Now the title of the lesson is
Husbands and Wives. And I thought this lesson is
so important, and I shouldn't say that because it's from God's
Word. Every lesson is important. But it's very important instruction
for all of us. You know, most people spend a
great deal of time, a portion of their lives, being married.
The relationship between a husband and a wife It's the most time
consuming and biggest part of the relationship, earthly relationship,
that we have as we go through our lives every day. And for
the believer, the marriage relationship between a husband and a wife
is such a clear and precious picture of the relationship between
the believer and the Lord that it's an important instruction
for us. And Peter begins in verse 1 of chapter 3, he says, likewise,
ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any
obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by
the conversation of the wives. Now, Peter begins, likewise. Well, like what? Well, like the
example of Christ that we read about and we studied here at
the end of chapter 2 last week. We're to follow the Lord's example.
Like our Lord, the Lord Jesus was subject as a man to proper
authority, subject to his parents, subject to civil authority, subject
to the moral law, subject to his father. Now, the husband
is the head of the home. That's where authority in the
home is vested, is in the husband. Now, why Scripture teaches us
plainly is to be in subjection to her husband, just as Christ
lovingly and willingly submitted himself to the Father. Look over
Ephesians chapter 5. This is what Scripture teaches
us. Not a popular thing, I understand, in our day, but nevertheless,
it's what Scripture teaches. In verse 23 of Ephesians 5. Well, look at verse 22. Wives,
submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For
the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head
of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore,
if the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to
their own husbands in everything." Now, of course, you know this
means lawful things, not men's crude whims, but in lawful things,
as unto the Lord, Paul says. And to the wives, Scripture tells
us, this is the teaching of Scripture, if you will follow the example
of Christ. You will enjoy not just that
you have to submit, but you can enjoy a loving, willing submission
just as Christ was lovingly, willingly submissive to his father.
Now, does that make the wife less of a person? This is the
objection, you know, in our day. Does that make the wife less
of a person? Absolutely not. Remember, Peter
said likewise, was Christ any less Because he submitted himself
to the Father? Absolutely not. He was still
God, equal with the Father. Yet he submitted himself to the
Father. And in doing so, Christ was glorified
in the redemption of his people. When he submitted himself to
the Father's will, he submitted himself to the death of the cross
and redeemed his people. In submitting to his Father,
he was glorified. Now scripture also says that
you wise be in subjection to your own husbands. Women are
not second class citizens to be subject to all men everywhere.
That's not so. We'll see this when we get to
verse seven, that husbands and wives, men and women are heirs
together, joint heirs together of God's grace. So the wife is
not a second class citizen. She's in subjection to her own
husband. her own husband, now the husband
who stood before the preacher, before witnesses, and before
God, and swore an oath to love her, and honor her, and cherish
her. It ought not be a burden for
her to be in subjection to a man that promised to love, honor,
and cherish her. It ought not. Now this submission
involves recognizing the authority of her husband. It involves speaking
well to him, and it involves speaking well of him. This is
my advice to you. Don't ever get drawn in to one
of these conversations where women gather together, husband
bashing. Granted, we're easy pickings.
It's easy to find something to bash us, easy pickings, but don't
do it. Just like we wouldn't sit around
and bash our Lord's providence and his wisdom and his leadership,
just don't do it. And you know that this submission
does not involve areas that would require you to do something wrong
or would hinder worship. Of course, not that, but in these
other matters, as unto the Lord, wiser to be in subjection to
their husbands. Now, let me say this. The ideal situation, I
say this to the unmarried. The ideal situation is for two
believers to be married to one another. For a believer to marry
an unbeliever, it's going to open you up to a lifetime of
grief and you'll be unequally yoked together. That's the way
scripture terms it. It makes a happy home when Christ
is the head of the home. That will make a happy home when
the husband and wife, the mother and father both believe on Christ
and look to him and recognize him as the head of their home.
