Right. Ephesians chapter five.
Our lesson this morning is again on the family. This this week
on husbands. Our primary goal, anytime we
preach the gospel, is that we preach Christ, that people see
the Lord Jesus Christ and see redemption in him. And I have
absolutely no business preaching the gospel if I cannot preach
Christ from marriage. particularly from the husband's
role in marriage. And if the Lord will enable us
to see Christ this morning and see redemption in him, all of
us will be blessed. I want everybody to know this
message is not just for husbands, for young men and boys who someday
will be husbands. This is for all of us. If we
see Christ and redemption in him in these verses this morning,
everyone will be blessed. Man, woman, boy and girl. And
also, it should enable us husbands to be better husbands. I have
been married for 31 years. And from day one, I have been
often looking at these verses. And I believe the Lord's taught
me something in it by experience, by years of looking at this,
trying to be a better husband. And I think I've got something
that'll be of help to you. I hope you'll pay careful attention. Now, men have gotten it in our
heads that since we are the head of the home and the head of the
wife, that she is supposed to serve us and do everything that
we ever say without ever questioning us. And I'm here to tell you,
nothing could be further from the truth. There is no hint of
that in these verses, nor is there a hint of that anywhere
in scripture where scripture speaks to husbands. Keep this
in mind. I'm not smart enough to think
of this. I got this from Dan. When scripture speaks to wives,
telling wives to be in submission to their own husbands, we husbands
need to remember that's not talking to us. That's talking to her. We husbands need not dwell on
the fact, trying to figure out if our wives are in good enough
submission to us. We are to dwell upon what the
scripture says to us. That'll be plenty enough to keep
us occupied. to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Now
the husband is the picture of Christ in the home. He's the
head of the home, the head of the wife. And that puts so much
responsibility upon the shoulders of the husband. That doesn't
give the husband a life of ease, ordering everybody around, everybody
serving him, no. That puts the responsibility
of the home and the marriage directly upon the shoulders of
the husband. The responsibility for a happy
marriage, primarily lies with the husband. That's right. I
know that's opposite of what we think, but that's so. Remember,
this is a picture. The marriage relationship is
a picture of the relationship and the union between Christ
and his bride. Well, who does the relationship between Christ
and the believer dwell upon? It rests upon the shoulders of
the Savior, doesn't it? Well, then the same thing applies
to the husband. A happy marriage does not depend
upon the wife putting up with every evil thing her husband
can think up to do. A happy marriage means that the
husband loves his wife so much that she is happy to be married
to him, that she wants to be in submission to him because
he loves her so well. She obeys him not because she
has to, but because she wants to. That is exactly the reason
the church is in loving, willing submission to our Savior. It's
because he loves us so well. That's our heart's desire. Well,
husbands, that's our responsibility to make our wives feel that way
because we love her so much. The key responsibility, and you
could just sum up the husband's responsibility in marriage with
this one word, it's love. We are to love our wives. That's
the key to a happy marriage. And this love we're speaking
of, it's a whole lot more than a gushy feeling of love. Now, I hope we have that, but
scripture tells us specifically what this love is, that we are
to love our wives as Christ loved the church. There's a tall order. Well, how
is it that Christ loved the church? Let me give you four ways from
our text. Number one, Christ loved the church self-sacrificially. Verse 25, Ephesians 5. Husbands,
love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave
himself for it. Christ loved his bride so much
that he gave himself. He gave everything that he is
to redeem her from her sins. Christ gave everything that he
is for the good, for the happiness of his bride. Now there cannot
be a good marriage without love, love from both husband and the
wife. And men, let's be honest now,
many times the men are just not as good at showing the emotion
of love as women would like us to be. Well, let's man up. I mean, let's man up and show
her that love. To quote a great American, chicks
dig that. Just man up and show her the
love like she would like for it to be shown. And if we would
have a happy marriage, I'm going to repeat this over and over
again, husbands, don't spend time worrying if your wife is
in the proper amount of submission to you. Let's spend our time
worrying if we are loving her self-sacrificially enough. Now,
we'll have our hands full with that, I promise you. We need
to spend what time we spend thinking about this, thinking, am I doing
everything I can do? Am I doing enough to make her
happy? Is she happy? If she's not, then
I need to do more. If she's not happy, I'm not doing
enough. Am I doing enough to make her happy? Love your wife
self-sacrificially. Give of yourself to her. Go out
and work hard to provide for her. If she needs something that
she doesn't have, you do without so she can have it. That's right. Isn't that what the Lord did
for us? We needed a righteousness we didn't have. He gave himself
to provide it for us. We needed a payment for sin we
didn't have. He gave himself to provide it,
didn't he? To provide a cleansing for our
sin. And wives, don't you ever take advantage of it. Shall we
sin that grace may abound? God forbid. See, that's a union
between a husband and a wife. Husbands are not to rule the
home like some third world dictator. We're to rule the home. The husbands
are to rule the home. Husbands, you take the rule.
