The subject that I don't know
of anybody that's a master of it. A master of it. But it's a needful subject. And
the only reason that God gave us marriage on the earth was
to show us the relationship between His people, the Church, and Himself. You know, that we are one. We
are one. And Paul had been talking about
these people and the abuse of their bodies, the way they had
done, and so evidently they had written to him about marriage,
how to deal with marriage. And they wanted his advice, they
wanted his account on the things pertaining to marriage, its advantages. Marriage has great advantages.
The nature of marriage, responsibilities in marriage, and especially the
permanence of marriage, especially the permanence of it. And he
said here in verse 1, Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto
me, it is good for a man not to touch
a woman. Now what he means here, he says,
you know, there's nothing wrong with a man and woman being married,
but it's not unlawful to marry, to lie, or sinful to be married
and be with a woman in wedlock. You know, if you remember in
Genesis chapter 2, when the Lord took Eve from Adam and gave him
to be a helpmate. And he says, the two shall be
one flesh. And the husband shall cleave
unto the wife, and the wife shall cleave unto the husband. They
shall be one flesh, and they shall forsake father and mother,
and cleave unto their husband, and cleave unto their wife. And
that's what he's talking about here. We want to know something
about this marriage. And that's good, you know, but
if you can't, and there's nothing wrong with it, it's not unlawful.
God's not against it. In fact, the scripture said in
Hebrews 13, verse 4, the Mary's bed is honorable in all, and
it's undefiled. It's outside the Mary's bed that
things are undefiled. And that's what he goes on to
say about it. Paul is just saying that the gift, having this ability
to restrain yourself and having no need for sexual experience
or expression in any way, You'd be better off unmarried. Boy,
I tell you what, a good marriage is worth its weight in gold.
A good marriage, oh my, what happiness there is in a good
marriage, what fulfillment, companionship. Couldn't imagine being without
it. But yet also at the same time, when there's such happiness
in marriage, such fulfillment in marriage, I mean, so many
ways to fulfill yourself. Not only you, but your wife,
and your wife, you, and such glorious companionship and union
you have together, that it also carries with it heavy responsibilities.
To be a husband or to be a wife carries some great responsibilities.
You know, I mean, there's personal sacrifice. You even have to sacrifice
your own feelings sometimes. Sacrifice your own thoughts,
your own opinions. Some people say you have to bite
your tongue. Well, I don't believe you ought to bite your tongue,
but you need to learn how to hold your peace. And sometimes it's
better to hold your peace as a personal sacrifice. And also
with it, sometimes in marriage, and everybody's experienced this,
especially when you're first married, there's troubles and
sorrows that go with it. Especially troubles and sorrows
in the flesh. That's why Paul says down here in verse 28, He said, But and if thou married,
thou hast not sinned, and if a virgin marries, she hath not
sinned. Nevertheless, such shall have trouble in the flesh. And
I'm telling you the truth. I'm not trying to spare you.
I mean, you know, there's no such thing, this idea of people
saying, well, we've been married just many years and never had
a cross word. Well, tell me another lie. There ain't no way two people
are going to be married very long. And I don't care how long
they're married, they're going to have cross words, they're
going to have cross feelings, they're going to have cross,
as they say, they're going to get their nose out of Jordan,
they're going to get cross wires. That's just the nature of it.
God made us with different personalities, needs and wants and desires.
And that's why self-sacrifice comes into this business and
our responsibilities, first of all, to the other person, even
more so than to ourselves. And then he goes on to say here
in verse 2, Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, Let every
man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."
And what he's saying here is to avoid sexual immorality, to
avoid relationships that's against the Scriptures, that's against
God. And people seem to don't care about that now, but they
still, the Scriptures is true about it. It's true. Fornication,
sex outside of marriage or sex, And any time you have sex outside
of a marriage and outside of wedlock, it's sinful, it's against
God, it's against the scriptures, it's against your body. You're
not only sinning against God, you're sinning against yourself
and the person you're doing it with. Now that's just as plain
as the nose on you. Scripture says that. But he says
now, to avoid this fornication, to avoid this immorality, sexual
immorality, let every man have his own wife and let every woman
have her own husband. You know the scripture says that
he that findeth a good wife obtaineth favor of the Lord? And let every
man have his own wife to love, and let him have his wife to
enjoy, and let every woman have a husband to share her life with
and meet her needs. That's what this business is
all about, is a life joined together, living together, enjoying one
another, and rejoicing in one another. And having this wonderful
relationship that God gives us in Christ. But now watch what
else he goes on to say. Now he's asking for this advice.
