All right, Ephesians chapter
five. As I told you last week, I'm going to bring, I don't know,
three or four lessons on the family this morning. I want us
to look at wives and mothers. And I believe that this series
of lessons will be very important, good lessons for us because number
one, Lord willing, he'll take these scriptures and show us
our Lord Jesus Christ and redemption in him. I hope that we'll also
see the believer's relationship to our Savior in our everyday
life and through our family relationships. And I hope that will enable us
to be better family members and to use an example of something
we live every day with our family life to learn more of our Savior. And this morning, I want us to
look at the people who are the very most important people in
the home, wives and mothers. There is just In my mind, no
argument, wives and mothers are the most important people in
the home. What an awesome and wonderful
responsibility that our God has given to wives and mothers. And
when it's done right, wives and mothers are so beautiful. Wives and mothers can give both
strength and beauty to the family that nobody else can give to
the family. And Ephesians 5 verse 32 gives
us the key to understanding marriage. The apostle says, this is a great
mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. If we
look at the marriage relationship always as a picture of Christ
and his church, we're going to understand whether we're husband
or wife, understand our responsibilities in marriage. and see a glorious
picture of the union with Christ and his bride. You know, the
marriage relationship is a wonderful picture of the gospel. And if
we understand that picture, we'll have a happier and more fulfilling
marriage and understand our responsibilities in it. Let me tell you just a
a couple of keys to a happy home. And I wanted our young people
to come out of these classes because I want you to start hearing
these things, understanding these things when you're young, before
you become the age where you would get married. So you start
to understand these things. This is the number one key to
a happy home. If Christ is the head of the
home and both the husband and the wife look to Christ in all
things, I just think it's impossible not to have a happy marriage.
Number two is love. That's just obvious. A husband
and a wife must genuinely love one another. There's got to be
love, doesn't there? To be a happy marriage, what's
going to motivate you to be self-sacrificing and serve one another if you
don't love one another? And third is respect. This is something that is often
overlooked. There must be respect for each
other. You ladies, you know this. It's
impossible for you to submit to a man you don't respect. It's
impossible. You've got to respect him. And
you husbands, you cannot love a woman, your wife, as much as
you love your own self if you don't respect her. There's got
to be respect for each other. And rather than demand that somebody,
my husband, my wife, give me the respect they're supposed
to give me, our mindset ought to be, I ought to be about earning
the respect of my spouse. And if we're just about earning,
if I just truly try to earn Jan's respect, I just bet you will
have happy marriage. That's just so. Christ has got
to be the head of the home. We've got to look to Christ.
There's got to be love, and there's got to be respect. And to those
who are unmarried, let me tell you this. It is not too early
for you, any of you, to start praying that God sends you a
spouse, that God prepare you a husband or a wife. When our
daughters got married, they were engaged. I told my sons, we've
been praying for you a long time. We've been praying for you a
long time. I start praying for you in the
delivery that God send my daughter a husband. It's not too early
to begin to pray for that. And to our unmarried women, let
me tell you this. My advice to you is to be very, very careful
who you marry. You be very careful before you
get married. Because this man that you marry,
you're gonna be putting yourself into submission to him for a
long time, a long time. Will you be as sure as you can
that He's worthy of your love, that He's worthy of your respect? Now, anytime I intend to preach from a passage
of scripture, one of the things I always do is I read several
commentaries from men I think are wise and gifted in God's
Word. I did that this time too. But
I'll tell you this, I also Talk to two living, breathing commentaries. Women that I know are wonderful
wives and mothers. Henry always told us, preach
what you've experienced. And I thought about this text.
