Now, our lesson this morning
has quite a bit to say about the sexual relationship between
a husband and a wife. I'll tell you, beginning of this
week, I read the lesson, and I read some of the commentaries,
and I came out and I told Jan, I said, we need to go out of
town this weekend. And she said, why? Holly's coming home. Jonathan
and Stacy are coming this weekend. Why do you want to go out of
town? I said, so I can give this lesson to John. I remember years ago, Paul Mahan
was dealing with verses very similar to the verses in our
lesson this morning, using marriage as a picture of the union between
Christ and his bride. And Paul sighed and he said,
I wish an older man were handling these verses. And I know what
he meant. There's a large part of me wishes
any other man who was dealing with these verses. But I say
that, but The Lord willing, we won't shy away from teaching
what Scripture teaches. We don't shy away from teaching
man's total depravity, ruined by the fall. We don't shy away
from teaching redemption in the blood, only in the blood of the
Lord Jesus Christ. We don't shy away from teaching
that we're regenerated by the Holy Spirit. We don't shy away
from teaching God's election and sovereignty. We don't shy
away from teaching salvation by grace alone, because that's
what God's Word says. And by His grace, we won't shy
away from this topic either. This is what God's Word teaches
us, and it's very good instruction for married couples. And the
title that Brother Henry gave this lesson is Building a Happy
Marriage. And that's a very good title
because a happy marriage must be built. It has to be built
just like a house has to be built. It has to be built from the ground
up, from a foundation. A happy marriage has the foundation
of the Lord Jesus Christ. It's built on Him. It's built
with a love for Him. And there has to be a love for
each other. But just like a house, once that thing's completed,
you ain't done. It takes constant maintenance.
A young couple at work just bought a house. And I said, boy, you're
going to find about the joys of home ownership now. And just
in a short time, they put a roof on the thing. They had to do
some re-plumbing and rewiring. Because it takes constant maintenance.
And our marriage is no different. It takes constant maintenance
and attention to one another. There is no such thing as a low-maintenance
woman. And there's no such thing as
a low-maintenance man either. No, there's not. We must pay
attention to our spouses. You have to do it if you're going
to have a happy marriage. Last week, John and I were talking
about this lesson. And he made this statement, and
you remember this, this is good. He said, if you're going to have
a good marriage, you cannot be independent of each other. You
know, the four walls of a house aren't four separate walls. They're
not independent of each other. They're tied together. They're
dependent on each other to keep that thing standing. John went
on to say, you must be dependent on each other, because if you're
going to be one flesh, as Scripture teaches us we're to be, you can't
be independent. You have to be one. dependent
on each other. And in order for that to be,
human beings have to work on that. You don't just fall out
of bed and that happens. It takes work. Now, Paul's been teaching
in the verses previous to this that the body isn't made for
fornication. It's made for the Lord. And the
sexual relationship is reserved for marriage. That's where it's
to be enjoyed. Now, look over at Hebrews 13
for a moment. The sexual relationship in marriage
is good and holy as long as it's in marriage. That's where it's
intended in Hebrews 13 verse 4. Marriage is honorable in all
and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
See, we're not talking about some sinful desires here. This
is something that's good. It's ordained of God for our
good in marriage. Now, verse 1 over in 1 Corinthians
7, Paul writes, now concerning the things whereof you wrote
unto me, it's good for a man not to touch a woman. Now, even
though the church there in Corinth had become under the influence
of false teachers, there are some who still kept in contact
with Paul via letters and things. And they asked his advice about
situations that they were facing there currently. And one of the
things they asked him about was marriage. And Paul said, it's
good for a man not to touch a woman. Now, he's not saying it's good
for people to never marry, because if he was saying that, that would
contradict Scripture. What did God say when he created
Eve? He said, it's not good that the man should be alone. I'll
make him help me for him. So Paul's not saying it's good
for a man to be alone. What he's saying is, if a person
has the gift of self-restraint, they have the gift that they
don't need to have sexual expression in their life. then it's good
that they stay single. Because a happy marriage takes
a lot of work. It takes a lot of time. It takes
a time investment. And if you work at it right,
and you build a happy marriage, you will find happiness. You'll
find joy. You'll find true love and companionship. But that takes work. It takes
constant maintenance. So, you know, if you're not married,
then you're free from all that time investment. But very few
people have that gift. Very few people have that gift.
The Apostle Paul had it, but very few other people do. So
he says in verse 2, Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every
man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Now to avoid fornication and adultery, seek marriage. Seek that marriage relationship.
And enjoy that relationship in marriage. Let every man have
his own wife. to love her and enjoy her, to
provide for her, take care of her. And let every woman have
her own husband. You don't just go out and have
any man or any woman have your own wife and your own husband.