He said, Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence,
and likewise also the wife unto the husband. Now what's he asking
here? What's he saying? Now first thing
he talks about is the husband. And I know this, and this is
the thing that most people harp on, and most preachers harp on,
especially in fundamentalism. Wives, obey your husbands. Wives,
obey your husbands. You've got to be unsubjection
to your husband. Well, let me show you something over here
in Ephesians, Chapter 5, just a minute. And the first one he
addresses here is the husband. And you know why that? Because
we're supposed to be the stronger, and the women are the weaker
vessels. But in Ephesians, Chapter 5,
look what he says. Now, it goes on to say here,
you know, in verse 24, or verse 22, excuse me, Why submit yourselves
unto your own husbands as unto the Lord? For the husband is
the head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church,
and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject
unto the wife, let the wives be to their own husbands and
everything. And I tell you, boy, there's a lot of people that's
kept under bondage over that very one thing. But here's the
first thing he says. Husband, love your wives even
as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. Now, how in the world did Christ
love the church? Gave himself for it. Committed himself to
it. Sacrificed himself for it. And
then he goes on to say, And husbands love your wives, and so the wives,
you know, if a wife, and that's what he goes over here to say,
render due benevolence, back over here in our text. Let the
husband render due benevolence unto the wife. And what he's
saying here is, everything that a husband is supposed to do,
and fulfill this thing of love, that's what he's talking about,
tenderness, kindness, providing for them, protecting them, respecting
them. Respecting them. And there's been more marriages
destroyed over not respecting the person out in public. Getting
people out in public and ridiculing them, making fun of them, pointing
out their faults to other people. And those are things, and that's
why he says, render due benevolence, love and kindness, and tend to
protect them, respect them. And if you respect them, don't
let nobody else disrespect them. But here he's talking about the
marriage bed mostly, and playing most of the time about marriage
bed and the sexual needs that the husband or the wife has.
And he says, likewise, let the woman render unto the husband. And what he's saying here is
that you're supposed to meet the needs of one another. And
do it in the marriage bed in every possible way. And you know,
if it ceases to be, joy and pleasure and enjoyment and happiness,
and you refuse to do that, then that's what he's saying is, is
that you know you're not rendering that due benevolence unto Him.
You're supposed to, the wife's supposed to be aware of the needs
of her husband and willingly meet those needs. Willingly meet
those needs. And then look what he said, and
this is, knowing this is what he's talking about, he says in
verse 4, the wife hath not power over her own body. but the husband. Likewise, also the husband hath
not power of his own body." Now, what does he mean by that? That
means that you're not your own. When you said, under thee I wed,
you entered into that marriage contract, you said, everything
I have is yours now. That includes me. You don't have
power over your own body. If your husband desires your
body, that's his body. You gave it to him here in this
marriage contract, and likewise the husband. You're not got power
over your body. And I've had folks talk to me
about this, and I don't want to get... I want to stay as scriptural
as I can, but I've seen people come to me and talk to me, and
they get upset with one another, and they sleep in other rooms
just to try to prove to themselves that I'm going to hurt your feelings.
I'm going to show you ain't got power over me. That is as wrong
as hell itself. That's what the scripture meant.
Don't let the sun go down on your wrath. Don't you go to bed
angry with one another. Don't you let the day go to bed
and you all get in that bed and you all mad at one another. And
that's what he's saying about here. You don't have power over
your husband. Your husband's got power over you. It's his
body. And it's his. And he's to love it. He's to
respect it. He's to care for it. He's to
meet the desires of it. And likewise, the wife is supposed
to be her. His body's not his own. He's
not to withhold it from her. And she has the power over that
body. This body is supposed to be for one another. And that's the way it's supposed
to be. And this is what I love about
it. I love this arrangement that
God's made. God gave me a wife to enjoy. and enjoy her from time she's
a young woman and now she's getting older woman, we enjoy one another
now more than ever. In every sense of the word. And
I'm glad that if she wants me, that just thrills me. And then
if I want her, it just thrills her. We have these bodies and
not powerful muscles. And oh, and a husband and wife,
if it becomes a duty, An unpleasant task. Oh, I feel sorry for folks
if that's the way it is. But oh, how happy would a husband
and wife be who find delight in pleasing one another, and
keeping, you know, and watching out for themselves, and taking
care of their self, and keeping their body clean, and keeping
their self clean, and don't abuse their body, and keep it clean,
and keep it presentable. Don't get out of bed and put
on all those sweats, and walk around in those sweats all the
time, Come home from work and ask your wife, oh my goodness.
