Dealings Among Brethren

Q: What does the Bible say about dealing with offenses among brethren?

The Bible instructs believers to privately confront a brother or sister who offends them, seeking reconciliation. In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus provides clear guidance on how to handle offenses among brethren in the church. He instructs that if a brother sins against you, the first step is to go to them alone and address the issue directly. If they listen, you have gained your brother; however, if they do not, you should take one or two others to serve as witnesses. If the situation remains unresolved, it should be brought to the church for further resolution. This process underscores the importance of maintaining unity and reconciliation in the body of Christ.

Q: How do we know if someone is really our brother in Christ?

You should assume someone is your brother until proven otherwise through their actions. In the context of church relationships, it's important to approach perceived offenses with a heart of grace. As stated in the sermon, when someone offends us, we should not hastily conclude that they are not a Christian. Instead, we should assume they are a brother until their actions demonstrate otherwise. This is an exercise in humility and forgiveness, recognizing that we too are flawed and have erred in our ways. Our standard should be love and reconciliation rather than judgment.

Q: Why is it important for Christians to handle conflicts directly?

Handling conflicts directly helps in maintaining unity and prevents misunderstandings from escalating. Directly addressing conflicts among Christians is crucial for preserving the unity of the church and promoting love among brethren. As the sermon explains, avoiding confrontation can lead to bitterness and division, whereas approaching a brother or sister with love fosters reconciliation. This method not only reflects the teachings of Christ but also aligns with the biblical principle of conflict resolution, as necessitated in Matthew 18. By engaging directly, we deal with issues head-on and have the chance to gain our brother, maintaining healthy relationships within the body of Christ.

In verses 15 through 20 there, there is specific instruction regarding how to deal with our brethren, and of course brethren means men and women in the church. If you'll remember in chapter 18, the Lord had just taught concerning offenses that anyone who lays or becomes a stumbling block in the way with regard to entering the kingdom, they must be cut off. Look back at verse, let's see, here we go, number seven.

Woe unto the world because of offenses where it must needs be that offences come, but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh. Wherefore, if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee, it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet, to be cast into everlasting fire. And if that eye offend thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee. It is better for thee to enter into life with one eye rather than having two eyes to be cast into hellfire. And take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones.

He's already shown that his little ones are those who believe on him. For I say unto you that in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father, which is in heaven. For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." So he's speaking there about yourself being an offense to yourself. Which, if you're a believer, you completely understand that.

It's our own hearts that deceive us. It's our own hearts that oppose us. Our sin nature that rises up. As the scriptures put it, the spirit lusteth against the flesh, and the flesh lusteth against the spirit. We have two natures if we're believers. We have the nature of Adam, our nature that we're born with, which is clearly evil. Just look at the world. Even as little children, nobody has to teach us to be selfish and cruel to other children and things like that. We know that we're born with a nature that's depraved, but also as believers, we have the nature of Christ. We have the spirit of Christ. The scripture calls it Christ dwelling in us. And those two oppose one another.

And so that's what he means when he says, if your hand, if your hand, this is not somebody else offending you, that's you offending you cut it off. And he's talking about, uh, in the context here, When it comes to entering the kingdom of God, if there's any impediment, if there's any stumbling block in the way, and we ourselves become a stumbling block to ourselves entering into the kingdom of heaven, it's our will that refuses to acknowledge God as God. It's our evil hearts of unbelief that keep us from coming to Christ. It's our own selfishness and pride that causes our downfall. And so he refers to our hand, our eye.

Cut it off, whatever it is. And he's not talking physically about your hand. Your sin is not in your hand, your physical hand. Your sin is in what you do, which is represented by the hand. Cut it off. Your eye, your sin is not in your physical eyeball. There's no sin in your eyeball, but it's what you see.

The sin that enters, it's your spiritual eye or your fleshly eye in which the things of this world enter in and find in us a willful evil heart So he's talking about yourself there. Then he turns to others and specifically addresses those who would offend his little ones, his believers, his children, and says, you'd be better off tying a millstone around your neck and casting yourself into the sea than offending one of my little ones.

So we can be a stumbling block to ourselves. with regard to entering the kingdom. Others can be the world. And now, in our text this morning, he's dealing with what if a brother offends you? What if one of your own brothers and sisters in Christ become a stumbling block to you? That word offense, we talked about the original Greek meaning of that, to become a stumbling block, an impediment to you.