That makes for a happy home. But in reality, where we all
live, that's not always the case, is it? And when that's not the
case, scripture gives us clear instruction of how we're to conduct
ourselves when a believer is married to an unbeliever. That's
what Peter talks about here, that if one's married to one
that obeys not the word. Now back in chapter two, he talked
about an unbeliever being disobedient. Here he calls the unbeliever
one who obeys not the word. It'd be wise for someone. who
does not know Christ, who's an unbeliever, to ask God for faith. Ask God for faith. Ask Him for
the grace to obey the Word, to look to Christ, to repent. That's
the command of the Word, is to repent and look to the Lord Jesus
Christ. But where that's not the case,
here's the instruction of Scripture to a believer who finds themselves
married to an unbeliever. Look here at the end of verse
1, he says, that if any obey not the Word, They also may without
the word be won by the conversation of the wives, while they behold
your chaste conversation coupled with fear." Now look over 1 Corinthians
7. The Apostle Paul gives the same
instruction here. 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse
12. But to the rest speak I, not
the Lord. If any brother hath a wife that
believeth not, and she is pleased to dwell with him, let him not
put her away. And the woman which hath a husband
that believeth not, if he be pleased to dwell with her, let
her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is
sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified
by the husband. Else were your children unclean,
but now they are holy. But if the unbelieving depart,
let him depart. A brother or sister is not under
bondage in such cases, but God hath called us to peace. Not of corruptible seed, but
of incorruptible by the Word of God, which liveth and abideth
forever. No one's going to be born again
apart from the Word of God. What the apostles here are teaching
is that the unbelieving husband, he has a good wife. The Lord's
blessed him with a good wife. She believes Christ. She's a
believer. She's a godly woman. She's kind. She's generous. She's
faithful. She loves him. She truly loves
him. And he can see she loves the Lord. You know he might be
impressed with her attitude, with her conduct. He might have
some interest in, what is this she has? He may wonder, what
is this she's going to hear every Sunday and Wednesday? Why is
this so important? What are these CDs she's always
putting in and listening to? What is this? He may be impressed
with the kind of person that the gospel's produced. Could
be he's impressed and she invites him to come into service with
her and he'll come. Could be. And he'll come, and he'll end
up seeking the Lord. You say, well, that sounds kind
of far-fetched. Paul said, who knows? Who knows? I'll tell you this. Just over
the time of my lifetime, I've seen a lot of men come to church
because they're dating a pretty girl, and they meet the Lord.
Could be. You just don't know. I can tell
you this. They're not going to be impressed,
and they're not going to be impressed to come to the worship service
because we nag them into the Kingdom of God. I can tell you
that. The Lord's got to do it. It could be the means he uses
is being impressed with your conduct and your attitude, your
personality. Now look at verse three. Who's
adorning? Let it not be that outward adorning
of plaiting of the hair and of wearing of gold or putting on
of apparel. Now there's nothing wrong with
fixing your hair and wearing jewelry and nice clothes. Matter
of fact, I'm glad you washed your hair. I mean, it just looks
better. It smells, but I'm glad you didn't fix your hair. I'll
tell you what a lot of the writers say Peter's warning about here,
is in this day, this time, prostitutes became known for excessive plaiting
of the hair and jewelry and clothing and so forth. And Peter's warning
them, don't look like that. Don't be confused that you're
part of that kind of lifestyle. Now, me personally, I happen
to think that we ought to look nice when we come to the house
of the Lord to worship. But appropriate dress is somewhere
between a New York City fashion show and looking like the Amish.
I know that's a great, vast difference, but somewhere in between, that's
the good ground, and you've got plenty of wisdom to know what
that is. But I'll tell you what Peter's mainly warning us about
here, and this applies to men and women. He's warning us against
exclusively thinking about our outward appearance, exclusively. Because we need to remember God
doesn't look on the outward countenance. I don't care how good you look
on the outside. God doesn't look at it. He looks on the heart.
He deals with the heart. And we need to spend the appropriate
amount of time thinking about our appearance. You know, if
I came in my sweatpants and my hair not washed and combed and
stuff this morning, you'd be looking at that and thinking
about that, how odd that is, instead of the word. So we need
to spend the appropriate amount of time thinking about that.
But more importantly, we need to spend the appropriate amount
of time thinking of the inner man, our spiritual need, because
look at verse four. Let it be, let that adorning
be the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible,
even the ornament of a weak and quiet spirit, which is in the
sight of God of great price. Now that question. A woman does
look nice in nice clothes and jewelry and your hair fixed and
things. But true beauty comes from the
heart, comes from inside. And we preach that to our little
girls, all of us do. We preach it, we preach it, we
preach it. And society is opposing it all the time. I understand
how that is. But I tell you, I don't care
how nice the jewelry and clothing and things you buy, those things
are corruptible. They're going to go out of style
soon. That's just the way of the world. If they don't rot
first, soon they're going to go out of style. But a believer
is adorned with incorruptible things, things of the heart,
the ornaments of grace. That as they age, they don't
go out of style. They don't become less valuable.
