Pain in this life, pain wings
us from this world. If there were no pain, if there
was no pain, we would not want to leave this place, would we?
And so God gives it as He sees fit. Pain wings a child from
their foolishness as said. Pain tells us, don't do that
again. A child after a chastening with
a rod surely must conclude, I don't want to do that again. That will
cause me pain. That's a lesson easily learned
at an early age. If I do this, that will hurt
in a little while. So I don't want to do that. Weans
us from this foolishness, childish foolishness. The rod, as we said,
is an instrument of pain and correction. The rod is for correction,
not cruelty. Correction, not cruelty. It is
for instruction, not injury. Instruction, not injury. The whole purpose in chastening,
is to instruct. That's actually what the word
means, to take away something bad and replace it with a lesson
learned. Spanking is actually, in God's
wisdom and goodness, spanking is actually the best for everybody
concerned, parent and child. It certainly is. It's the quickest
and most effective. It really is. It's quick, it
doesn't last long, and it's over. A little pain, and it's over.
Like medicine. Doesn't taste good, does it?
Didn't used to anyway. And it's effective. It is most effective. Our Lord
is the one who instituted it. Well, these things that are used
today, such as time-outs, it doesn't work, people. Time-out.
Time-out? Yeah, go to your room. Sit in
your room and you can come out later. Go to your room where
is Nintendo and TV and all these games and so forth and so on.
Just have your big old time. Nah, it doesn't work. Time out? What about rewards? If you quit
doing that, I'll give you this or give you that. The opposite
is achieved by those things. They don't work. The opposite. But the rod or spanking or brief
pain is the quickest and most effective way. Now, someone once
said to me as a young parent, and I always remember this, a
preacher said, it's not the severity of the chastening, but it's the
certainty of it. It's not necessarily the severity
of it, Certainty of it. And if you remember as a child,
often the anticipation of a spanking was worse than the actual spanking. You did something to merit or
deserve a spanking and you knew it was coming and oh my. It's the certainty of it is how
we learn the lesson. Swift and certain justice is
a good deterrent to crime. Yes, it is. Swift and certain
justice is a good deterrent to crime, a restraint to disobedience. It certainly is. And the rod
and spanking is brief. It's not lasting, though it's
painful. The Lord did this with His people. One time David sinned against the Lord. I believe
it was in numbering. Israel when he is told not to.
And the Lord was angry with him. And the Lord offered David three
choices. The first was seven years of
famine. David, you can choose seven years
of famine. The second was three months in
exile. Three months running from his
enemies. And then the third and last choice was three days of
pestilence. three days of disease. So David took the three days,
the quickest. It was painful, it was a hard
lesson, but it was quick and it was over. And so it is with
the rod. Now listen carefully concerning
the rod. Love, and I think I've said this
before in this study. can never truly abuse the one
it loves. Do you hear me? Abuse as in the
sense of continually and constantly and evilly and terribly so. Love can never truly
abuse the one that it loves. Yes, we can lash out and we do.
And we're ashamed of it. But it doesn't happen very often.
We lash out and are later ashamed of it. Yes, we are capable of
that. But abuse? No. No. Those who truly love
their children will not, cannot abuse them. So, scripture tells
us, let not thy soul spare for his crying. Chasing it. The rod. Let not thy soul spare for his
or her crying. As I said earlier, crying, excessive
crying. is often another form of rebellion,
such as a rebellious look or attitude. Have I said something
about attitude? Yes, I did on the thing of self-love. Attitude that is positively encouraged
and lauded today, thought to be something cute and something
children should have, is nothing but a fancy word for pride. And
God hates it. And we need to get it out of
them as much as possible. attitude. Excessive crying is
another form of rebellion, especially in the very young. Crying excessively
doesn't hurt that bad. Did one of your parents ever
say to you, if you don't quit that crying, I'm going to give
you something to really cry about? I remember distinctly. I remember
often looking in the mirror while I was crying and thinking, boy,
you really are in pain, aren't you? You really are sad, aren't
you? Make yourself cry that much more. No, it doesn't hurt that bad,
and that excessive crying is another form of rebellion. Here
are some questions concerning the use of the rod or spanking. Here are some questions. What,
where, how, and who? What? should we start spanking
using the rod upon our children. Well, here's where wisdom comes
in. But if they're old enough to
willfully rebel, obstinately rebel against us, you know the
look, they're old enough to smart for it. One time, again, my niece, no,
she was the parent at the time. And maybe I told this also. It's
hard to remember all the illustrations of you, but her child, her first
child was acting up and she was in the presence of my mother
at the time and she asked my mother while her little daughter
was acting up, she said, Mimi, that's what she called her, Mimi,
she said, at what age do you think we should start spanking
our children? And my mother said, how about
right now? At what age? Well, if they're
old enough to willfully rebel, they're old enough to smart for
it. At what age should we end the spanking? What age should
it be over? How old is too old to spank a
child? Well, I only have my own personal
opinion about this. Ten, eleven, twelve years old
seems to be too old. It needs to end at some point
there. Certainly a teenager, I believe,
is too old. We're not to humiliate them.