And it's just simply, you know, an impediment is to keep you from going somewhere, right? If there's an impediment in that direction, I can still go that direction, but the impediment keeps me from going where I need to go, where I want to go, and that's to Christ. The kingdom of God is the Son of God. The king and his people are the kingdom. So here, a brother, a brother that trespasses against us. Verses eight and nine, you know, like I said, it's an eye or a hand or a foot.

And of course, that's anything that would hinder us within ourselves, no matter how precious it is to us. If I went to the doctor and I had gangrene in my hand, And he tells me, you're going to lose your hand or you're going to lose your life. Well, that's an easy choice, isn't it? I don't want all things being equal. I don't want to lose my hand. Nobody does. But when there's more at stake than that, when there's more at stake than that, that which is precious to you in this flesh, there is that which is greater stake than anything else.

And that is for us to go to Christ, flee to Christ. Our sin, every problem that we have, spiritually and physically, is because of our sin. Not somebody else's sin, not Satan, it's because of my sin. And the only way I'll ever see God is if my sins are put away. And that happened at Calvary, where we just sing about the blood. Somebody that's unfamiliar with the gospel at all, that might be a weird song. You know, come to this fountain, plunge into the fountain of blood. That sounds weird.

No, it don't if you're a believer, because you know that that blood is the blood of Christ. And the blood of Christ cleanseth us from all sin so that we do know God, we do see God, we do believe on Him. And that's, the stakes in that are greater than everything else. The only way I would want somebody to cut my hand off is if something way worse than that's gonna happen if I don't cut my hand off.

And if you don't part with everything that comes between you and Christ in this world, then something way worse than that's gonna come. You're gonna miss Christ. You're gonna be lost. You're not gonna know. And this book, and you know, we've seen this, we've been studying this book for a long time now together, some of us. You've seen and you understand that Christ Knowing Christ and coming to Christ is not walking down to the front of a church and making some kind of a decision or repeating some kind of prayer that somebody else made up.

No, no. It's the heart gift of God. Faith is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast, Ephesians 2, 8 and 9. When the gospel is preached, God is pleased to give faith in his son. And we come to Christ with our heart, wholeheartedly. It's a spiritual coming to Christ. And that happens, how did he say it pleased God to do that? By the foolishness of preaching. He called the foolishness of preaching because this world considers it foolishness. But what's foolish to God is the wisdom of this world. What's foolish to this world is life eternal in Christ. So no relationship no matter how dear, is worth missing Christ.

That's why the Lord said, you gotta take up your cross and follow me. If a man love his father or his mother more than me, he's not teaching you not to love your father and mother. That's clearly the teaching of scripture, to love and obey and honor your father and your mother. But he's saying, more than me now. In other words, if your love in your dearest relationship is contrary to your love for Christ, it's got to go.

That's the teaching of all of this. The hand, the offending one of his little ones, and now among the brethren. Among the brethren. But here in verses 15 through 17, here we come to this now. It's ourselves, it's others, and it's in the world, and it's even among our own brethren now. And I know that the questions come to your mind when I say that. Let's read verses 15 through 17 again.

Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone. If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church. But if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican." Now, questions that come to mind. How do I know if somebody is really my brother or not? If they've offended me in a question of spiritual things, then how do I know they're even my brother?

Well, that's a real easy answer. Scripturally, it's an easy answer. You assume that he is until proven otherwise. You assume that he is. If you automatically, because somebody does you wrong, if you think, well, they can't even be a Christian, then maybe it's you. That's the problem. If the Lord cast us off every time we were an offense, or a stumbling block, foolish, or flat-out evil, then we wouldn't have any hope at all.

So don't assume because somebody has offended you, well, yes, they're just not a believer. No, that is more evidence that you're not than it is that he's not. an unforgiving heart until you can no longer assume that they're a brother, and that's after they've been come to by you, come to by you and some witnesses, and then when the whole church is made aware of it, if they're still in rebellion and they just got to They just got to be set aside for a while, if not forever. Now, the word trespass here is not the same as offend.

This is not a stumbling block. The word previously used with regard to ourselves and with regard to the world is the word offend. And that's to become a stumbling block, to become an impediment. between you and Christ, between you and God. This is not the same word, because we're talking about brothers and sisters in Christ now. It's a trespass, and that means an error, a mistake. You messed up. It's different, isn't it? It's completely different. Have we ever made mistakes? Have we ever made mistakes that caused conflict between us and a brother or sister in Christ?