They grow more beautiful and they grow more valuable. And
we can make these bodies look good for a while, but that beauty
is going to fade soon. I mean, it always does. But the
beauty of the hidden man, the inner man, is eternal. And here
is good instruction about this concerning the outward accountants
and the inward man. This is what one of the writers,
I think it was Matthew Henry, said. He said, where the hypocrite's
work ends is where the true Christian work begins. All the hypocrite's
concern is the outward accountants, which you all can see. The believer's
true concern is the inner man. The attitude, the heart of the
inner man. And you can spend a lot of money
on gold and pearls and silver and clothes. I can't believe
how expensive clothes are. My word! And you can spend a lot of money
on those things that are soon, you're going to think, why in
this world did I ever wear that? You look back at pictures and
laugh at yourself. And I spent a lot of money on
it. Wish I had that money back. But God adorns his people with
a meek, quiet spirit. And we should seek those things
that are of great price in the sight of God, rather than the
sight of men. Because I can tell you this,
God sees things more clearly and in better perspective than
you and me. So we should seek those things that Scripture says
God puts a high price on. And these are the adornments
of a godly woman. And this godly woman who has
this attitude, this Christ-like attitude, I'm telling you, she
influences her home. She influences generations that
may never know her because of how she's taught her children
and influenced her children. And Peter's saying she can influence
her unbelieving husband. Now look at Proverbs chapter
21. Proverbs 21. Solomon, I'd say he's writing
this from experience. He says it's better to dwell
in the corner of the housetop than with a brawly woman in a
white house. Look at verse 19. He says it's
better to dwell in the wilderness. I'd rather dwell in the wilderness
without a tent, he says, than with a contentious and angry
woman. The unbelieving husband's not
impressed with her attitude, is he? And he's certainly not
impressed with her religion, I can tell you that. But look
over at Proverbs 31. Here's the attitude of a believing
woman that's been blessed with some wisdom and grace by God.
Proverbs 31, verse 10. Who can find a virtuous woman?
For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband does
safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of She
will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Now
that's the beauty of the inner man and goes down here talking
about how industriously she works and the things she does for her
family. And look at verse 25. Strength and honor are her clothing,
and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth
with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh
well to the ways of her household, and he is not the bread of idleness.
Her children will rise up and call her blessing. Her husband
also, he prays of her. I think it was last Sunday, Chip
Holbrook and I were talking. And Chip said, when the Lord
talks about a wife, a man finds a wife, finds a good thing, her
price is above rubies. Chip said, I'm an amen man. He
said, Tammy's made my life better. Her husband rose up and blessed
her, didn't he? Oh, she's valuable. I'll read
on here, verse 29. Many daughters have done virtuously,
but thou excellest them all. A favor is deceitful and beauty's
vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. She'll be praised by God, by
her family, and by her husband, by her friends. This woman, she
opens her mouth in wisdom. She teaches her children. She
teaches them with a meek, quiet spirit. She's a calming influence
on her house. She's patient. She's not easily
provoked to anger. She doesn't envy the gifts other
people have. She's humble about herself, but
she's quick to see the good in other people. She's a thankful
woman. She's a woman of prayer. She's
clothed with the Lord Jesus Christ. And what you read here, her family,
her children, her husband are blessed by it. They're influenced
by this woman, by her attitude, her example. Now, verse five. back in our text. For after this
manner in the old time, the holy women also, who trusted in God,
adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands.
Now this is the example of believing women throughout the Bible, throughout
history. The things that made them beautiful, that made them
examples to us, weren't their fancy clothes and jewelry. Their
beauty came from trusting God. from adorning themselves with
His grace by being in loving subjection to their husbands,
by being good mothers, and good examples to us. Look in Titus
chapter 2. This is what women are instructed
to do, to teach and be examples to the other women. Titus 2 verse
3. The aged women likewise, that
they be in behaviors become of holiness. not false accusers,
not given to much wine, teachers of good things, that they may
teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love
their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good,
obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."
See there, that the word of God be not blasphemed. There's where
her unbelieving husband, not going to blaspheme her religion.
Maybe he'll come here. Maybe. Could be, Paul said. And
Peter uses the example of Sarah. Sarah, without doubt, was a wealthy
woman. She could afford plenty of jewelry
and clothes and so forth. But being in subjection to her
husband, to the Lord, was more beautiful than jewelry and clothes
and silver and gold and so forth. Look at verse 6. Even as Sarah
obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. whose daughters ye are, as long
as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement." Now, you
know the story of Abraham. The Lord spoke to Abraham. He said, Abraham, you leave your
father's house. You go to a land, and I'll show
you. Well, Abraham went out, not knowing whether he went.