That's what you know. Or the man say, well, you ain't
shaved in four or five days. Wife look at her and say, oh
my goodness. That's what he means about, you
know, you keep that body presentable. Keep yourself presentable. Keep
yourself, don't abuse your body. Keep the things that, keep yourself
attractive to your husband. Keep yourself attractive to your
wife. You understand what I'm saying? Not only with your body,
but with your character, with your nature, with your attitude
toward one another. That's what I know, and really. Well, I'll let that go at that.
But look what he said here in verse 5. And he goes on talking
about this body, and how these bodies were not our own, that
we don't have power over them. We ought to not abuse them, keep
them clean, keep them fresh, keep them prepared, keep them
ready for the husband or the wife, and find great joy in doing
that, and love in doing it. And he says, And defraud ye not
one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may
give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again,
that Satan tempt you not, for ye are in contingency. Now fraud
here, he said, defraud you not one another. Fraud's a strong,
strong word here the apostle uses. But what he's saying here,
if somebody refuses love and affection where it's needed,
and deprive each other of that, which is power to give, that
is selfish and that is evil. That is fraud, what he's saying.
If you've got your husband or your wife, and you keep back,
what's proper and right and love and respect and cleanliness in
your body and your nature and your character, if you keep that
back and deprive it from one another, he said, that's selfish
and that's evil. You know, it's like a husband,
a lazy husband who will not work, won't support his wife and his
family. He fails as a husband. He's a
fraud. He wants everybody to pay attention
to him, wants all the authority, wants all the power, but yet
he won't provide for them. That's a fraud. And a wife who
fails in her marriage responsibility or her husband is a fraud. For
them to come out in public and act like everything's hunky-dory,
and they're withholding themselves back from their own husband and
wife, and it's a fraud. Their marriage is a fraud. And he goes on to say here, he
said, except for a time. Now what he means by that is,
except for a time, you can interrupt marital relationships in times
of, you know, you have great spiritual burdens. You get depressed,
you have great heartache, you have great sorrow, and you have
heaviness, you have burdens, you have trials. But only do
that by mutual consent. You know, just listen, I'm going
to set myself apart here to seek the Lord. I've got such heavy
burdens and trials. And if they consent, that's okay. And do that unless one or the
other takes off and says, you withholding your body from me,
you withholding yourself from me, I'll go find me somebody
that will. And Satan to tempt you for your lack of will, your
lack of strength. That's what that word incontinency
means. Lack of strength, lack of will,
lack of ability. Now, look what else he says here. But I speak this by permission
and not of commandment." Now, what he's saying is, what
he's saying is, is that, is, is, is, you know, I'm speaking
here of, of, by permission. You know, when you all come,
you know, what I just said to you about defrauding not one
another and that, he says, what I'm saying about there in verse
five, parting for a time and coming together again, it's not
a commandment of God. God didn't command this. But
I'm speaking it by permission. And he's what he's saying, this
time of separation, whatever the reason is, is neither essential,
is neither required, but only according to your own wishes,
he said, and I speak this by permission. But then he goes
on to say this, God don't command this, God don't command you to
do this, this way, about setting yourselves apart for a while.
But he says this, For I would that all men were even as myself,
but every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner,
and another after that. And what he's talking about here
is the gift of self-control. Paul had this, you know, God
made him a man who did not need a woman. There's men just like
that. I've known several folks over
the years that never was married, never wanted to be married. There's
a lot of women, never been married, didn't want to be married. But
what he's talking about here is the gift of self-control,
the gift of abstinence. I wished everybody was like me.
I wished you would be like me and that way you'd never be in
danger of temptation. You thought your minds could
be more on Christ and not on the flesh. Boy, what he said,
wouldn't it be a wonderful thing to be rid of all fleshly thoughts
and desires? But he says, but everybody here
has got his own gift. Somebody's gift has the ability
that they don't need those things. Don't think of those things.
But God gives these gifts. He gives some to one and some
to another. He gives different kinds of gifts.