And our Lord gives us clear instruction and direction here regarding what to do when someone does. And first understand this, and this is important. None of us have time to point out and discuss and hash over and confront one another over every trespass we commit. We don't have time for that. That would be our whole lives if we did that.

This may be necessary, what's in our text, and it may not be necessary. It doesn't say when or why to do this and how often to do this or for what degree of offense to do this. When it's necessary, then this is how you do it. But most of the time it's not necessary. Sometimes the thing to do, and how many times have we been over this?

It falls under the heading of let it go. That's gonna be three of the best words you ever memorize. Let it go, let it go. Don't be up in somebody's face about every little thing that you heard. I heard you said this or you know. Your feelings are not that important. They should be to me, but they shouldn't be to you. Just let it go.

Love covereth a multitude of sins. If you love somebody. And we're all probably going to offend one another. at one time or another, except for my perfect ones. Y'all know I have my perfect ones that can do no wrong. There's only two or three in the church, and I can't tell you who they are, but they would never do anything bad. I'm not one of them, I can tell you that.

But it's to be dealt with among brethren. When it does happen, when fellowship is broken over something, that can't stand. If you can't worship with somebody, if you just can't do it, then it has to be dealt with. But don't let that be at the drop of a hat.

People talk about, look, People talk about, well, so-and-so did this, and it's just a distraction to me in the church. Give me a break. 99% of the time, get over yourself and get on with your life and with the worship. Just don't even make an issue out of that. If you're constantly distracted, then maybe the problem is with you, that the gospel just isn't riveting enough to keep you from noticing every little thing about everybody else. Just stop it.

This is for situations where you're going to lose a brother over it, if it's not dealt with. How do I know that? Because the Lord said, if you go and it's resolved, you'll gain your brother. Clearly, the implication is that if you don't, You've lost a brother or a sister in Christ, so it's got to be dealt with. And that's all it is. Now, first Corinthians chapter six. If you would please, first one, first Corinthians six one. This is dealt with among brethren.

Notice that. You go to them, you take a couple of people in the church with you, the second go around, and then it's dealt with with all the church. It has to be aware of it at some point. But listen, you notice one thing about the world has nothing to do with it. And we'll see that here.

Dare any of you having a matter against a brother? against another, go to law before the unjust and not before the saints? Do you not know that the saints shall judge the world, and if the world shall be judged by you, are you unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Know you not that we shall judge angels, how much more, things that pertain to this life? If then you have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church." In other words, when it comes to spiritual matters that come up in the church, only the church can deal with that.

The world doesn't know anything about that. And I speak to your shame, verse 5, is it so that there is not a wise man among you, no, not one, that shall be able to judge between his brethren? But brother goeth to law with brother, and that before the unbelievers. Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because you go to law with one another. Why do you not rather take wrong? And this goes to what we're talking about a while ago. You'd be better off, rather than making this some kind of legal thing, or some kind of a scandalous thing that would affect their lives outside of the church, you'd be better off taking the hit look at verse uh now therefore there is utterly a fault among you verse seven because you go to law one another why do you not rather take wrong why do you not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded now you do wrong and defraud and that your brethren so you may have to take a wrong and be defrauded or you're the one doing the wrong and the defrauding that's what that last verse was about Go to your brother.

That's the first step, isn't it? Go to your brother. Well, that's simple, but there's some alternatives to that that seem to be more palatable to us than that simple exhortation. Go to your brother. You know how many people don't do that? You know what we do instead?

Talk behind their back. Go to somebody else about it. Complain about it behind. That's not what he said. He said, go to your brother, go to your brother. I had someone literally, um, don't try to figure out who it is. Cause I don't want to raise that kind of thing, but, but somebody that should have known better say that they're there.

It was their way to like, if they wanted to. say something that might be offensive to somebody else, they would wait until there's a group of people and talk about it to somebody else, like talk about it, knowing that they'll hear it and they'll get the message. It's hard for me to even talk about that in socially acceptable language. That is the most disgusting I don't even know the right words without being vulgar about that. That is the stupidest, most cowardly, idiotic thing I've ever heard in my life. Go to your brother. If it's worth talking about at all, it's worth going to your brother. Otherwise, shut up about it. Shut up about it.