You know what? Sarah went out, too, not knowing
whether she went. And God didn't speak to Sarah,
did He? Sarah, Abraham went out because he heard the voice of
God. Sarah went out because she heard the voice of Abraham, and
she followed Abraham, not knowing whether she went. She packed
her bags and left at Abraham's word. And women today, Peter
says, are daughters of Sarah. If you follow her example, her
example of faith in the Lord, her example of submission to
her husband, and following without being shaken by fear, without
being shaken by insecurity, trusting the Lord to provide. And Sarah
called Abraham Lord, showing respect to him. Now that did
not mean Sarah was some mealy-mouthed wallflower who had opinions and
thoughts but never voiced them because, well, my opinions and
thoughts are not important. Absolutely not. It was Sarah
who had the backbone to tell Abraham, you cast out the bondwoman
and her son, for the bondwoman's son shall not be heir with the
son of the free woman. You cast him out. She opened
her mouth in wisdom, didn't she? And she called him Lord, though
still out of respect. Now, my dad would tease my wife,
Janet, about this verse. We were sitting around the dinner
table one Sunday. You know, my dad used to teach the ladies'
class and he'd got done teaching this verse that morning. And
he started teasing her about it and didn't take, I mean, it
took just nothing to give big rise, you know. And several months
while, he'd go back and pick at it, you know. And Janet gave
him an answer one time that was mighty wise. She said, a woman
will show that kind of respect to a man if that man follows
the example of Abraham. She said, I'll follow the example
of Sarah if my husband will follow the example of Abraham. In the
midst of that teasing, Dad got serious. He said, you're right.
Now, husbands, I'm telling you, this is a fact. If we want this
kind of home and this kind of marriage, You want this kind
of respect from your wife, then you be the husband, you be the
leader that deserves it. Look at verse 7. Likewise, so
just like he started with the wives, he starts with the husband.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge,
giving honor unto the wife as under the weaker vessel, and
as being heirs together the grace of life, that your prayers be
not hindered. Now, likewise, like what? like
Christ leads the church, like Christ leads and loves his bride.
I'm telling you, it would be easy for a wife to follow her
husband, to be in subjection to her husband, if her husband
will love her like Christ loved the church and gave himself for
it. And the primary responsibility, the book starts and stops right
here. The primary responsibility of
a happy marriage belongs to the husband. She'll follow if you
lead. That's a fact. Look at Ephesians
chapter 5. Ephesians 5, verse 25. Husbands, love your wives, even
as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. In verse
28. No, yeah, 28. So ought man to love
their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth
himself. Now you spend the rest of your
life trying to live up to those two verses and you'll have a
happy marriage. Because it's the very rare woman
that won't call you Lord. So she may not call you Lord,
but she'll give you the respect and honor and love that a husband
would like to have if you do your dead level best to love
her as Christ loved the church. If you do your best to love her
like you love yourself, and we have no problem loving ourselves
now, you have no problem. Well, love her like you love
yourself. You'll have a happy marriage. She'll follow. And
if you want to know how to be a good husband, Peter's going
to give us some guidelines here. He gives ornaments of grace for
the husband, too. First, he says, dwell with your
wife according to knowledge. Just act like you've got some
sense. Just have a little bit of sense and pray that the Lord
gives you some sense. Our wives are not slaves to be
ordered around. They don't just exist to wait
on us hand and foot. She's a companion, a helpmate,
She's not to be ordered around any more than Christ capriciously
orders the church around. How does Christ lead the church?
He instructs and leads in love. We ought to pray, husbands, that
the Lord gives us some sins. Dwell with her according to knowledge.
Second, he says, give honor to the wife. Show her the respect
and the honor she so richly deserves. Now, no one is closer to you
than your wife. Scripture says you're one flesh.
You're so close, you're one flesh, one body. The Lord gave her to
you as a gift, a gift for companionship, a gift for your joy. God said,
it's not good that man shall dwell alone. I'll make a helpmate
for him. And if you ever want to know that's true, just go
look in a bachelor's apartment. I mean, the place probably ought
to be condemned. It's not good that a man dwell alone. Look
at Proverbs 18. Give her the honor that she deserves. Proverbs 18, verse 22. Whoso findeth a wife, findeth
a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord. And Chip, I'll amen
that one. If you find a wife, you find
a good thing, you honor her like a lottery ticket. Because I'm
telling you, if the Lord's given you a good wife, you hit the
lottery. You honor her like a lottery. I'm telling you. You honor her
by speaking well of her. You honor her by speaking well
to her. Last Sunday, when Chip and I were talking, that's honoring
your wife. Spoke well of her. You honor her by protecting her
reputation. If she has faults, don't bring
them up publicly. It's not funny. Don't make a
joke about it. If she has faults, you cover them. Likewise. Like what? Like Christ covered
our sin. That's how you're to treat her.