Well, I have experienced that. So I talked to some ladies who
have. I know they know a whole lot more about this subject than
I do, because they've experienced it. They've lived it. And I'll
pass along some of the things to you that they told me. Now,
here in verse 21 of Ephesians chapter 5, Paul says submitting
yourselves one to another in the fear of God. You see, wives
aren't the only people who are taught to submit, are they? We're
all taught to submit to one another. And that means that we submit
to one another by putting the needs of other people ahead of
my own, by esteeming other better than myself. Mutual submission. Submission is not just I got
to do what you say. It's putting somebody else's
needs ahead of mine. Well, mutual submission is always
going to promote a good relationship in any relationship, but especially
in a marriage that promotes unity. And this submission can only
be done in love. You can't just force somebody
to do it. It's got to be in love, in love for one another, and
love for the Lord. Now, again, when we think about
these relationships, we think about, Paul said, I speak concerning
Christ and the church. Well, how does this relate to
Christ our Savior? Well, didn't he put the needs
of his people ahead of his own comfort and his own needs? He
did, didn't he? Well, when I see that, I believe
I can put your needs ahead of mine. I can think of you ahead
of myself, at least from time to time, couldn't I? I think
we can if we love the Lord. Now verse 22, he begins to speak
specifically to wives. He said, wives, submit yourselves
unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is
the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.
And he is the savior of the body. Now, have you ever wondered why
that every time scripture speaks of marriage, every time it talks
to the wives first, have you ever wondered that? I was having
a conversation in my kitchen a few months ago with Brother
Paul Mahan, who asked me that question. And this is what he
said. He said it goes further than
just it being against human nature to submit to somebody else, especially
to a woman who is just as wise and just as smart as her husband.
He said it goes deeper than that. He said scripture talks to wives
first because wives have the harder job in marriage. And they
have a harder job, not just because they got to contend with their
own nature, but they've got to contend with the nature of their
husband. They got to put up with that
man being so full of himself and thinking that everything
he thinks is best. And we're just going to do everything
that I say without any input from the wife because I'm so
much better than her. After all, that's why God made
me the head of the home. And that poor woman has got to
put up with that until the Lord starts to teach her husband something.
She's got to put up with that until the Lord teaches her husband
some humility, till he learns to leave his home in love and
respect and to listen to his wife and to put her needs ahead
of his own ego. She's got to put up with that.
until the Lord teaches him to be a good husband, and most young
men just aren't. The Lord's got to teach us something.
So the husband has more responsibility in the marriage, doesn't he?
He's the head of the home, but the wife's got the harder job.
I thought that was pretty good. That's why, I'll buy that. That's why scripture speaks to
you wives first. And before we talk about some
specifics here, let me give you something that I believe will
help you. Submitting ourselves one to another is always difficult. That just goes against human
nature, doesn't it? To submit to anybody. But here's
what will motivate a believing wife to be in submission to her
husband, loving, willing submission. It's the gospel. It's the gospel. Christ, our great bridegroom,
has joined himself to his bride. He's married a people. That's
why scripture, when it describes heaven, the book of Revelation
describes heaven as the marriage supper of the lamb. It's the
ultimate consummation of the marriage between Christ and his
people. Well, the church is in loving submission to our savior.
It's because of his love for us, because he loved us so much,
he came and gave himself for us. So why is the Lord hasn't
given you something that's humiliating for you? Not at all. The Lord's given you a responsibility
in the home that makes you beautiful, that makes you a picture of Christ's
bride, that he has arrayed gloriously in his righteousness, that he
holds in highest ease. The Lord hasn't given you something
that makes you less of a person or suddenly makes you less valuable
once you're married. The Lord's given you something
that's beautiful, that shows your value to your husband. The church is valuable to Christ. What does he call her? He calls
her his jewel. He calls her my beloved, my dove. She's so valuable to him that
he came here to get her. He came to get her. And in order
to get her, he had to give himself for her. Oh, she's valuable to
him. So you wives, you're a picture
of the beauty that Christ has put on his people. See, he's
not giving you something demeaning or making you less. No, this
is an honor that he's given you to be a picture of his people
in the home. Now look over at Philippians
chapter two. I believe this will also help
you. There is no question that you
ladies are just as smart and just as wise as your husband,