So let every man abide in that gift that we've got. And Paul
said, I have this gift that I can give myself wholly and entirely
to Christ. Now, and he says later in this
chapter, and we'll see it, said, you know, he still has a wife.
He cares for the things of his wife. And I do. I can't give, you know, I don't
care how much you, what y'all think of me as a preacher, how
dedicated, how committed, but I care for the things of my wife,
the things of my family, the things of my home. And because she's married, she
cares for the things of me, the things of the home, the things
that pleases me. And so that's what he said. If
God gives you that gift, whatever gift He gives you, stay in that
gift. Different times. Different times. And then he says in verse 8,
I say therefore to the unmarried, those who have never been married,
and the widows, those whose husbands died, it is good unto them if
they abide even as myself, or even as I. If a man or woman
is unmarried, and they choose to remain that way, and it's
not sinful to marry again, but it'd be better for them, for
they'd be more free to serve the Lord Jesus Christ. They'd
be free from the cares of this life. They'd have a heap less
trouble. Have no arguments. It's hard
to argue with yourself. And I'm not trying to be funny,
but that's the truth. And Paul was unmarried. He had
no home, no children, able to devote his entire life to Christ.
Look here in verse 32 what he said. But I would have you without
carefulness, without being full of care. He that is unmarried
careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please
the Lord. But he that is married careth for the things that are
of this world, how he may please his wife. And he says, if you're
unmarried, or you're a widow, it's a lot better if God gives
you the ability and the gift to be like I am. But he goes
on to say now here in verse 9, that's why, you know, to me it's
as natural for people to want to get married as it is to want
to run down here. And for God to bring a man and
a woman together, and keep them together, especially in the first
five or six years of their marriage, and keep them together for years,
and let marriage get better and better and better. It's one of
the most blessed things that's ever been on the topside of God's
judgment. It's just wonderful. It's absolutely
wonderful. And he goes on here to say, But
if they cannot contain, let them marry, for it is better to marry
than to burn. And what in the world is this?
I remember reading that when I was years and years and years
ago. I thought, what in the world is he talking about? Is he talking
about it's better to marry than to burn in hell? Know what he's talking about.
If a person doesn't have the ability to control themselves
in this area of their flesh, they ought to seek a wife, and
the woman seek a husband. It's better to marry than to
burn with passion, to burn with desire. That's what he's talking
about. If you have this great burning
desire, and your flesh does that, it's better to marry than to
burn with that. Find you a husband, find you
a wife. That's what he says. And if you're a believer, you
find them only in the Lord. Only in the Lord. Because if
you think you have trouble with your flesh, you marry somebody
outside of Christ and you're sure enough you're going to have
trouble. You're going to have trouble. And then in verse 10,
and unto the married, unto the married, now he's talking to
the married, I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the
wife depart from her husband. Oh my. Now Paul said in one place,
I speak by permission, I'm just giving my advice, but said this
what I'm telling you here is a commandment. What he's about
to say is married people are under obligation to observe this
because this is the law, this is the word of God. A wife is
not to leave her husband. Not to do it. Marriage vows are
never to be taken lightly. Look over here with me in Matthew
19. Matthew 19, verse 6. Marriage vows are never to be
taken lightly. And I'm telling you, a husband
or a wife is never at liberty to separate from each other because
of some disagreements, not even because of some disease, or not
even difference in matter of faith. I know a couple who's
married for years and years and had a happy marriage. He went
to a Baptist church and she went to a Memphis. They got up every
Sunday and he went to his church and she went to hers. They met
wherever they met for dinner, and they were just as happy as
if they had good sense. I said, I was around them a lot, and
they just enjoyed one another. And when his wife died, that
poor old man just liked to grieve himself to death. She died first. But so you see what he's talking
about, disease, and this gets me. When somebody's sick, that's
really, really when they need somebody to love them and take
care of them. But there's people that have
something happen, and they say, well, I can't deal with that,
I'm not going to deal with it, and walk off and leave. And look what he goes on to say
here in Matthew 19, verse 6, "...Wherefore they are no more
twain, but one flesh. What God therefore hath joined
together, let not man put asunder." I mean, there's nothing... When
we made them vows, when we made them vows, we stood before God. We stood before God. There's
other people, they were just there to witness it. We made
these vows before God. And I tell you, I took them very
seriously even when I was a young man. I was 19 years old when
I got married, and my shirt was soaking wet with sweat. I was
nervous as a cat. My mouth was dry as cotton. Because
I understood what I was getting into. I really did. I said, men,
this is something. This is something. There wasn't
nobody there but four people, me and Mary, and we gave the
preacher ten dollars. I didn't, my father-in-law didn't.