That's how you honor her. You give her honor as a mother.
You protect her authority with your children. Don't you ever
let your children worm their way between the two of you. And
she says no, and you say, oh yeah, it's okay. Don't ever do
that. You present a united front. You
honor her authority. You honor her by never comparing
her to your mother. We have a saying around our house,
never, ever, ever, ever, ever do that again. Tell you where
that saying came from. Back years ago, it's finally
safe to publicly tell this story. Mark Moore was a little guy,
probably about three. And Janet was keeping him. Peggy
was doing something. It was about Christmas time.
She was working on a big puzzle. And what we were doing was putting
this puzzle together. We were going to frame it and
give it to Mom. It's the puzzle you've got hanging downstairs.
There's a piece missing out of that puzzle. To this day, there's
a piece missing out of it. Janet came around the corner.
And Mark was reaching up on that table, going like the puzzle
pieces going everywhere. And she said, Mark, no! And he
turned and looked at her. He said, never, ever, ever, ever
do that again. If you find yourself ever comparing
your wife to your mother, immediately say, never, ever, ever, ever
do that again. Don't do it. I was a boy. I remember this conversation.
And my mother told me, when you grow up and get married, don't
you ever compare your wife to me. Don't you ever. Don't you
do that to her and don't you do that to me. You all know about
the cookies my mom makes. She says, if your wife makes
chocolate chip cookies, you eat them and you love them. And don't
you ever compare them to mine. Don't do it now. Honor her. Don't do it. Honor her by giving
her everything you have and trusting her with it. Everything. Well,
she might take advantage of that. Likewise, that's the key. Likewise,
like Christ has done with us, given us everything He has, given
us everything He is. You cannot out-sin His blood.
Well, we'll take advantage of that. A believer won't. Paul
says, shall we sin that grace may abound? God forbid. You honor her by being faithful
to her. Likewise. Like our Lord has been
faithful to us, great is his faithfulness. Honor her. Third,
Peter says, treat her as the weaker vessel. Not just physically,
but emotionally. Show her honor by recognizing
you're the stronger. Take the responsibility and the
lead. At the same time, men, we ought to remember this. Your
wife has strength that we don't have. She bears children. And she'll sit up for days on
end with that sick child and never lose her patience. Men
don't have that ability. Savannah was telling me on the
way here, well, you're just not a nurturer. Well, she's right. I mean, I
try. She has strength we don't have.
But now you just remember your shoulders are broader and you
bear the burden for her. You carry the load and at the
same time, treat her kindly and gently. Henry said this in his
outline. This is really good. He said,
real strength shines brighter when it can carry a great load
and at the same time caress a flower. She's a flower the Lord gave
you. You treat her, honor her as the weaker vessel. And fourth,
you remember that you're heirs together of grace. Yes, authority
in the home is given to the husband, but you're not on some higher
plane than your wife. You're not closer to God. You
don't have the ear of God more than your wife. You're heirs
together. joint heirs, and you'd be awful
wise not to mistreat one of God's daughters. Now, she's a daughter
of God. Don't treat her bad. I can tell
you this, if I have a future son-in-law that treats one of
my daughters bad, we're going to have trouble. Now, we are.
I will not be the kind of father that father-in-law stays out
of that. We'll have trouble. And he may
not be awful afraid of my wrath, but I will find a way to get
my point across because she's my daughter. She means so much
to me. How much more should we fear
the wrath of God? He may see some of my wrath,
but I'm not all that wise. God's all wise and he's all powerful. And Peter says you do this, that
your prayers be not hindered. The last thing a believer wants
is for our prayers to be hindered. You mistreating one of God's
daughters, your prayers will be hindered. If I have a future
son-in-law that mistreats Savannah, our conversations are going to
be hindered. They'll be one-sided, I can tell you that. Our conversation,
the dinner table, the holidays will not be pleasant if he's
mistreating one of my daughters. Well, our prayers will be hindered
if we mistreat the daughter of God. That just stands to reason,
doesn't it? All right. Well, I hope that'll bless you.