In Psalms 116, verses 6 and 7, the Lord preserveth the simple. I was brought low, and he helped
me. Return unto thy rest, O my soul,
for the Lord hath dealt boundlessly with thee. I was searching through my files,
some old files that I had in my office, and I ran across an
old paper that I'd written, and I have no idea when I wrote this,
it's mine. But Joe and I were attending
a little independent Baptist, most of you know where it was,
Truelight Baptist. And I wrote this sometime after
we left there. Reading over this, I couldn't
hardly make much of it out, so I went up and re-typed it. It's
been so long, but I thought, I'm just going to read that.
I'm going to read it. Because the Lord hath dealt bountifully
with my soul. And I just want to read to you
what I wrote several, several years ago. And you couldn't do
this if you were Currents' age. Terence can come up here and
do what I'm about to do. He's too young. When you get older,
you can do something like this. And you can do something like
this when you're among people that love you. If somebody here
tonight don't love me, they say, I don't want to hear about you.
Just get on with it. But I'm among people who love
me. And I thought, well, I'll just read this. I'm going to
try just to read this, three or four or five pages, four pages
I guess of this. This is what I said. I quote,
As I look back upon my unconverted days, I think one of the words
that's most descriptive of me is this word simple. The Lord
preserveth the simple. Webster's defines this as insignificant,
unimportant, stupid, foolish, uneducated, and ignorant. Yet the Lord preserved me, and
not only so, but has dealt boundlessly with my soul. And this is my
testimony of some of His dealings with my heart. I was born September
4, 1950, in a small mining town in Monterey, Tennessee. There
was no hospital in the county where my dad, my mom, my three
brothers and four sisters lived. When my parents looked at me
lying there in that small room they used for a nursery, I doubted
seriously if either of them thought, here lies a new sinner in the
town. Most parents don't think that
about their little infants. But there I lay, not consciously
striking out against God, but a son of Adam, conceived in sin
and shaped in iniquity. and, as soon as possible, speak
in lies, first unconsciously, then knowingly and willingly.
I was born a Gentile, in myself having no hope, without conscious
knowledge of anything or anyone, wholly dependent upon others
for my life and my well-being. Everything had to be done for
me. I had no conscious knowledge of even being wet, let alone
having the ability to change my own diaper. I had no conscious
knowledge of being hungry nor of the ability to feed myself.
My physical necessities had to be supplied by humans, and God
had to give me my heartbeat and my breath. I was totally and
helplessly dependent on others to provide everything for me. Looking back upon my life as
a very young boy, I've tried to remember what my first conscious
thoughts were. I remember how sick my dear mother
was early in my life. I didn't start school until I
was seven years old. Our community school had what
they called Primer. which is today our kindergarten.
I was eight years old when I entered the first grade. One of the only
reasons I can think of that started school at such a late age was
because of my mother's bad health. Not only was she hindered in
her sickness, but she needed someone there with her. I remember
nights when she was so sick that she wept what seemed to me to
be all night, my dad by her side. I remember sitting in a quiet
living room in an old log house, watching her as she lay sick
late in the morning and even in the early afternoon. I remember
what long hours my dad worked in the coal mines. He left before
daylight and always got home after dark. I still remember
the smell of the inside of his metal lunch bucket. And I was
always in the habit of opening it as soon as he got home, sometime
to find a biscuit or a small cake. I remembered a large family
Bible. I was too young to read, but
I remembered the pictures some referred to as the Holy Land,
mostly pictures of old temples or rock houses which were so
common in the days of Christ and his apostles. I remember
for some reason these pictures seem to be so solemn or even
scary to me. I vaguely remember someone, perhaps
my mom or my dad, telling me that God was going to burn the
world with fire. One of the first thoughts I remember,
and perhaps the very first thought, at least the most sobering and
heart-wrenching thought to my young conscience, I could not
have been older than six or seven. I was standing in the front yard
in front of our old log house when someone made the remark
of how red the sky was. When I looked up, I was suddenly
smitten. It was as I believed God had
spoke to my conscience. The thought came to me with irresistible
power and convincing assurance. I thought that I would not escape
all the days of my life. What would God say? What would
the Almighty have to say to a small, young boy? In that moment of
time, He thoroughly convinced me that I was a sinner against
Him and that He was bringing me to judgment. Up to that time,
I had no conscience, as I can remember, that I had committed
one sin against God. No doubt I had. Childhood and
youth is vanity, but God's first stillness with me was not convincing
me of what I had done, but what I was. I was indeed a sinner,
and he was bringing me to judgment. I was convinced of my guilt at
that moment in time, and from that point in time on, I could
find no true comfort or lasting peace in my mind all through
my teenage years. When I was in the midst of some
youthful lust or pleasure, I was reminded that my condition before
God had not changed. I was born a sinner by nature,
and now it was manifesting itself by my wicked deeds against God's
law and against light. I never bore my mind to anybody. I kept all this within. No one
knew the war that sometime raged in my soul. My love for sin and
self warred against the conscience that God had smitten. I have
learned many things looking back upon those years of God's dealing
with my heart. Let me tell you some of them.
