I Just Want You to Understand

Track fifteen is the hardest song on the album to have written, and I will not pretend otherwise. It has a name in it. I am sorry, Cole. This is the song for my son, the one that goes on the book's dedication page, and it is not a song that argues. It is a song that apologizes.

The apology is specific, and it is real. For the hours I did not speak. For the answers I was writing when I could have knelt to teach. I was building the book late and later, thinking I had time before. I had chapters finished and I never told him so. I assumed he'd read the pages, assumed he'd want to know. That assumption was a father's mistake, and the song owns it without flinching - I should have spoken slower, I should have read you more.

And then it does the thing only love can do across a real disagreement. Cole has called the book heresy - the song says so plainly, I know you've called it heresy, and I felt each word you said. It does not fight that. It does not demand agreement. Not asking you to stand where I had to stand without you. It only asks one thing - read the book before you close it, pray before you push away. The final chorus is a door left open by a father who refuses to slam it. Not too late, Cole. I am not too far away. Whatever else the book is, it was always, underneath, for him.