You take the responsibility to rule your home and do it in love. Do it in love. Sacrificing ourselves
for the good and for the happiness of our wife. And husbands, if
we would have a happy marriage, Get a hold of your seat and I'm
gonna tell you something here. Don't spend time worrying if your wife
is serving you enough. You spend time worrying if you're
serving her enough. That's right, now I know that's
backwards from what men have in our minds, but if we would
have a happy marriage, let's see to it that we become the
servant of our wife. And if we do, she'll happily
serve us. And if you look at John chapter
13, I can make good on that. John 13. Verse one. Now, before the feast of the
Passover, When Jesus knew that his hour was come, that he should
depart out of this world under the father, having loved his
own, which were in the world, he loved them until the end.
Now see, there's our savior's unending love for his people.
Now verse two, and supper being ended, the devil, having now
put into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray him, Jesus,
knowing that the father had given all things into his hands and
that he was come from God and went to God, He riseth from supper,
and laid aside his garments, and took a towel, and girded
himself. He girded himself like the lowest
servant would gird himself. After that, he poured water into
a basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe
them with the towel wherewith he was girded. Then cometh he
to Simon Peter, and Peter saith unto him, Lord, dost thou wash
my feet? Now Peter just couldn't wrap
his head around this. He could not wrap his head around
the master taking the lowest job. The job of the lowest servant
in a household was to wash the feet of folks. Peter just couldn't
wrap his mind around that the Lord, the Lord of glory, the
master was lowering himself to be a servant to wash his feet. Peter just couldn't wrap his
head around it. But that's exactly what our Lord was doing. This
is the example we husbands are to follow. Read on verse seven. Jesus answered and said unto
him, what I do, thou knowest not now, but thou shalt know
hereafter. Peter saith unto him, thou shalt
never wash my feet. He just couldn't get this in
his head. And Jesus answered him, if I wash thee not, thou
hast no part with me. Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord,
not my feet only, but also my hands and my head. Jesus saith
to him, he that is washed need not save to wash his feet, but
is clean every wit and ye are clean, but not all. For he knew
who should betray him, therefore said he, ye are not all clean.
So after he had washed their feet and had taken his garments
and was set down again, he said unto them, know ye what I have
done to you? You call me master and Lord,
and you say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and master,
have washed your feet, You also ought to wash one another's feet.
Oh, I'm your Lord. I'm your master. I'm the head,
but I've become a servant for your sake. Now you become a servant
for the sake of others. You reckon those men had a hard
time becoming a servant of others after they saw this from their
master taught them this lesson? Well, they shouldn't have. He
says, verse 15, for I've given you an example that you should
do as I have done to you. Verily I say unto you, the servant's
not greater than his Lord, neither he that is sent greater than
he that sent him. If you know these things, happy are you if
you do them. See, all of us will be happy
if we become the servant of others. We need to quit looking for ways
that we can be the big important guy, bossing people around, have
all this authority Our Lord says we'll be happy if we become the
servant of others. Look to do for others. And this
applies to husbands, as we're a picture of Christ in the home.
Husbands will have a happy marriage if we look for ways to become
a servant to our wife. Not how she can serve me, but
how I can serve her. And I promise you this, it is
the rare, rare woman that will not respond well to me. and have
the desire to love you and serve you back. I know it happens,
but it's a rare, rare woman that will not just want to be in loving
submission to a man that shows love like that. So husbands,
let's lead our homes. Let's be the head of the home,
just like a leader should, to lead by example, to take the
responsibility to lead in such a way that our wife wants to
follow us. Don't keep reminding her, you
know, you're supposed to be in submission to me. Listen, I promise
you, she already knows that. I promise you, she already knows
that. But there's something wrong with our leadership if we have
to keep reminding her she's supposed to be in submission to us. Let's
spend our time leading and loving so well that she wants to be
in submission to us. So how did Christ love the church?
