Proverbs 22 is our text for all
of these studies on biblical child discipline. There will
probably be maybe two more after this, perhaps. Proverbs 22.6
says, a child in the way he should
go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it trained. Our children don't just turn
out all right. They have to be trained. All
creatures are born wild until domesticated. That includes our
children. Train. Train means lead, teach. Train means chase them. And there's
some things that need to be trained into us and some things that
need to be trained out of us. And the thing we're going to
deal with this morning is this thing called self. We're born
selfish. We're born loving ourselves.
It's just so. We're born loving ourselves more
than anyone or anything else. We're born looking out for ourselves. And it does not take long for
that to really come out. Self. This is why our Lord said,
when he said, in loving someone else, He said, Love your neighbor,
how? As yourself. If you'll give us a grace to
do that, that's true love, because we love ourselves. Selfishness. Now, this selfishness
is the source, or greatest source. It comes from sin, but it's the
greatest source of all of our problems. It really is. Listen carefully. Pride is self-love. That's what pride is. Self-love.
And God hates it. And so does everyone else that
sees it. Pride. Envy. Envy is self-love, isn't
it? Envy is something someone else
has. Why? Because you don't have it. Jealousy. Spice. doing things
in spite. Why do we do things in spite?
You did that to me, and I'm going to get you back. Spite. Malice. Unhappiness. Where does
unhappiness come from? Because I'm not happy. I'm not happy. What I want more
than anything is for me to be happy. So this thing of self,
selfishness, thinking of and loving ourselves, is the greatest
source of our problems. It comes from sin. The more we
can deny ourselves, the happier we will be. And the more I thought about
this, the more we hate ourselves, loathe ourselves, the more loved
we will be by others. It's just so. Proverbs 29. Look over here, Proverbs 29.
As I said, no one loves a proud, selfish person. Self-love. Proverbs 29. And our children, you've already
noticed, many of you have already noticed how that All that applies
to our children applies to us as God's children, doesn't it?
We're all learning. Whether we're parents or not,
we're learning to be his children. He's teaching us as his children.
All of these are spiritual lessons as disciples. Discipline. Disciples
of Christ as well as discipline. Discipline in our children. One
of the first things we need to do as parents or grandparents,
is to try to suppress this self in our children, to restrain
it, deny it. We can't kill it. There's only
one that can do that. Only God can do that in regeneration. Only God can make someone loathe
or hate themselves and from then on deny self. Only God can do
that. All we can do is restrain it,
try to restrain it, contain it, try to contain it. Proverbs 29,
verse 15 says, The rod and reproof give wisdom. Now, that's going
to be our subject next week. The rod and reproof. And many
very young will wish that we never got on that subject. But
it's coming around to it. But read on. Verse 15. The rod
and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself. bringeth his mother to shame. Left to self bringeth mother
or parents to shame and embarrassment of the parent. Allowed to be
selfish, that child, that young person will be ugly, shameful
and embarrassment. This attitude of mine, it's ugly,
isn't it? Not only is it a shame to the
parent, but the child will, the young person will be, is a shame
to themselves and make everyone not like them. 2 Timothy chapter 3. Go over
to 2 Timothy chapter 3. Now, an infant, a newborn, may
not be immediately selfish. It may not be apparent. We're born with that seed in
us. It's going to come out. We're born depraved. We're born
sinful. It's going to come out. In the beginning, that child
is just helpless, totally helpless. But it doesn't take long at all. A matter of a few months, then
that selfishness will start to come out, and it will display
itself in several ways, one being excessive, unnecessary crying.
They can't talk. They can't voice their complaints. But then it will break out into,
if unchecked, it will break out into tantrums and outrages. My niece, her first child, Lucy, she was born. And anyway, several months later,
she was sitting in a high chair, and my mother was there. And
little Lucy was acting up. I don't know how old was she,
maybe six months. She was acting up, acting ugly.