Number one, God works in the heart of His elect, not only
according to His will and purpose, but according to His own time. Sometimes he convents, sometimes
he convicts and converts early as he did the Philippian jailer,
saving him and his entire house in one night. Other times he
works slowly and patiently as he did with Wiccan monastery
over a period of days or months or even years. The apostle not
only said the Lord saved him by his own purpose and grace,
but he saved him when? it pleased God to do so. God
was pleased to take many years to break me and wean me from
my sin and bring me to Himself. Secondly, I see times I would
have brought terrible shame and hurt on myself and my family. But this terrible, humbling fear
that I was coming to judgment made me careful to abstain from
open and profane sins. It wasn't hell that I so much
feared. I seldom thought of hell. It
was that truth that had become a living and continual reality
to my heart. I was a sinner, and I was coming
to judgment before God, my Creator. He had made me and given me breath
and life, and He was my judge, and I was His enemy. It was a
knowledge of this truth also that kept me from false religion.
What good would it do me to be baptized though I was? What good
would it do me to join the Church or to participate in religious
activities or go to worship? I was a condemned sinner, and
no matter what religious or moral deeds I did, I found I could
not glory in or receive any confidence from the things that I did in
the way of religious activities. With the knowledge of this, I
stumbled along condemned, knowing that I was coming to judgment.
When I think of those days and how God kept me by afflicting
me with this misery and keeping me from open and profane sins,
even from false religion, I can truly say the Lord has dealt
bountifully with my soul. Thirdly, something else I see
by looking back at this experience, how desperately, how desperately
The unconverted heart fights against conviction of sin. It
was necessary, it was contrary rather to my nature, to be humble
and made fearful and miserable. The unconverted heart naturally
despises it just as one would naturally despise putting his
hand into the fire. So it is natural for an unconverted
man to shut his heart against conviction for sin. and even
despise the God who sends it. At any time I would have pleased,
it would have pleased me if I could have never thought of God again,
or death, or the judgment to come, for these things truly
made me miserable. It interfered with my attitude
of I was the boss, it was me what I wanted, me first. The
reason the Lord continued His work upon my conscience was not,
therefore, found in but it was found in his goodness alone.
I can truly say by experience that God is not only a God of
purpose, but one who is of power to bring his purpose to pass.
The Lord Jesus said, Other sheep I have, them also I must bring. And little did I know at this
time that he was slowly but surely bringing me to himself. When
I would shut my eyes, he would force them open. When I attempted
to block the door of my heart against Him, He would tear it
from its hinges. He would not let me rest in my
sin, nor remain secure in the fortress of deception. He would
not let me rest. Praise His name. He has dealt
bountifully to my soul. The fourth thing I learned from
this experience was this. Looking back upon it in retrospect,
It is necessary for a heart to be broken over its sins. One
will never reverence God, have a true and lasting need of Christ,
nor will he count his own soul precious until he is convinced
in his heart that he is a condemned and ruined sinner. Mr. Bunyan said this, If one does
not know the nature of God's law, that it is holy and spiritual,
and condemns sin whenever and in whomever it finds it, and
curses all who is found under it, then he doesn't know his
own nature. The law is spiritual, but I am
carnal. I cannot do any of those things
which the law commands me to do, but sin is mixed with all
of it. This is why Paul said, O wretched
man that I am. I saw clearly that the natural
man can say, O wretched thing that I have done, but the only
heart that can say, O wretched man that I am, is the heart that
God has smitten and has broken. Bunyan said this also. The man
who does not know his own nature, that he is indeed a sinner. cannot
know the nature of Jesus Christ as a Savior. For we come to Him
out of necessity, not only to be saved by Him, but to be saved
from ourselves. God convicted me of sin and humbling
me made me realize the necessity of a broken heart and a contrite
spirit. If a man can know all mysteries
and understand all doctrine, and have faith to remove mountains,
and have a tongue to speak like an angel, yet without a broken
heart he would live and die in the misery of his sins. It is
only the broken who come to the Lord Jesus. It is only those
who are sick who have need of a physician. He saveth such as
be of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And the Lord Jesus said,
Come to me, all ye that are heavy, all ye that labor in a heavy
laden. And David said, My sin is gone over my head. It's too
heavy for me. The Lord Jesus is saying, All
you whose sins are too heavy for you, come to me, and I'll
give you rest. I'll give you rest from your
load of sin. Rest from your conscience that
is screaming. Learn of me and you will find
rest for your soul, a soul that has now become precious to you.