Let the wife have her own husband to love him and enjoy him, to
take care of him. And in a happy marriage, the
husband and wife truly enjoy one another. Sexually, but in
every facet. They enjoy each other's company.
They enjoy being with one another. They enjoy spending time with
one another. That's having your own husband and your own wife.
And he goes on giving us instruction here in verse 3. He said, let
the husband render unto the wife due benevolence. Likewise also
the wife unto the husband. Now men, if we want a happy marriage,
it's pretty simple. Give your wife all the love.
all the tenderness, all the affection that she deserves. Give her the
romance that she deserves. Women like that kind of stuff,
so give it to her. You know, if mama's happy, everybody's
going to be happy. You give her the love she deserves,
and I'm telling you, the whole house is going to be happy. It
just is. And that's a two-way street. Women, if you want a
happy marriage, give your husband the love and the affection that
he deserves, the attention that he deserves, and you will build
a happy marriage. In a happy marriage, the husband
and the wife, they both show love for one another, respect
each other, and be aware of the needs of your spouse. Do what
you can to meet them and you will have a happy marriage. Now
the context here, primarily, Paul speaking of a sexual relationship. You give your spouse the physical
love and affection that they deserve. And this is not a dirty,
sinful thing we're talking about. This is something that's ordained
of God in marriage. You know, I joke about this,
but I tell people this. My mother told me I wish I had
a nickel for every time my mother told me growing up. It's okay
as long as you're married. This is intended for marriage.
And this brings a husband and a wife together. It just does.
Not just physically, but emotionally. It brings a husband and a wife
together so that they share a bond that they don't share with anyone
else. It's a special relationship, and it's an important part of
a happy marriage. It's not all of it by any means,
but it's an important part. It's this part of not being independent
from each other, being joined together. Now, verse 4, Paul
says, The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband.
And likewise also, the husband hath not power of his own body,
but the wife. Now, you know, when we become,
when we're married, we become one flesh. We're not our own
anymore. We're one flesh. We're not independent. And you have to remember, if
we're, if we're going to have a good understanding of marriage
and how to build a happy marriage, we must understand this. The
marriage is a picture of Christ and his bride. That's it. You
keep that in mind and follow that example and you'll have
a happy marriage. And we studied this last week,
talking to believers. You're not your own. You're bought
with a price. You're not your own anymore.
You're part of the body of Christ. And when we become married, you're
not your own anymore. You belong to your spouse. Your
body belongs to your spouse. And we have responsibilities
to one another. And Paul says the wife's body
is now exclusively her own. She's not free to go out and
give herself to whoever she wants to because her body belongs to
her husband. She's not free to withhold her
body from her husband because her body belongs to him. But
now the exact same thing is true of the husband. The man's not
free to go out and give his body to whoever he wants or he's not
free to withhold his body from her. His body belongs to her. This works both ways. We're interconnected. And you know, men love to quote
the part of this verse that says the wife's body belongs to the
husband. That's men's nature. They love to quote that part
of the verse. But that doesn't just mean her body's yours to
do whatever you want to with it. There's responsibilities
that come with ownership. Every time that there's God-given
power, there's responsibilities that come with that power. Her
body is yours. It's yours to take care of. It's
yours to provide for. It's yours to love. And we're
not just talking here about, you know, forcing your wife to
do her wifely duty. That's not what we're talking
about at all. A husband and a wife in a happy marriage find their
joy and their pleasure in each other. And that's where it ought
to be found. And it's our job to provide that for our spouse.
Now, verse five, that's what Paul is saying here, defrauding
not one another. except it be with consent for
a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come
together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
Now this word defraud, Paul's talking about defrauding your
spouse by withholding physical affection from them. If you withhold physical love
from your spouse, you're defrauding your spouse. You're defrauding
them because you're taking away from them the use of what belongs
to them. Your body belongs to your spouse
and you defraud them if you keep them from using what belongs
to them. You defraud them of love and comfort that belongs
to them in marriage. And I thought of this this week.
Human logic ought to tell you that. Just plain old dumb human
logic ought to tell you this. What do they do to a boxer before
a big title match to make him mean and make him willing to
fight hard? They keep him away from his wife.
