Let's turn to 1 Corinthians chapter
7. Brother Mahan titled a study
that he did years ago going through the Corinthians on these verses
that we're going to look at this morning. And his title was, Building
a Happy Marriage. Now some of the members of this
beloved church had written to Paul And they were asking his
advice or counsel on matters pertaining to marriage. We're
not told what the so-called wise men who were glorying in their
wisdom told them concerning these matters. But you can look around
and there's literature available at just about any bookstore around. what we call Christian bookstores.
If you go in there, there's all kinds of books in there on how
to build a good marriage, how to build a happy marriage, and
so on. And you can read in there and
you can see what these wise men who glory in their wisdom have
to say about these matters. I think it's a sure bet that
whatever it was they taught was not right. You can't leave Christ
out of Bible doctrine. and expect men then to profit
from your teaching. Now let me show you something
before we go any further. Over here in the books of John,
back toward the end of your Bible. In the book of 2 John. He says in verse 8, Look to yourselves,
that we lose not those things which we have wrought, but that
we receive a full reward. Whosoever transgresseth and abideth
not in the doctrine of Christ hath not God. He that abideth
in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the
Son. Bible doctrine is called in the
Scripture the doctrine of Christ. I don't care what the doctrine
is. The doctrine of election. Take Christ out of election,
and election is a very hard and cold doctrine. But not so in
Christ. Election apart from Christ doesn't
make any sense. But in Christ, it shows the wisdom
of God. You can go through all of the
doctrines, but if you take Christ out of the doctrines, it's not
going to benefit anybody no matter what it is that you're trying
to teach. So if you're going to teach a marriage, you can't
teach a marriage apart from Christ. You can't leave Christ out of
Bible doctrine and expect men to profit by your teaching. Marriage is the union of a man
and woman. It's a covenant union. What's
that mean? It's an agreement. An agreement,
a covenant. It's a covenant union and it's
based upon promises and commitment. It's a loving union based upon
our affection for one another. It's a legal union being sanctioned
by the holy law of God. It's a public union. declared
openly so that all can see and all can know. It's a permanent
union. He said, What God hath joined
together, let not man put asunder. And it's a physical union. They
too shall be one flesh. And in these several verses,
Paul tells this beloved church how to build a happy marriage.
Now he's talking to believers here. This is not something you
can go put on the billboard and anybody drives by can see it
and build a happy marriage. This has to do with believers
who know Christ. Apart from an experiential knowledge
of Christ, your marriage, whatever, it may be good to you, and it
may be good to the public, but it's not a good marriage. Now look here in verse 1. Now concerning the things whereof
you wrote unto me, it's good for a man not to touch a woman. Now there's religions like Catholicism
that require total abstinence from marriage to hold certain
positions in the church. And this is one of those passages
that they use to teach these things. But Paul is not here
telling us that it is unlawful for believers to marry and serve
Christ in the church. He is not teaching that it is
sinful to lie with a woman in wedlock or that somehow being
married tarnishes our service in the kingdom of God. He is
not teaching that at all. All the apostles are telling
them is that with all the problems and the persecution and the demands
upon their time, If we have the gift of self-restraint, we'd
be better off unmarried. Now you think about the day in
which Paul lived, and you read about his life in the book of
Acts. You go through there and read
what this man suffered and sacrificed for the kingdom of God, and you'll
understand what he's telling these young men. You'd be better
off. You'd be better off. A good marriage produces happiness. fulfillment, and companionship. But it also carries with it heavy
responsibilities, personal sacrifices, and certain fleshly troubles
and sorrows. And it's difficult to serve God
and worry about a family. Let me give you an example. When I began to think about coming
down here to take pastorship of this church, if it were just
me, involved. I wouldn't even have to think
about it. I just pulled up stakes and come down. But I have children
in Danville. I have grandchildren in Danville.
All of my family lives two and a half hours from Danville. I had to consider giving up the
security, whatever that is, in a worldly view, I suppose, the
security of my family. And when you consider those things,
this is what Paul's telling us, down the road, it's going to
be a heavy load. If you try to give yourself to
the service of God, I'm not talking about when it's convenient. I'm talking about somebody giving
themselves to the service of God. Understanding that this
is the only reason that God has left you in this world. You're
not getting any holier. You're not getting any more fit
for heaven. You're as fit in Christ as you
can be. We're complete in Him. That's
what the Scripture said. So why are we still here? Why
didn't He just take us on into glory? Why are we still here?