Learn of me that I am your sin bearer." I put away your sin
by the sacrifice of myself. Learn of me that my blood can
indeed cleanse you and has cleansed you from all your sin. Learn
of me that I am your faithful and high priest, your mediator
between you and God, whoever lives to save you. Learn that
I am your righteousness before God. You stand complete in Me. Though you see sin in yourself,
learn that in Me you are perfect and without condemnation. Learn
of Me that God is not angry with you any more. He has given you
life and liberty. Surely this is rest for your
poor, sin-sick soul. Unto Him shall the Gentiles come. and seek, and his rest shall
be glorious." And this is the rest that I found in Jesus Christ. He has indeed dealt bountifully
with my soul. And this I will say from my experience. If God was pleased to make everybody
who is presently without Christ as miserable as he has made me,
then he would save everybody. because everybody would indeed
come to Christ. Men do not come to Jesus because
they have no need of Jesus. He healed those who had need
of being healed. He saved those who were lost
in their own eyes. He washed those who were filthy.
He justified those who were guilty. He clothed those who were naked
and set at liberty those who were bound. Looking back, I see
clearly the necessity of conviction of sin and a broken heart. The
whole need not a physician, neither will they seek one, but they
who are sick." The Lord taught me quite a bit. As I read this,
Lord, you taught me a lot. But the natural, unregenerated
heart sees no beauty in Christ. I remember my young years, almost
every word which was spoken of Jesus Christ. Even the many truths
I heard of him are read of him, of his person and his work, all
the good songs about his blood and grace which I often sang
in my young years. Yet my heart had no desire, had
no understanding, or no need to know him until my heart was
so pressed down by sickness and sin that I had carried so long. about what I was told about the
Savior and His precious blood, that He indeed could wash my
sin away, and that He was indeed a fit one to plead my cause and
deliver me before God. Then I began to seek Him. All my days, seeing now, it was
Him that was seeking me. Now I began to seek Him. He had
called upon me. Now I began to call upon Him. Yet I thought he would never
hear me. I had become the beggar. I wept till I had no more tears
to weep. I prayed till I ran out of words,
sought for advice and comfort but could find help from nobody.
Then one night by my bedside, as I lay under the burden of
a guilty conscience, he suddenly made himself real to my heart.
All my sins and my guilt was taken away by his blood. For
the first time in my life I really knew the Lord. He was in heaven
and I was upon the earth, yet He had revealed Himself to me
through His cleansing power. Oh, what an excellent knowledge!
I could then count all loss for the excellency of the knowledge
of Christ Jesus my Lord and Savior. He was now my life and my peace
and all my salvation. Some say, and it's true, all
of us don't know the time or the place where the Lord actually
saves us. But I do know for myself the
very time and the very place where He made Himself real to
me. And it makes me say, Oh, the Lord hath dealt bountifully
with my soul. And I went ahead to write some
things about when Joe and I were out Going to the little independent
Baptist, most of you know about Truelight Baptist. Joe and I
sat there for a number of years, two years I know, and most of
their doctrine was Armenian. We tried for two years to get
out of that place, didn't we? We wanted to leave, and most
of them wanted us to leave. But we couldn't. We could not
leave. And looking back on it now, I'm
glad we couldn't. And here's what I wrote about
those years. Looking back upon our years at Truelight Baptist,
I see now what I could not see then. What I experienced there
in that period of my life, all the money in the world, or the
world itself, could not buy from me the preciousness of those
years. The Lord was pleased to teach
me things there that I would not fully realize until years
later. I know what the Lord meant when
He told His disciples. What I do now, you don't understand,
but you will understand later. One thing I learned was this,
from sitting there being still, unable to say or do anything
that was not opposed by many in the congregation. God sometimes
places his people in certain locations and conditions and
predicaments which they seemingly have no place. even to the point
that some may condemn them for even being there. Obadiah was
a man who feared the Lord above many, and yet he was the governor
over wicked Ahab's house. Ahab was the miserable husband
of wicked Jezebel, but the Lord has a purpose for Obadiah being
there. The disciples of Christ's contingent
in the temple were the rulers who hated Christ's Yet the disciples
gather there to worship and to praise God. It is God and not
man who leads his dear children along. As I look back upon those
years as a young believer, I am filled with joy beyond compare
to see now in retrospect how God's hand was at work in my
heart. There were times when my mind
was filled with darkness. and loneliness, and he would
send light and joy in my heart, and he sometimes would do it
immediately. One moment I was so cast down,
and the next moment I felt as if I had been lifted up to heaven.