They don't let him sleep with his wife and that makes him mean
and willing to fight hard. Well the last thing any of us
ought to want to do is make the person we live with mean and
willing to fight hard. Don't do that. That's human logic
tells you that. But now Paul says there may be
a time that this sexual relationship is interrupted. for a time, just
for a short time, and by mutual consent. He says, so you can
give yourself to fasting and prayer. Now, that's not something
that we typically do, fasting. Probably we ought to do more
of it, fasting, and certainly we ought to spend more time in
prayer. Because I figure, well, I can
pray better on a full stomach, because I can think about my
stomach. I can think about prayer. But there can come a time. of
trial, where you just lose your appetite. Do you know how that
is? Under a severe trial, you just lose your appetite and you're
driven to prayer. That's what trials do for the
believers, drive us to prayer. And under this time of hard trial,
you don't have an appetite, you don't feel good, you don't feel
just real attractive and sexy. There's more important things
going on. Your mind is occupied with more important things. And
if we care about our spouse, then we agree. We'll put this
on hold for a while. Just for a while. Because Paul
says you do that, but then you come together again. Because
it's not good for your marriage that you stay apart for an extended
period of time. Because if you do, now Satan's
got a foothold. He's got a foothold to tempt
you. Because while we may agree, there may be a time of mutual
consent that we abstain for a while. Human nature is such that those
desires do not go away, and Satan will be able to get a foothold.
So don't give him a foothold by staying apart for an extended
period of time, because these desires are still in us. So you
may for a while, you know, be apart, but then you come together
again. And he says in verse six, but I speak this by permission
and not by commandment. And what Paul says here in verse
five about abstaining for a time and then coming back together
again, he said, that's not a commandment of God. Well, it may not be a
commandment of God, but Paul wrote this under inspiration
of the Holy Spirit. It is the word of God. This is
not just advice from some wise friend. This is the word of God. And we need to treat it as such
that, you know, for a time we may part, but then we come together
again. That's God's instruction for us. Now verse 7, Paul says,
for I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man
has his proper gift of God. One after this manner and another
after that. Now Paul, he had the gift of
self-control and abstinence. As far as we know, Paul was never
married. And he said, I wish all believers had this gift.
If we did, we wouldn't be so easily tempted of Satan. We can
spend more of our time and thoughts and energies spent on Christ
and on His Word. It would be a very real blessing
if we could be rid of every fleshly thought and every fleshly desire.
That would be a blessing. Not just this particular one,
but every fleshly thought and desire. But now Paul had this
gift, but like I said a minute ago, not very many people do.
That's very rare. And if you don't have this gift,
That doesn't make you less spiritual. It doesn't make you any less
of a child of God if you don't have this gift. Because Paul
says the Lord gives different gifts to different people. If
the Lord gave you this gift of abstinence, then use it. But
if the Lord gives you the gift of a husband or a wife, use that
gift. That's a gift of God. And to
the young, unmarried people, I tell you, you pray for this
gift. It's a gift of God. And if God gives you that wife,
that whoso findeth a wife, Solomon says, findeth a good thing. The
Lord gave him that. You pray for it and be thankful
if the Lord gave you that gift. Now, verse 8, Paul says, I say
therefore to the unmarried and widows, it's good for them if
they abide even as I. Now, if someone's not married
and they choose to remain unmarried, That's fine. That's good. If
that works for them, that's great. And if they choose to do that,
they'll have a lot of advantages. They won't have all the responsibilities
and time commitments that come from being married. And they're
free to serve the Lord in a variety of different ways that someone
with less time maybe wouldn't be able to do. Look over verse
32 here in chapter 7. Paul says, But I would have you
without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for
the things that belongeth to the Lord. He's got more time
to care for those things that belong to the Lord, how he may
please the Lord. But he that is married careth
for the things that are of the world, how he may please his
wife. If you're married, you must care
for the things that will please your wife, that provide for her,
that take care of her, that meet her needs. You must do that.
So, you know, if you choose to remain unmarried, then you will
have certain advantages. But if you choose to marry or
choose to remarry, Paul is not saying there's anything wrong
with that. Because look at verse 9. He says, but if they cannot
contain, let them marry. For it's better to marry than
to burn. Now, you know, people in religion,
they take this verse and they say, you know, if you you know, sex outside of marriage,
what he's taught is that you'll burn in hell. That's not what
this is saying. Paul says, if a person doesn't
have this gift of self-control, and most of us don't, you'd be
wise to seek a husband or a wife, because it's better to be married
than to be tortured with the flame of desire and passion.
And like I said, in marriage, those are not sinful desires.
It's better to marry than commit adultery or fornication. That's
what he's teaching. That's pretty obvious. Now, verse
10, Paul says, and unto the married I command, yet not I, but the
Lord commands, let not the wife depart from her husband. Now
earlier, Paul may have felt like he's giving some advice, although
we know his advice was inspired by the Holy Spirit. So we treat
this, you know, his advice about abstaining for a time, then coming
back together. We treat that as a whole lot
more than advice. It's the word of God. But in
no uncertain terms, Paul says here, this is a command of God. Married people are not to get
a divorce. End of story. They're not to
get a divorce. Wives and husbands are not free to leave their spouse. And since that's so, You build
a happy marriage because you're not free to leave. You're not
free to end it. You're not free. You're in this
for life. So make it a happy relationship because it's going
to last a while. It's God's command that it last
a while. So you take your wedding vow
seriously. And when a disagreement comes
up, you get married. It's a joy. It's a joyous day.