And Carrie, you know, was at her wits end, not knowing what
to do. And she turned to my mother and said, Mimi, that's what she
called her. She said, Mimi, when do you think
is a good time to start disciplining little Lucy? My mother said,
how about now? Well, in 2 Timothy 3, here it
is, the Lord said, and notice with me the first thing that
he says that is a sign of the times. Verse 1, This know that
in last days perilous times shall come, men shall be lovers of
their own selves. And he goes on down to talk about
being disobedient to parents, unruly children, children that
are disrespectful to all authority, and it begins with the parents. So the sooner we can instill
in our children, now here it is, we're trying to kill this
love of self, or they're trying to restrain it, this love of
self. Deny it, we're trying to deny it in them, not let it go
unchanged. And the sooner we can instill
in them, here's the lesson, we're trying to instill in them and
teach them that they are not born in, now this is the opposite
of what the world said, but this is what God's Word said. They
are not born into this world as somebody truly special. They're another son of Adam.
I mean, they're special to us. They're our children, aren't
they? They really are, but they in
themselves something really special. No,
there's one. How many billion are there? Just like. Now they will in time, hopefully,
something will distinguish them as being special. Number one,
the love of God and the sovereign mercy and grace and choice of
God. They'll only be known that they're
special to God as if he saves them. But they're not really special.
And we need to instill in them, first of all, They're not born
into this world to be served, but rather one of many just like
them. One of the human race, just one. Not the big one, not the best
one, not the smartest one, not the unique one, just one of many.
And we're going to deal with this later on, this thing, we're
not trying to discourage They're not trying to discourage ambition
and things like that. But we'll deal with that hopefully
in the last one. But our children are one of the
human race. They're one of a family. And
they're born into a family. We had an only child. She was
one of three. Three people. Not just one. I was born into a family of six. How was it the big double? Not one, not majority, but the
minority, right? And every part exists to serve
the whole. Right? That's the way it is with
the church, isn't it? When God brings you into his
family, that's the first thing he makes you to know. You're
nothing. You're nobody. But God chose you, had mercy
upon you, grace upon you, loved you, put you as a member of the
body. For what reason? To serve his
glory. To serve the church. You're one
of many. You're one of many. The only thing that sets you
apart is his love. Right? That's right. Philippians
2, go over to Philippians chapter 2. As I said, little infants
are helpless, but as they grow older, they need to be taught
that there are more people in the house than just them. Are
you with me? They need to be taught that there
are more people in that house than just them, that parents
don't exist to wait on them, that life doesn't revolve around
them. The sooner they can learn this.
The happier they will be than anybody else. Life doesn't revolve
around them. When they're gone, life's going
to go on. They're one small part of a whole
and have a purpose in it. Everything doesn't exist for
them. There's one that everything exists for, to serve. You know that? One. God said,
I have created all things for me, God said, for me, for my
glory. And so we instill in our children
that we don't exist, the world doesn't exist for them. Life
doesn't revolve around them. Now, some of you, as I said,
have already noticed how this applies to us as God's people,
and this Philippians 2. While it is written to us, to
believers, it is a good application for our young people. Verse 3,
let nothing be done through strife or vain glory, that is, the self,
for your own personal recognition or honor or further yourself,
but in lowliness of mind. Now, they're going to learn these
principles throughout life. this thing of
serving others. A child that learns this early
on will be the best employee. They're going to get the best
job, and they're going to be the best employee, and they're going to
move up the ladder. A company man, someone who's really interested
in the company, in the welfare of the company. The boss and
everybody else is going to notice that, and they're going to move
up. Someone was telling us the other
day that someone was applying for a job. They applied for a
job somewhere, and their reasoning was they weren't happy with the
job that they were working. And the employer said, I'm not
going to hire somebody that's not happy with the job they're
working. You understand? I'm going to
hire somebody that's happy. with their job they're working.