and many times more so. Well, if that's the case, why
would you willingly submit to your husband? Why would you do
that? It's to follow the example of our Savior. Philippians 2
verse 5, look at this. Let this mind be in you, which
was also in Christ Jesus. Now you have this same mind,
this same attitude, which was in our Savior, who being in the
form of God, thought it not a robbery to be equal with God, but made
himself of no reputation and took upon him the form of a servant
and was made in the likeness of men. And being found in fashion
as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient unto death,
even the death of the cross. Wherefore, God also has highly
exalted him and given him a name, which is above every name. Now
this instruction applies to every believer. You let this mind,
this attitude be in you just like it was in our Savior. So
since this is instruction to every believer, this is also
instruction to husbands and wives. Now we all know the husband is
the head of the home as Christ is the head of the church. We
see how the husband is a picture of Christ. But you wives are
also a picture of Christ in the home. Your picture is Christ's
obedience to his father. Now, the father and the son,
they're equal in every way, aren't they? Because they're one. They're
equal in every way. But what did the son do? The
son became a man. And he became, even though he's
equal with the father, he became obedient to his father. And he
did it for the good of his bride, for the good of his family. Now,
you wives, you be a picture of Christ in the home by being obedient
to your husband for the good of your family. for the good
of your whole family so that your family runs well and your
home is a picture of Christ. Now, that's good motivation,
isn't it? That's good. When we see the
Savior, that gives us a good motivation to follow Him. And
wives, submit yourselves to your husbands. Now, the Lord has seen
fit to put authority in the home. In every relationship, everywhere
in this world, somewhere there's authority. Well, that authority
in the home begins with the husband. I know you know this well, but
let's look at it. Genesis chapter three, that authority is authority
from almighty God. It's to be expected or to be
respected. And it came, this relationship
came from Adam's fall. The necessity of it came from
Adam's fall. Genesis three, verse 16. Under
the woman, he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception
and sorrow. Thou shalt bring forth children,
and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over
thee. Now that is God's order. Plainly
stated, that's God's order in the home. Well, then it must
be best. If it's God's order, it must
be best. Now, the apostle back in our text says you submit yourselves
to your own husbands as unto the Lord, as unto the Lord. Look at Colossians chapter three.
as unto the Lord, just like you would submit to the authority
of Christ, the Savior, you submit to the, to the authority of your
husband, because he is the Lord's appointed authority in the home. And as unto the Lord also means
this, it means to submit to your husband's authority as it's consistent
with God's law, as it's consistent with the gospel. You know that
doesn't mean in every wicked evil thing some man dreams up.
It's what's consistent with the law of God, what's consistent
with the gospel. Colossians 3 verse 18. Wives submit yourselves under
your own husbands as it's fit in the Lord. As it's fit, as
it fits with the gospel, it fits with God's way. Now, that's what
that means. Let me tell you what it doesn't
mean. It doesn't mean that you can't have an opinion. It doesn't
mean that your opinion can't be heard. Your Christ bride is
able to talk to our Lord at all times, aren't we? We're to make
our petitions known at all times. Our Savior listens to us. When
a good marriage, the husband and the wife always talk about
what they're going to do and how they're going to do it. You
know, the husband, a good husband just doesn't run out there and
make a bunch of unilateral decisions, you know, and everybody's got
to live with them. Remember this, I'm getting ahead of myself in
the next week's lessons, but husbands and men remember this.
The husband is only a picture, only a picture of Christ in the
home. We do not have the infallible
wisdom and the infallible authority of the Lord. So we talk about
Well, husband and wife talk about what they're going to do, how
they want to do this together. And sometimes we'll do it the
way the husband wants. Sometimes we'll do it the way
that the wife wants, you know. But it goes back to mutual respect. We listen to one another. Now,
the husband has the final say. You know, he's the authority
in the home. He has the final say. But not before we show love
and respect one to another. And submission is not this. Submission
is not saying, yes, sir, to everything he wants and waiting on your
husband hand and foot. Now, I'm not opposed to being
weighed upon hand and foot. But wives are not to be slaves. They're not to be. Wives are
to be cherished. Wives are to do everything they
can do. You're to make it your business
to please your husband. There's another side to that
coin. Getting ahead of myself again. Husbands are to do the
exact same thing. Do everything we can do to please our wives. See, this is mutual. So the submission,
it's in attitude. It's in respecting your husband.