Don't try to make an end run on them or something. What are you talking about? We didn't do things like that from where I came from before I even knew what the scripture said about that. That's not the way to deal with this. Go to your brother. Don't talk behind his back. Don't avoid him. Don't not go to your brother if you're going to lose your brother over. A lot of times people just write somebody off without ever talking about it, without ever dealing with it. Don't look for ways to get even. Nobody else needs to know about it.

It's between you and the person who has erred. That's the word now, they've erred. He said here, between thee and he alone. And what do you say to him? You tell him his fault. You tell him it's his fault. Not all of them. Just the one that you're worried about. Just the one that is going to cause conflict between the two of you.

You see the way the Lord does things in the church, problems have to be dealt with swiftly and directly because it's the church. It's the ministry of Christ in this world. There is nothing more precious than that. It's worthy of better than our petty murmuring and doing it every other imaginable way, except the Lord simply said how to do it.

Murmuring and talking behind people's back and innuendo and, you know, he's got to take the hint. No, tell him exactly what you're upset about. Go to him alone. Tell him exactly. Tell him his fault. One of them, the one that's the problem. Don't start railing on him up and down, because who's going to cast the first stone when it comes to that? Tell him his fault.

Well, you know, well, he knows what he did. Maybe not. There's been a lot of situations where I had no idea that I had offended somebody. And probably vice versa. Not necessarily does he know what his fault was. Make it clear what your problem is. Because it may just be a misunderstanding. Maybe he has no idea that he committed a fault.

Maybe he said something a little different way than he should have, and you took it a different way than he intended it. Then it's over with. You've gained your brother. It'll end right there. They'll apologize, they'll explain if they can, and that's that.

Maybe what happened was intended another way than how it was taken. Maybe it was done or said in anger, and maybe they've been wishing before you came to them that they hadn't done it, they hadn't said it. and given an opportunity to be apologetic about it, they're gladly going to take it. Maybe they didn't realize it was bothering you. Whatever it is, he may hear you. That doesn't mean the wave notes fell on his ear. That means he gets it. He understands. He agrees. That was wrong.

If they're not hearing you, that's going to be obvious. You'll read it all over their face. You'll read it in the way that they answer you back. If they do, though, if they hear you, the Lord said you gained your brother, again, a reminder here that the type of thing that we should be talking about at all with our brother is something that would cause us to lose our brother otherwise. Everything else falls under the heading of let it go. Let it go.

Gaining him, gaining your brother, It's worth the effort. It's worth the difficulty. It's worth overcoming the hesitance to do. A lot of people just don't like any kind of conflict at all, so they won't bring it up at all. If you're gonna lose your brother over it, bring it up. Don't just write him off in silence. It may not be easy to do that. But if you can gain a brother, that's worth it, isn't it? I don't have that many brothers and sisters that I can just lose one of them and it not affect me and not hurt.

And that's the object you have in mind when you go. Your purpose of going is not to get even with them, to whip them with your superiority and your pride and you should not deal with me that way, you know. No, no. If you're a nobody. Then you're not going to be near as offended as often as somebody that thinks he's something. Humility. We don't go to rebuke. We don't go to avenge ourselves with harsh words or to set the record straight, you know. You're going there to gain your brother. Remember that. If there's any way to gain your brother. Don't walk away until that happens. That's the spirit of this text. We know that's the Spirit of Christ.

Dealings Among Brethren

Key Quotes

What does the Bible say about dealing with offenses among brethren?

How do we know if someone is really our brother in Christ?

Why is it important for Christians to handle conflicts directly?

Sermon Transcript

About Chris Cunningham

Comments

Articles

Featured Authors

Podcast

Sermons

Featured Preachers

Books

Browse by Format

Music

Recent Comments

About

Legal

Subscribe

Account

Articles

Featured Authors

Podcast

Recent Comments

Sermons

Featured Preachers

Books

Browse by Format

Collections

Music

About

Legal

Subscribe

Dealings Among Brethren

Key Quotes

What does the Bible say about dealing with offenses among brethren?

How do we know if someone is really our brother in Christ?

Why is it important for Christians to handle conflicts directly?

Sermon Transcript

About Chris Cunningham

Comments

More from Chris Cunningham

Related Sermons

Same Scripture

Articles by Chris Cunningham

Suggested for You

Where this book stands in the tradition

Plato

Augustine

The Western Christian Tradition

This Book