That means they'll be happy working for me. Somebody that's really
in it for the good of the company. But this is the principle. Train
them up in the way it should go, and it will not depart from
them when they're older. Strive for vainglory. Let nothing
be done. But in loneliness of mind, thinking little of yourself,
Let each esteem others better than themselves. Look not every
man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Let this mine be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." The
Son of God who is served by angels, who alone is worthy to be served,
what did he do? took upon himself the form of
a servant. He said, I didn't come to be
ministered unto, but to minister. And he said, if I've done this,
if I've washed your feet, you do the same. And so we teach
our children at an early age they don't exist to be served.
The sooner they learn it, the better. And the scripture says
Christ Glorified not himself." Are you with me? This is the
most vital message we've done yet on this subject. I hope you're
listening. He gave himself for us, for his people. He sacrificed
himself, left bliss and true happiness. Why? Well, is he not the perfect child? Is not the Son of God the perfect
child, our role model? Don't we want our children to
be Christ-like? I'm telling you, that's the person
you like the most and want to be around and love. It's that
one who's most Christ-like. So will it be with our children?
You know what a spoiled brat is, don't you? Anybody know what
a spoiled brat is? Does anybody like a spoiled brat? Surely your child is not or will
not be a spoiled brat, will you? Sure enough, will. If you spoil
it, granddad, I really don't need to be speaking to grandparents
here, perhaps more than parents. Of course, I won't. I don't need to hear this. I
won't spoil my grandchild. Yes, our children will be spoiled. Spoiled means getting in your
way. Spoiled means being catered to. Spoiled means being pampered.
Spoiled means being bribed. Spoiled means being rewarded
to stop bad behavior. Spoiled. Spoils are things you get. David spoils. Remember when he
took everything that belonged to him? Those were David's spoils.
And so we reward bad behavior. Is that what we do? Spoil them?
If you quit that, if you're acting up, if you quit that, I'll give
you a piece of candy. We think they're smart, don't
we? We think our children are real smart. And they are. They're
smart enough to know, huh, if I keep up this bad behavior,
if I act up real bad, I'll give you a piece of candy. We're the ones not too smart.
And so, you know, that's spoiling
me. All right, here's some ways that
we restrain or check this self in our children, all right? This way, and we'll go into that,
what we just talked about in a moment, or maybe like half-time. All right, here's some ways,
and I don't advise you to take any notes. I learned something
this week. Notes are okay, but I learned
this. You'll miss something if you're not careful trying to
write it down. I was listening to Brother Bruce, and I thought,
I need to write that down. I wrote it down. He said something.
Everybody said, Amen. I missed it. I couldn't run it
back. Couldn't rewind it. So I learned
something there. So I got the CD. I want to hear
it again. And so these are being recorded
for future use. Some ways to restrain or check
the self in our children. Number one, they need to be taught
to entertain themselves. Not to be entertained all the
time. I had to ask this question the
other day. What ever happened to play pens? Does anybody have
play pens anymore? I remember being in a play pen.
Everybody used to have a play pen. What was the purpose of
it? Cruel, hard punishment? No, no, just to have a place
to put the child so mama could get some work done. It's not
cruel and unusual. It's not solitary confinement.
It's not a damp, dark jail cell, chained and with only food and
water. It's a nice little padded, you
know, it's open. I remember my parents said I
was the fourth one, believe me. They had a playpen. I was the
fourth. And they said, I used to sit
in my playpen and stand up in my playpen and say, hey there. I guess I had to stay in there
so long, you know, that anybody go by, I'd try to, hey there,
would you please help me here. Whatever happened to playpens?
They're a good thing. Playpens are a good thing. You remember we talked last week
about boundaries? By the way, my parents call and
I can't help it when I answer and say, hey there. But do you remember we talked
about boundaries? Boundaries, like a dog being on a leash or
restraints. It's not cruel and unusual punishment
at all. It's not bondage. It's boundaries. There's a big difference. What's wrong with getting one
toy, or two or three, better one, but two or three, put it
in a nice little thing here, you've got things to do, and
put it down there and say, now honey, play. I've got things
to do. What's wrong with that? Nothing
wrong with it. It's everything right with it.