And you think, boy, it's just, oh, this is wonderful. This is,
you know, the way it is this day is going to be the way it
is for the rest of our life. And then day or two later, you
kind of get in a little bit of disagreement and you think, oh,
when those things come up, and they will, you work to resolve
them quickly. Right away. Don't let that grow
into a mountain. Now you work to resolve it quickly
because you're not free to separate over it. Now you remember that.
Look over Matthew chapter 19. This is the command of God. Matthew 19 verse 3. And the Pharisees
also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is
it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And
he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read that he which
made them at the beginning made them male and female? And said,
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and he
shall cleave to his wife. He's not independent of her,
he'll cleave to her. And they twain shall be one flesh?
Wherefore, they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore
God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. They say
unto him, Well, why did Moses then command to give a writing
of divorcement, and to put her away? And he saith unto them,
Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, suffered you
to put away your wives. But from the beginning it was
not so. This is not God's command. And I say unto you, Whosoever
shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall
marry another, committeth adultery. And whoso marrieth her which
is put away, doth commit adultery." Now like I said a minute ago,
we must remember marriage is a picture of Christ and His church,
the relationship between Christ and His prime. Can the believer
be separated from Christ? Never. No man shall pluck them
out of my hand. We'll never be separated from
Christ. And if we would get a divorce
and separate our marriage, that violates that picture of the
Savior. Now, over the course of time
of a marriage, you know, we experience good times and we experience
bad times. And when these bad times come
up and they will not just be prepared, they will. We're not
just free to jump ship when times get bad. We're not free to do
that. We're not free to say, well, you know, I don't like
this anymore. I'm not happy in this anymore, so I'm just leaving. Now, I don't want to sound harsh. But when someone would say that,
my first thought is, well, you know, that's too bad. I mean,
I hope that doesn't sound harsh because this is God's command. And what an awful thing to do
to the person you're joined to. Times get tough. And you're just
going to leave them? You're just going to jump ship?
They need you more than ever now in these tough times. You
find your way to get over this and be happy together, be joined
together. And to the other spouse, you
do what it takes to make them happy, to build this happy marriage. I probably told you this before.
I remember the advice Brother Henry gave a couple one time
when we were talking to him. And Henry's advice to that man
was you find what it takes to make her happy and do it. That's
good advice to build a happy marriage. But second, to the
person who's saying, I'm just getting out of this. I don't
like it anymore. This is what I would remind you. Your marriage
is a type of Christ. Do times of trial and trouble
separate you from the love of God? Look over Romans chapter
8. Now this is our example of marriage,
Romans 8 verse 38. For I am persuaded, I am confident,
I know this to be so, that neither death, nor life, nor angels,
nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things
to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall
be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ
Jesus our Lord." These tough times, trials, severe trials,
they don't affect God's love for you. Now when these things
come up in our life, in our marriage, don't you let that affect your
love for your husband or your wife. It's not to be so. But listen to me. Believers, even though we're
believers, We make mistakes. I mean mistakes. In every area. Even this one. Even this one. Just because someone gets a divorce
doesn't mean they don't know God. Even believers make mistakes
in every area. So when this happens, and it
will happen occasionally, how do we handle that? Look at verse
11 back in our text. But, Paul says, if she depart,
let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And
let not the husband put away his wife." Now, if it comes up
that the wife says, you know, I'm just not happy in this, I'm
going to leave. And they're separated. Well, Scripture says don't remarry.
Because our Lord said, we read it, except in cases of adultery,
you're not free to remarry, divorce and remarry. You're simply leaving
the house and leaving your husband or wife. That doesn't make those
marriage vows void. You made those vows before God.
That doesn't, just leaving, physically, that doesn't make those vows
void. You can go down to the courthouse and get a piece of
paper that says you're free to remarry, but that doesn't supersede
God's word. Nothing supersedes this. But if something happens and
they separate, a couple separates, both sides are to seek reconciliation. Something may have come up that,
you know, we did wrong and our wife got mad and left over it.
Go apologize for it. Find what it's going to take.
Apologize for it and seek reconciliation. And don't seek reconciliation
on basis of the law, on basis of commandment. Don't go tell,
well, you know, God says you have to, you have to. God says
you can't leave me. He does, but I don't think that's
the way to seek reconciliation, do you? Don't seek reconciliation
based on law and commandment. Seek it on love. Seek that reconciliation
on love because a happy marriage is built on love. Love for Christ
and love for each other. And you show that love, you'll
be reconciled. That's what our prayer would
be, wouldn't it? That we'd be reconciled on the basis of love. All right,
well I hope that'll bless you.