That's what it cost to me and Mary, ten dollars. Such a cheap
wedding, wasn't it? And then people spend thousands
and thousands of dollars on a wedding that don't last a year. But I
understood what it was. I really did. And I appreciate
her so much. For all the times that I was
mean, especially when I was young, I was out rambling around. She
never once told her mother and daddy anything that I was doing
that was wrong. She never run to her mother and
father and say, Mom and Dad, I need to come home. She stayed
at home, carried her own burdens, and put up with me. And that
is something. That is something to me. And
that's why, you know, what God's doing together, don't let disease,
don't let a man, don't let a woman, don't let nothing in this flesh
come between you and them. Because I tell you what, to have
a marriage is the most blessed thing on the face of the earth.
And believe me, you're going to have bumps, you're going to
have ups, you're going to have downs, you're going to have arguments,
you're going to have disagreements, you're going to have times when
you're going to set side to side and you're not going to speak
to one another. You know, you'll go in your room
and lay down, and they'll sit on the couch. But that's nature. That's natural. But every time you have a disagreement,
I'm just going to leave. I'm not going to put up with
that. No, no. No, no. No, no. We're in this for the
long haul. to the long haul. Ain't we? Ain't
we? So we're not at liberty. And
let me show you in Genesis 2.24. This is what God said. That's why our Lord and Savior.
Look in Genesis 2.24. I don't know. I'm not taking
very long, I don't think. But you know how, this is the
way you always think about it. I think about it. is that God
gave me this here, and my responsibility is to take care of this, to treasure
this. He gave me this woman, gave me this home, gave me these
children, and I have such responsibility for them, and two of them. And
then Mary felt exactly the same way. She says, you know, God
gave me you, and she felt such responsibility to me. And there
were times that I couldn't take care of myself when we were first
married. And she took care of me. There was times that I couldn't
even bathe myself because I was in such a state of mind. Well,
I came back from Vietnam for almost three years. And she even
put me in the bathtub and bathed me. Now, that's something, ain't
it? And that's what we're talking
about. How could people walk off and leave stuff like that? And here in Genesis 2.24, look
what he says, Therefore shall a man leave his
father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they
shall be one flesh. And you realize what one flesh
was when one of them is sick or one of them is gone. And I've
never had that happen to me, but it's happened to some of
you here, and you say it's just like You lost part of yourself. Just lost part of yourself. Feel
like you lost. And so I'll tell you, that's what, go back over
in our text. That's what he says again there
in verse 10. And unto the married I command, yet not I but the
Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband. And but, he
said here in verse 11, and I'll quit right here. But, and if
she depart, let her remain unmarried. And we're going to get into the
reason for that here after a while. But if she depart, let her remain
unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband, and let not the
husband put away his wife. Now this is the situation. If
they do depart, don't you dare get married. Because our Lord
says this, if you depart and you get married again, not only
are you committing adultery, but the person you're marrying
is committing adultery with you. They're entering into an adulterous
affair. Now that's what the scriptures teach us, now ain't that right?
And so better to remain unmarried than if you're going to be, and
then be reconciled to your husband. And likewise, the husband likewise,
either remain unmarried or get back with your husband. Or get
back with your wife. And that's what he's saying.
And that's what he's talking about here. And that's why, that's
why this business and marriage is a wonderful, wonderful
thing. What a wonderful thing. God bless
you young folks here that's not been married. God give you. And
those of you that had horrible marriages and God gave you a
good husband or a good wife, thank God for it. And something
is something that you... It don't come easy. But boy,
I tell you what, the longer it goes on, it gets sweeter and
sweeter. One of these days it'll turn to sugar. For me, you know,
I'm talking about me. I'm talking about me. Companionship,
somebody to talk with, somebody to eat breakfast with, somebody
to drink coffee with, somebody to get in the car and go somewhere.
Somebody you love. Somebody to get up and get them
a cup of coffee and have it ready for them. They'll do you that
way. You know, and you come off, and
your wife, you come home and she smells good, and you try
to smell good. I got ready. She said, well,
you smell so good. You know, that's what he talks
about. Don't abuse yourself. Don't defraud with your body.
It's just not yours. It's not yours. And don't that
make you just, Paul's just using, it's just common sense.