You're teaching them to play, or by themselves, or entertain
themselves. Boy, that will reap rewards later
on, won't it? And when they're an adult, they
don't have to go everywhere and do things, and this and that
and the other. They don't have to be entertained. They get all the latest devices.
They can entertain themselves, sit down with a good book, be
by themselves. That's a good thing. But is it cruel to
make a child sit still? Brother Kelly trains horses.
Is it cruel to make a horse stand still? Cruel? You don't want
one that won't. You don't want a horse that won't
stand still. If that horse, when it's young,
real young, hadn't been taught to stand still, you wouldn't
buy it. You wouldn't have anything to
do with it. It might kill you. Sit still. Well, he's got so
much energy, though. Oh, my baby, you don't know my
child. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. He's got so much
energy. Channel it. That's what energy
is for, isn't it? Channeling. Got all this electricity
and everything. Channeling into productive use. That dog trainer, you know what
I'm telling you about. He actually puts dogs on treadmills.
People that live in the city, you know, the dog can't turn
them out. They're running around. He puts them on a treadmill.
And works all that energy out of them until they will sit still. A child taught early to entertain
him or herself is a happier child, and boy, will the mother be. Here's another lesson. They
need to be taught that they're not the center of attention.
They can't help this. We're to blame. We can't help
this. When they're born and when they're
real young, toddlers and all that, they're just so cute, aren't
they? Especially ours. Mine is going to be incredible. You know I'm being fun. I'm making
fun of myself. We all think that, don't we? Mine, Brother Barnard, he said
things like he was. Everybody thinks babies are cute.
I'm kind of like Brother Barnard, you know. I have seen very few
babies I thought were cute, I mean newborns. I'd go to the barn
and they'd hand him a brand new baby and wrinkled and red, and
he'd say, oh, it's a baby. It's a baby. That's a smart way
at it. And they're the center of attention. I mean, they really are. But
there comes a point. to where they're going to have
to be taught, there's other people around here. That when you walk
in the room, everybody doesn't need to stop what they're doing and make you happy and attend
to you. There's a lot of other people.
Daddy and Mommy should not jump when you say jump, but vice versa. We have things to do, honey.
You find something to do. Is there anything wrong with that? Is that hard? No, it's
a real good lesson. A real good lesson. Here's another
thing. Children, boy, this is an old
saying. You old folks, Roy, you old folks,
remember this old saying. A child is to be seen and not
heard. Gabe, do you remember that? Gabe
told me that he heard that so much that wherever they went
when he was a child, running through his head, Hannah was
seen, not heard. Seen, not heard. They'd go so
much, seen, not heard. That kept running through his
head. Did you hear that? Where your parents grew up. Seen,
not heard. When you're visiting others, you are a guest. You're not the
owner of that house, nor are your children. Everything in
that house is off limits. It's a no to everything. Until
the owner says, yes, right. We don't bring our children in
somebody's home. It's their home, and turn them loose. No, sir. It's a privilege to be there.
It's not a right. And while on the subject, if
you want to be invited over, then you must have your children
in subjection. Children do not have a right
to wreck someone else's home. Parents need to train them not
to. And the most effective word in
the English language, once again, where we start is no. No. As I said, you say no until the
host, until the other person says yes. Now, we had, Mindy
and I, had several good role models when we were young parents
and very good role models. I mentioned Brother Marvin and
Linda Stonica. They were outstanding role models. Do you not agree? Is there some evidence that they
perhaps were good parents? Would you kind of like to have
some children like that? I'll give you some ways in which
they were good roles. They brought up four young children.
Not one, four. Not two, four. Four young children,
a house full. That's a house full, isn't it?