Self-sacrificially. Number two, how did Christ love
the church? enough to cleanse her and make her perfect. Verse
26, he gave himself for it that he might sanctify and cleanse
it with the washing of water by the word that he might present
it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or
any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. Now you try to imagine what it
was that Christ suffered to make his people perfect. I mean, we're
born in sin, we're ruined in sin, ugly and defiled in sin. And the Son of God suffered how
he suffered to make us perfect. He suffered the humiliation of
being made flesh, of being made just like us, giving up his glory
as the Son of God and appearing in human flesh. He suffered having
to obey his own law. He suffered being in subjection
to his creatures. He was in subjection to a father
and a mother so that he could fulfill all righteousness for
his people. I mean, think of that. He suffered being made
sin. Now we will, I am confident of
this, even in glory, we'll never understand how horrible that
was for him to be the holy son of God, to be made sin. And then
he suffered unimaginable agony, both the body and soul, to pay
for the sin of his elect. He shed his precious blood. He died bleeding out, giving
all of the lifeblood in his body to cleanse his people from their
sin and to make those people who are ruined in sin to be perfect,
to be holy and righteous. What a Savior. What a gospel
that God's given us to preach and to believe. And what a bridegroom. What a bridegroom that we have
to serve and to obey. I mean, when you hear that, doesn't
that make you want to love him more? Doesn't that make you want
to serve him more with everything you've got? Well, I'll tell you
what, it will if God has saved you. It will if God has saved
you. This is the picture. We husbands
can't save our wives. We can't cleanse the souls of
our wives. But I'll tell you what we can do. We can present
our wives as beautiful, and we can cover their faults. Last week, I told the wives,
don't you get into a group of women and start bashing your
husband. You protect his reputation. Now,
husbands, let's do the same thing. Let's not get out in public and
point out our wives' faults. If she's got a fault and there's
something that she can't do very well, don't point it out in public. Don't do it. And don't joke about
it in private either. It's not funny. Cover it up. And the example I always, I don't
know why, but this is an example I always use. If she burns the
biscuits, for some odd reason, I mean you can buy them frozen,
they taste real good now, but suppose she can't fix biscuits.
Don't make fun of her. Mike Walker and I were talking
about this one time. Mike said, that's right. If she can't make
biscuits, you put gravy on them and you eat them and say, mmm,
that's good. Can I have some more? Don't make fun of her. Don't do it now. Cover it up.
Now that's good advice, but that's also scriptural. You want to
be humble, do you think of this? Christ our bridegroom never points
out the sin of his people. But what does he do? He covers
it with precious blood. Oh my, doesn't that make it right
to do that for somebody else? You know, there was a Jewish
tradition, if after a woman was married and it was found that
she had past sexual affairs and sins, that she would be considered
blemished and that marriage could be annulled. Well, how did Christ
find us? Huh? When he espoused himself
to us, how did Christ find us? I'll tell you how he found us.
He found us ruined by the fall. He found us covered with wounds
and bruises and putrefying sores from the sole of our foot to
the top of our head. And it wasn't something that
happened to us because somebody else did it to us. It would happen
because of our willful rebellion and sin against him. That's how
he found us. And what did he do with his people?
He didn't cast us away, did he? He didn't call off the marriage.
He loved his people anyway. And He came and He gave Himself
for them. And with His blood washed us
spotless and holy in God's sight. And if we husbands would do our
very best to love our wives and cover up what few faults she
may have and to present her in the best light that we can, I
promise you this, it's the very, very rare woman that won't find
it easy to be in submission to that kind of man. and we'll have
a happy marriage. See, it begins with the husband,
doesn't it? All right, here's the third thing. How did Christ
love the church? He loved the church as his own
flesh, as his own body. Verse 28. So ought men to love their wives
as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth
himself. For no man ever yet hated his
own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it. even as the Lord
the Church. We're members of His body, of
His flesh, and of His bones. Now husbands are to love our
wives just as much, in the same way, to the same extent as we
love our own selves. And that ought not be hard because
the husband and wife are one flesh. Now it's not like we're
one flesh, we are actually one flesh. If you'll turn back to
Genesis chapter 2, let me show you this. This is the way it
was from the beginning. This is not just the way it was
after the fall. This is the way it was from the
beginning before the fall. Genesis chapter two. Well, verse 22, the rib, which
the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman and brought her
under the man. And Adam said, this is now bone
of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because
she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his
father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife, and they
shall be one flesh." See, this is the way it was from the beginning
before the fall. They'll be one flesh. And husbands
are to love our wives as much as we love our own flesh, because
we are one flesh. Well, that begs the question,
how much do I love myself with all I've got? I mean, let's
just be honest. I love myself with all I've got. And I'm to love Janet the same
way, with all I've got. I love myself so much that I
find it easy to forgive myself when I've done something wrong.
And I'm to do the same for my wife. I find it easy to forgive
her. I love myself so much. It's very easy for me to give
myself the very best that I can find. that I'm to do the same
for my wife. Regardless of what my imperfections
are, I still love myself with all I've got. If my wife's got
some imperfections, I'm to love her the same way, fervently.
I love myself so much, I find it easy to seek honor to myself. Look at 1 Peter chapter three.
Well, then I'm to love my wife the same way, seeking her honor.