If you would be in submission to your husband, be a good wife,
show respect for him, speak well of him. Don't get caught up in
a group of women who husband bash. And unfortunately, we husbands
make that an easy game. I mean, it's just like shooting
fish in a barrel. But don't get caught up in it. Don't get caught
up in husband bashing and speaking evil of him. Speak well of him. Show respect. Protect his reputation. And we'll talk about mothers
in just a second. But when you're a mother, oh my goodness, do
not speak evil of your husband to your children. You know, try
to make yourself look better. I don't know why people do it.
Don't speak evil of your husband or your wife to your children,
but show them respect. Show them respect. As long as
what he's doing is not evil, you cover it up. Show him respect. Protect his reputation. Just
like we don't get in a group of people and start to mock and
question our God. Now, he never does anything worthy
of that, but what if we don't understand what he's doing? We
don't get a group of people who do that. out of the awesome respect
we have for our Savior. We apply that same thing to our
husbands, to show respect to him and protect his reputation.
Now, I know that when we talk about submission, it has an ugly
definition in our minds and think, I don't want to do that. But
you got to remember what we're talking about here to wives.
It's not something that's ugly and demeaning. The apostle says,
submit yourselves unto your own husband. to your own husband. This is not to every man. No,
no. This is not to your children.
You're not to submit yourself to your children. You submit
yourself. You know, we'll talk about this again. Mother, you're
to rule over your children. You're not to submit yourself
to your children. You submit yourself to your own husband
who loves you and stood before God Almighty and whatever witnesses
you invited and promised. He promised an oath to love you. and to cherish you and to honor
you. That's the one you're doing submission
to. See, this is not something that is ugly, is it? And certainly,
this does not mean that women are second class citizens or
they're not equal to their husband. Not at all. Women are never to
be treated as unimportant or unable to understand what's going
on. Not at all. Like I said earlier. She's probably just as smart
as her husband, in many cases smarter. So she's to be treated
as precious because Christ's bride is precious to him. So
when you look at the marriage relationship, the wife to the
husband in that way, in light of the gospel, this submission
to your husband becomes a loving and beautiful thing. Serving
him becomes something that's given to you as an honor, not
to demean you, something that's beautiful, not ugly. All right,
now mothers. Now there is no one more important
in a home than mothers. I asked Janet earlier this week
if she remembers Henry making a statement. She said, oh yeah,
I remember him making a statement. He said, a home that's got children
in it can do without the father before it can do without the
mother. I thought about that for a minute, and as I usually
do, I thought, well, he's right. He's absolutely right. There's
not a more important job on this planet than being a mother. Not a more important job. Now
it is hard, hard, hard work. And I'm told sometimes it's thankless
work. Nothing's more important. Nothing's
more important than being a mother. There is beauty that's found
in being a mother that you just can't find anywhere else. Mothers
have more influence on their children than anybody that child
knows. A mother's love and a mother's
comfort is so important to people. The dying soldiers on the battlefield,
you know who they call for? They call for their mother. Now,
why do they do that? Because her influence is so important
over him. Her love and her comfort was
so important to him. You think of the impact that
you wives and mothers can have on your children. and on your
grandchildren, because whatever impact you have on your children
is going to get carried over to your grandchildren. I mean,
what an awesome job that God's given you. Now, no mother can
be a good mother without love. There's got to be love, a genuine
self-sacrificing love. I imagine that just comes naturally. God causes that baby to grow
in your womb, and it just comes natural. But nobody can be a
good mother without love. and you think of the importance
of a mother, who can teach an example of love and graciousness
like a mother can? Fathers typically don't do that
that way, do they? But now a mother, oh, her faithful
love and her graciousness, her calm perseverance, she can teach
that to her children better than anybody else. You know, mothers
are famous for giving up themselves, giving up their desires for the
good of their children, just a calm, loving faithfulness in
the home. And I just, you just can't overstate
the importance of that, that mother's love and graciousness
in the home, teaching her children, giving her children a basis where
they feel safe and supported. But now let me warn you about
this. I heard brother Henry Warren about this so often. It is much,
much, much worse in our day than it was 30 years ago. You love
your children, but do not have an ungoverned love. Don't allow
your love to become ungoverned. And by that, I mean just, well,
everything my little angels do is okay. No, it's not. It's not. Mothers, this gracious, loving,
patient, faithful force in the home is also to be a disciplinarian. Children should love and revere
and fear their mother. You all think Miss Lee is sweet,
just, oh, she's just, I want to tell you what, when I was
a little guy, I feared her. I remember this. We were four
blocks away. I knew not to do it three blocks
away, because Diane Lindsay Campbell lived there. I knew I'd get caught
just, but four blocks away. where nobody in this world could
see me, did something I'd not be doing. And I got home for
dinner, she knew about it. I mean, I just learned to fear
her. The best thing was for me, best thing could be, it's not
a bad thing that children learn to fear their mother. You mothers
do not be your child's friend. Don't attempt to be their friend.