One day in a worship service we were singing, and if you want
to know why this old song is so precious to me, here's why.
We were singing the song, though here neglected. and despised. One day the Lord will bring his
chosen ones within the gates, and that's worth everything.
Most of those around me never believed in God's election. They
were not here. Yet here we all were, singing
about it, and it was coming to my heart in great power and comfort. One day also we were all in prayer. I was very discouraged over the
fact of the spiritual ignorance that was so evident in many members
of the congregation. And immediately that portion
of scripture came from the book of Jonah concerning Nineveh,
the great city. Though they were so ignorant,
they knew not their left hand from their right, and yet God
worked repentance in their heart. I had no idea whether the Lord
would grant repentance to anyone in that congregation, but I was
perfectly content to know. that he was able, if he so pleased. Many times in those days the
word came to my heart with power. Whether it came to reassure me,
to give me assurance, or to instruct me or to correct me, it always
brought light. I know the meaning of King David
when he said, ìThe entrance of thy word giveth light.î And he
said also, ìRemember the word unto thy servant, upon which
thou hast caused me to hope. This is my comfort in my affliction. Thy word hath quickened me."
Looking back upon those days, I see now, even as I saw then,
my chief comfort, with very, very few exceptions, was the
word of God. In my time of doubt, it was my
shepherds. In my time of darkness, it was
my light. In my time of confusion, it was
my instructor. Man's opinion meant nothing to
me in those days because no man could help me. It was the scripture
alone. This not only gave me assurance,
but it gave me a heart respect and fear and love for God's word. Not only did I long to believe
its promises, I longed to tremble at its threatening. As I look
back upon God teaching me and how he taught me, how he often
let me struggle over truth, it was plainly taught in the word
of God, but I could not understand it. I did not and I would not
receive some man's opinion of it. If it was truth, then I wanted
to know it for myself. I will never forget the day when
the Lord so effectually taught me Romans 8, verses 29 and 30. The purpose of His salvation
concerning His people was immutable as God Himself. Those He foreknew,
them He also glorified. Oh, how this stilled my soul!
God would either teach me these truths suddenly, or He would
teach me gradually. but it always came from his word. I feel sympathy for those who
quickly receive a preacher's word when he tells them the truth,
and yet they never struggle over those truths to get them in their
hearts. The Bereans searched the scripture
to see if these things were so, therefore many of them believed. The Lord has truly dealt bountifully
with my soul. I chuckle over this sometimes
when I read this. So often in those days, the Lord
would send a preacher who would preach the message of grace,
and I felt they didn't even believe themselves, and yet they preached
it. I sat and listened to a free-will
Baptist preach particular redemption. The first time I ever heard particular
redemption, a free-will Baptist preached And another freewill Baptist
preached election. And more than one preached the
depravity of man and the perseverance of the saints. And I felt that
if these messages were for nobody else, they were most surely for
me. The Lord hath dealt bountifully
with my soul. The Lord let tapes of messages
and books fall into my hands by preachers and writers that
I never heard of. I even found them unexpectedly
in Freewill Baptist libraries. Every word of God's grace was
precious to me in those days. No one could read a portion of
scripture, or preach a message, or make a statement about the
grace of Christ, except I hung on to it with all my heart. And
though a door was finally opened for my wife and I to leave that
independent Baptist Yet words cannot express how boundedly
the Lord dealt with my soul there. And that's where it stopped.
And I don't know how long ago it was after that that I ran
into some of you folks. And this is right where I belong.
The rest is history, as they say. I hope that didn't bore
you. I didn't tell of the two car
wrecks I was in. where all the cars were totaled,
house crushed under snow and ice and almost died, or almost
drowned. But that is some of the dealings
of God with my soul. And I can truly say, He hath
dealt bountifully with me.