To serve Him and His Kingdom. That's the only reason. And when
a man understands that and begins to apply himself to that, all
of a sudden these heavy responsibilities from his family are weighting
him down. Weighting him down. And that's
all Paul is saying. It's difficult. You're going
to put on yourself a burden that's not necessary if you can restrain
yourself. So it's difficult to serve God
and worry about a family. Same thing goes for folks out
there who listen, who have no pasture, who consider moving. If it was just them, it wouldn't
be much of a consideration. They'd just pull up stakes and
leave. But, Brian, when you come here, you had to leave two daughters.
You had to leave your grandchildren. It's a difficult decision. You
see what he's saying here? And same thing, we're building
a building up here, and there's just a handful of us in this
church, and it demands a big sacrifice on everybody's part.
And to be able to sacrifice, if it's just you, you just give
it. I'll just do without this week. I'll give my check, you
know. But that ain't how it is. You got a wife. You got children.
You got a house. You got insurance. You got all
these heavy responsibilities. And that's what Paul's talking
about here. Verse 2. Nevertheless, to avoid
fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman
have her own husband. Sexual desires are among the
strongest desires of the flesh. There's other desires. There's
greed, and there's all of these other desires. But among the
strongest of these desires are sexual desires. And many a man
and woman have ruined their lives because they could not control
their sexual desires. The surest way to an unhappy
marriage is one that begins in the backseat at the drive-in.
And I'm quoting that from Brother Mahan years ago. What Paul is
telling us here is what God himself said of Adam. It's not good that
man should dwell alone. Men and women were made in the
design of God for one another, and living alone usually ends
in an ungodly relationship somewhere. He begins verse 2 with these
words, to avoid fornication. You reckon he knew that's what
was coming? Sure he did. Sure he did. People can only bottle up these
things so long before they break. And to avoid this snare of Satan,
we're told to seek a wife or a husband of our own. Verse 3,
let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence, and likewise
also the wife unto the husband. This is probably the number one
reason for divorce in the world today. And if you do not desire
the man or woman you're dating, If your desires are not for one
another, please don't marry. Please don't do that. I promise
you, your marriage won't last. And even if it does, it won't
be much of a marriage. Verse 4, the wife hath not power
over her own body, but the husband. And likewise also, the husband
hath not power over his own body, but the wife. Anybody here know
what that's talking about? That's talking about rights. Rights. That's talking about rights.
This verse has to do with men and women's rights concerning
their body. A wife's body is not her own
to deny the husband's use of it, or to
neglect it, or to abuse it, nor to give it to somebody else. And the same thing applies to
the husband. By marriage, he and she are one. And they have rights to those
things which they publicly agreed to and stood before God and read
and acknowledged. I like what Brother Mahan, I
followed his outline pretty close on this because it's the best
one I've ever read. And he said this about this verse. It's better to recognize this
as a joy than to dread it as a duty or an unpleasant task. A happy marriage is a marriage
where both he and she find delight in pleasing one another. That's
on his mind. You know, here's another thing
he said about this marriage. He said, it's going to be hard
for you, married, to serve God completely because your thoughts
is how to please her. That's what you're thinking about.
How can I please her? She needs a new refrigerator. She needs a new car. She needs
new clothes. She needs this, she needs that.
It's on your mind all day, every day. It's on your mind. It's
on her mind, if you love one another. And it's a hindrance. Verse 5, Defraud ye not one another,
except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves
to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt
you not for your incontinency." That means willful restraint. For a man or a woman to refuse
his or her mate is called in the Scripture fraud. Fraud. Isn't that what I just read to
you? Defraud not one another. It's withholding that which you
promised to give. And by refusing to give yourself
to your mates, you may very well be the instrument of Satan. He
tells us that at the end of that verse. You might very well be
the instrument of Satan to cause both you and them to some serious
problems. Verse 6. But I speak this by
permission and not by commandment. Paul is telling you that in his
wisdom as an apostle of the church, He said, I'm telling you this.
I'm telling you this by my own experience in the churches. I'm
telling you this by what wisdom God has given me as an apostle.
It's not a commandment of God, but I speak this by permission.