You hear me? Don't attempt to be their friend.
They don't need another friend. They got lots of friends at school.
They got one mama. You be it. You be it in every
sense of the word. You be it. They'll love you for
it. Oh, they'll love you for it.
They'll be so thankful you show them unconditional love. Unconditional love and unwavering
discipline. And they'll love you forever
for it. And I can show you that. Look at Proverbs chapter 10.
I can make good on this. Proverbs chapter 10. Verse one, the Proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father,
but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. Now, we don't
want that, do we? We don't want a foolish son,
a foolish child. We don't want to have that heaviness. We'll
look at Proverbs chapter 22. If we don't want that heaviness,
that sorrow, what should we do to avoid it? Proverbs 22 verse
15. Foolishness is bound in the heart
of a child. Don't be surprised when a child
acts foolishly. Of course they do. It's their
nature. It's bound in their heart, but
don't let it go because look what Solomon says next, but the
rod of correction shall drive it far from him. If you drive
that foolishness far from him, you won't have happiness, will
you? Look at Proverbs 29. Verse 15. The rod and reproof give wisdom. You want to have a wise child,
the rod and reproof bring it. But a child left to himself bringeth
his mother to shame. Janice's mom often wonders about
that verse. Why didn't it say it brings his
father to shame? You know what it says? It brings his mother
to shame. Maybe it's because the mother spends more time and
this responsibility is more on the mother. I don't know, but
that's what it says. Well, if you don't want to be brought
to shame, use the rod and reproof of discipline to drive that foolishness
far from them. And your child will love you
forever for it. I promise you they will. Now
look at Titus chapter two. Titus chapter two. Verse three, the aged women,
likewise, that they be in behaviors become with holiness, not false
accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things. Oh,
you women, you mothers, you be teachers of good things. Teach your children honesty,
teach them kindness and hard work and gentleness and love.
And also this, always be ready. to teach your children a spiritual
truth from some everyday incident that comes up. Look for every
opportunity to point your children to Christ. If you point your
children to Christ and you teach them the scriptures, you teach
them the gospel, you will be a teacher of good things. And
they'll listen to you. Look at verse five, be discreet,
chaste, keepers at home. good, obedient to their own husbands,
that the word of God be not blasphemed, keepers at home. Now, I understand
the day in which we live, and I'm not going to presume to tell
you how to run your life, whether to get a job outside the home
or not. I'm not going to tell you what to do. That's something
you'll have to decide for yourself. There was a day when most mothers
were stay-at-home mothers, and I understand that's opposite
today, and you'll just have to decide what's best for your family.
But here's my advice. I won't tell you what to do,
but I can't help but give you this advice. If it is at all
possible, no matter what you've got to give up, if you can give
up something to stay at home with your children when they're
little, do it. Do it. Only you can love them and teach
them like a mother can in those formative years. You can pay
somebody to watch them. You can't pay somebody to love
them and teach them. And I'll tell you this. I know
because of the situation, the economy, and those kinds of things,
things cost so much money now. I know it's hard to stay at home. Most women have to go out and
work so the family can make ends meet. But even if you're a working
mother, the responsibility of this being keepers at home, of
running the home, still falls upon your shoulders. And take
that responsibility. Take it willingly. and just run
as far as you can with it. Make your home, make it your
business to make your home a safe haven from the world. This world
is a tough place to live. It's tough on children to go
out and go to school. Oh, it's tough. It's tough on
husbands going out to work. It's tough on you going out to
work. Make some place in the world where your family can come
together and feel like they're safe. They've got a safe haven.