First Peter chapter three, verse seven. Likewise, ye husbands dwell with
them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as
unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace
of life, that your prayers be not hindered. Live giving honor
to your wife. A Jewish wise man I read said
this, that a wise man will honor his wife as much as he honors
his own body. He feeds his body, he clothes
his body, he washes his body. He always goes out presenting
his body in the best light that he can. Well, a wise man will
do the same thing for his wife, always presenting her in the
best light that he can. A man who hates his helpmate,
and is just constantly trying to belittle her and put her down
and just, that man's insane. What would we do if we saw somebody
harming his own body, cutting himself and trying to kill himself
or harm him? Well, we'd stop him. We'd put
him in some place where he could hurt himself no more because
he's insane, isn't he? Well, a man who does that to
his wife, who just belittles her and cuts her down, he's insane. Wouldn't the son be insane? Look at the other instruction
Paul gives husbands. This is the way we can have a happy marriage
and honor our Savior. Nourish, he says. Nourish your
wife. Nourish her physically. Nourish
her emotionally. I just now stepped into the deep
end of the pool. We're over our heads in this
thing of nourishing a woman emotionally. But I tell us now, man up. Man
up. And nourish her spiritually.
We need to remember this, the husband's the priest in the home.
Now, husbands, let's take this job, this responsibility seriously
to be the priest in the home. It is our job to make sure our
wife is nourished spiritually too. She's fed the word. And
you do that by setting the tone all through the week. It's not
just Sunday, Wednesday, all through the week, set the tone of worship. Set the tone in your home of
looking to Christ in all things. And then do the same thing on
Sunday and Wednesday in public worship. Nourish her and cherish
her, Paul says. Hold her with care and affection. You make sure she knows that
she's dear to you. So she's confident in your love.
Is there any child of God here who doubts the Savior's love?
No, you don't. You feel we don't deserve it,
but you don't doubt his love, do you? Well, husband, let's
do the same thing for our wives. See, Eve was taken from Adam's
side, not from his head to be over him and not from his feet
to be trodden down, not even from his thumb. He might keep
her under his thumb, but from his side where she used to be
nourished and cherished and protected. You know, there is a very real
sense in which we were taken from Christ's side, from his
rib. Right between those ribs is where that Roman soldier pierced
his side with that sword, or that spear, and out came blood
and water to wash us from our sin, to nourish and cherish his
people. All right, fourthly, how did
Christ love the church? He loved her so well, he put
her first. Verse 31, Ephesians 5. For this
cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined
unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh." Now, it says here
a man should leave his father and mother. Now, our duties as
sons don't quit when we get married. We're still to love our parents,
to show them respect, to care for them as they age. But when
a couple gets married, there's a new family formed, and the
husband's first responsibility, first responsibility Everything
is to his wife. We're not to let her suffer at
the hands of our parents. We're not to let our parents
treat her bad. And we're not to let our parents come between
us and our wife. Husbands, if you would be a good
husband and you would have the respect of your wife, you listen
to what I'm getting ready to say. Don't you be a mama's boy. Don't do it. That's one of the
fastest ways to lose the respect of your wife and to ruin your
marriage. Let's be men. Be men. and be your wife's husband
first in all things. Didn't our Lord set the example
there? He left his father's house. He left his father's side. He
was actually abandoned by his father in order to redeem his
bride and have her to himself. And that's what we're to do.
Verse 32, this is the key to a happy marriage now for husbands
and wives. This is a great mystery. but
I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let
every one of you in particular so love his wife, even as himself,
and the wife see that she reverence her husband." That's a word for
husbands. And just let me make this point
before I just go on just very briefly. I'm about done. That's
a word to husbands. And I hope you children, you
boys and you girls listen very carefully to what I've just said
and remember it. You boys, And you get a little
older, you find some girl you just find you cannot live without.
You remember what I said. You remember what the scripture
says. You go back and you read Ephesians 5 and you be that kind
of husband and you girls When you get a little older and there's
some boy you find, oh, you just can't live without. He's going
to buy a ring. He's going to propose to you.
Before you get that far, you go back and read this. And you
make sure he fits this criteria. You look for it. See, this message
is to everybody. And I do not have time to get
to fathers today. Lord willing, we'll look at that
next week. We'll look at fathers and children together. But let
me say this to fathers so you can begin to think about this.
Be a father in every sense of the word. Be a man with some
wisdom and some sense and some leadership in your home. Don't
be a buffoon. TV portrays fathers like buffoons. Don't be that. Don't fall into
that and think that's okay because it's not. You be a source of
wisdom and strength and leadership that your family needs. Your
family needs to know that somebody with some wisdom is steering
the ship. They need to know that. You be the man that they can
depend upon, your wife and your children both. You be there so
they can depend upon you to teach them, to advise them, to correct
them. You be the guy they can count
on that's always doing the right thing for their best interest.
Be the man that your children respect. Don't be their friend,
be their peer. You gotta be above them so they
can look up to you. Be the man that they can respect
and look up to. A buffoon can't lead, a buffoon
can't teach, and a buffoon can't be trusted, but a wise man can. Let's pray the Lord gives us
some wisdom and some strength to do that well for the good
of our family. All right, Lord bless you.