Like I said, old Gabe said, seen, not heard. Seen, not heard. Seen,
not heard. Well, they were invited to places. They came to see us. First time
they came to see us, they brought their four children. I didn't
really know them too well. I'd met them somewhere else.
And I didn't really know them. Well, they're coming with their
four children. Young, they were young, weren't
they? I hope Gabe was maybe 12 the
first time. That would have made, Sarah was,
how old would you have been? Eight, you'd have been eight,
then Becca would be six. Okay, 12, 10, eight, and six. Okay. And honestly, Mindy and I thought,
oh my, what's this going to be like? And they stay with us a week.
Everyone stay a week. We don't remember thinking during
those seven days, not one time did we remember thinking that
they were a bother, that they were trouble. Not one time. Not for a moment. They were pure pleasure for seven
days. That's amazing. Wow. They were trained well. Seemed
not hurt. John and Vicki Chapman, they
had their two boys at an early age. Two sons. You remember when they first
came over to our house, brought those two boys? Nearly 30 years ago. How old
was Jason? Jason, the oldest one is 28,
maybe. Well, 25 or 26 years ago. Man, I don't get my years going
by. But anyway, they were young boys. Let's put it that way. Very,
very young boys. Two of them. They came back and
we had a very small apartment. I mean, living room, kitchen,
bedroom, that's it. Very small. We invited them over
to visit with us. Two boys. The boys are wild,
aren't they? All boys will be boys, won't
they? Those two boys sat on that couch
the whole time they were there. They never had it. We were amazed. And they weren't
sitting there crying. We were amazed. Cruel? No, it's considerate of
others, is all it is. It's not prison. Just sit. It's not prison, Bo Kelly. Just
sit. But he's so active, he won't
sit still. I've got a real good device,
and we're going to talk about it next week, that will make
every child sit still. perfect device. Take this device
right here, swing at 40 miles per hour on the area that needs
to sit. They will sit. Or else they will be too sore
to do so. We're going to talk about this
next week. Here's another. They need to
learn to serve others. This will keep self and check,
and they'd learn to serve others, serve the house, not be served.
Serve the house. They can be taught this at the
earliest age, to pick up their own toys. Oh, absolutely. They're playing with it. They
used it. Pick it up. They're clothes. They're wearing
them. Mommy's going to wash them. What's the big deal about them
picking it up and putting it in a basket? Boy, that's horrible,
isn't it? Will that reap benefits later?
Wash dishes. Oh, man. Hard chores. Wash dishes. You know, they're
being served. They're given free room, free
board. Three square meals a day. Mom
slaving over the stove, washing all that. What's wrong with it?
Every now and then. Pitching in. Once again, Marvin and Linda
were such, Linda, their mother, were such good role models. Brother Marvin one
time, if you remember this, Hannah, Gabe told it. Marvin and Linda,
they would always make the girls wash dishes, wouldn't they? They
had to wash the dishes when they got tall enough to stand at the
sink. It was in our home, okay. Well, anyway, they were always
taught to wash dishes. They had to wash the dishes.
Well, one day after dinner in our home, Marvin said, Which
one of you girls wants to wash the dishes today? And he said,
Hannah. No, he said, Sarah, the oldest. Sarah said, I don't want to wash
the dishes. He said, Becca, the youngest.
She said, I don't want to wash the dishes. He said, Hannah. Hannah said, sure, I'll do it.
I'll wash them. So Hannah started to get up, and Martin said, sit
back down, Hannah. Sarah, Becca, wash the dishes. Isn't that wisdom? Well, self. It's an ugly thing. It's an awful
thing. We're not truly unique. You've got to distinguish yourself
as being unique. Right? You've got to earn that right
and prove it. Prove it. You're not born with
that special badge, unique. No, you're just one of many.
And this self is the worst thing. It's the chief source of our
problems. It's got to be checked. I mean, checked hard, early.
There's a wise saying. This fellow said that the best
way to take care of a minor problem is before he gets older. Get you a minor, check it early,
when he's old, and not depart from it.