The point in spanking is not to humiliate our children. Never
humiliate them, especially. This thing of spanking especially
applies to a young lady. A father with a young lady should
never humiliate a young teenage girl. No, there are other ways. Well, where? As we said before,
Never do it in anger. Never do it on a spur of the
moment. Never do it in public. Never. Always in private. Practice it at home. And how? How should a child be chastened
in this way with a rod? Well, Scripture says a rod, not
your hand. A rod, a hickory switch. As we
said, It's a certainty of it, not the
severity of it, but the certainty of it. You can use a certain
something all the time for that purpose. My wife used to use a flat wooden
spoon that she had in her kitchen. It was about 12, 14 inches long,
an old flat wooden spoon. It had a hole in it for stirring. soups and things, and she would
use that flat side of that wooden spoon on our daughter's fat little
legs, on the side of her fat little legs. Oh, my, do you not
think that that killed us both to do that to those cute, fat
little legs. Oh, how I loved those fat little
legs of hers. But she had it coming at times. She had it coming. Let not your
souls fare. for their crying. As we said,
it doesn't hurt that bad and it doesn't last that long. And
it really hurts you more than it does them. It really does,
doesn't it? Every parent can attest to that.
And here's something very important concerning this rod. Listen carefully.
After spanking them, we need to let them think about it a
while. Let them think about it. Let them go to their room or
whatever Don't console them too quickly. We want to run to them
immediately and say, Oh, honey, it'll be okay. No, no, no, no.
Don't do that too quickly. They need to think about it.
They need to think about why they got that. Don't console
them too quickly. They need to feel sorry. It's
a form of repentance, isn't it? They need to feel sorry. They
need to feel that they've been wrong. Don't let them cry too much.
That's a form of rebellion, it really is. You know you didn't
hurt them, truly. And the same goes for anything. Our children need to toughen
up a little bit the older they get. Don't let them cry too much
about anything. Life is tough. Life gets tougher
as it goes and they need to start toughening up a little. And later,
after the spanking, after the use of the rod, later tell them
why you did it. Tell them why. Tell them it was
your fault. I mean, tell them it was their
fault, not your fault. You didn't do it. They earned
what was coming to them. Don't feel sorry for doing it,
but they need to feel sorry for causing it, for acting the way
they did. to bring it upon themselves.
Well, who should do this banking? Well, both parents together.
Father and mother. The father with the daughter
as well as the son and the mother with the son as well as the daughter.
It's generally harder for a father to do this with his daughter
and a mother with her son because we've discussed that before,
but it's generally easier on the other. They need to reinforce
each other. Father and mother need to reinforce
each other or else the child will make a play on the other,
will pit one parent against another. Yes, they will. Gabe told me
that his parents, if his mother gave one of them a spanking,
the father, when he got home, when Marvin came home, he gave
them a spanking also. And Gabe said, that sure made
them all think twice about doing something because they would
get twice the punishment or twice the rod. Now remember, the rod
is not cruel. It's not inhumane. It's not unjust. It is not barbaric. This is God's
Word. It's not barbaric. But it's good. It's right. It's
true. It's God's truth. Prove Him. Prove Him. I guarantee,
as said before, I guarantee those whom you admire the most as adults
were most disciplined by their parents. And how does our Lord
chasten his children? With the rod. Did not David write
in Psalm 23, Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Yes, if you be without this chastening,
you are bastards. You are not God's children. And
your children will later thank you for it. They won't while
it was happening. No chasing is pleasant for them
or you at the time, but later on they will thank you for it.
I know I've told you this illustration before, but the Groovers one
time adopted or raised a young Mexican child from an infant. Her name was Chela. And the Groovers
would spank their natural-born children. They had five and they
would spank them all. They needed it. But Chela was a very unusual
young girl. She was not rebellious at all.
She was a model. child and she never did anything
really, they said, that would warrant them spanking her. But
one day, and she saw, Chela saw all the other natural born children
being spanked all the time, especially Cody. But anyway, and he'd tell
you that, I know. But anyway, one day Betty said that Chela pitched
a fit about something. Just an uncharacteristic fit. Uncharacteristic of Chela. It
just wasn't like her to act up like this. She just got plum
out of hand. And Walter or Betty Warren warned
her, Chela, if you don't straighten up, we're going to have to spank
you. Well, she kept on. So finally,
Walter or Betty Warren, I think it was Walter, took her and gave
her a spanking. And you know, after that spanking
was over, Just right after he finished, big tears were rolling
down her face. Her crying stopped, and tears
rolling down her face, and a big smile came over her face. And
she said to Walter, she said, Now I know you love me like one
of your own. Yes, the Father chastens those
whom he loves. So he says, chasten them with
the rod. If you don't, you don't love
your children. Most of our discipline and chastening and training of
our children will be with the Word. And most of the Lord's
dealings with us are with His Word, isn't it? Aren't they? Does he not chasten us mostly
by his word? Oh, my. It does. It convicts us. It wounds us.
It breaks us, thankfully. And so it is with us. But yet,
spare not the rod. It's the only way, our Lord said.
It is the good way. It's our Lord's. Next week we'll continue this
study and end everything on a very, very
positive note, on positive reinforcement and encouragement and spending
time with your children in the very last study. May the Lord
bless this Word to our understanding and give us wisdom as parents.