I'm loved here. I'm not going to put up with
what I got put up with at school, being mocked and peer pressure.
Make it a safe haven, a place where they're going to be loved,
a place of peace. They're not fussing and fighting
and feuding. A place of love. If you want the responsibility
of being a CEO, or a managing partner, or a purchasing agent,
or a chef, or a janitor, tell you what you do, you be a mother.
who's all those things. You'd be a keeper at home, who's
the mother, who does that for her family. I know you can do
a lot of other things. You're wildly talented people,
but you can't do anything more meaningful than being a mother,
a keeper at home. Now, let me give you the most
important thing that you can do as a wife and a mother. I
asked this question twice this week and immediately got the
same answer. What's the number one piece of
advice you'd give to a young mother, young wife, a girl who
someday will be married? Your number one piece of advice.
If you could just give one thing, what would you give her? And
the answer immediately, both cases was pray. Pray. You cannot be a good wife or
a good mother without prayer. Unless the Lord gives you wisdom
and strength. Well, then ask him for it in
prayer. You know, at all times, when you're washing windows,
you're doing the wash, you're doing the cooking, you're overseeing
homework in the evening, just pray. My mother told me when
I became a father, you're going to have to learn this skill,
talk and pray at the same time. Just pray, whatever it is you're
doing. And there's going to be evenings,
you feel utterly overwhelmed. Your husband not acting the way
he ought to. The children are running around
all over the place like wild heathen. You're trying to get
dinner ready because you've got to get this done. You've got
to get this food on the table because you've got to get out
back out of this house and go do the 10,000 activities that
children and families got to do all the time, you know, today.
And you start to feel a little resentment. Like, why is all
this falling on my shoulders, you know? Why do I have to do
all this? It'd be easier for me if I just went out and got
a job and went through the drive-thru at McDonald's. Why do I got to
do all this? I tell you what you do, you pray.
You pray for strength. You'd be amazed how often God
gives it. You pray for wisdom and patience to do a good job. You'd be amazed how often God
gives you a good attitude. You'd be amazed. That's what
I'm told. Now look at Proverbs chapter 31. I've gone too long,
but I can't quit without reading this. I want to close here with
reading about a woman who certainly is not a second-class citizen.
She's wise. She's hardworking. She's resourceful.
She's doing 100 jobs at once. None of her time is wasted, and
she's a blessing to her family. This is what a wife, a good wife
and mother can be to her family. Proverbs 31, verse 10. Who can find a virtuous woman?
For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband does
safely trust in her. so that he shall have no need
of spoil. He doesn't worry what she spends at the grocery store.
She'll do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She
seeketh wool and flax and worketh willingly with her hands. She's
hardworking. She's like the merchant's ships. She goes out every day
to the grocery store. She brings food from afar. She
rises also while it is yet night and giveth meat to her household
and a portion to her maidens. She considereth the field and
buys it. With the fruit of her hands, she planteth a vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength and strengtheneth her arms. She
perceiveth that her merchandise is good. Her candle goes not
out by night. She's prepared. She takes care
of these things in advance. She layeth her hands to the spindle
and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to
the poor. Yea, she stretcheth forth her hands to the needy.
She's gracious and kind. She's not afraid of the snow
for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She's prepared
for with changing seasons well before they happen. She maketh
herself coverings of tapestry. Her clothing is silk and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders
of the land. She maketh fine linen and selleth it, and delivereth
girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing,
and she shall rejoice in time to come. There's going to be
a reaping from this. She openeth her mouth with wisdom.
She's a teacher of good things, and in her tongue is a law of
kindness. She looketh well to the ways
of her household, and he is not the bread of idleness. She's
not sitting around eating bonbons all day. Her children arise up
and call her blessed. Her husband also, and he praiseth
her. Many daughters have done virtuously,
but thou excellest them all. Favor is deceitful and beauty
is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands,
and let her of her own works praise her. I hope that's been
a blessing to you.