And he's not just talking about what he said in verse 5, but
what he said in the last five verses. It's a wise man, a spiritual
man, and a loving man's advice. And we'd be wise to consider
it. Verse 7, For I would that all
men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper
gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. Paul knew that the sacrifice
of living a celibate life must be the gift of God. Isn't that
what he calls it here? The gift of God. And not everybody
could do it. Not everybody can do it. Verse
8, I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them
if they abide even as I. Nothing shameful about a widow
who remains unmarried. Verse 9, but if they cannot constrain,
let them marry. For it is better to marry than
to burn. That is, if they cannot contain,
control their passions and desires. It would be better to marry than
to burn with passion and have no release. He is not talking about burning
in hell here. He is talking about burning with
passions. God made these bodies and He made them in such a way
as for men and women to be attracted to one another. You know, scientists
put their two cents worth in and talk about hormones and such,
but this flesh is sinful flesh. And we live in a sinful world.
And we will, under the right circumstances, give in to our
desires and dishonor our Lord's name. All Paul is saying here is that
if your unsatisfied passions are more than you can control,
it would be better for you to marry than to constantly fight
a losing battle with your passions. Verse 10. And unto the married
I command, yet not I, but the Lord." Now, this is not his opinion. This is not his advice. He's
telling you this is the commandment of God. Let not the wife depart
from her husband. Marriage is a picture of the
union of Christ and His church. Him giving Himself for her, and
to her, and no other. Her submitting to Him, trusting
Him, relying on Him, wearing His name, seeking His honor,
desiring His affection. And there's no provision in this
marriage union of Christ and His church for divorce. What
would happen if our Lord was willing to let you go? You'd
be gone in an instant. You'd be gone in an instant.
Divorce is something which according to Mark chapter 10 verse 5, if
you're looking for some information in the Scriptures, Moses wrote
these things because our Lord said of the hardness of your
heart. That's why he wrote this into
the commandments of God. Believers know what marriage
is and what it pictures and they should not seek to be separated
from their mates. Verse 11, but, and if she departs,
Let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband,
and let not the husband put away his wife. All right, so preach. How in
all this do we build a happy marriage? I thought you were
going to talk about building a happy marriage. A happy marriage
is one that is lived with an understanding of its design.
If you understand what marriage is, this is a picture of the
marriage union between Christ and His Church. Treat it that
way. Live it that way. Don't seek something else. Don't
seek what the philosophers of this world and how they picture
this. They always picture the relationship of a man and a woman
in some unrealistic way that nobody on earth has ever seen.
That's not how it is. It's a picture of that relationship
between Christ and His church. And husbands, love your wives
half as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Live
it that way. That's what marriage is all about.
And a happy marriage is one that's lived with an understanding of
its design and of its end. And a happy marriage is one that
mutually agrees to satisfy the needs of their spouse. A happy
marriage is one that is agreeable in the service of the kingdom
of God. They're willing to separate for
a season. A happy marriage is one where
both parties are willing to do their part as intended in that
marriage union. I hear a lot of complaints from
men about their wives' refusal to submit to them as lord of
the house and submit to their authority. I've been hearing
that or who knows, longer than I care to remember. But I've
never heard from any man his shortcomings in loving his wife
as Christ did the church. I'll tell you what, you take
that to death. You just take that. You forget
everything else. You just take that. I guarantee
you this, if you come anywhere even a little bit short of it,
loving your wife as Christ loved the church, She'll treat you
as Lord. Lord of the house. Willingly.
Lovingly. I guarantee it. And I hear a
lot of complaints from women about overbearing men. But I've
never heard them complain about their lack of submission and
willingness to let him do what God clearly commanded him to
do. A happy marriage is one that
sets the glory of God and the honor of Christ alone above all. Above all. And next week we'll
look at verses 17 through 24. This is by no means the end of
this subject. But here's what Paul's telling
us here. These men who were glorying in the flesh, they would get
up and they would, one Sunday they'd get up there, Saturday,
whatever day, Saturday I guess they were meeting on, or maybe
the first day of the week, and they'd get up there and they'd
talk about marriage. And they'd talk about it using
the philosophy of this world and giving their opinions on
what this ought to be and all of these things. They weren't
bringing Christ into it at all. Not at all. And that's what Paul
showed them. Same thing when he got on that
subject of immorality and all of this kind of stuff. What we
don't even know as natural men what morality is. We ain't got
a clue what it is. We don't know what godliness
is. We think we wear our dresses long or cut our hair short and
do that. We call that godliness. That
ain't godliness. You see what I'm saying? Well,
you can't leave Christ out of this thing and just set the gospel
on the back burner and come in here and start trying to minister
to this world with the philosophy of this world. You can't do that. And so it is with marriage. And
so it is with everything that we're to be taught of God. We
have to look at it in the light of gospel truth. And then the
Holy Spirit applies that to your heart, and He'll apply it to
your marriage, and you'll have a good marriage.